The Matchmaker Files - An Unusual Proposal
Rated PG-13
G -
Story - TOC* emphasis*
<thoughts>
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Previously
Picking up the folder he glanced at the contents. Laying it down before him, he placed his hands on it looked back and forth between them and then centering on Clark as he said, "So, you're getting married. I just have one question, are you committing fraud so that Lois will not be deported and she can keep her position as Editor-in-chief of the Daily Planet?"
Startled by this question, Clark sat forward in his chair and stammered, "Uhm, where … where did you hear that?"
Lois asked, somewhat defensively, "Why ever would you think that?"
"We had a phone tip this afternoon from a man named," he looked down at the papers
Lois asked, "Would it by any chance be, Claude Rochert?"
He looked up, nodded and confirmed, in a surprised tone, "Claude Rochert."
Lois continued and said, "Claude, poor Claude. I'm … I'm so sorry, Claude is nothing, but a … a disgruntled former employee that is trying to strike back at me with these obviously unfounded claims and I apologize. We know that you are incredibly busy with a roomful of gardeners and delivery boys to attend to. If you just give us our next step we'll be out of your hair and on our way."
Clark was more than a little bit disappointed in Lois's attitude and was feeling quite uncomfortable.
Mr. Ramsbottom indicated the chair next to Clark and said, "Ms. Lane, please," inviting her to sit in the chair next to Clark.
As she sat, he said, "Uh, let me explain the process that is about to unfold. Step one will be a scheduled interview. I'll put you each in a room and I will ask you every little question that two people in love would know about each other. In step two I dig deeper. I look at your phone records, talk to your neighbors. I interview your coworkers. If your answers don't match up at every point," he pointed at Lois and said, "You will be deported indefinitely," he pointed at Clark and said, "and you, young man, will have committed a felony punishable by a two-hundred and fifty thousand dollar fine and five years in
federal … prison."
As Mr. Ramsbottom was finishing speaking, Clark was distracted by seeing a woman being hauled away by a couple of armed guards.
"Oh, you see, well, Clark, what do you have to say for yourself? Talk to me."
Clark was in a quandary. This had the potential of being illegal, but since his dearest wish was that he could actually be married to Lois, this was actually going to be legitimate. As he weighed the pros and cons of the issue he first nodded then shook his head. Finally he decided that perhaps, just perhaps he could use this situation to right a wrong.
When he nodded his head, Mr. Ramsbottom said, "Yes," but when he shook it he said, "No," but then he nodded again.
Clark finally said, "Well, you see, it's this way. Mr. Ramsbottom, Lois and I are just two people … that shouldn't have fallen in love, but we did. We kept it secret, because we felt that it would be deeply inappropriate to announce that I was being made an editor with equal, shared authority, over the newsroom if it were known that we were involved. I've loved Lois from the moment I saw her. It just took her a little longer to realize that she loved me as well."
"Oh, that's the way it is, huh?" He turned to Lois and asked, "Have you told your parents about this, that you're getting married?"
Lois's answer was quick, "No, not yet, you see my parents are divorced. My dad is out in Edmonton. The last I heard my mom was in a rehab program. My little sister is away at university."
Turning to Clark he asked the same question, "Have you told your parents yet?"
Lois surprised Clark when she answered for him. He had had no idea that she had even been listening to him when they had talked about the weekend earlier, but obviously she had heard and remembered every word he had said. "We were going to tell them this weekend. It's their anniversary. We thought it would be a nice surprise."
Since Lois had been talking, Mr. Ramsbottom directed his follow-up question to her, "Oh, so you're flying out there this weekend? Where is that?"
Lois, realizing that she may have overplayed her hand, shifted the ball to Clark's court, "Why am I doing all the talking, it's your parent's house. Clark, jump in there."
Clark nodded and said, "Smallville."
Mr. Ramsbottom smirked and said in disbelief, "Smallville? You've got to be making that up."
"No, Smallville was named after Jeremiah Small the first settler in the area."
Still skeptical, Mr. Ramsbottom asked, "What area is that?"
Clark's answer was simple and straightforward, "Lowell County, Kansas."
"So … you're from Smallville, Kansas?"
"Yes, Smallville, Kansas, home of the Corn Festival. That is also happening this weekend. All of my friends and former schoolmates will be there. I've been looking forward to seeing them." As an afterthought, he added, "And introducing them to my fiancée."
"Okay, fine. I see how this is going to go." He started writing on a post it note. "I'll see you both at 11:00 o'clock Monday morning for your scheduled interview. I must say I'm looking forward to this one." He pulled the post-it off and handed it to Clark who accepted it and ushered Lois from the office.
