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#272895 12/03/16 11:41 PM
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Feedback folder.

So I was a little behind on this one (sorry). Of all the parts of writing, the one I really dislike is the rewrite. Writing is great; editing is fine; rewriting whole chunks of your story kinda sucks. Plus it's hard for me to find the motivation to do *anything* when it's 40C (104F) outside.


"It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It's basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating."- Simon Pegg
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Pulitzer
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Its that warm in Australia? Oh can you send some of it this way? As I write this the temperature outside has dropped into the 20's! Sorry for the delay, I'm behind in my reading and commenting!

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Clark spent the next two days trying desperately to act normally while waiting for the axe to fall.

The sense of helplessness must have been horrible for him; knowing that his arch enemy is aware of who he is and that is planning something absolutely terrible.

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The distraction he’d experienced at work ever since he’d first discovered the bugs had intensified, leading Lois to rebuke him for his lack of attention- and then with unfortunate timing, he’d heard a call for Superman almost immediately, leaving Lois fuming and further damaging their already fragile relationship.

Oh man, just when he needs a friend the most! This is yet another reason why he should have told Lois who he was early on. Who better to help him protect the secret than his partner? But because he dragged his feet, she got involved with Luthor of all people, now he can't say a word to her for fear it might get back to him. help

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The front door rattled, then was shoved open, bringing Clark to his feet in surprise. Lex Luthor stepped into the room, inspecting his surrounds with a look of distaste.


Not only is Luthor invading his space, he looks down on Clark's taste in decor, which at the time was a nice touch of 90's young urban professional chic.

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Clark had never really learned to fight, reasoning that with his superhuman strength it would actually be dangerous to other people.

This is an interesting point. But than, why would he play football if that was the case?

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For the first time, Clark truly understood the helplessness of Luthor's victims.

I think that says it all. How you are going to get him out of this situation is going to be fascinating to see. But again, please have Clark seek out assistance from someone! He cannot be completely alone.

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But it was too late. With a high pitched metallic screech, the end of the crane folded in on itself, losing contact with the building it had been leaning on and plummeting towards the ground. As the stress became too great, the entire crane arm tore away from its supports with a jerk that changed its trajectory slightly. The arm crashed to the ground with a thunderous roar, clipping the corner of the already damaged office building and filling the air with dust and flying debris.

Oh no!



Morgana

A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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BJ Offline
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Quote
The distraction he’d experienced at work ever since he’d first discovered the bugs had intensified, leading Lois to rebuke him for his lack of attention- and then with unfortunate timing, he’d heard a call for Superman almost immediately, leaving Lois fuming and further damaging their already fragile relationship.
This is spot-on characterization for Clark and Lois. I hope that Clark realizes soon that since Luthor knows his secret anyway, telling Lois would only help his cause.

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Why had he never gotten around to searching the area around Shuster’s Field, like he’d intended?
Yes, why didn't you. I had to read the beating through my fingers. Your Lex characterization is right on; he would totally show up at Clark's and give him a beating just because he wanted Clark/Superman to feel pain.

The falling crane and (presumably) the death of the operator is the first step to ruining Superman's reputation. Poor Clark!

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Originally Posted by BJ
This is spot-on characterization for Clark and Lois. I hope that Clark realizes soon that since Luthor knows his secret anyway, telling Lois would only help his cause.

Thank you blush


"It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It's basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating."- Simon Pegg

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