Ambivalence
Rated T
A/N: Thanks to KenJ & Morgana for beta-ing this chapter.
**********
Clark watched Lois head into Perry’s office. He hoped Perry would be able to talk some sense into her. She had to know that bottling everything up wasn’t good for her. Although this was Lois—she’d spent her whole life bottling things up. He just didn’t know how much longer she could continue. He shook himself. If he didn’t find something else to do, he’d end up listening in on Lois's conversation with Perry, and that was the last thing he wanted right now; he didn’t think he’d ever want to listen to her talk about Luthor.
“Jimmy!” he called, walking over towards the young man’s desk.
“What’s up, CK?”
“I need everything you can find out about ‘ACL Corporation.’”
Jimmy dutifully wrote down the name. “Okay, but I still haven’t gotten to Dr. Heller’s finances yet.”
“That’s okay. I’m sure you’re doing your best. Just get it to us when you can.”
“Sure, CK.”
Clark patted his friend on the shoulder. “Thanks, Jimmy.”
As he headed back to his own desk, Clark tried to decide what their next step should be. They’d both called their sources. Maybe he’d check back with Henderson in case anything new had turned up.
By the time he’d finished checking his voicemail and talking to Henderson, Lois was back from Perry’s office. She grabbed a folder of papers out of her bag and brought it over to his desk.
“This is everything I copied last night. I think we should still go back to his office this morning in case there are any of regular employees we can talk to there.”
Clark stilled. “I thought Perry said you had to talk to Dr. Carlin.”
Lois shook her head. “Not anymore. Anyway, Clark, I think we should look into that too.”
“Look into what?”
“Who was at the demonstration last night!” she said as her eyes flicked heavenward.
“Lois—”
“It wasn’t me, Clark. You know where I was.” She tapped the folder. “So that means there’s someone out there who looks just like me who’s spouting off nonsense about Superman. If these people had any sense at all, they’d realize that Superman can’t be everywhere,” she said matter-of-factly.
Clark just stared at her. He had no clue how to reconcile the grieving almost-widow with this woman.
Lois sighed gustily. “Clark! We’re investigating the murder of a plastic surgeon. I don’t know that these events are connected, but my gut says there’s something there, so let’s start with this folder, and then we can get in a trip to Dr. Heller’s office before we have to be at Lex’s will-reading.”
“Okay, Lois.”
Lois sat down in Clark’s extra chair and flipped open the folder. Just then she noticed Dr. Carlin headed her direction.
“On second thought,” Lois muttered, and closed the folder. “I’m in the mood for some real coffee, Clark. Let’s take this with us.”
“All right, Lois,” Clark said.
“Lois!” Dr. Carlin called.
“Sorry, Dr. Carlin, we’re just on our way out,” Lois said sweetly.
“I thought you were going to come talk to me.”
“Not today,” Lois said firmly. “Or any other day,” she muttered under her breath as she walked away.
Clark gave Dr. Carlin a weak smile, noticing that she was actually watching Lois with a hard look on her face. Clark grabbed his jacket. “We’ll see you later, Dr. Carlin.”
Dr. Carlin just nodded.
**********
“There is seriously something wrong with that woman,” Lois said as soon as they exited the Planet.
“Like the fact that she’s a doctor or something else?”
“Something about her just seems off. Psychiatrists aren’t usually that saccharine. Haven’t you noticed it?”
Clark shrugged. Dr. Carlin’s face when she’d been watching Lois had seemed out of place, however, he wasn’t going to jump to any conclusions yet—merely keep his eyes open.
Lois's hands clenched into fists. She just wanted to reach over and strangle him. It was like trying to talk to a brick wall! “Well, since you’re my partner right now,” she said, forcing her voice to sound bright, “it’s your job to trust my instincts, and my gut says there’s something wrong with her.” Lois just hoped that her instincts hadn’t gone on permanent strike. They hadn’t gone off around Lex. If they started going off around people without a reason, she’d never live it down.
