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Hate Myself For Loving You
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Teaser







________________________________________


The city of Metropolis had a different look and feel in the evening Spring air as Lois Lane walked a few steps ahead of her partner Clark Kent. Her mind was still reeling from the events of the day. Her heightened emotions after the close call at Lucky Leon's warehouse with the nuclear warhead kept her mind swimming as she reflected on the last twenty-four hours.

Why had she been so easily fooled by Lucky Leon's underlings?

Perry's question about Superman being fooled by a bunch of terrorists weighed heavily on her mind. She had been instrumental in convincing the superhero that a crime had been committed and thus making him help steal the nuclear warheads for the terrorists. Had she been on her game and realized how out of character the supposed colonel—later to be revealed as Jimmy's friend Gregor—was in divulging military operations to a known journalist.

She should have known something was wrong, but she ignored her gut. Just like she had the previous night, choosing instead to push Clark away by ending their date abruptly and slamming the door in his face. She stole a glance toward him, wondering if he would bring it up or if she should. The date had been…perfect. Until she ruined it.

Why had she shut that door in Clark's face like that?

She still didn't have a good answer for herself, let alone Clark but she knew she owed him an explanation, an apology—something.

Clark looked back at her, breaking the uncomfortable silence between them as he asked, "Lois, I really don't know how to say this, but... why did you back for me at the factory tonight?" He motioned with his hands as a look of disbelief washed over him, "I mean, you were running back into an atomic explosion."

Lois shrugged her shoulders, "I know," she shook her head. "It doesn't make much sense, does it?" She let out a deep sigh and breathed out, "I guess... I couldn't just leave you there." Her eyes caught his for a brief moment and the reminiscent spark she'd felt the night before, staring into his eyes as they tried to call an end to the evening came back.

The look had crossed his face time and time again over the last year and a half they'd known each other. She'd catch a glimpse of something hidden from beneath those dark bespectacled eyes and yet brush it off, ignoring the flutter from her insides that told her time and time again there was something more to Clark Kent. How had she denied it for so long?

A cautious expression crossed his face as he stared back at her, seeming to think momentarily of what to say before he pointed out the giant, pink elephant that had been following them around for the last twelve hours. "You slammed the door in my face last night."

As if on instinct, Lois felt herself move closer to him as she stopped in front of him, meeting his questioning gaze, "That was…a mistake."

His tone was soft yet somber as he looked back at her, moving just slightly closer as he responded, "Don't let it happen again."

A nervous sigh escaped her throat as she leaned in closer to him, uncertain if she should respond or just continue to allow herself to drown in his dark eyes and lose all sense of space and time. She could feel her heart hammering in her chest, drumming softly as her body instinctively moved closer to him. Her eyelashes fluttered, and she leaned in closer, "I guess we'll just have to see how things go, won't we?"

She saw a glimmer of a smile cross Clark's lips, feeling herself almost salivate as she watched his lips move closer just before he whispered, "Fortunately, there're no doors here tonight."

"Fortunately…"

She barely whispered her response out before his lips touched hers. An electrical storm erupted from within her as the power behind the simple brush of her partner's lips against hers pulsed through her. They had kissed before—putting on a ruse or trying to trick their way out of a hairy situation—she'd felt that tremble of power behind his kiss before. But nothing like this. Before it had always been a means to an end as they both knew it was for show. This was different.

Everything was different now.

She pulled back, taking a moment to savor the shift that had just occurred between them. It would be easy to end the night just like that. Hold onto the moment and take things slow as they both dipped their toe into the is uncharted territory with one another, but who was she kidding?

She never did anything halfway.

A split-second later she leaned in again, this time much less hesitant as she felt Clark's hands bury themselves in her hair as his lips found hers fully. She could feel her insides melt as her lips parted, tasting the hint of coffee with the donut Clark had earlier that afternoon. A soft gasp escaped her throat as Clark's palm cupped the side of her face, tracing the frame of her jaw with his thumb.

