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Joined: Jan 2007
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Chapter 4 is here. I'd love to hear what worked and what didn't in this part.

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Kerth
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wave

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She bounced a racquetball against the wall in time to ‘Tainted Love’ and blew another large, pink bubble.
Great song. And again, great characterization. Lois' boredom and disinterest is very clear here.

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It had been several years since her mother and sister had died in a car accident and her father had come to claim her. Since then, the pain of losing her family had dimmed to a persistent, but manageable ache behind the horror of living as a human lab rat in her father’s unit.
mecry Ellen is dead? Just when she got a strong parental figure. Also, it seems a mite suspicious losing her mother and sister in the same sort of way as Clark lost his parents... spider not sure if it's well written symmetry or setting up for something else...

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I’m Star. I’m almost fourteen and an orphan since last Thursday
clap Yay! Star's back! I hope this means we'll get to see more of her coming up. I wasn't a fan of the character in the show, but giving Lois this ability and befriending Star really makes me like her. Kudos!

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Black-ops Squad K. Ten of the best looking men in the U.S. Army.

lol Of *course* teenage Lois would be like this. Heck, I wouldn't mind... drool

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“Ms. Lane, I want to apologize for my behavior earlier. It was insensitive to make light of your injuries.”

“Oh, my god! It’s *not* you that should apologize. You were right. I acted unprofessionally. I attacked you, pushed you to defend your actions, and give an account of your time, but I had no right.” Lois swallowed the ache in her throat and blinked away tears that sprang to her eyes. "I know that you don’t know me, but I am very sorry. I’m not sure how I can make it up to you, but I promise I will.”
Aww! Perfect. Now, kiss and make up! sloppy

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Now, I don’t know what could have possibly gotten you madder than two wet cats in a burlap sack, but I don’t ever want that kind of ruckus at a press conference again, you hear?

laugh This line is so Perry it hurts. Great expression I've never heard before, did you make it up or is it real? Because I love it so much! I can just see him saying it on the show. (Did he say it on the show?)

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Lois could feel Clark’s speculation at Perry’s words and she tried to will her heartbeat to normal. It would be due payment for Clark to find out about her special abilities this way, but she wanted desperately to keep them a secret now.

Love that Perry knows, and I hope to see more from Clark about finding her behavior odd and suspicious. I actually wouldn't mind somebody else blowing the lid on Lois' secret, but I like the slow reveal too. Really makes the alt-verse stand on its ear, to have Clark suspicious of Lois' abilities.

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“Well, this would have been easier before press conference today, but we could always leak the ‘lover’s spat’ angle to the tabloids…”
Tee-hee. I wonder how this is gonna go... Great chapter! Can't wait to read more, hope we're vaguely heading into the HiM direction (pucker up, guys sloppy )


Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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Merriwether
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“Congratulations, Lois and Clark. You’re getting married.”

Hee, even though I knew this was coming, it still cracked me up. Perfect end-of-the-chapter line! lol

Because OF COURSE THEY ARE. They just don't know it yet. rotflol


Last edited by KathyB; 07/10/17 06:11 PM.
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Hey Mouserocks Thank you so much for providing feedback to this part. I'm glad that the visual details are still coming through. Yes, Lois is bored and does not have a better relationship with her father in this story than in the show.

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Ellen is dead? .... not sure if it's well written symmetry or setting up for something else
Mostly symmetry. More than that? RAFO.

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befriending Star really makes me like her.
Yay! Yes, given Lois's ability, Star's presence really made sense. I'm not a big fan of how they ended up using Star in Just Say Noah, but overall I liked her character.

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Great expression I've never heard before, did you make it up or is it real?
laugh I'm pretty sure that I heard it somewhere, but thanks for laughing at it. It's not from the show, but I live in the South now and know a lot of people that talk like Perry's character.

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I actually wouldn't mind somebody else blowing the lid on Lois' secret, but I like the slow reveal too. Really makes the alt-verse stand on its ear, to have Clark suspicious of Lois' abilities.
I know, right? Lois was such a brat that I kinda wanted her to get some comeuppance, but ... Well, wait and see.
evil

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Great chapter! Can't wait to read more, hope we're vaguely heading into the HiM direction
I cannot confirm or deny the direction at this point, but next part is coming right up.

KathyB! Thank you for commenting (and for everything else!). I know it wasn't a sneaky twist that no one could see coming, but it was still fun. And, yes,
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OF COURSE THEY ARE
. love

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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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So I went on a little vacation, but I was excited to come back and see new parts of your story! Now I have lots of catching up to do... so I'll apologize now for resurrecting the fdk threads!

I enjoyed the introduction of Star in this part. I like that Lois has a friend who is going through similar circumstances - someone to talk to and pal around with. I like it that she's not so alone.

Great scene in Perry's office. I like that Lois still refers to him as "Chief" even though he's the mayor now. And then there was this:

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Sorenson and the Mayor shared a look before Perry answered. “Don’t worry, Lois,” he assured her. “The man we have in mind is capable and is a perfectly believable cover.”

So that's how you are going to get them to work together! Honeymoon in Alt-Metropolis! Hey, anytime that Lois and Clark have to pretend to be married is a fabulous time in my book. Always fun to read.

So how will they prepare for their new roles? Hmm, I have some ideas for them... wink

Tracey smile

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Hi Tracey, thanks for your comments. Apologize for giving feedback? Please don't. I really appreciate hearing from more readers about what works and doesn't.

It's good to get another perspective on how I'm treating canon characters in the Alt world. Star and her aluminum foil helmet were part of the plot bunny from the beginning. Also, glad that Lois's relationship with Perry is coming through.
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Hey, anytime that Lois and Clark have to pretend to be married is a fabulous time in my book.
Me, too. It's a great way to short-circuit the too-long mating dance they did in the series.


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