Clark’s jaw clenched. Trust her instincts? Right. Like the way she’d trusted his instincts when he’d talked himself hoarse trying to warn her about Luthor for months before she’d almost married the man. This was exactly why partnership with Lois didn’t work, why a relationship with her would never work. Not only did she refuse to deal with the reality of her situation by talking to someone about all the feelings she was bottling up inside, but she never listened to him and always expected him to listen to her. Real equal. He snorted. She’d told him when they’d first met that she was top banana, and, even after all these months, nothing had changed.
“What?” Lois demanded, noting that the tick in his jaw had begun to pulse.
“What what?” Clark asked in a cool tone.
“You snorted. What?” she repeated.
“Nothing,” he said evenly. “Where do you want to get coffee?”
Her eyes narrowed. “What are you thinking?”
“Lo-is. I’m thinking about where we’re going to get coffee.”
She halted. “You don’t believe me that something’s wrong with Dr. Carlin, do you?” she challenged, her hands going to her hips.
“I didn’t say anything,” Clark said.
“You didn’t have to. I could hear you thinking it from all the way over here.”
Clark took a deep breath, visibly calming himself. “I haven’t known her long enough to form an opinion. Do you want to get coffee and look at the folder now or shall we get a cab to Dr. Heller’s office first?”
Lois glared at him. “I want to know why you snorted.”
Clark stared back for a moment, then relaxed. The past couple of months had given him plenty of practice at keeping things on a professional level. He just hadn’t had to spend as much time in close proximity with Lois as he’d done the past couple of days. If nothing else, he knew he could out-wait Lois any day of the week and twice on Sundays. “Lois, that has nothing to do with work,” he said in a colorless voice. “Now, coffee or Dr. Heller’s?”
Lois held her ground, silently refusing to move on until he gave.
Clark stood there too, then glanced at his watch. “If you want to stand here for a while, maybe we should plan to split up,” he said politely. “We probably won’t have time to do coffee and Dr. Heller’s before the will-reading unless we get going now.”
Lois growled. “Fine! But don’t think I’m going to just drop this! We will come back to this later!”
“Which coffee shop do you want to go to?” Clark asked again.
“Sally’s.”
“Sounds good.”
They walked the rest of the way in silence.
Lois was still fuming. She’d been patient with Clark for months, and he still refused to let her in. Even if he’d never loved her or had fallen out of love with her, that didn’t mean they couldn’t go back to being friends. She’d thought they were best friends, and now they barely talked. She slowed as the sense of loss hit her once more. He’d been right there for just a second. She had felt him thinking at her, just like in the old days. Yes, he was upset, but he’d been there. And now he was gone again. She didn’t know what to do. Maybe this wasn’t fixable. Maybe it was time for them to go their separate ways, permanently.
Clark was forcing himself to focus on the little things around him. The sun was warm against his face. The sky was blue. He could hear children playing in the distance and the dull roar of the city. He watched the people walking past them. A man rushing by wearing coveralls—a laborer late for work? A woman, paper in hand, studying the street signs and building numbers. A teenage boy with a backpack slung over his left arm. The boy reminded Clark of Jack. He wondered how his young friend was doing. Jack had left to attend college upstate about three weeks ago. Clark made a mental note to write him on one of his evenings off. The sights and sounds were soothing, reminding him that there was more going on in the world than him and Lois, and making sure there wasn’t any space in his brain to think about what had happened between them.
They both ordered their usual, then sat down in a booth. Lois pulled out the folder and opened it. “Do you want the most recent half or the older half first?” she asked.
“I’ll take whichever half you’re not starting with.”
She scowled at him. “Fine. Take the old half then,” she said and slapped half the stack in front of him.
“Thanks,” he said.
They were soon both engrossed in the paperwork.
“Clark, look at this,” Lois said suddenly. “I was comparing the other facial reconstruction to that recent one by ACL, and I just noticed the patient’s physical characteristics.”
Clark held out a hand for the page in question, then skimmed through it. “So?”
Lois rolled her eyes. “So, female, my height, my weight. It all adds up!”
Clark’s eyebrows shot up. “You think someone created a double of you?”
