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The Source: Superman
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“Lois,” I say, “if anyone knows what it’s like to be on the outside…I do.”

Will she listen? Will this finally get through to her? It’s possibly the most open I’ve ever been with her in the cape--aside from the one night we both do our best to forget and pretend away--and the most vulnerable I’ve been with her since she was digging a Kryptonite bullet out of my shoulder.

But is it enough?

She’s had it rough lately. The aftermath of her wedding and the fall of Luthor’s empire. His ex-wife targeting her and framing her and bringing her to her knees at my side--seeing her hero, for the first time, breakable and mortal. Losing out on a Kerth. And now this with this source of hers. It’s enough to break a lesser woman, and I’m worried that it might be enough even to shake the great Lois Lane.

She’s questioning herself. I’ve never seen her do that before, not really. Oh, there have been times where she’s posed hypothetical questions to Clark that I’m not supposed to know are about her, and moments she’s had a bit of a setback. But nothing like this afternoon, sitting at her desk…adrift. Lost. That indomitable spark in her eye sputtering as if it might go out.

It scares me. A lot.

I’ve never been able to tell her in so many words--not in either of my guises--but one of the things I love most about Lois is her fire. Her passion. Her drive. The way she never seems to flounder or falter, just keeps moving forward. I mean, sure, it can be irritating, like when she refused to give up on her first assessment of Luthor. But mostly? Mostly it’s breathtaking. I envy her really--I’ve never been as certain about anything as she can be about everything.

Well, never…except for about one thing.

I’m certain--completely certain--that I love her. It may never go anywhere. Maybe my lies and her pride and our desperate desire to hold onto our friendship will kill any chance for more. Maybe friends is all we will ever be. But I do love her, and I don’t want her to lose herself.

I do feel like I’m on the outside looking in. A freak looking for belonging. An exile looking for a home. A hero looking for normalcy and an ordinary man looking for greatness. All of these things and more, but mostly, now, all I want to do is bring back that spark to her eye. I want to revive the floundering remnants of the Lois Lane who charges forward with the supreme confidence that she is right and the world will reorder itself to her ideals or she will know the reason why.

And I don’t even care who brings her back--Clark or Superman or anyone else. All right, so maybe I do want it to be me, but I’m past caring about which one of me it is.

She’s always listened to Superman. She’s been listening to Clark more, too, lately, but right now, maybe she needs someone who’s just that step removed. She expects pep talks and encouragement from Clark. But Superman…Superman may be enough to propel her into motion.

I hope so. Because I need her. I need her to be confident and sure and unafraid. She has rapidly become the center of my universe, and if she is not sure, of Superman and Clark and their place in the world and herself…then what will happen to me? How will I find my way the next time I stumble? Who will I rely on to steer me in the right direction?

I need you, Lois, I think. You have no idea just how much.

And that? That scares me too.

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