________________________________________

Mayson Drake jerked her purse strap back on her shoulder as her heels clipped the pavement in sharp pursuit of a certain reporter who appeared to have bailed on her once more. It wasn't the first time he had left her hanging. He did it countless times. A quick interview here. A canceled lunch. Even a canceled weekend away where she'd been left sitting in the cabin, she'd rented on a whim looking like a fool.

She had forgiven him. She had looked the other way when she saw his attention focused on his partner with exact precision, despite the reassurance that they were just friends. She had swallowed her pride and whether it be lust or if she was honest with herself, pure desperation, she couldn't seem to walk away.

Clark Kent was like a drug. Taking her on a high with just a small taste and leaving her wanting –no, needing—so much more. Yet, just like any drug, there came the fall. And boy was the fall hard.

Still, she was the one that tolerated it.

But today had been different. There had been hope. Instead of inserting her claws into Clark like the rabid animal she knew Lois Lane to be, the reporter had surprised her and actually encouraged Mayson's lunch with Clark. It had been surprising, but at the time Mayson hadn't thought too hard about it. Instead, she'd jumped at the chance to finally hash things out and put her cards on the table with Clark.

Instead, Mayson found herself heartbroken once more when he dashed off to answer a call from her –Lois Lane. Had he even heard the words that came out of Mayson's mouth before he had disappeared? After months of agonizing over it, she'd finally mustered up the courage to say the words only to have Clark runoff.

She could have just stormed home and buried herself in her case files and a bottle of Merlot like she always did, but instead, she chose to put an end to this game and corner Clark Kent once and for all. They had a connection. She wasn't blind to the way he looked at her. He just needed a little encouragement.

She needed to find him and finish their conversation. Without the distractions of work, well-meaning colleagues and mostly Lois Lane. Mayson never would understand Clark's obsession with trying to constantly take care of his partner as if she wasn't a grown adult – capable of looking after herself. It seemed every time they got close Lois was there with a hot lead or a drop by – killing any chance Mayson had at pursuing anything real with Clark.

She turned the corner, spotting the gazebo in the middle of the four-way stop just outside the Planet. She felt her chest tighten as she stared at the two figures –easily recognizable as Lois Lane and Clark Kent – wrapped up in a tight clinch with one another just below the street lamps. A lone tear escaped her left eye as it rolled down her cheek. She felt red, hot anger run through her and a fire lit in her belly. Try as she might, she couldn't bring herself to look away from what she was seeing.

The distant sound of a faint buzz coming from her pocket finally reached her ears, pulling her away from the living hell she found herself in, staring at the man she loved in another woman's arms. She cleared her throat, swallowing back the tears that threatened to overtake her as she answered the phone, "Mayson Drake here."

"Mayson?" her assistant's voice came through the static of the phone line. "Where did you go?"

"I, um, went for a walk," Mayson replied smoothly, continuing to stare at the two traitors that were too oblivious to notice her presence. She backed away, checking the street for cars coming as she raced across the crosswalk. "I'll be back shortly."

"See you soon," came her assistant's reply.

________________________________________


Clark strolled through the walkway with Lois, uncertain how to bring up tonight's events –or last night's for that matter—up with her. She ran back into the factory, putting herself in danger – not for a story, but for him. Clark Kent. The days of playing second fiddle to himself seemed to be a thing of the past. If they could get past the awkward ending of their first date and decide what it was, they both wanted.

He wanted nothing more than to put aside the pretense and finally be open and honest about his feelings for Lois. He'd known how he had felt for a long time. It seemed every time he moved toward her, trying to break down the impenetrable walls that forced him to stay just out of reach from her she would get spooked and push him away.

It wasn't until recently when the barriers she'd kept up – prevent him from getting too close – fell to the wayside. Maybe it was from the close call she had with almost marrying Luthor. Maybe it was the hard jolt of reality they'd both been faced with after his 'death' or the reminiscence of old friendships. Whatever the reason, Lois not only let him in, but she welcomed him with open arms.

This new closeness made hiding his feelings for her unbearable. He wanted nothing more than to share the depths of his soul with her and tell her how much she meant to him. He'd been a goner since he first laid eyes on her and he suspected even if she turned her back on any resemblance of a relationship beyond friendship with him he'd still be forever in love with Lois Lane.