“Well, I know I sure wasn’t at that demonstration last night and whoever it was on the tape looked a lot like me.”
“Hmm.” Clark replayed the tape in his mind. “You might be right! She used her left hand to push her hair out of her face. You’re right-handed.”
“I told you it wasn’t me! Now we just need to figure out who’s behind ACL. Then we’ll have our killer.”
“Because the homeless guy saw ‘you’ dumping the body.” Clark smiled. “So do you want to call Henderson or shall I?”
“Why would we call Henderson?” Lois said scornfully.
“Lois, if there’s a double of you out there committing murders, don’t you think someone in the police department should know about it—preferably before you get arrested for something she does?”
“Fine, Mr. Always-By-the-Book, we talk to Henderson—but only if he agrees to give us the exclusive.”
“So do you want to call him or shall I?” Clark repeated.
“Why don’t we just go down there? Maybe he’s found out something more by now.”
Clark glanced at the clock hanging on the shop’s wall. “He hadn’t as of an hour ago. I talked with him on the phone this morning, and he said nothing new had turned up.”
“You already called him?”
“Yes, while you were talking to Perry.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t get a chance to. I’m telling you now. Do you still want to go down there?”
Lois sighed. “No, I guess not. Let’s just call him on our way to Dr. Heller’s office. I’m sure there’s a payphone somewhere along the way.”
“All right. I didn’t see ACL on any of the other invoices. How about your half?”
“No,” Lois said shortly, then shoved the papers back in the folder and got to her feet.
“Coming?” she threw over her shoulder.
“Right behind you.”
**********
Henderson had asked them to bring in their copies of the invoice and suggested that Lois be a little extra careful in the foreseeable future. They’d told him they’d head to the station after finishing up the will-reading. The temp was again the only one in the office, so Clark gave her a business card and politely asked her to have a member of the staff call them whenever they got in. They’d grabbed a quick sandwich, and were about to head to the will-reading when Clark’s super-hearing cut in: a mugging, not too far from where they were.
“Lois, I just remembered I need to pick up my dry cleaning real quick. I’ll meet you at LexCorp,” he said and bundled her into a cab.
Lois rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she said to the closed door. Actually, even though she was annoyed that Clark was running off, she could do with the break. She leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes. It had been a long day. Finding out about that double. Having to deal with Dr. Carlin and convince Perry that she didn’t need to see a shrink. It said something about her apparent emotional stability that people were more willing to believe she’d cracked up and started attacking Superman than that someone had created a double of her. She knew she had days where she was falling apart, but she hadn’t thought it was apparent to anyone else—except maybe Lucy, and maybe Clark, although lately he seemed willfully oblivious to her emotional well-being.
**********
Clark finished dealing with the mugging, and then made his way over to LexCorp where the will-reading had just begun. He slid into a seat beside Lois.
“Did I miss anything?” he asked in a whisper.
“Not really,” she replied.
They both tuned back in to hear Sheldon Bender, Luthor’s lawyer, listing off the various beneficiaries. Suddenly, Mr. Bender looked right at Lois and smirked. “Proceeds will go to the ACL Corporation which administers an annuity to his ex-wife, Mrs. Luthor,” he said and then looked back down at the paper in front of him.
Clark looked at Lois. She sat there, gaping at the lawyer. “Are you ok?” he asked in an undertone.
“I can’t believe it! He never said a word about— That lying, no-good—” she exploded in a fierce whisper.
Clark could see several journalists turn towards the disturbance. The last thing Lois needed was to have her reaction splashed across all the papers. He put a hand on her arm. “Shhh, Lois! Do you really want everyone to hear this?”
“He was married, Clark. All those times he told me I was his first true love,” she hissed.
In a whisper, he replied, “Lois, maybe we should just try to find her. Wait, Lois! ACL Corporation!”
Lois's eyebrows shot up. “Lex Luthor’s ex-wife is out to get me? Why? It’s not like I stole him away at the homecoming dance,” she said.
“Who knows? Let’s just find her.”
