If You Only Knew
Part 6
The sun shined down upon the gray-haired man in the blue and gray flannel as he stood in the middle of the pasture like he had every morning for the past thirty years. He could feel the heat of the sun beaming down upon his balding head as he fed the numerous chickens. Hearing the sounds of the rest of the animals throughout the farm he took a deep breath in and walked across the field. This was his life - working the farm, keeping the farm alive, and being the last Kent man to keep the home.
The stench of the various animals throughout the field began to overwhelm him which had never happened before. Suddenly he heard her voice, the woman who held his heart almost forty years now, he turned toward the farmstead where she stood as beautiful as ever. She reached out to her husband as he began to walk toward her. As he began to get closer to her, her image began to vanish as her voice got louder.
His eyes opened slightly as he realized wasn’t where he should be. What was the last thing he remembered? His eyes closed again as he began to remember the argument with Martha, the pain in his chest, and being put into the ambulance.
Hospital. He had to be in the hospital.
He recalled the ivory color walls and the smell of disinfectant. The machines surrounded him and the bed he laid in, the pain in his chest had been worse than indigestion, and the rush of the ambulance meant it had been serious.
“Martha,” he mumbled as he remembered the look on her face when he collapsed to the floor.
He felt her touch his hands when his eyes opened again. When his eyes opened he saw the worry across her face and the sheer love she felt for her husband.
“Jonathan, you came back to me,” she cried as she grabbed his hand pulling it to her heart. The pure joy and pain Jonathan felt for this woman and what he must have put her through.
“Always… come back to you,” he whispered. He looked around the room to look for his only child. “Where’s Clark?”
“Clark is working on the farm,” Lois interrupted as she came up behind Martha.
Lois. Lois Lane. Clark’s partner, his best friend, girlfriend, and best thing to happen to his son.
Jonathan noticed the look in Lois’ face when she had stated Clark was on the farm. Was it the farm? Did Clark know how financially unstable the farm was these days? Did he know how far in debt his parents’ were?
“How is Clark,” Jonathan questioned his voice hoarse as he looked at Lois.
***
Martha was thrilled to have her husband back. When his eyes had opened the skies had opened and the birds began to sing; then the world stopped when he asked about their son.
What was she supposed to tell him? She knew Lois was there to talk to her about Clark’s attitude lately. When Martha had traveled home to change; Clark had barely talked to her. All he did was work on the farm and now he was even forgetting his Superman duties.
“He’s doing okay just keeping up on the farm,” Martha stated as she squeezed her husband’s hand. She needed to figure out a way to get her son back and Lois was the answer. “I’m going to go find the doctor.”
With that Martha let go of her husband’s hand and walked out of the room. She could not believe she didn’t tell Jonathan the truth about Clark’s attitude. Martha felt the salt of the tears on her cheeks as she exited the hospital room. She couldn’t tell Jonathan that Clark knew about their money problems or how bad the farm was doing. It had to be done though for Jonathan’s physical and mental health. It was one reason he was in the hospital in the first place- the farm. It was tearing them apart and she couldn’t let him know that Clark knew how bad they were hurting financially.
Martha took a deep breath and walked towards the nurse’s stations. She had to find Dr. Seeley, the cardiothoracic surgeon, who had performed the surgery on Jonathan. She had to be certain of what Jonathan could know of his condition and what lead up to it.
***
The minutes ticked by in the hospital room while Lois stood there next to a frail Jonathan. She tried to look at everything except Jonathan since looking at him made her feel worse. The IV tubes and the humming of the machines made her uncomfortable. She was sure the man was in pain; he just had open-heart surgery. She felt the pain in her chest thinking about it. Lois also felt the pain of being part of the problem; she wasn’t able to help his son or the farm.
“Has Clark ever told you about our family,” Jonathan questioned as he grabbed her hand to get attention.
“He hasn’t said much at all,” Lois admitted finally being able to tell the truth. She needed to vent; she wanted to talk to someone and find out what was so special about the farm.
“My great-great grandfather was one of the first settlers in Smallville. His name was Nathaniel Kent and at one point he became Sheriff of Smallville,” Jonathan began, “He met a woman, whose name was also Martha. She ran a saloon in Smallville. After many years of unrequited love, he finally got the courage to court her, then asked for her hand in marriage,” Jonathan explained as Lois sat down. “They settled down on the land we have now. They had one son named Samuel,” Jonathan sighed then took a moment to catch his breath. “When Nathaniel got hurt on the job he decided to do what many other settlers did at that time - he became a farmer. See, farming was a way of life in this state. It has impacted the culture, politics, laws, and even traditions throughout the years. We had almost one hundred sixty acres about forty years ago, although the past few years we have had to sell off acres. We have grown everything from sunflowers to pumpkins, but our biggest crops were corn and wheat. We had farm animals too with cattle bringing the biggest profit. Now we just have a few animals that we can handle.”
She took in everything this man was telling her. Clark had never told her how rich the farm was in history. He kept everything from her, close to his chest, brooding, when he didn’t need to.
“Why didn’t Clark tell me,” Lois stammered frustrated at him for keeping so much from her once again. “I arrived today after calling for three days and never getting an answer back. I was worried about him. He wouldn’t call me back to tell me how you were doing or Martha.”
Lois didn’t understand Clark. It’s like Clark was showing no emotion. He was only working on the farm like a machine. Nothing was important, not the Planet, not his Superman responsibilities, and not his relationships with his parents or her. The only other time she had seen him like this is when he was out being Superman. He showed no emotion when he was being Superman - saving the world, doing the job -- no emotion. Suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks, Clark was acting like a Kryptonian so he couldn’t feel the pain of what had happened.