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Clark commented, "So that was Tempus's ploy, to have her deported so that they wouldn't get together."
"Yes, my boy, however, it didn't happen as quickly as Tempus had planned and when it did come he had not counted on Lois's resourcefulness."
Lois interrupted Herb again, "Why did Clark go along with it? He's mister law and order! I can't believe that he would do something like that."
Herb replied, "As Clark explained it to me, he hoped that it wouldn't come to that. He was already in love with Lois, had been from the first minute. He hoped that by going through with the marriage that she would actually see him for who he is and fall in love with him and then it wouldn't be a ‘fake' marriage. He already wanted to have a life with her, he was hoping that perhaps, subconsciously, she had come up with this idea and had chosen him because there were some feelings there on her part for him."
Clark said, "Seems awfully risky to me."
"I'll tell you a little secret. They weren't saying these things to each other, but Lois had been attracted to him from the start. Right from that first minute in Perry's office, but she wasn't admitting it, even to herself. She had lived through the divorce of her parents and was afraid of making that kind of commitment and having the same thing happen to her. She was protecting herself. As it turned out, that was why she chose him. Yes, it was desperation and yes, it was spur of the moment, but if it hadn't been him and her subconscious desire to be with him she might not have acted on her impulse. Also, by thinking of it as a fake marriage, when it ended in divorce, as she was convinced it would, then there would be no problem because it hadn't been a real marriage in the first place."
And now
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Chapter 07
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As they exited the INS building onto the sidewalk, Lois was digging into her bag for her day-timer. Once she had it in hand, she stopped walking and started giving orders, "Okay, so we will go out to Smallville, Smallville? Really?" At his nod she finished, "Okay, Smallville. We will pretend like we are boyfriend and girlfriend, we'll tell your parents that we are engaged. You can make the plane reservations, use the frequent flier miles for the tickets and book through the travel office. I suppose I can pop for first class for you. Request a vegan meal and make sure they give it to me. The last time they actually gave it to a vegan and I wound up eating this wilted salad with some yucky green stuff …" She looked up from the notes she was making and noticed that he was walking away from her and called to him, "Why aren't you taking notes?"
Turning to face her, his face was a mask. He was holding his emotions firmly in check as he replied, "
Excuse me, Lois, but weren't you in that meeting?"
"What, what?" Suddenly his meaning came through and she said, "Oh, oh. The thing you said about being promoted! Genius. Genius. You completely fooled him."
"I was
completely serious. I'm looking at possibly a two-hundred and fifty thousand dollar fine and
five years in jail. That
changes things."
Lois looked at him and said, "Promote you to editor? Share it with you? No."
He looked at her in disbelief. He said, "That was what Perry intended originally, but then you just took over. Well, I've got news for you. That's the way it's gonna be. If not, then I quit and you're screwed." As he turned away, he said, sarcastically, "Bye, bye, Lois. It really has been a little slice of heaven." Even as he turned away he was hoping that she would give in. It would be an indication that she could learn to be flexible.
As he turned away, Lois started to panic and called out, "Clark! Clark! Okay, fine. We will
share the office.” She said grudgingly, “We will share the responsibilities of editor. If you do the Kansas trip and the immigration interview, I will make you the
associate editor."
Clark decided that now that she had caved in to his demands, it was time to lay down the ground rules, "Okay, the change is to go into effect immediately, unless Perry objects. When we are in Kansas, I will tell my parents when I want and how I want.” His tone became less authoritative and softer as he said, “Now, ask me nicely."
Lois was shocked that Clark was playing hard ball with her on these issues and actually a little intrigued by this take charge attitude. This was a Clark she hadn't seen for a while. There had been times when they had been reporting partners that he had stood up to her and it was actually kinda sexy, but she didn't really understand his question. She asked, "Ask you what?"
Clark decided that he needed to show Lois that sometimes she needed to show some humility. He crossed his arms and replied, "Ask me nicely, to marry you, Lois."
Surprised, Lois asked, "What does that mean?"
He decided to go all out. "You heard me; generally accepted custom requires that you be on your knees."
Shocked, Lois considered her options. They were in the middle of a busy sidewalk with pedestrians passing by in a steady flow in the middle of downtown Metropolis and there weren't any options so she looked around for some other way out, but coming up with nothing, acquiesced. She said, "Fine," and held out her hand for him to help her. He took her hand as she knelt, which wasn't all that easy in her pencil skirt and three inch heels. Somehow she managed to keep the strap of her bag on her shoulder. When she was finally kneeling, she looked up at Clark and asked, "Does this work for you?"