“Yeah, I’d like to meet the woman that said I do, before I did,” she said savagely, then shook her head. “Almost did. Didn’t.”
“Let’s go,” Clark said and steered her towards the door, figuring they could at least get out before the journalists swarmed around them.
Clark could hear her heart rate headed through the roof as they rode the elevator down. Tremors passed through her body every so often. Thankfully, they made it out of the building without a single person stopping them.
“Are you all right?” he asked Lois softly.
“He lied to me, Clark!”
Clark’s mouth twisted. “Lois, you knew he lied to you.”
“Not about this. He didn’t need to lie about this,” she said in a forlorn voice.
Clark pulled her hand through his arm and rubbed her hand soothingly. “You’re right. He didn’t.”
“I thought he was at least telling the truth about the way he felt about me,” she said with a slight catch in her voice.
“Lois, did you—” Clark began, intending to ask if she’d really loved Luthor, but then decided he couldn’t handle hearing her say that she had loved him. “Did you want to head over to the MPD now, or do you need some chocolate ice cream first?” he finished.
“Ice cream,” she said, sounding like a little girl.
“Okay, let’s get you some ice cream then.”
Clark took Lois to Fudge Castle and bought her some chocolate ice cream. Lois ate about half her ice cream, then gave the rest to Clark. Clark polished it off in silence. Now that they were sitting here, he realized he couldn’t make himself finagle her around to opening up about Luthor and his ex-wife. A part of him was blazingly angry that she’d been so devastated over Luthor’s lies—that he had yet another confirmation that she’d actually cared about Luthor and a reminder that she’d refused to listen to her “best friend.” He forced his jaw to relax before he left bite marks in the spoon, instead concentrating on the taste of the ice cream and finding pictures in the random sprinkling of glitter on the Formica tabletop.
Clark set his spoon down with great care and leaned back in his seat. “So where do you want to start?” he asked Lois.
Lois took a deep breath. “Well, we’ve got two angles—ACL corporation and Mrs. Luthor. Let’s go see Henderson, and then why don’t you head back to the Planet and see if you can find out anything else about ACL? I’ll go over to the bureau of vital statistics. Maybe I can get a lead on Mrs. Luthor.”
“Okay. Sounds like a plan,” Clark agreed.
“Have Jimmy check into Mrs. Luthor while you’re at it,” Lois ordered.
“Yes, Lois,” Clark said, trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice but failing.
She glared at him.
Clark stood and held out her coat to help her into it, then gestured for her to precede him out of the shop.
**********
They took a cab to the MPD. Lois sat perfectly straight in her seat, making sure that she didn’t even brush up against Clark. It reminded her of when she and Lucy were young, and they’d draw imaginary lines down the middle of the car’s backseat, proclaiming that neither could cross. She was pretty sure she’d fall apart all over Clark if he touched her, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. It was obvious that he didn’t want her to open up to him. He hadn’t said a word at Fudge Castle. She needed to focus on the story. She was Lois Lane, a professional from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. And she needed to prove that she still had it. If it turned out that she and Clark couldn’t work together, she had no intention of being the one to leave the Planet.
**********
Henderson was his usual enthusiastic self when they sat down in his office. “So who’s after you today, Lane?” Henderson asked sardonically.
Lois smirked. “Evidently Mrs. Luthor.”
Henderson’s eyebrows shot towards his hairline. “Mrs. Luthor?”
“We get the exclusive, right, Henderson?” Lois asked pointedly.
“Of course,” he replied in a monotone.
“Well, like we said, we found out that ACL Corporation paid for the last surgery Dr. Heller performed, and if you look at this”—Lois pulled out the invoice in question and set it in front of him—“you’ll see that he billed them for five times his usual amount. The patient stats also match mine—same height, same weight. And that homeless guy said he saw ‘me’ dumping the body. And ‘I’ was supposedly on the news at an anti-Superman demonstration last night.”
“What’s that got to with Mrs. Luthor?”
Lois glared at him. “I’m getting there! We attended Lex’s will-reading today and ACL Corporation also administers the fund set up for Mrs. Luthor’s annuity. So there you go. Find Mrs. Luthor and you’ll bag Dr. Heller’s killer. You’re very welcome.”
