Previously on Seed of Doubt...
Clark smiled, feeling the warmth of the love he had for his new, perfect little family race through his body. It was as if every nerve ending was tingling with that warmth, like every cell was ready to burst, unable to contain all of that love. He was a lucky man - he knew it and pondered the wonderment of it every day. And he knew, without a doubt, that Lois felt the same way. He saw it in her eyes every time she looked at Julia. He heard it in her voice every time she spoke of their daughter. To Clark, Lois had never looked so beautiful before as she did as a mother, even in the middle of the night when they were both exhausted and disheveled from the brief catnaps they stole between feedings.
"I'm a lucky man," Clark said aloud, more to himself than to his father.
"I think so too," Jonathan said. "Lois is a wonderful woman - the very kind of woman we'd always hoped and prayed that you'd meet."
"She's pretty special," Clark agreed. "Anyone who can accept me, for who and what I truly am...I'm not sure anyone else could accept that but for Lois. And not only to accept that, but to encourage me to continue to be who I am..." His voice trailed off as he sighed contentedly.
"Have you two talked about a date yet, to make things official?"
"No, not yet. Things have been so crazy around here. I don't think we've managed to have a single conversation about anything not related to Julia since she was born." Clark smiled. He didn't mind. Anything that wasn't his daughter seemed, at the moment, to be insignificant in comparison to the wonder that was his baby girl. "Soon though, I hope."
"Me too. You and Lois are so perfect together."
"I mean, it's not such a bad situation now. We're living under the same roof, we work together, we're almost constantly together. It's amazing, getting up in the morning and having her there, going to bed at night and having her there. Sure, we had that to a certain degree before we got the house, but this is so different. It just feels...permanent. It feels like home."
Jonathan put his hand on Clark's shoulder. "That's because it is home, Clark. Not the four walls, the roof, the plot of land. The kind that's in here." He used his other hand to gently poke a finger at Clark's chest, right above his heart.
Clark nodded, then gazed back at Lois. Almost as if she felt his eyes on her, she looked up and met his glance. She smiled and darted a look at her father, who was holding Julia now. Clark nodded, just deeply enough for her to see. He gave his father one more appreciative smile, then went to join Lois.
That night, as they lay next to one another in bed, Lois sighed deeply. Clark lolled his head to the side to look at her, then promptly flipped all the way over to lay on his side.
"Honey? Is everything okay?"
A smile spread slowly across Lois' lips. "Everything is better that okay, Clark. I was just thinking."
"About?" he asked, hoping to draw out more information. There were times when he wished he also had the power to read at least Lois' mind, if no one else's.
"Did you notice anything strange today?"
"Strange?" he asked, now completely puzzled. "Like that Lucy didn't come to meet her niece, when she was one of your biggest cheerleaders once you decided that you wanted to be a mother?"
"No," Lois said. "I guess you were talking to your dad when Mom mentioned it, but Lucy thinks she's coming down with the flu. That's why she didn't come."
"Oh."
"What I meant was, did you notice how my mom and dad interacted with each other today?"
Clark racked his brain. They'd had a perfectly lovely afternoon with both sets of parents. He couldn't, for the life of him, think of anything out of the ordinary.
"I give up," he finally announced.
Lois smiled and shook her head. "They didn't fight once today, Clark. Oh, maybe there were one or two snippy comments that got tossed around by my mother, but they co-existed in the same room for hours without it turning to a verbal war."
Clark thought about it for a moment before agreeing. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess I was so busy enjoying our time together as a family that I hadn't noticed."
Lois stroked his cheek affectionately. "Maybe you didn't notice because today was normal for you and your family. You guys don't fight, so you don't notice when fighting is absent. For me...I've been watching my parents duke it out since I was a kid. It's almost jarring to see them getting along for once. I can barely remember the last time they were in the same room and perfectly happy to be there together."
"If it makes you feel any better, Lois, we will never be that family. You and I are meant for a lifetime of happiness with each other, and our daughter will grow up in a household where fighting is non-existent."
"How can you be so sure?" she asked sleepily.
"Because I know us," he replied. "You and I are each one half of a larger, greater whole. You are my heart, my soul, my everything."
"And you are mine," Lois said with a tired smile. She yawned. "Let's get some sleep," she said as the yawn trailed off. "We've got approximately forty-five minutes before Julia will be getting us up again." She grinned. "It's pretty incredible, isn't it?"
