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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069 |
Since I adjusted the parts during the posting schedule and increased the parts to 15, I decided to post both remaining parts together. To all those that commented on the parts as they went up, thank you, thank you. I take your comments very seriously and appreciate the opportunity to improve the story as we go along. For those that read, thanks for sticking with me until the end. My special thanks go to KathyB and Sue S. for their counsel and suggestions over the years. They could attest to how this story changed from the first draft. Alt-Lois and Alt-Clark were in-character due to their guidance and advice. If you understood the rules around Alt-Lois's ability, then you can thank KathyB.  I'd love to hear what you thought of these last two parts, especially the resolution to the a-plot. Are there questions that I didn't answer for you? Thanks!
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 8
Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 8 |
Yay. And they lived happily ever after. A nice, new take on the alt-universe story. I liked it.
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 911 Likes: 2
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 911 Likes: 2 |
What a lovely ending to the story. I agree with GooBoo, it's a nice, new take on the alt-universe. Yes, you answered all my questions. You surprised me with the twist of who the murderer was, and the murderer's motivation. Great job! 
Cuidadora
"Honey, we didn't care if you were a Russian or a Martian... You were ours... and we weren't giving you to anybody." ~ Martha in Strange Visitor
"A love that risks nothing is worth nothing." ~ Jonathan in Big Girls Don't Fly
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,702
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,702 |
What a twist! I didn't see that coming. Great ending. Well wrapped up and very sweet.
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,883
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,883 |
I also was surprised at who it was. Star didn't realize that she was getting impressions from other universes. Nice twist.
Herb replied, “My boy, I never say … impossible.” "Lois and Clarks" My stories can be found herekj
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 173
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 173 |
I have to admit, I'm kinda sad this story is over, BJ! I enjoyed following it on the boards and being excited for new parts. I was telling Kathy the other day that I might even throw my hat back into the L&C fic world again - it's been eons, so it might not be pretty <g> but I might try anyway! It's just been so fun reading and interacting with you as the author. Thanks for responding to comments! But anyway, back to the story... “Uh huh. And when we grow up, I’m going to marry her.”
“Marry? Aren’t you a little young to be thinking about marriage, Clark?”
Clark shrugged. “She’s my best friend.”
“Well, I can’t argue with you wanting to marry your best friend.” Martha decided to play along. She knelt down next to Clark and showed him her left hand. Her diamond engagement ring sparkled in the afternoon sunlight as she pulled it from her finger and handed it to Clark. He took it reverently and held it up to inspect it. Aww, so sweet! Lolo and Clark are soulmates, and he knew it when he was six years old. And marry his best friend he did (err, or will. Right?). I love it. Clark stumbled to his knees and gasped his name. “Perry. Kryptonite.”
Perry ran to Clark, Alice and Henderson close behind him. James and Cat shared a look before sprinting out the other door to look for Lois and Star.
Perry reached Clark and took him by the shoulders. “Where is it Clark?”
Clark tipped his head back and tried to reach behind him. “My back. Lois… She taped it to my back.”
“Lois did this?” Perry shook his head and decided to get the story after the poison was away from Clark. He tried to pull Clark’s jacket away, but it was stiff and heavy. “Clark, I can’t get your jacket off.” What? Kryptonite? And Lois taped it to him?? Not buying that one for a second... so what the heck happened when he went to talk to Lois? Something's wrong! Well, I guess we do have to wrap this A-plot up, but I don't like seeing my favorite characters in pain! Fix it fast, B! Perry shook his head and turned back to Clark, who was struggling to stand up. “Hold on there, son. Let’s get the story and a plan together before we go off, half cocked. You said Lois did this?”
“She wasn’t herself, Perry. It was Lois, but it was like she was in some kind of trance. Her heartbeat was slow and steady, like she was sleeping and her pupils were dilated. I think she might have been drugged.” Okay, that I can kinda see happening... but I wish Lois could have fought it! “But who else would know that? The only ones that know about Lois are right here in this room.”
… a psycho-freak from Club Weirdo…“Star,” Clark gasped. “Star knows.”
“Knows what?” Cat asked. “You think Star might be involved with the murderer?”
“Maybe they were both drugged?” James suggested.
Perry didn’t know. It didn’t make sense. Star was Lois’s friend. Could Star have taken her? Or did the murderer take them both? And did Clark’s inability to connect with Lois mean the worst? Perry swallowed his fear and said a prayer that they would find them both soon. Star is involved with the bad guy? No way! But I liked her! And she is Lois's friend! Fear settled in when Lois realized that she couldn’t sense anyone else in the room. She reached out to Clark and realized with a start that she couldn’t hear him, either. She shook her head and felt some sort of cap around her hair, a strap under her chin. No matter how she moved, it didn’t come off. Foil? Well, that would explain the block on her abilities. It also limited the list of suspects drastically.
