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#275058 - 04/21/17 07:59 AM FDK: State's Evidence - 7/14
Terry Leatherwood Offline
Kerth

Registered: 06/22/04
Posts: 2423
Loc: Southwest USA
It's about the halfway point, and lots of stuff is going on. Hopefully it will all come together in a satisfactory manner by the epilogue.

Maybe.
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It was said among the Khalid of the western deserts that a woman should be a hyena in the kitchen, a giraffe in the garden, and a pelican in the bathroom, although nobody now knew what this was supposed to mean.

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#275075 - 04/23/17 05:07 PM Re: FDK: State's Evidence - 7/14 [Re: Terry Leatherwood]
Marcus Rowland Offline
Kerth

Registered: 12/18/05
Posts: 2432
Loc: London, England
He kills her sister then expects her to support him? I'm only surprised he didn't have an impromptu flying lesson from Lexcorp tower...
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Marcus L. Rowland
Forgotten Futures, The Scientific Romance Role Playing Game

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#275091 - 04/24/17 07:29 PM Re: FDK: State's Evidence - 7/14 [Re: Terry Leatherwood]
Artemis Offline
Pulitzer

Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 2807
Loc: California fly-over country
A quick vision of his head mounted on the wall over Mayson’s bed had galloped through his mind and erected a wall between them that had been dented and battered by her siege, but not broken.
LOL!!!!
I've never seen anything like that stated better! Now I'm worried what is waiting for them in Denver. It might just be a surprise for
more than one party! Keep it coming!
r/
Artemis
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History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod
Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis

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#275092 - 04/24/17 07:45 PM Re: FDK: State's Evidence - 7/14 [Re: Terry Leatherwood]
groobie Online   content
Kerth

Registered: 12/15/03
Posts: 2031
Loc: Riverside, California
Happy to see another part here. clap

Quote:
“Just pretend I’m your high school girlfriend and her parents aren’t around.”

Bwaaahaaahaaa! That's a great description for the "right" amount of sunscreen. laugh Loved it! Can't blame Lois for enjoying herself. wink I understand why she put a squash on her feelings, though. She made some really bad choices, and she shouldn't want to drag anyone else into the mess. And yet, you've done a good job keeping her as a sympathetic character.

Yeah, Mayson, Clark's just not that into you. Henderson is great - everyone needs someone in their life that's willing to tell you what you don't want to hear.

Quote:
“I don’t want to be there when Clark finds out the real reason they’re headed to Denver.”

shock Uh oh! Next part, please. Gotta know what what this line is about!
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You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie. wink

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#275122 - 04/28/17 06:59 PM Re: FDK: State's Evidence - 7/14 [Re: Terry Leatherwood]
Terry Leatherwood Offline
Kerth

Registered: 06/22/04
Posts: 2423
Loc: Southwest USA
Okay, responses to feedback coming now! Thanks again to all who have commented. Authors often get a contact high from reading the reader responses to their humble offerings.

Marcus, I don't know how much experience or knowledge you have of battered spouses, but all too often they have the will to actively resist beaten out of them. It's one of the reasons the police hate responding to domestic calls - even if they find the wife or girlfriend bleeding and limping and the boyfriend or husband with scraped knuckles or bruised toes, the woman will often refuse to sign a complaint and put the *censored noun* in jail. Lex was counting on both that mindset and his delusion that she actually loves him. We'll learn a bit more about that later.

Artemis, glad you liked the Mayson imagery. And as far as what's waiting for them in Denver, we'll have to read and find out.

Groobie, I'm glad that Lois' internal conflicts about Clark are ringing true. Since she's one of the central characters of the tale, she really needs to be sympathetic to the reader, even if she's kinda messed up emotionally right now. And Henderson is one of my favorite supporting characters, so getting to use him as the Voice of Truth to Mayson was fun. We'll see about Denver before the story ends.

Next chapter up in moments!
_________________________
It was said among the Khalid of the western deserts that a woman should be a hyena in the kitchen, a giraffe in the garden, and a pelican in the bathroom, although nobody now knew what this was supposed to mean.

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#275130 - 04/29/17 11:33 AM Re: FDK: State's Evidence - 7/14 [Re: Terry Leatherwood]
Morgana Offline
Pulitzer

Registered: 04/25/10
Posts: 2558
Loc: Somewhere on the East Coast
Quote:
The guards hadn’t been able to stop the attacker, but they had arrived quickly enough to keep Lex from slicing the man’s throat open with the shiv. He anticipated that few others would risk attacking him now, and despite the punishment he would endure, Luthor considered the moment a quality investment in his near-term future.


Whoa! This Lex is not afraid to get his hands dirty! He did mention once that he was a street fighter back in the old days. Apparently he has not forgotten a thing. Prison thugs ... beware.

Quote:
The police professional part of his mind grimly insisted that he focus on his assignment and not look for ways to impress this woman. The part of his mind attached to his heart ignored the old fuddy-duddy part and thoroughly enjoyed spending the day soaking up the sun with a beautiful woman beside him.


Oh poor Clark! Please guard your heart.

Quote:
Mayson exhaled deeply, then looked down at the bed. “Then what are you trying to tell me in your oh-so-gentle way?”

He grinned for a moment, then rearranged his face and said, “As a man who’s lived a lot of life and seen a lot more of it lived by other people, I’m not sure that you and Clark are going to make it as a couple.”

Her free hand traced out an invisible pattern on the hospital blanket. “Why not?”

He sighed. “Because Kent’s a nice guy. A really nice guy. But he’s not that into you, as the kids say these days, not like you’re into him. And he’s so nice that he might actually go ahead and marry you to keep from hurting you. That’s a recipe for disaster on both sides, and I’d hate to see you two kids crash and burn like that.”


Mayson, listen to the man, he has seen more than you can possibly imagine when it comes to relationships. It is so cool to see Henderson being the one giving out fatherly advice rather than Jonathan or Perry!


Quote:

There was no future for them, not together. It wasn’t possible. All they had was now. The only thing she could take from him was his gentle and unyielding presence. She would make herself be satisfied with the memory of tonight, his arms wrapping her in his compassion and comfort as she wept bitterly.


I can't help, but feel sorry for Lois. The woman has been through an ordeal most would not have survived. Its amazing she stayed with Lex after the murder of Lucy, despite him threatening her parents.

Onto the next part.
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Morgana

A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.

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