He stole a glance at Lois, breaking the unbearable silence between them and asked, "Lois, I really don't know how to say this, but... why did you back for me at the factory tonight?" He motioned with his hands as he spoke, "I mean, you were running back into an atomic explosion."

Lois shrugged her shoulders, not looking directly at him as she responded, "I know," she shook her head, and looked back at him. "It doesn't make much sense, does it?" She let out a deep sigh and breathed out, "I guess... I couldn't just leave you there." He caught her gaze for a brief moment and felt a shiver of something run through him. Reminiscent of the spark he'd felt the night before, staring into her eyes as he tried unsuccessfully to call an end to the evening in as diplomatic a way as possible.

<< "I mean a really nice time. Maybe the best time I ever had in a long time…">>

<< "It just seemed to 'work.' That's why I can never see you again.">>

He stood there in front of her, afraid to move for fear it would scare her off. Still, he had to know. "You slammed the door in my face last night."

He noted the slight sway her hips made as she leaned closer to him, turning to face him as she met his gaze. Her voice was a soft whisper as her lips barely opened to speak, "That was…a mistake."

He felt his body almost on instinct, lean toward her, incapable of stopping the magnetic pull that drew him to her. He let out a soft whisper, "Don't let it happen again."

Her lips parted, allowing a nervous sigh to escape her throat as she leaned toward him. Her eyelashes fluttered as she stared back at him. She was just a few millimeters away from him. "I guess we'll just have to see how things go, won't we?"

Clark felt a smile spread across his lips as he stared back at her, knowing full well that there would be no going back if he chose to close the gap between them. Feeling almost bold, he leaned toward her and murmured to her, "Fortunately, there're no doors here tonight."

"Fortunately…"

The word barely escaped her lips before he closed the last few millimeters between them, leaning in to capture her lips with his in a soul-shattering kiss. Every fantasy he'd had about this moment paled in comparison as he felt a firestorm rage from within him, threatening to overtake him as he held back, trying to give Lois the chance to pull away if she so desired. He wanted so much more, but after last night, he didn't dare show how desperately he sought to bury his hands in her hair and taste her lips on his for all eternity.

A soft moan escaped her lips, and he pulled away, dreading the very real end to the magical moment he'd been picturing for the better half of two years. He could stand here and pretend he wasn't desperate to close the gap between them once more and kiss her senseless. He'd become an expert at burying his feelings and balancing between friend and confidante. Yet pulling away from her was the last thing he wanted.

But was it what she wanted?

Before he could ponder on that thought for too long, he felt her hand snake around his neck, pulling him back to her, inviting him back into her arms as she kissed him more fully. He let out an involuntary groan as the taste of coffee and chocolate tingled on his tongue, savoring her unique taste. His hands moved up both sides of her face, burying themselves in her hair as her lips tightened around his.

He'd never felt anything like it.

The mind-numbing exhilaration that came with the knowledge that his alter-ego had finally been pushed to the side and it was Clark she …

As quickly as the euphoria of the moment washed over him, it was squashed by the knowledge that he was still lying to Lois about Superman. She had shared her deepest and darkest secrets with him – both as Superman and Clark – and if she found out he was lying to her, everything would end before it even began.

He pulled away, ending the soul-shattering kiss with one last lingering caress. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of her wrapped in his arms. He heard something rustling in the distance and turned to look behind him.

"What is it?" Lois asked, tugging his sleeve with her hand.

"Nothing," he turned back to her, unsure how to respond to the question as he ran through the possible scenarios of explaining himself to Lois. Tonight was not the night to go down this road with her, but soon. Very soon.

Lois pointed to the dimming lights at City Hall a block away. "I think we're too late."

Clark nodded, "I guess we'll have to catch up with Mayson tomorrow."

Lois smiled back at him, smoothing her hand across his chest, "Walk me home?"

"Always." he cracked a smile at her.