"That she's here, home, and healthy? You can say that again."
Lois snuggled into his side and closed her eyes. Clark kissed her on the cheek as he got himself settled. Reaching his arm back behind him, he shut off the lamp on his night stand and then put his arms around Lois. Closing his eyes, he smiled in contentment.
As far as he was concerned, he had the greatest family in the world.
***
"Lois?" Clark asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His sensitive hearing had picked up the sounds of her cries and led him down to Julia's room. He couldn't help the yawn he was attempting to stifle from winning its war with him. He yawned widely, trying to hide it behind his hand. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
"I can't even feed my own baby," she wailed between sobs. "I've done everything the books say. I'd used all the tricks the nurses told me. I'm been trying to pump milk for over half an hour and only have an ounce to show for it. I can't...I can't..."
"Hey, hey," Clark said gently, jarred now into full wakefulness. "It's okay."
"No, it's not, Clark! I'm a terrible mother! I can't even feed my own baby! The one thing I wanted to do for her, to give her the best start I could."
"Lois, listen to me," Clark said, kneeling before her and lightly placing his hands on her upper arms and pitching his voice just above a whisper. "You are a fantastic mother. You've done more than anyone has the right to ask of you. You've done nothing wrong. A low supply isn't that uncommon."
"But...Julia. I want to give her a good start to life. Especially since she was early and given her stay in the NICU."
"You already are," he reminded her. "It doesn't matter what you feed her, so long as she's getting the nutrition she needs to grow."
"But..." she said, her lower lip trembling.
"No buts. You love her, right?"
"Of course I do," she said, as Clark wiped a tear away with his thumb.
"Then she's already getting the best start she possibly can to her life. She's got two parents who love her more than anything on this Earth."
"I hate that I'm being forced to feed her formula."
"It's not so bad," Clark said, giving her his best smile. "I was raised for most of my babyhood on formula. Maybe all of it. Who knows, maybe Kryptonians didn't breastfeed." He shrugged. "I turned out okay. And so will Julia. I promise you." He stretched a bit and kissed Lois on the forehead. "Okay?"
Lois gave him a tentative smile. "You turned out better than okay," she finally said. "You turned out pretty much perfect, as far as I'm concerned."
"And so will our daughter," he reaffirmed.
"Our daughter," Lois agreed, looking past Clark to where Julia lay swaddled in her crib. "God, can you believe that, Clark? We have a daughter."
"I know. It still feels..." He paused, searching for the right word.
"Surreal?" Lois supplied.
"Exactly," he said, nodding, pleased with how appropriate that word felt.
"Sometimes, I still can't believe she's really here. I know she's almost a month old now, but still," Lois admitted as the baby stirred in her sleep, opened her mouth, and began to wail. Lois started to rise but Clark put his hand on her wrist to still her movement.
"I've got this one," he said. He zipped down to the kitchen, fixed a bottle of formula, then dashed back to his daughter's room, all in less than ten seconds. "No, no," he said as Lois once again went to stand. "You sit in the chair. I'll take the floor." Then he was at Julia's bedside, gently picking her up. "Hi, sweetie," he cooed at the baby. "Daddy's here. Are you hungry? Did you hear that the midnight buffet was open? Hmm? Well, you're in luck, little girl. Because Daddy has a nice bottle all ready for you. Let's just get you changed first, okay?"
"You're so good with her," Lois observed as Clark gently unswaddled the baby and changed her diaper. "There were times when, I'm ashamed to admit, I wondered if you...well..."
"If I could really view her as my daughter?" Clark asked in a soft tone, his back to Lois as he finished putting the new diaper on.
"Well..." Lois said, drawing the word out, stalling.
"Don't be embarrassed to admit it," Clark told her.
"But...I feel so horrible for ever having had that doubt."
"Is it horrible if I admit that there were nights when I wondered the same thing?" he asked in a voice that barely broke the threshold of a whisper.
"I know. You mentioned it once to me."
"Right." He picked Julia up and sat cross-legged on the soft, pale cream carpet of her dimly lit nursery. She made a mewling sound of hunger and Clark happily produced the bottle he'd made for her. "It wasn't because I knew she likely isn't mine. It's because that, of all the other people in this world, Lex was her biological father. I wondered if I could set aside my hatred of him and what'd he'd done to you - if I could see past the sins of the father for the innocence of the child."
