Disclaimer: All recognisable characters etc. are property of DC Comics, December 3rd Productions, and Warner Bros. I'm not making money off this etc. etc.

Author's note: Just to make things a little clearer, this is set during Resurrection, *before* Lois and Clark meet Scardino.

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I've kissed Lois before, but it's never been like that. She's never wanted *Clark* to kiss her before. Not a real kiss.

Our first real kiss.

And for those few blissful moments, I was on top of the world.

Then it all came crashing down.

***

Mayson is dead.

Standing on the sidewalk, with my lips on Loisís and my hand buried in her silky dark hair, I didnít hear the bombís timer until it was too late.

Now Mayson is gone, and it feels like my world has shifted somehow. Iíve seen more people die than I care to remember, but this was different. This was someone that I cared about.

People knew I cared. Theyíve started talking to me in that strange, hushed tone we reserve for the bereaved, but the whole time I can see the speculation in their eyes as they wonder just how close Mayson and I were. Theyíre reporters, trained to look under the surface, and I know that. Increased scrutiny isnít something that Iím comfortable with, and so Iíve started avoiding the rest of the Planet staff, preferring to be alone with my own thoughts.

Iím pretty sure that Lois thinks that my silence- my withdrawal- is because I was in love with Mayson.

Sheís wrong. Mayson was my friend, though I know she wanted something I could never give her. Something that hasnít been mine to give since the first time I walked into the offices of the Daily Planet.

How can I express what Iím really feeling? How can I tell Lois that now, when we stand on the cusp of a relationship- one that Iíve wanted desperately for almost two years- that Iím having second thoughts?

Mayson died because of my actions. If I hadnít given in to my desire for Lois Lane- if I hadnít lost myself in the kisses we shared- I wouldíve been where I was supposed to be. And maybe I wouldíve heard the bombís timer in time to do something about it.

I feel responsible for her death. And if this is what can happen during one kiss, then what could happen if we took this relationship further? What if we made love? How many more people would die while I was completely wrapped up in our own little world?

Iíve dedicated my life to the people of this planet. Do I have the right to ignore them to indulge my own desires?

Even if I hadnít become Superman- even if I had never made that first surreptitious rescue, long before coming to Metropolis- would I have a right to a relationship? To love an Earth woman? There are some that would condemn me for it. After all, Iím not human.

I love Lois. More than I ever thought possible. And I know that nothing will ever change the way I feel about her. But thereís a part of me that says that I should step away; that I should give her a chance to find someone else. Someone human.

I just donít know if I can.


Edited by NostalgiaKick (05/21/16 07:14 AM)