Nodding, he said, "Yeah, that's good."
Kneeling there on the sidewalk was humiliating, still looking up at him, Lois asked, in an embarrassed tone, "Okay, uh, will you marry me?"
His answer was quick, "No." He paused while she looked up at him with surprise written all over her features. He felt that she hadn't really learned her lesson as yet, so he elaborated, "Say it like you mean it."
Chagrined, but actually liking this take charge attitude in Clark, she thought for a second, cleared her throat and with all of the sincerity she could muster said, "Clark …"
"Yes, Lois."
Her rebellious streak again manifested itself as she said, "Sweet, sweet, Clark."
Clark had uncrossed his arms and was standing over her with his hands on his hips as he said, "I'm listening."
In a sickly sweet tone, Lois asked, "Would you please, with chocolate syrup and a cherry on top, marry me?"
Clark thought about it for a second. Lois hadn't learned the complete lesson he was trying to teach her, but for Lois Lane, this was a big step so he decided to accept what progress they had made and said, "Okay. I don't appreciate the sarcasm, but I'll do it. The flight is short so there won't be any in-flight meal, nor will there be a movie." Ever the gentleman, he started to reach for her hand to help her up, but suddenly his super-hearing kicked in and he heard a call for help. It really sounded urgent so as she reached for his hand to help her up, he turned away and said over his shoulder, "I just remembered, before we leave I have to return a tape I rented. I'll see you at the airport in the morning," as he dashed off into the crowd looking for somewhere to change into The Suit.
She gaped after him; he had done it again, pulled one of his disappearing acts, abandoning her, kneeling there in the middle of the public thoroughfare. She looked around, embarrassed, but could not see any help nearby so she struggled to get up. The pencil skirt had a small slit up the back, but it didn't allow a lot of movement. Pedestrians were passing her constantly, but city dwellers are notorious for not going out of their way to help others, partly for fear that it could be a ploy leading to a mugging so no help was forthcoming. There was not enough room to bring one of her feet up under her, but she was finally able to shift her balance by leaning back far enough and using he bag as ballast to bring her feet flat on the walk and stand up.
She was thankful for the length of her skirt because she wasn't kneeling on the rough concrete putting holes on her hose, but she was seething as she brushed the dust and debris from the sidewalk from the hem of her skirt and then headed for the Daily Planet. She was determined that she would get Clark back for this, but she'd have to wait for the right time. This was almost as bad as when she had been sent on that wild goose chase through the Metropolis Waste Reclamation Facility looking for Superman's space ship only to find a doll with an ‘S' painted on its chest instead. Thinking back on it she realized that she had actually deserved that as retribution for stealing Clark's story. Then the thought impinged that maybe she deserved this as well. Apparently she hadn't learned her lesson well enough at the time. Thinking about it, Lois realized, she hoped not too late, that she hadn't been treating Clark the way she should have been. She determined that she would be nicer to him over the weekend. After all, they were going to be married.
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It had been late afternoon when they had gone to the immigration office and by the time Clark finished with is rescue it was past working hours so he simply went home.
Clark made a light dinner and then called home.
"Kent residence."
"Hi, Mom. Is Dad there?"
Over the line came, "Right here, Son. What can we do for you?"
"There's been a change of plans. We'll be coming out to see you for the weekend."
Martha immediately picked up on what he had said and questioned, "You said we. Who is ‘we'?"
"Uh, that would be Lois and me."
"You and
Lois? Why the change and why is she coming with you."
"It's a long story. We'll tell you when we get there, okay?"
"Okay, Sweetheart. I guess we'll see you when you get here then"
"Yeah. Gotta go. I have to do a patrol."
"Okay, Son. We'll see you tomorrow. We're happy that your plans changed and you can make it now."
"Oh, since we are coming together, we'll be flying commercially and driving in from Wichita. Night, Dad. Night, Mom. See you tomorrow."
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On the outskirts of Smallville, the rain was threatening. So far there had been only a threat of rain, but no actual precipitation. The concern of the local population was that there would be lightning without rain and that the lightning would start a fire. With the recently harvested crops there was a lot of debris left in the fields that needed to be cleaned up and bundled. The corn stalks lying on the ground would eventually be ground up for roughage.
In this rural setting there was a neat and well maintained farm house.