He could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand up as he stared back at Lois. A mixture of guilt and euphoria filled his mind. This was the start of everything he'd ever wanted. No more hiding how he felt about Lois Lane. He could finally show how he felt and not fear backlash.

'Not exactly,' he reminded himself.

That was the problem. He was still lying to her about who he was. Who he really was. He wanted to scream and jump for joy all at once. Finally, he had what he wanted, and his own choices and secrets threatened to rip it all away. Before he could give it any further thought the sound of a blast coming from the City Hall building caught his their attention.

He stiffened, ready to prepare a quick excuse to exit so he could tend to the rescue but found himself unable to think of anything. He looked down at his arm, spotting Lois' arm hooked securely in his.

"That sounded like it came from City Hall," Lois murmured with a pensive expression.

"Yeah," He nodded, turning to her and motioning in the direction of the explosion, "We should…"

"…check that out." She finished for him with a smirk, tightening her arm around his as they made their way across the street as fast as humanly possible.

________________________________________

"Hey!"

Mayson shouted at the speeding Beemer that sped past her. She let out a snort when she spotted the red and blue lights that followed the car racing around the corner to where the City Hall steps where. The sharp wailing of the officer's siren filled the night air as a loud blast erupted in the distance.

"What the…?" Mayson could barely finish her train of thought as she raced around the corner on foot and let out a muffled gasp when she saw the fiery scene. There in her parking spot, just a few feet from the City Hall steps was the remnants of her car in flames. The out of control driver was unconscious at the wheel, unaware of the damage he'd caused.

The police officer that had been chasing the young driver was now outside the car, trying to get his attention. Mayson looked around in dismay, uncertain what to make of the remnants of her vehicle that resembled a charcoal briquette more than an automobile.

"Ms. Drake?"

Mayson turned to see her assistant standing on the corner with a worried expression. Her smile was weak as it spread across her face, pointing to the scene, "I suppose it's lucky you decided to take that walk."

"I suppose so," Mayson nodded. She motioned to the steps leading back into the office. "I don't think anyone's going anywhere tonight. Shall we?"

"Of course, Ms. Drake."

________________________________________

The chance to sneak away hadn't come easy. It never did with Mayson Drake. Mary Williams tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she looked down the narrow hallway outside the District Attorney's office. Nearly everyone had already left for the evening except Mayson. Everyone that is except for him.

"You're late."

Mary jumped when she saw the slender man in the corner of the corridor. "I couldn't get away."

He stepped out of the shadows, straightening his tie as he looked at her. "We had a plan, Mary. You didn't have to do anything but make sure Mayson Drake was in the car when it exploded. I didn't think it would be that hard."

"It wasn't my fault, Albie!" Mary shouted louder than she should have. She jumped back, looking behind her to make sure her outburst hadn't caught any unwelcome attention. Albie looked at her with an unamused expression. Mary cleared her throat and collected herself and whispered, "It wasn't my fault. She ran off before I could stop her."

"Mr. Gables doesn't accept failure, Mary," Albie warned. "We'll be in touch."

"Yes, Albie." Mary nodded, watching as Albie walked away. "Tell Mr. Gables I'm sorry."

________________________________________

Lois tapped her pen against the notepad in her hand as she walked through the crash scene carefully. Everywhere she looked, she saw first responders and investigators trying to survey the scene and find the cause of the explosion. It didn't look like a gas explosion. So what could have caused Mayson's car to erupt into flames? The blast had been loud enough to hear a block away from behind the trees and shrubs that shielded the residence from the explosion.

Lois looked to her side, noting the careful attention being paid to what used to be Mayson Drake's car. Thankfully Mayson hadn't been in the car when the drunk driver had hit it, but she couldn't help but wonder why Mayson was noticeably absent from the investigation that involved her vehicle.

Clark reached over to place an arm on her shoulder. She felt a shiver run through her spine at his touch and turned to him, unable to squash the butterflies that fluttered in her abdomen.

She was in big trouble.

"Looks like it wasn't just gasoline and motor oil that sparked," Clark pointed to the incendiary device that was in the investigator's hands.

