Hey FoLCs!
Here it is, the second part you've all been waiting for. It was brought to life thanks to the kind folcs over at the Hangout chat.
Here is the FDK thread where you can put all your love.
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*CLARK POV*
“But how do you give up being who you are?” Jonathan asked, the tone in his voice clearly betraying his emotions, his jaw was clenched in frustration. Clark had never seen his father like this. Jonathan's body shook with pent up emotions.
Feeling defensive with his parents was new to Clark. Wasn't it his decision to give up Clark Kent? Shouldn't his parents support him? Didn't they see that this decision, as difficult as it was, was necessary? Why did they have to keep fighting him on this? His parents, Lois and his friends wouldn't constantly be in danger anymore.
Nobody would make the connection between Clark Kent and Superman if there was no longer a Clark Kent.
Even his own thoughts lacked logic and reasoning but he pushed his doubts aside and started another try at convincing his parents of the mission he wasn't sure he could follow-through with. A small voice inside reasoned this was why he still hadn't figured out the details on how to go about killing Clark Kent.
"Pretend to move overseas? Build myself a secret lair to live in? I don't know… I… I haven't sorted it out yet. I just know that I can't keep *lying* to Lois....I can't keep hurting her!" He heard himself say, feeling the anguish that was clearly evident in his voice but he knew his reasoning lacked logic. He recalled the pain in Lois' eyes when he'd attempted to leave Metropolis during the heatwave. He'd hurt her then and timeless occasions after when he left her to rescue someone and kept shutting her out. No way could he leave her again and not hurt her. He could almost hear the internal snort within and if he listened closely he could just about makeout the sound of Lois Lane's famous scoff.
“I can’t do this, I can’t! I’m sorry Martha! I know I told you we wouldn’t stick our noses in but Clark, Clark you just can’t throw your life away like this. It’s wrong!” His father's voice trembled with emotion as it rose a few octaves, growing louder and louder with each phrase as he placed a hand on Clark's shoulder and squeezed, as if to reason with him through the familiar touch. The box he had been helping pack laid half empty on the chair as Clark met the weary eyes of his father, the pain in the older man’s eyes were evident.
“Dad, I don’t want to do this but I don’t see any other way that’s fair to Lois.” Clark explained halfheartedly, still uncertain of his own decision. He wanted to do the right thing. He knew as painful as it was to walk away from the woman he loved and the life he had built it would be more painful to continue to watch Lois Lane drift further and further away. Couldn't his parents understand how this decision would help them all in the long run? All he seemed to be able to do lately was hurt those closest to him. If Clark Kent no longer lived in Metropolis then he couldn't' hurt those he cared about most. He blanched inside, feeling a bitter bile in his throat as he imagined the pain and anguish that would consume him when he finally did leave. It was the right decision. He knew that, but still he couldn't help but feel like a coward.
Clark felt smaller hands touching his folded arms, his mother had stepped in front of him and looked at him. Her gaze spoke of hurt and love but mostly determination. “Clark, if Lois is the problem, why are you running away?” As always his mom was the voice of reason; she, like his father, was clearly agitated and fought to keep most of her emotions down.
“What are you saying mom… That I should… just tell her that I’m… That I’m…” Clark couldn’t finish his sentence. It seemed too simple, after all these years of keeping secrets and running away. Could he do that? Should he tell Lois his secret? How could he know that he didn’t make everything worse by telling her?
There was a noise on his balcony but before he could decide if it was the wind or something he should investigate his mother resumed her speech. “I’m not saying anything… and before we stick our noses in any further we’re going out for Chinese.” As if on cue Martha took hold of Jonathan's hand and pulled her husband towards the door leaving Clark dumbfounded behind. How could they just leave like that? It couldn’t be that simple. Lois would never forgive him if he told her now. He could still see her face from the last time he left her to become Superman.
When Clark's parents were out of the door a movement behind him startled Clark and only now he realized that he wasn’t as alone as he had thought. Lois began to talk and although she clearly wanted to hide it, her emotions were clearly recognizable through her babble. “You’re moving? Were you going to tell me or did you plan on running away like a coward? Superman could really have used your help against Calvin Dregg but as always you just disappeared!” The anger and hurt were clearly winning over her determination to hide what she felt. “And what did your father mean by throw your life away? Why would you build a secret lair? Are you that unhappy here in Metropolis and with me that you are planning to become a hermit?”
“Lo… Lois?” He stuttered, his thoughts were still in turmoil and he wasn’t prepared to face an angry Lois now, not when he still wasn’t really sure what the right decision was for him.