Just then Star entered the room through the only door. “Oh, good. You’re awake.” UMM. Her father's old office. And Star comes in. By herself. Because she is the bad guy?! WHAT.THE. Star turned to look at the three women “My visions led me to save these women from their abusive relationships. They each foolishly married a man like the ones that abused my mom; one a mean drunk, another a womanizer who had no intention of keeping his vows, and the last had already been convicted of beating his ex-wife and daughter bloody. My visions showed me what to do. None of these women deserved to be shackled to men that were going to mistreat them. They won’t be missed.”
The weeping woman sobbed a little louder at Star’s words and Lois stared. Her friend, Star, was a serial killer? How had she not known? Lois shook her head in disbelief, but couldn’t help but listen, fascinated by Star’s twisted logic.
“If you had seen what I have, Lois, you would agree. One vision showed me your death from a terrible, gruesome illness if you married Clark. In another, you were heartbroken when Clark left you for a woman on a distant planet.” So it's because she wants to help them... um, yeah, I'd say that's some twisted logic. I'm still not believing that Star is the bad guy. I don't want to! You dropped breadcrumbs along the way, right? Did I just miss them?? Here the whole time I was loving their friendship. Man, it sucks that Lois has to lose her best friend now because she's gone crazy! Star leaned forward to administer the drug and Lois was finally able to pull a hand free. She knocked the needle aside and then slammed her open palm into Star’s chin. Star cried out and fell backwards, a wig flying off of her head to reveal a tight, foil cap on her head. In the short moment that Star was off balance, Lois reached up with her free hand and removed her own foil cap.
<Clark!>
<Lois! Where are you?>
Lois almost cried with relief that Clark was alive. She sent him a flurry of images, of Star, her location, and her situation. <Hurry…> she barely managed before Star drove a knee into Lois’s stomach, pinning her free hand and knocking the wind out of her. Yay! Clark can come save the day now! I was starting to get worried! “And Star Adams?” Cat asked.
“She’s in the twelfth precinct lockup until her arraignment. Soon after her trial, I expect she’ll be remanded to the women’s penitentiary for a very long time.”
“Well, Lois,” Perry said. “You were right about a connection between Mensa, the Kryptonite, the drug, and the serial murders. Star was the link between them.”
“I still can’t believe it was her. Star’s been my friend since we were teenagers. She’s had it rough, abused by several men in her life, but she was my roommate for years. I don’t understand how I could have missed something like this.” I'm glad you added the epilogue, because I was just about to ask what happened to Star. I'm with Lois on this one - I can't believe Star was the bad guy! I'm telling you, I was completely fooled. Maybe when I go back to reread I'll see some more hints that I missed? Because I did not see it coming! “Thank goodness!” Cat exclaimed. “I’m not sure the paper would survive another day without you two being together.”
Lois and Clark laughed and then looked at each other. “I can’t think of a better place to get married than the Daily Planet. Let’s do it.” Aww, and now they are getting married for real at the Daily Planet! Perfect. I love that Perry is performing the ceremony, like in the show (well, for their first wedding, anyway). Oh, and the vows were gorgeous. So well-written, with echoes of the vows our Lois and Clark gave, as well as the fun reversal that we've come to expect in this universe. This whole story was so creative on that front. You clearly put so much time and thought into it! Well, I have to say, I've loved this story from the beginning, and I loved it til the end, too. Thanks for sharing! Looking forward to what comes next from your keyboard! Tracey 
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
I agree with the other posters - this was a well-written, well-told tale. I don't recall seeing anyone else use flashbacks so skillfully to fill in the central characters' backstories (Clark, Lois, and Star). It's a bit sad that while Lois was able to look beyond her circumstances and see that there were other people in the world who weren't totally evil, Star was not. To Star, men were vicious, sadistic, abusive monsters, and women were either helpless victims or violent avengers. That girl was nuttier than an acorn. I'm glad Clark and his family made such a positive difference in Lois' life.
Did I tell you that I suspected Star at about chapter 13? It was only because there was no one else who had the method and opportunity commit these crimes. And you hinted all along that she had the motive every time she and Lois discussed men.
It's too bad about Sam Lane. In the show, I always got the impression that he cared about his family, but that he allowed his work to pull him away from them, and then he didn't know how to change his life to be a real man again. This Sam Lane was worse. I don't know how any man could subject his own daughter to such torture, isolation, and exile from humanity. But you presented him as a rational, reasonable man who - once again - was not evil, but who let his work overwhelm his personal life. Kudos on this feat. And the contrast between Sam and Jonathan Kent was well drawn. If Lois had not had Jonathan's example of a good father in her mind, she might have joined Star in her crusade.
Then no one would have had a chance to stop them. Mad Dog Lane is formidable enough without paranormal abilities. With them - brrr.
All in all, a great tale. I am certain this will be a Kerth nominee in a few months. Brava!