"A car bomb?" Lois wondered aloud, looking back at Clark. "but that would mean…"

"This wasn't an accident," Clark finished for her with a grim scowl.

"And we're sure Mayson wasn't in the car?" Lois asked.

"Nope," Clark shook his head. "The officers I spoke with said they took her statement already."

"Her car explodes, and she's not down here in the trenches looking for who did this?" Lois wondered in disbelief.

"Oh, you've got that 'I've got a hunch' look on your face." Clark let out a deep sigh. "Can we limit it to just one close-call with explosives a day? I mean, we did almost get caught in a nuclear explosion…" he looked at his watch, "ohhhh, three hours ago?"

"Fine," Lois grumbled, shaking her head. "but you've got to admit Mayson being noticeably missing during the investigation is weird."

"Well, Mayson did have someone plant a bomb in her car. I think she's entitled to act out of character." Clark pointed out, reaching over to brush a stray hair out of her face. "Come on, we've gotten all we're going to get tonight. We can finish chasing this down tomorrow."

________________________________________

Mayson looked around her office, staring at the board she'd pinned to the wall. There in the center was a 4x6 glossy photo of Lois Lane. She felt a rush of fury run through her as she looked to the left where a picture of herself and Clark dancing at the Charity Ball was pinned. She had to understand. How had she and Clark gone from being so close to …

"Ms. Drake?"

Mayson jerked her head around, lunging toward the door to stop her assistant from entering. "What is it?" Before her assistant could push the door open any further, Mayson slammed it shut, calling out to her. "I'm busy. What is it?"

"The police are done, Ms. Drake. Do you want me to call you a cab?"

"No," Mayson replied coldly, her gaze shifted to the board where the tidbits of information she'd found on Lois Lane were pinned around her rival's photo. "I have a lot of work to do."

"Yes, Ms. Drake."

________________________________________

Lois smiled wistfully as they walked back to her apartment. Two hours. That was all that had passed from the time they shared their incredible first kiss and now. She stole a glance toward him, noting the uncertainty on his face. Given how things had ended so horribly the previous night, she couldn't blame him for being nervous.

"Well, uh," Lois began softly. "I guess this is good night."

"Yeah," he nodded, offering a weak smile. "I'll check with Jimmy in the morning and see if he can track down some intel on that police report."


"Certainly, puts a damper on the evening," Lois shrugged her shoulders, eying the half-foot distance between her and Clark as they stood at her door.

What were they supposed to do now? Kiss goodnight? Shake hands? It's not like they had just ended a date or something. It was the end of a work day that just so happened to include a mind-numbing kiss.

Uncertainty clouded her mind as she stared back at him nervously, wondering if he would try to kiss her again and if she wanted him to. How she currently felt she knew it wouldn't take a lot of convincing on her part.

"Goodnight, Lois," he whispered, reaching over to cup her cheek. He leaned in to kiss her and before she could stop him, he pulled away, straightening up as he turned to leave.

"Clark?" she called out to him, feeling a fleeting sense of boldness run through her.

He turned back to her, and before she could think twice about her actions and second-guess herself, she reached up, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him in for a kiss goodnight. She heard him let out a soft moan against her lips, and she smiled against him as he took the kiss deeper.

Unlike before, when they had been sharing their first kiss as a couple underneath the moonlit street, she allowed herself to savor the moment and divulge herself. This time was different as she reached up to pull him in deeper, tugging him close by his tie. She sighed inwardly as she felt his hands cup both sides of her face as he traced her lips with his tongue. She could feel him responding to her and smiled against his lips.

She could easily lose herself in his arms tonight. But she wasn't prepared to take that step, and she suspected neither was he.

He slowly broke off the kiss, taking a step back. It was clear he was just as affected by the kiss as she was. "I'll …see you tomorrow." He motioned toward the hallway.

"Tomorrow," she agreed, taking a step into her apartment. "Goodnight, Clark." She slowly closed the door, watching as he turned to leave through the crack in the door. She began to slowly lock the several different locks on her door and sighed, leaning against the door frame. "Wow…"

TBC...

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