“Clark!” Her voice rose . “You say you can’t keep lying to me, that you can’t keep hurting me but let me tell you something. Discovering that you are going to leave me hurts, it hurts a lot! As does seeing you lying to me almost every day since we met, don’t think I didn’t know that you fed me big fat lies every time you left me when we tried to talk.” Lois voiced the same thoughts he had had before. “Don’t you see that leaving me here, without an explanation is probably much worse than just getting *it* out in the open?”
He heard her pause to take a deep breath. He had noticed a slight catch in her voice as her anger grew more and more powerful. He could see the pain behind each word and it cut him like a knife. Her eyes were the size of saucers with unshed tears shimmering in his dimly lit apartment. He had done this. The woman standing before him and the woman he’d come to know over the past two years seemed like two different people. The stain his secret had put on his and Lois’ relationship was unbearable. She was right. He had to tell her. He had to stop lying and put an end to the suffering he was putting her and him through and then he would have to deal with whatever came next. He heard a slight pitch in her voice as she let out a muttered curse and continued. “What is so bad that you have this much trouble talking to me about it?”
It was clear to him now, he needed to give her the chance to decide for herself if the secret was something she could live with or not.
“I… I…” He stammered unsure how to start. He didn’t want her to suffer any more but telling her, bringing her in on the secret meant she would constantly have to lie. She needed to lie to Perry, Jimmy, her parents and the whole world. What did that mean to her as a reporter when she had to leave parts of her ethics behind just to protect him?
“Clark we had a date. You promised you wouldn’t leave me… but you did – again and you did it while I tried to talk to you, don’t you realize how that makes me feel? And then, when I gave you the chance to explain it to me at the café you left me alone again!” She couldn’t hold back the crying anymore but they were tears of anger and hurt. “Every time I try to open myself up to you, you run away! Why? Is it me?”
Clark felt awful. He was still torn then their eyes locked and he came to a decision. “Lois, ever since we met I wanted to tell you something, but I couldn’t bring myself to… because I was afraid of how you would react…” He took a deep breath gathering the strength to finally stop running from her. “I am…”
There was an urgent knock on the door. “CK, CK are you home? It is me, Jimmy! Oh man just open the door if you are there I really need your help!” Clark wanted to ignore his friend but he could hear the fear in his friends voice.
Clark could feel Lois gaze on him as he was going over to the door, he wished he could ignore just this one cry for help and let Jimmy handle his own problems for once. Clark looked at her with a sad expression, he had the feeling she would rather have Jimmy handle his own problems as well. But this seemed an urgent matter.
Still when Clark opened the door he fixed his friend with an impatient stare. “What is it Jimmy, I’m kind of in the middle of something here.” Clark heard Lois trying to cry silently, not wanting Jimmy to see her emotions. His heart broke, the dagger in his chest placed there by his own actions sunk a bit deeper with every sob
“Well,” Jimmy began, “… there was this cute chick. She seemed to be really interested. We talked for a while and I ordered her a drink. Everything seemed perfect. You know, Sarah and me… we don’t see each other anymore and I needed someone to cheer me up…”
“Jimmy, get to the point, why are you here?” Clark took a deep breath to hide his annoyance, part of him wanted nothing more than to slam the door in Jimmy’s face if this was just another one of his stories about a girl he met. This need that kept becoming more intense with every word Jimmy said.
“About halfway through the drink someone grabbed me at my shoulder. A guy built like a bear and smelling just as bad showed up behind me. Turns out he was the chief of Metropolis' chapter of the 'One-Percenters'. Man, why do the hottest chicks always fall for this kind of men."
"One Percenters?? Jimmy, what were you doing hanging around a biker bar like that? They're the biggest and most dangerous biker gang in Metropolis! There are rumors that they work with intergang!" In spite of his annoyance at Jimmy, Clark worried a bit about what had happened to his friend. But he could feel Lois even if he couldn’t hear her sobbing anymore.
Jimmy gulped "I know. Believe me I know, but that's also where a lot of the hotties hang out. Anyway, It seems the chick I was buying drinks for all night...was HIS girl. He pulled me up and threw me around the room a few times. I did a real good impression of cue stick. He took my keys and threw them into Hobbs Bay and now I need a place to crash before I can try to reach my landlord tomorrow. I would get a motel room but he took my wallet as well.”
"Jimmy..." Clark was torn between helping his friend in urgent need and the wish to talk to Lois. More than that, he wasn’t sure how she would react. If he sent her away now who knew if she wouldn’t be gone for good this time.
“Take my keys…” Lois told Jimmy. “but If I see anything out of order when I get back those bikers won’t be much to worry about, understood?” She had herself under control now, no one would guess that she had been crying before. “I’ll be home later!”