Your challenge - should you decide to accept it - is to craft an equally enthralling tale for your next entry here. It will take courage, skill, talent, and persistence, qualities you have in abundance, so I'm positive that you'll succeed.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025 |
Okay BJ, New Rule: No more abandoning us for this long!  This story....Gah!  Great job! You had me on the edge of my keyboard all the way. (Sorry for the delay on catching up on this one. The Cold ran rampant at my house the last few weeks. Lysol and Mucinex went hand in hand  ) I love the twists you threw in. Alternate Universe certainly made a difference with a lot of our beloved characters...  I have to echo Terry above. If this doesn't end up with at least a Kerth Nomination I will be shocked.  Amazing job! I love it! Please keep writing and don't disappear again! 
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 133
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 133 |
Just read through all the parts. With them all posted I just a couldn't stop once I reached the end of one. Great job and such a different take on the alt universe. I did not expect the ending, which is a good thing. It was so well written that I was sad when it was over. Hopefully we get to read more of your work.
I do recall reading another story where Star was also the killer but she wasn't doing it willingly. Somebody else was taking over her mind and it took her awhile to realize what was happening to her. I have no ideas who the author was or the name of the story or really much else about the plot.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025 |
I do recall reading another story where Star was also the killer but she wasn't doing it willingly. Somebody else was taking over her mind and it took her awhile to realize what was happening to her. I have no ideas who the author was or the name of the story or really much else about the plot. This was from the TUFS series To Catch A Falling Star by Beth Washington. She gets possessed by Jack the Ripper if I remember correctly. (Been too long since I've read it)
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
This has been such a great story, BJ. I've loved it all the way through, and this ending is just perfect. I can't believe it was *actually* Star!!  What a twist. I kinda thought she was being odd last chapter but I figured that'd be explained away. Still reeling a bit! The way you just had Clark stumble in too was great, kept the suspense up. Perry finding out about Clark's psychic connection to Lois was perfectly done. I'm so glad he knows. And I'm so happy at the ending! Glad you were still able to have them get hitched in this fic, and that it was such a surprise. Very sweet ending (although I wouldn't have minded a chapter 15/epilogue, I'm glad we didn't have to wait for it. ) 
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069 |
Thank you to everyone that read and commented. I actually started to feel really guilty about using Star as the antagonist for this story because I took Lois's best girlfriend and ruined her! Surely there was another way? GooBoo, cuidadora, and jackiek, thanks for posting. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the story. Ken Hi! Nice to see you again. Star didn't realize that she was getting impressions from other universes. Um, yes. Yes, this is what I intended, even if I didn't express it clearly. Thanks for your insight. TraceyLynn Thank you so much for your detailed comments. I've really enjoyed seeing the parts that spoke to you. Thank you for calling out the flashback of Clark talking with Martha about his invisible friend, Lolo. I really, really wanted to explore Clark's early connection with Lois and what might have happened to it over the years. Her father's old office. And Star comes in. By herself. Because she is the bad guy?! WHAT.THE. Your reaction made me laugh out loud and also rub my hands in dastardly glee. Thanks! the vows were gorgeous. So well-written, with echoes of the vows our Lois and Clark gave, as well as the fun reversal that we've come to expect in this universe. This whole story was so creative on that front. You clearly put so much time and thought into it! Thank you so much. It was an effort of love and devotion that took literally ten years due to RL interruptions. I'm so glad that it came together in the way I originally wanted - to show a reversal as I explored some of the basic character traits we normally associate with Clark and apply them to Lois with a special ability. Terry thank you for your thoughtful comments. It's always a joy to read them and gain access to your perspective. It's a bit sad that while Lois was able to look beyond her circumstances and see that there were other people in the world who weren't totally evil, Star was not. To Star, men were vicious, sadistic, abusive monsters, and women were either helpless victims or violent avengers. Yes, when someone is hurt again and again, it takes a toll. Star had abilities, but our personal narratives based on childhood trauma are powerful forces. Maybe she was "nuttier than an acorn" (a phrase that had me chuckling), but mostly, she was just too damaged to apply another explanation to the visions she received. I didn't know you suspected Star, but I'm glad. I was half paranoid I'd made it too obvious and also concerned that it came from out of the blue with no rhyme or reason. If Lois had not had Jonathan's example of a good father in her mind, she might have joined Star in her crusade. To quote you, 'brrr'. This is a chilling thought. Thank you so much for your encouragement and the challenge. I do have several interesting plot bunnies I'd love to make into stories. Hopefully it won't take me another 10 years. folc4evernaday Thank you for your reactions. They warmed my heart and made me smile. I'm so pleased you liked the twists and turns. As I've said before, I've got a soft spot for Alt-Clark (and now for Alt-Lois, too!) I'll be back with another story and it will probably have another iteration of these two again. chickberry Thank you for your post and appreciations. I'm so very glad you enjoyed the story. I do have a partially written vignette that happens just after this story ends. If I can get it written, maybe I'll add it to the archive as the actual epilogue. Is there such a thing as a post-script epilogue? Anyway, thanks. Mouserocks I'm so glad that you enjoyed the story, liked the twist and the imagery included in the final segments. Thanks for your comments.
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