Author’s note: This is set shortly after my previous story, Overwhelmed. It can be read separately but will make more sense if you’ve read that first. It’s also a Christmas fic (despite its slightly depressing tone). Happy Holidays!
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters etc. are property of DC Comics, Warner Bros and December 3rd Productions.
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I’ve had rescues go bad before. Many times. I’m Superman, but I’m only one man. Even I’m not strong enough or fast enough to save every single person; something I’ve struggled to come to terms with.
But this is the first time it’s happened at Christmas.
It’s Christmas Eve. Mom and Dad are waiting for me in Smallville. We should be trimming the tree and wrapping presents and drinking hot cocoa by the fire. Instead I’m sitting here in my bedroom in Metropolis, staring bleakly out the window.
I feel so guilty. I’m here and safe; just like those people in the car should be. I can go home for Christmas. Their families will never see their loved ones again, never be able to hold them and wish them Merry Christmas. Instead, Christmas will forever be a reminder of the people that were ripped away from them by something as simple as a patch of ice on the road.
Humans are so fragile- physically, anyway. They never seem to give it a thought, but they’re so easily hurt by the world around them. They take minor injuries in their stride, so much more so than I have the few times I’ve been hurt. And people die every single day from accidents, from illness, at the hands of others. I know this.
But it’s Christmas.
The front door of my apartment clicks open behind me and I know who it is without turning around. In the short time that she’s known, she’s developed an uncanny sense of when I need someone to talk to.
“Clark?”
“Hi Lois.”
She crosses the room, coming to sit down on the window seat next to me.“Your mom called me. She was worried.”
“She called here a little while ago too.” I’d let the machine pick up the call, unable to force myself to sound cheerful for my parents and unwilling to burden them on Christmas Eve.
“The factory fire?”
I shake my head. “No.”
I spent a large portion of the afternoon at the garment factory in the old industrial area. So much combustible material… the old buildings had gone up like kindling, the fire spreading so quickly that the fire department had been overwhelmed. I’d pulled dozens of workers out of the complex, going back into the flames time and again, and yet that wasn’t the rescue weighing on my mind.
“No, the factory fire was… fine. There were a few people injured, but they’ll all be okay.”
She waits in silence, something that I know doesn’t come easily for Lois Lane. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder if she knows just how much I appreciate her quiet support. How much I need it. Ever since the night I turned up at her apartment and told her my deepest secret, she’s been there for me without me needing to ask, appearing on my doorstep with takeout, movies and the occasional metaphorical slap up the back of the head. I love her even more for those nights, although I’m not certain she knows how I feel about her.
I turn away from the window, planting my elbows on my knees and looking down at my hands.
“I pulled a car out of the river a couple of hours ago.”
“Oh Clark.” She reaches out and covers my hand with one of hers, squeezing it gently and bringing half a smile to my face.
“I was coming home from the fire and I saw the hole in the guardrail,” I tell her, trying to keep my voice as even as possible. “It looked like they’d skidded on a patch of ice and lost control. I tried to find them, but… I was too late.” I heave a sigh, remembering the sudden surge of hope when I spotted the car submerged in the river… and the despair when the sightless eyes of the two people inside told their own story. “Maybe if I’d just gotten there sooner-”
Lois cuts me off, that expression that says ‘Clark, you’re being a lunkhead’ on her face.
“They could’ve been in there for hours, Clark. You know that.”
“I know, but-”
“But… how many people did you pull out of that factory today?”
“About forty.”
“So that’s forty people that are going home to their families that probably wouldn’t if you hadn’t been there.” She squeezes my hand again, giving it a little shake. “Even if you’d heard the car go through the guardrail, would you have left the fire?”
I sigh again, knowing she’s right. I couldn’t have left the factory any earlier than I did or I would’ve risked losing more lives at the fire than I would’ve saved in the car.
“No. No, I wouldn’t.”
“Sometimes you have to make the choice, Clark.” She puts her arm over my shoulders, pulling me into a sideways hug. “Feel better?”
“A little.” And I do. Doing what I do… it’s so easy to get caught up in the emotional aftermath of a bad rescue. So easy to start second guessing every decision you make. “It’s not easy, Lois.” And even I don’t know whether I mean dealing with just one bad rescue or whether I mean being Superman at all.
“I know. But you can’t let that stop you.” She stands, reaching out a hand to pull me to my feet.
“Come on, Clark. You should be with your family. It’s Christmas.”
I look at her and smile.
I already am.