As the lightning flashes lit up the surrounding countryside it illuminated a solo individual making his way across a field and approaching the house. The frequent lightning bolts revealed the wizened face of an older man who by his clothes it was easy to tell was a farmer or perhaps a mechanic since he was carrying a large tool box.
He made his way across the field and around the barn. He finally climbed the steps to the porch of the farm house and knocked on the door.
A few seconds later, Jonathan Kent opened the door and said, "Wayne! What are you doing out on a night like this?" Then over his shoulder he shouted, "Martha, it's Wayne. Put on some coffee." Turning back to Wayne Irig and opening the door wide he said, "Come on in, Wayne."
Wayne shook his head and said, "Not now, Jonathan. No time for that. Better out here," and he gestured for Jonathan to accompany him.
Jonathan nodded his head, grabbed his coat and stepped out onto the porch, allowing the door to swing closed behind him.
As he shrugged into his coat he asked, "What brings you out on a night like this, Wayne?"
Wayne, never one for much in the way of conversation, cut right to the chase, "Jonathan, you know that big oak tree I got out back?"
Jonathan nodded his acknowledgement.
"Well, Tuesday's storm blew it right out of the ground.
Nodding his head again, this time in understanding, Jonathan asked, "Need some help cutting it up? I just sharpened the blade on my chain saw."
Shaking his head, Wayne replied, "No, Jonathan, that ain't it. No, uh-uh. I found somethin' under that tree. It was a rock of some sort and I sent a little chunk off to the state lab to have it checked out. That much was okay, but today I got federal agents asking me a lot of damn fool questions. Now they got bulldozers showin' up tomorrow. That's all I know. It has to be about that damn rock, that's all I can figure. I need you to keep this for me till I know what's what." With that statement, Wayne held out the toolbox and Jonathan took it.
Hefting the box Jonathan noted how heavy it was. He asked, "What do you think it is? It's as heavy as lead."
Wayne dismissed his comment, "Nah, it ain't that heavy. It's this old toolbox of mine. Handed down in the family. I think
it's made of lead. What's in it is like nothin' I ever seen before, Jonathan. Somethin' weird. Here, see for yourself."
Wayne opened the catch and threw back the lid of the box. Inside was a football sized chunk of crystalline rock, glowing as if from an inner light source, seemingly alive with energy. Jonathan's face reflected the green glow.
"What do you think it is, Wayne?"
"I got no idea, but it's nothin' I ever laid eyes on before. Can you hide it here for me?"
"Sure, Wayne. I'll hide it."
"Thanks, Jonathan. As soon as this all blows over, I'll come and get it. I better get back before somebody misses me." With that statement, Wayne Irig turned and headed off back across the fields toward his farm.
Jonathan watched him until he was out of sight and then carried the toolbox to the shed that stood apart from the barn, near the pond.
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The next morning, Lois and Clark met at the airport and as they were boarding, Lois was surprised at the size of the aircraft. She quipped, "It's smaller than I expected."
"They reserve the 747's for longer flights. This trip will only take a couple of hours."
After the takeoff and the pilot had extinguished the seatbelt sign, Clark handed Lois a small binder. As he did, he said, "Here is a list of probable questions that Mr. Ramsbottom could ask. The good news is that I know everything about you, but you only have four days to learn all of this about me." As she opened it, he said, "You should probably study."
As she looked at the first sheet, with disbelief evident in her voice, she asked, "You know the answers to all of these questions about me?"
"Scary, isn't it?"
"A little bit. Okay. Hmmmm, what am I allergic to?"
"Pine nuts."
"Uh huh. Oh, here's a good one. Do I have any scars?"
Clark replied, "Scars, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that you have a tattoo."
"Oh, you're pretty sure?"
"I'm pretty sure. A few weeks ago, your dermatologist called and mentioned a Q-Switch laser. Naturally I checked and found that a Q-Switch laser is used to remove tattoos. You cancelled your appointment. So, what is it, tribal link, Japanese calligraphy, barbed wire?"
Lois gave him an annoyed smile and said, "You know, it's exciting for me to experience you like this."
"Thank you. You're gonna have to tell me where it is though."
"No I'm not."
"They're bound to ask."
Embarrassed about her tattoo, Lois tried to close that discussion by starting to turn the pages. "We're done with that question. Done with that question. We are done with that question. On to another one." As she thumbed through the pages looking for a question she would be comfortable with, she muttered, "Let me see. Let me see, let me see, let me see, ah, here's one. Whose place do we stay at, yours or mine."
"Mine, because you find it homey."
"No, mine because I have two bedrooms." She noticed how he was fidgeting in his seat. She asked, "There’s something I should probably know, nervous flyer?"