Jimmy nodded, then Clark spoke again. “I’ll talk to Superman in the morning, perhaps he’ll be able to find your keys. You still have the small Planet globe on your keychain?” Again the young man nodded and after he had received the keys from Lois turned away Clark had closed the door before Jimmy could even thank his friends.
Lois felt his gaze on her. Then he walked away from his entrance, back to Lois. “All my life I have been running Lois.” After a short pause to find the right words he told her “I have been running from the truth because I feared what it would do to me, how the truth would change how people react to me. And I have been running from relationships because they would force me to face this truth in many ways. I am afraid because once the truth comes out there will be no way back – nowhere to run.”
Lois interrupted “Run? From what? Am I that horrible that you feel you have to run from me? Why do you think that whatever it is would change how I see you?” her shaky voice told him she was afraid of the answer as she pressed him for the truth. He could sense her determination though, he was sure she wouldn’t be leaving until she knew the answer, if he had to leave now it would be over.
He began pacing through his living room restless, the urge to flee almost stronger than him. “Yes I am also afraid of losing you because of this truth. I wanted to tell you countless times but my fear always made me run again and again.” He sighed. “Every time I left you in the middle of a conversation I had a really good reason, someone needed my help. But in the last few days, during the trial-”
Her gaze fixed him as he watched the first pieces slowly began to come into place. "T-trial? What trial? I haven’t seen you around in the court Clark. Not once you have been there to support Superman!”
“You are right Lois, I have never been in the court to support Superman, in fact I couldn’t sit with you, but I was there…” He tried to explain, forcing himself to get it all out before he could take it back with some lame excuse once more. He had to tell her. "Many people just called for my help because they thought they could gain something or sue Superman to become rich and famous. When I left you in that café I went to a car crash where about twenty people tried to accuse me of hurting them. I realized that I couldn’t keep the pretense up, especially without hurting you. But I also felt that telling you now would also hurt you because I waited too long, I have run for too long… I thought going away would be the best way to end all my lies.”
“I-I need to sit down." She said uneasily, pulling away from him. He followed her to the couch but left enough space between them. "You wanted to leave? Just pack everything up in the middle of the night and--" Only half of what he had said seemed to have been registered by her. "You can't leave. Don’t you see Clark? You can’t just get into and out of the lives of other people without leaving marks, you change people and make their world a better place just by just smiling at them, especially mine.” She added in a small voice. “I don’t know if I would have survived the last two years without you.” She was quiet for a moment then whispered, "Just say it."
Clark hesitated only for a second before he said, “I… I am Superman.”
“Oh…” was the only thing Lois answered. He saw her mind working, wrapping what she knew about her best friend around the newfound knowledge. Although he knew that he needed to to give her time to process the meaning of his last statement, he became increasingly nervous and the urge to run grew stronger again but instead of getting angry she just looked at him and asked, “So, what would you have done if you had lost against Calvin?”
“Honestly?” he drew his hands through his hair trying to find the right words. Now that the secret was out he wanted her to know everything but he still was afraid that she would run if he said the wrong words to her. “I don’t know. It was the Clark Kent in me that worried me more. I saw what my disappearing did to you and I didn’t think that telling you my secret would magically solve those problems. It would be no problem to move Superman to a different location, he isn’t bound by any relationships. I thought I would have him move to another city, maybe even another country.“ As he said it now it sounded silly to him, Metropolis had become his home, as Clark and as Superman. “I couldn’t do that with Clark. The reason why I have seen so many places in the world is because I have always been on the run, leaving as soon as someone had become suspicious of the strange things I did whenever necessary, whenever someone was in need of a rescue. I was tired of running when I came to Metropolis, but I kept doing it anyway because it had become a habit for me.”
Throughout his explanation Clark had been wandering around his living room, several times he had stopped next to one of the boxes had picked something up as if he was deciding what to do with it. Nervous energy seemed to seep out of every pore of his skin but the more he told her the calmer he became. It actually felt good to come clean. Although he still didn’t know if she would be able to forgive him for his lies. She was quietly listening to him, which worried him because he would expect her to be angry and screaming at him.
Suddenly his head shot up. He could hear a commotion nearby. Then his eyes went wide, it was Jimmy. From what he could hear the ‘One Percenters’ had waylayed him to harass him a bit more.
He hated that he had to leave Lois again but this time she would understand, hopefully. “Lois it is Jimmy, he is in trouble again. I don’t want to leave you, but I don’t know what they will do to him if I don’t stop them.”
“Go!” She said, clearly not happy about the distraction but now she understood why he was running from their conversation and more importantly she knew he would be back.
To be continued...
