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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069 |
I'd love to hear what you think about characterizations and pacing in particular, but any comments would be appreciated. Thanks!
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,658 Likes: 10
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,658 Likes: 10 |
So cool that Lois is dating someone besides Lex or Dan! Excellent change of pace in the character.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
Late! But better late than never, right? “I did. I left him unconscious on the hill behind some bushes and drove back to base. There will be no sex – or walking for that matter – for Staff Sergeant Browning tonight.” Go Lois! And also, you know, yeesh, not a good night, but I'm glad she stood up for herself. If there were any way to undo the past twelve hours, she would do it in a Metropolis minute.  haha, love that “Mmm, mmmh,” Star had whispered in her ear, “Now those biceps puts Staff Sgt. Trevor L. Browning’s to wimpy shame!”  Star! Saying what everyone's been thinking, of course.  Lois’s cheeks had still been burning brightly when Clark had approached her desk and cleared his throat. Clark's such a party pooper. Lois’s eyes widened at his casual mention of flying to Europe and wished for the thousandth time today that things were different between them Haha, yeah, that's a definite difference between Clark and Alt-Clark. Clark does get used to talking about Superman with Lois more in canon, but even then uses vague gestures and such for flying. Alt-Clark being more free/casual with regards to his abilities is a refreshing and very true-to-form change. The other Lois held a piece of his soul and he still doubted that he would ever recover from its loss. This Lois was truly an amazing person – he could see that already. She’d been honest about her motives, her actions, and had hinted at feelings that he couldn’t return. She deserved the same honesty from him.
“I fell in love with her.”
“I know,” she said.
“I will probably always love her.” He saw tears spring to her eyes and felt a pang of guilt.
“I know that, too.”  Can't these two crazy kids get it together... on second thought, no, this pacing is great. Clark reached down and slid his file folder across the coffee table to her. “This file is my investigation of you. Why don’t you look through it while I get us some coffee, then we can start filling in the blanks with those little details you mentioned. Then we can really get to know one another.” Ooh, a cliffhanger! What did he figure out about Lois? Does he, you know, know? I don't know, but I'm excited for another part already! 
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069 |
Morgana No. No Lex or Dan in this story. Alt-Lois knows Lex is bad news and I have no desire to bring Call-Me-Daniel into this universe. At least, not at this time... Hi Mouserocks. Thank you so much for your comments. I'm glad to see that you are enjoying Star and the other characterizations. With all the heartache Alt-Clark has seen (no parents, no Lois, secret identity gone), there had to be some upsides to everyone knowing what he could do. Thanks for letting me know that the pacing is working for you. Also: What did he figure out about Lois? Does he, you know, know? Well, he might know, unofficially, but he could never really say officially. Or maybe I'm just trying to throw you off track.  Next part coming up.
Last edited by BJ; 07/15/17 02:30 AM.
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 911 Likes: 2
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 911 Likes: 2 |
I love how you've characterized Lois and Clark. For Lois to be the one interested in pursuing Clark, or at least knowing she's interested, is a unique twist. Clark has closed himself to protect himself, and Lois is the one who is hiding her abilities from both Clark and most of the world. It's almost as if this alternate universe is a mirror image of the canon universe, with many things reversed.
The pacing is very realistic, I think. And thank you for posting so often.
Cuidadora
"Honey, we didn't care if you were a Russian or a Martian... You were ours... and we weren't giving you to anybody." ~ Martha in Strange Visitor
"A love that risks nothing is worth nothing." ~ Jonathan in Big Girls Don't Fly
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 173
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 173 |
So Lois chooses loser guys in any lifetime, I guess - but you have to admire the way she deals with them! Ouch on the taser, but good for her! Really enjoyed this paragraph: Lois hated the taste of crow, but she’d kept her promise. The op-ed piece she had crafted didn’t dance around the fact that she was to blame for the spectacle they’d made at the press conference. She’d officially apologized and pledged that she would accept any consequences for her ‘paparazzi-style’ harassment of Clark Kent out of uniform. Most importantly, though, was that she’d taken the opportunity to express her admiration for a man that lived the life he chose. Whether inspiring change through investigative journalism in a suit and tie or performing altruistic superhuman feats in a suit and cape, Clark Kent was truly a hero and something to which they all could aspire. I can't imagine "our" Lois ever making such a public apology at this stage of the game, but I think Alt-Lois's abilities in this world make her more sensitive. Or maybe it's the connection she's had with Clark since she was little. Either way, I like it because I still recognize her as Lois, but she has subtle differences to "our" Lois. I think that's a really hard thing to write, so I applaud your talent! They had watched as Clark stood up from his chair and then bent over to pick up a loose paper that had slipped to the floor. Her sigh had caught Clark’s attention and both women had looked away immediately in different directions. Lois’s cheeks had still been burning brightly when Clark had approached her desk and cleared his throat. Well, I was talking about differences, but yup, this is the same in any universe! I heart sexual tension. Let's hope we get more as they step into their roles as a married couple! Now he sat face to face with his world’s Lois. Could he ever see her without being reminded of the love he’d lost? The other Lois held a piece of his soul and he still doubted that he would ever recover from its loss. This Lois was truly an amazing person – he could see that already. She’d been honest about her motives, her actions, and had hinted at feelings that he couldn’t return. She deserved the same honesty from him.
“I fell in love with her.”
“I know,” she said.
“I will probably always love her.” He saw tears spring to her eyes and felt a pang of guilt.
“I know that, too.” Did he really, though? Fall in love with our Lois? I think he felt a connection and was grateful for her help (both helping him become Superman and saving him from marrying Lana), but love her? Maybe he thinks he fell in love with her, but I kinda want to knock him in the head and tell him that what he thinks was love really wasn't... and something tells me he's about to find that out. Maybe in the next part? Can't wait to find out! Tracey 
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069 |
Hi Cuidadora! Thank you so much for providing feedback on this part. I love how you've characterized Lois and Clark. For Lois to be the one interested in pursuing Clark, or at least knowing she's interested, is a unique twist. Clark has closed himself to protect himself, and Lois is the one who is hiding her abilities from both Clark and most of the world. It's almost as if this alternate universe is a mirror image of the canon universe, with many things reversed. Yay! It was my intention to explore a situation where I could take the themes we normally associate with Clark/Superman and apply them to Lois - things like feeling like a freak, keeping secrets, feeling lonely, hiding special abilities, helping in secret, figuring out a way to use the abilities to help others, etc. It's good to know pacing is realistic (or at least within the realm of believable fan fiction ). Thanks for posting. Tracey, thank you for your comments. Again, when you play with an established character, it's good to know where it works and where I've pushed things too far for the readers to follow. I knew that having Lois apologize was waaaay out of character, but because of Alt-Lois's unique perspective, she was able to go there for Alt-Clark. Did he really, though? Fall in love with our Lois? I think he felt a connection and was grateful for her help (both helping him become Superman and saving him from marrying Lana), but love her? Maybe he thinks he fell in love with her, but I kinda want to knock him in the head and tell him that what he thinks was love really wasn't... Alt-Clark thought he had. It was right there in "Tempus, Anyone?" when he tried to tell Lois that he thought that he... and then Lois interrupted and said, "So does he." That was even before he went to the other universe to help rescue Clark when he was lost in time. I'm with you, though. In fact, it was a driving force for this story. I hope the next couple of parts help answer those questions.
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