Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: Why the World Can't Have Nice Things (1/1)

Story is Here.

Like I said, it's something that's been rolling around in my head for a while, so I finally posted it. Feel free to hurl tomatoes if you feel so inclined.

I'm a little confused by this story. Who are these characters? Are they minor LnC characters that I forgot?

Are they descendents of superman and kept in captivity to ensure careful breeding of potential conquerors? Interesting idea because I'd imagine over time this idea of owning and trading super beings would be normalized. Humans suck

Add me to the confused pile. Are they Superman's descendants, now feared and kept like slaves?

Either way, the sadness and hopelessness strikes a powerful emotional chord in this story. I feel so bad for the people involved, and the world in general, if this is how things are run.

Queenie, this is good. I mean really good. I like the way you dive right into the meat of the tale and show the conflicts in both Claire and Hao, including the conflict between them which both are trying to resolve. And her veiled golf hint to him later shows that she understands the political situation she's in better than he does.

But it feels like a vignette from some larger, unfinished narrative arc. We're all assuming some of the backstory from the context, and we night or might not be right.

For example, is Claire fully super-powered or just partly? She seems to be fully powered, but we don't really know. How long has she been in China? (Is it still called China?) Seems to have been quite a few years. Why are these assumed descendants of Superman being treated as property? (From the opening scene, that's not an assumption). Did one of the earlier Kryptonians turn Darth Vader on the world? Or are these the descendants of Nor's invasion force? How are they being controlled? Claire doesn't seem to be in any immediate danger, and there's no hint of such danger to her family. She even says plainly that she feels no allegiance to her former country - and we don't know if that's the U.S.A or not, although it's definitely implied later. Why did she and the rest have to be "liberated" from the U.S.A anyway? Was there some kind of global conflict or economic or political collapse? She's obviously being induced to mate with (or at least pair up with) a military man - nice promotion, from lieutenant to general - and she's not really free to choose the guy. Is she in contact with other supers in the world, or are they all living pretty much solo lives? I know she's spoken with her brother, but it seems that it's been a while and he's apparently not sharing everything with her. Is Claire's situation unusual or are all the supers in the world now some nation's slaves?

So many questions, so few answers. If your muse(s) prompt you to expand on this unusual (if slightly dystopic) world, I'd read it. I'd even be willing to beta it for you if you wish.

One more thought. When I read the name "Song" I immediately thought of River Song from Doctor Who. May I place Alex Kingston (the actress who played the character) in Song's role in your tale? I assure you that I intend that to be a compliment, and I hope you accept it as such.

Guys, thank you so much for the input, even if it was mostly on the theme of "WTF???" I'll make certain, next time, to make a better effort at establishing what's going on, where, when, and to whom, so this is good criticism. Thank you.

Terry: OMG, thanks! I would take you up on your offer if I wasn't so behind in other things. Yes, this vignette is carved off from a bigger story that's been in my head for years. In fact, one detail was actually *fudged* to make it fit more neatly into a shorter format: in the story between my ears, one brother actually ended up staying in America. However, explaining that would have muddied the one-shot.

As for everything else...well, I don't want to develop the habit of explaining the story outside the main narrative, so I may have to find some time pretty soon to let my muse off her leash once more, in order to clear things up.

Thanks again, everyone.