Henderson gave a slight grimace. “So why are you sharing these wonderful gems of information with me?”
Clark leaned forward. “We figured if someone is impersonating Lois and going around murdering people, someone in the police department should know about it.”
Henderson nodded. “Glad to hear one of you has some sense.”
Lois made a small sound of annoyance, but Henderson ignored her.
“I know it’s a waste of time to tell you to be careful, but have you considered what you’re going to do about an alibi, Lane?” Henderson asked.
“Alibi?”
“Y’know, that thing where someone else can verify your whereabouts during the time a crime was committed?” Henderson leaned back in his chair. “I’d say we should avoid tipping our hand just yet, and that means giving the double enough rope to lead us back to her boss, whoever that is—which means you’ll need to be able to prove that you haven’t committed whatever crimes she does. And, if you do get arrested for something she does, call me, and I’ll take care of it.”
For a split second, Clark thought about suggesting that Lois stay the night at his place. But then reality set in. They hadn’t spent time together outside of work in months, and there was no way he wanted to change that. Not after the strain the past two days of just working together had put on him. Plus, if he had to run out for Superman duties, he wouldn’t be able to be her alibi anyway. But if he didn’t offer…. Perry. He could mention it to Perry and maybe Perry could talk Lois into staying with him and Alice.
“I’m sure I’ll be fine, Henderson,” Lois said.
“Riiiiight. I’m just trying to make my job easier, Lane.”
“Fine. I’ll think about it. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have our own job to get back to.”
**********
Outside of the MPD, Lois and Clark stood in awkward silence for a moment.
Clark ran a hand through his hair. “So, I guess you’re headed to the Bureau of Vital Statistics, and I should get back to the Planet.”
Lois nodded. “Yup. Don’t forget to ask Jimmy about Mrs. Luthor.”
Clark didn’t even bother to respond to that. He wasn’t sure he could refrain from sarcasm or from commenting on how she’d reverted back to babysitting him through investigations. “I’ll see you later,” he told her, then turned to walk back towards the Planet. Once she was out of sight, he ducked into an alley and changed. He needed to take a quick side trip to Kansas to give his parents the good news in person, before Superman’s return got out. More than that, he needed a break from everything Lois Lane-related.
**********
When Clark arrived, his dad was on a ladder painting the barn. Clark suppressed a sigh. He kept telling his parents to save jobs like those for when he came to visit. “Hi, Dad!” he said, hovering next to him.
Jonathan started and almost fell off the ladder.
Clark steadied him. “Sorry.”
“Give me a little warning next time, son,” Jonathan said, mopping his brow. He smiled. “I take it your powers are back.”
“Yup,” Clark said with a grin.
Martha came hurrying out, a huge smile on her face. “Was that our son that I just heard?”
“Hey, Mom!” Clark landed and gave her a hug.
“I’m so glad you’re better, honey,” his mom said.
“So how are things going at the Planet? You said you were going to be back in the building earlier this week?” Jonathan asked.
“Yeah. Yesterday. It’s okay,” Clark said slowly. “Perry partnered Lois and me again.”
“How’s that going?” Martha asked.
Clark made a face. “About how you’d think.”
“That bad, huh?” Martha said. “You both just need to talk to each other.”
“I don’t think I’m ready to, Mom. And I know she’s not ready.”
“How do you know that if you won’t talk to her?” Martha demanded.
“Mom, you don’t know Lois. She’s a master at bottling things up. It takes some serious skill and patience to get her to open up.
“So?”
“So, I just don’t have that right now.”
“Clark, you were her best friend. How do you expect her to get through this without your support?”
Jonathan began to descend the ladder, recognizing this was shaping up to be a lengthy discussion.
“Oh, Dad, here. Let me,” Clark said, taking the paint and paintbrush from his father. He began to paint the barn at super-speed, finishing it up only seconds later.
“Anything else you need me to do while I’m here?” he asked his dad.
