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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025
Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025 |
Any comments, questions, concerns, etc... go here. Go easy on me this was one of my first LONG fics ever. :P 
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,660 Likes: 10
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,660 Likes: 10 |
Hey, I'm going to give this one a try, even through I haven't read the first two stories!
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025
Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025 |
Hey, I'm going to give this one a try, even through I haven't read the first two stories! Okay, well good luck! Hope you enjoy it.  
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,660 Likes: 10
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,660 Likes: 10 |
Part Two “ That’s where you have seizures. Those can either kill you or just cause a lot of pain…put you into a coma…” Dr. Klein shook his head, “I’m not an expert. I don’t know everything about preeclampsia. What doctor are you seeing? Dr. Maria Pierce is an expert in the field. She’d be my recommendation personally.” Yikes. Preclampsia is nothing to be taken lightly. My best friend had to deal with that during her pregnancy. It was a very frightening situation for all. I am happy to report that not only did her daughter come through the birth with flying colors, but she did not suffer with that condition during her own pregnancy. Mr. Paladin? Love the name!
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025
Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025 |
Part Two “ That’s where you have seizures. Those can either kill you or just cause a lot of pain…put you into a coma…” Dr. Klein shook his head, “I’m not an expert. I don’t know everything about preeclampsia. What doctor are you seeing? Dr. Maria Pierce is an expert in the field. She’d be my recommendation personally.” Yikes. Preclampsia is nothing to be taken lightly. My best friend had to deal with that during her pregnancy. It was a very frightening situation for all. I am happy to report that not only did her daughter come through the birth with flying colors, but she did not suffer with that condition during her own pregnancy. Mr. Paladin? Love the name! Hey Morgana! Yes, preeclampsia is scary! One of my friends had it with her last pregnancy. Scary, scary, scary....Glad your friend's pregnancy worked out and the baby was okay. Mr. Paladin? I can only claim his first name. I actually got the last name from the script of AKA Superman.
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 624
Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 624 |
I had to read this part a few times before I decided that it was an error: One Year Later…
The soft cries of a baby could be heard from the brownstone on Hyperion Avenue. Clark Kent held his son close to him as he tried to calm his cries. “Shh, it’s okay. Mommy’s coming. See?” He positioned his daughter in his arms so she could see Lois in the rocking chair, positioning herself to begin nursing. There's just a baby boy, right? I was trying to figure out if they had twins (but that would have been noticed in the multiple ultrasounds) or if she got pregnant right after she delivered an therefore had a 9-month-old son and a newborn daughter. A few parts of the story felt rushed, like there wasn't quite enough narration when scenes changed. That was mostly around the end of the convention section, then when they're at the hospital, then suddenly at the DP. Other than that, I really enjoyed the story. I'm not actually as familiar with these later episodes, but the story made sense despite that. (Sometimes writers leave out parts that are the same as the episode and just assume that the reader remembers, and it makes for a disjointed story.) You combined a good amount of angst with a good amount of character bonding fluff that made this a very enjoyable read.
"It is a remarkable dichotomy. In many ways, Clark is the most human of us all. Then...he shoots fire from the skies, and it is difficult not to think of him as a god. And how fortunate we all are that it does not occur to him." -Batman (in Superman/Batman #3 by Jeph Loeb)
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025
Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,025 |
I had to read this part a few times before I decided that it was an error: One Year Later…
The soft cries of a baby could be heard from the brownstone on Hyperion Avenue. Clark Kent held his son close to him as he tried to calm his cries. “Shh, it’s okay. Mommy’s coming. See?” He positioned his daughter in his arms so she could see Lois in the rocking chair, positioning herself to begin nursing. There's just a baby boy, right? I was trying to figure out if they had twins (but that would have been noticed in the multiple ultrasounds) or if she got pregnant right after she delivered an therefore had a 9-month-old son and a newborn daughter. A few parts of the story felt rushed, like there wasn't quite enough narration when scenes changed. That was mostly around the end of the convention section, then when they're at the hospital, then suddenly at the DP. Other than that, I really enjoyed the story. I'm not actually as familiar with these later episodes, but the story made sense despite that. (Sometimes writers leave out parts that are the same as the episode and just assume that the reader remembers, and it makes for a disjointed story.) You combined a good amount of angst with a good amount of character bonding fluff that made this a very enjoyable read. Ah, I thought I'd gotten all of them.  Thanks, I'll fix that real quick. When I had originally written this story (back in 2009...Yikes that was 8 years ago!) I had the baby as a girl but changed it in the editing room. It was mainly the name. I couldn't get a feel for the name so I decided to just change it to a boy.  I thought I'd gotten all the references to a 'daughter' but I guess one slipped through the cracks. Yeah there was a lot going on and it all came to head in the later chapters which gives you a sense of what is going on... Kinda like those fast paced movies? Anyway that was the feel I was trying to give with this story. Lots of action and drama. Thanks for taking the time to comment and for letting me know about the slip...
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