Shamefacedly, he replied, "Yeah, I guess so. I figure that if man was supposed to fly, he'd have been given wings or something. Being cooped up in an aluminum tube supported by nothing but air just seems unnatural."
In a dreamy tone, Lois said, "Superman doesn't."
"Doesn't what, fly?"
"No, of course he flies, he doesn't have wings or anything."
Just then the stewardess announced that the seatbelt sign had just been lit, "Please fasten your seat belts, we are beginning our descent into Wichita."
Lois said, "Wichita, I thought we were going to Smallville."
"We are. This is the nearest airport. We drive from here."
"Oh."
"It will give you more time to study."
"Oh."
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After picking up the rental car, Clark got behind the wheel and started to drive. Initially he was pointing out the sights, but eventually they were outside of the city and into the farm country. As they drove, Lois complained, "Miles and miles and miles of nothing but fields of crops."
Clark smiled and in a very upbeat tone said, "This is America's breadbasket, Lois. I bet that half of what you eat comes from this area."
Lois wasn't mollified, she continued to grumble, "Don't tell me, 4-H changed your life."
Clark was still being insufferably upbeat as he continued, "I can't help it if I'm a farm kid."
Lois, now with a sarcastic tone replied to this sally, "If I ever need a cow milked, I'll remember that." Lois was thinking, <For a farm kid he sure can write. It may not exactly be my style, but Perry might be right. Our styles do complement each other. I don't know how Perry does it. Actually, I guess I do know. Like he always says, 'I didn't get this job because I can yodel.' Much as I hate to admit it, Clark and I were good and together ... according to Perry we could be great. Maybe the move to the editor's office wasn't for the best. I have to admit, he never tried to take advantage of me. He didn't steal any of
my stories. In fact, much as I hate to admit it, I'm the one that stole one of his. I hate it that I did that. That's another thing about Clark; he never casts that up at me. He is so forgiving. Why can't all men be like him? It's such a shame; he appears to be unique, one of a kind. I even started to like working with him, then we were promoted. I wonder if we can get back to that. If he would just stop disappearing suddenly and frequently.>
The Mustang convertible with the top down turned into a dirt road which wound through a wooded area. Clark was driving while Lois studied. Suddenly, rounding a curve Clark pulled the car to a halt. In front of them was a railroad crossing and there was a train passing by. The gate was down so they had to wait.
Clark and Lois resumed the discussion that started a little earlier, "You can joke about it all you want, but take away Middle America and what have you got?
Lois, with a one-ups-man tone replied, "Art, music, theater …"
Clark interrupted and added, "crime, drugs, poverty.
Sighing and indicating the train, Lois asked, "How long is this going to take?"
Smiling, Clark replied, "It takes as long as it takes."
With a sidelong glance, Lois said, "I didn't know that Zen was popular in the country." Lois thought, <Maybe this won't be that bad. There may be more to Mr. Greenjeans than what's on the surface. He's right; I really haven't taken the time to get to know him like I should and if we are going to pass this interview I need to. Maybe by seeing him in his own environment I can figure him out a little. Maybe he won't disappear while we are here.>
Clark was continuing his discourse, "It always takes people from the city a while to decompress. Fortunately for you, this weekend Smallville's holding the annual Corn Festival."
With a dispirited air, Lois asked, "This is a good thing?" <Hmmmm. Maybe I can talk to some of the people that knew him growing up. I might just be able to find out if this is all a put on or if he really is this good. If it's a put on, then I can keep him at arm's length. I hope it isn't a put on. The time we've spent, working late nights together … sharing take out … ohhhh, that take out. He always gets the very best take out. If he can do that for a working session, I wonder where he'd take me for a
date?> She gave a mental shake, <
DATE??? Where did that thought come from? We aren't dating … we're …
we're getting married!>
Clark's almost insufferably upbeat attitude was abundantly evident as he replied, "Sure. We'll see the Corn Queen Pageant. The Husk-Off. The Corn-O-Rama. Popcorn, creamed corn, corn-on-the-cob. We're in luck."
With a sarcastic tone, Lois replied, "Be still, my heart." <Maybe, with a personal guide it won't be so bad. I hope it won't be as boring as it sounds.>
Not allowing her negative attitude to affect him, Clark smiled in reply.
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Lois interrupted, "I've really grown to like the Corn Festival. It really is a lot of fun. We've been to it several times since we've been married."
Clark laughed and said, "I can hardly keep her off the dance floor. She and Rachel and Lana are still trying to outdo each other."
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