Why would he keep such vital information from her? The farm and the homestead were history and that is why it was so important to his dad. Now she began to understand why Clark was working so hard on the farm. But what she didn’t understand is why he was shutting her out.
***
Chickens began to cluck as Clark walked into the fenced in area. He took the scoop of feed and fed the twenty chickens. It would be the second time today feeding the chickens and checking for eggs like he had learned from his dad.
He was five years old when he started tagging along with his dad to feed the chickens and check inside the hen house. At first, he was slightly afraid of the chickens pecking at his legs when they were hungry or thirsty. Then he learned to distract the chickens while his dad fed and watered them, so his dad didn’t get pecked at. He watched his dad work the farm from dawn to dusk every day growing up. It was something Clark didn’t want to do when he was an adult; yet here he was doing it.
As he moved to the third chicken nest he began to hear the screams. He had heard the voices a few times today but now they began to get louder.
“Help, Superman,” a woman screamed. “Save my daughter!”
“Fire,” Clark heard another woman shouted
He didn’t stop along the hen house as he heard the screams, cries, and agony of defeat. He knew what had occurred, but he could not stop moving. Clark had heard other cries for help before today and he had ignored them although this time the death of a young child happened.
He wouldn’t let himself feel anything as he kept moving along. Clark ignored his feelings like he had pretended the call had not occurred. He could not be Superman any longer and be the man his parents needed to be. He couldn’t be the hero any longer the world needed him to be and be the son his parents needed him to be.
Clark denied what he was brought to this Planet for, although his parents needed to be taken care like they had taken care of him all those years. They didn’t need to take him in when he crashed in Shuster’s Field so many years ago, but they did. They did everything they could to make sure no one ever found out how different he was from everyone else. They raised him like he was their own son, with the morals, integrity, and dedication of a Kent.
Now Clark had to give back to his parents and forget his Superman duties and save the two people that meant the most to him. He had to save the family farm, save the Kent legacy, and save his family before he thought of saving other families. He felt nothing as he kept working, because he couldn’t. He had to keep working. If he stopped working he would think about the lives that he didn’t save. Clark had to ignore those screams for help and after awhile those pleas for help began to get easier to evade.
If he did slow down and think about everything that happened the past few days; guilt would start rising inside him once again. He had tried to save the families in the fire that night in Metropolis and people perished. Yet in Smallville during that time his dad was having a heart attack. What good was being Superman if he couldn’t save the people he loved? He wasn’t fast enough to save those people in the fire or his own father. The entire world should not weigh on one man’s shoulders and yet that is how he felt. Those shoulders and his heart were breaking from the weight of the world because he no longer felt like he was enough. Superman wasn’t enough.
***
Lois sat in the waiting room as the television in the corner played the evening news. She glanced up at the television as the latest national catastrophe was announced. Lois wanted to see Superman fly in and save the day, but somehow she knew he wouldn’t. She knew he was probably at the farm working on that darn tractor again.
“Superman isn’t going to go save the day, is he?” Martha questioned as she sat next to Lois.
“No, I think Superman is preoccupied,” Lois responded as she grabbed a magazine off the end table in front of her.
“You have to talk to him, Lois. You are the only one that can get through to him,” Martha stated putting her hand on Lois’ arm.
“I’ve tried. I don’t know what else to do. He’s angry and hurt,” Lois admitted looking over to Martha. “He knows how bad the farm is doing and so do I.”
“I figured as much,” Martha delivered as she removed her arm. Martha looked down away from Lois. “We weren’t frivolous with our money or anything. It started gradually throughout the years. One bad crop led to three which led to less buyers than machinery began to break down.”
“Like that tractor in front of the barn,” Lois teased.
“That tractor has been around as long as I’ve been married to Jonathan. We need a new one, but we can’t afford to buy it.”
“I went ahead and brought you one,” Lois revealed, “and before you say anything, it’s a gift. You and Jonathan have done so much for me the past two years. The two of you have treated me more like a daughter than my own parents have.”
“Thank you, I hope one day you and Clark make it official, but I know the two of you are taking some time off on talking about that.”
“Martha, I don’t know what I am going to do,” Lois pleaded. “I can’t seem to get through to him. He keeps shutting me out.”
“Remind him of what you have and who he is. He keeps thinking he has to do it all just like Jonathan. Neither of them like to ask for help and they bottle all of their emotions inside. I’m not sure if it’s just a Kent tendency or the male ego,” Martha acknowledged with a smirk across her face. “Don’t wait for him to ask for help and don’t offer just go ahead and help. If he sees you helping around the farm he will realize that you are his equal. He doesn’t need to do it all. You are just as capable of feeding the chickens as he is - you know that as much as I do and so does he.”
Lois knew Martha was right. She was a city girl by heart but needed to do this to show Clark and herself that she could stand by her man no matter what. He needed her even when he pushed her away every chance he got. They loved each other but sometimes that wasn’t enough;commitment, guidance, and acceptance were also needed. She needed to accept that Clark may not always tell her what he was feeling. She needed to guide Clark into the right direction when he was doing something idiotic like completely shutting her out. Finally she needed to commit to standing by her man even if it meant getting her hands dirty. Now she had to work on the Kent farm since one day she wanted to be a part of the family which meant she needed to learn what Clark had to deal with day after day growing up working on a farm.