Jonathan shook his head. “Thanks for offering though.”
“I know someone else who’s pretty good at bottling up their feelings,” Martha said, giving Clark a pointed look.
Clark threw his hands in the air. “It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it. I just don’t know what to say. Lois doesn’t want me right now. I know she’s having a hard time. Today we found out that Luthor had been married before, and she broke down over the fact that he’d lied when he said she was his ‘first love.’ I took her out for ice cream. I did what I could, ok?”
“Did you talk to her?” Martha asked, her arms crossed.
“Um, well, not exactly.”
“Uh-huh. That’s what I thought.” She dropped her arms to her side and took a step closer to Clark. “Honey, I’m just worried about you. I know you miss her, and you can’t fix your relationship without talking.”
Jonathan nodded. “She probably needs someone to talk to right now.”
“You’re probably right,” Clark agreed, figuring it was the quickest way to end the conversation. His parents just didn’t understand how resistant Lois was to talking, and how heartbroken he was. Most days equal parts of ice and rage burned through his veins. He was almost positive he wouldn’t be able to say anything nice, so it’d be far better just to say nothing at all.
Martha gave him a long look. “You said you bought a journal. Are you still writing in it?”
“Yep.”
“Has it helped at all?”
Clark considered. “I think so. I can’t say that it’s helped me sort through my feelings exactly, but at least I know why I’m feeling what I’m feeling. And I have a little more sympathy for where Lois was coming from.”
Martha patted his arm. “You just keep at it, honey.”
“Thanks, Mom. Well, I should get back to Metropolis. I just wanted to drop in to let you know that I’m back before you saw it on the news.”
“We’re glad that you’re better son,” Jonathan said, squeezing Clark’s shoulder.
“Stop by for dinner sometime soon,” Martha said and gave her son a quick hug.
**********
By the end of the workday, Clark had accomplished absolutely nothing. He’d asked Jimmy to follow up on Luthor’s first wife, but Jimmy was still backed up. He’d spent a frustrating couple of hours trying to find anything at all on ACL Corporation, but had been completely unsuccessful, and he’d called Sheldon Bender’s office several times, trying to get past the receptionist and actually talk to the lawyer; Mr. Bender’s office was no longer taking his calls. He’d passed Henderson’s concerns about an alibi for Lois along to Perry, but he wasn’t sure Lois would even be back in the office. He decided to give it up as a bad job and head home for the night. Just as he was shutting down his computer, he heard a bulletin on someone’s radio about a fire going on at one of the chemical plants near the waterfront. It sounded like a job for Superman.
**********
When Lois got back to the Daily Planet, Clark had already left. Perry called her into his office right away.
“Lois, Clark filled me in. I’m sorry I didn’t realize that woman was a double.”
“It’s okay, Chief. I know I’ve been kinda stressed lately,” she said magnanimously.
“How are things going with you and Clark?” he asked.
Lois stilled. She wasn’t even sure how to answer that question. Apparently, they were both professional enough to work together. There’d been several—no, make that “many”—tense moments, but they were still making progress on the investigation. And hopefully, eventually Clark would let her back in. “Ok, I think.”
Perry gave her a long look. “You let me know if there’s a problem, y’hear?”
Lois nodded.
“Now, where are you stayin’ tonight?”
“At my apartment. Why?”
“I thought Henderson told you to make sure you had an alibi at all times.”
“Chief, Henderson is just overreacting.”
“Why don’t you stay at my place? We’ve got a guest room, and Alice would love to have you.”
Lois actually considered it for a moment, but then decided that she wasn’t up for hours of Elvis, and she did not appreciate Clark or Perry trying to babysit her. “That’s okay, Chief. I’ll be fine.”
“Lois—”
Jimmy burst in the door. “Chief! It’s Superman!”
“Jimmy! What have I told you about barging in here—what? Superman? Where?”
“There’s a fire at that chemical plant on the bay!”
“We’ll finish this later. Lois, get down there and get me the story! Olsen, go with her and get me some good photos!”
“On it, Chief,” Lois said as she and Jimmy headed out the door.