"You obviously love her. What changed?" Lois asked in a voice that matched his own in softness.
He shrugged gently, careful not to jostle the suckling baby. "She was born. Before that, everything seemed so distant and abstract. I knew she was on her way, but everything felt unreal, to a certain degree. And then, suddenly, she was here and perfect and staring me in the face. Everything, in that instant, became real, and although I loved her before she was born, I was hit with this wave of raw, overwhelming love for her. I knew, in that moment, that I was her dad. My doubts melted away. She's mine, no matter what the DNA results say."
"She's lucky to have you as for her daddy," Lois said in a soft voice. She'd often told him that, but it still moved him in a way that went beyond words, each time she reaffirmed that for him.
"I feel like I'm the lucky one. I have her. And, I have you."
A tender smile unfurled over Lois' lips. "Me too. And hopefully, soon, I'll be your wife."
"That sounds amazing," Clark said, looking up from his daughter's tiny face. "Just say the word and we can do it whenever you like."
"Well, I have been giving it some thought. Its helped pass the time while I've tried to pump milk for Julia. I called the chapel that I've always had my heart set on. They had only two dates open, one at the end of January and one in early June. January is a bit too early, especially since I'd hate to expose our daughter to that many people so soon."
"June it is then," Clark said knowingly. "Sounds like the perfect month for a wedding."
"You think she'll be flying by then?" Lois said, nodding toward Julia, who had gulped down half the bottle already. "She's already got your metabolism, I see."
"Lois..."
"I'm kidding!" she said, a glint of mischief in her eyes.
"Actually, that reminds me," Clark said. "Dr. Klein called earlier, while you were in the shower."
"Oh? What did he have to say?"
"He's got the results of the DNA test," Clark said somberly.
"Oh?" Her joking mood instantly vanished, a marked difference like a cloud suddenly covering up the sun. "Are they...?"
"He didn't say," Clark quickly added. "He just said that the results were in and that he wanted to talk to us in person about them. He didn't want us to trek out in the cold with Julia, especially with her being a preemie, so he offered to come by the house. So, long story short, he'll be here around three tomorrow."
"I see."
Clark could see that Lois was trying very, very hard not to let her worries show. He knew that she was doing her best to put on a brave face, to not let it show just how much she was dreading the results of that court-ordered blood test. He knew he was doing much the same, hiding his true feelings about the results. If he was any judge, he thought he was doing a passable job of it at least. He had long ago come to terms with what he knew the DNA would prove - that he was not genetically related to the precious little miracle in his arms. His DNA was simply too different, too alien, to be compatible for reproduction. It didn't matter to him. Julia was his child. It was as simple as that. But, even so, he knew it would still crush his heart and soul to have definitive, indisputable proof that Luthor had been the one to sire a child on Lois.
He knew too, that it would be devastating to Lois, once Dr. Klein confirmed their worst fears. There was no doubt in his mind that she would still love Julia as intensely as she did now. But she'd never given up the hope, as far flung as it was, that Clark had been the one to give her such a beautiful daughter. To know for certain that the child was the product of a violent, unforgivable crime would be a blow to her heart. Clark knew that without a shadow of a doubt.
"Everything will be all right," he tried to reassure her, though his voice sounded a little hollow to his own ears.
Lois nodded, unconvinced, and said nothing. Clark wasn't sure what else he could say, so he too, kept his silence. He simply gazed down at his child and watched the last of the formula drain from the nipple into her mouth. He lifted the bottle away, wiped her mouth, then gently brought her to his shoulder to burp her. After a few light taps on her back, the baby belched loudly, then yawned.
Clark kissed her forehead. "Goodnight, baby girl. See you in a few hours. Mommy and I love you," he told her.
Lois' arms were outstretched, waiting for their daughter. Clark carefully stood and placed Julia in her mother's arms. Lois kissed her forehead, cheeks, and the tip of her nose.
"Goodnight, sweetie," she said in a whisper as the child's eyes slid shut. "I love you. Sleep well."
She stood, walked to the crib, and gently placed the infant down. She silently took Clark's hand and led him back to their bedroom, after softly closing the door to the nursery. As they walked, she clicked the baby monitor back on.
"I've been dreading the DNA results," she finally admitted as they both climbed back into bed. "I hate that we've been forced to do this."
"Me too," Clark said. "But you know that, no matter what Dr. Klein has to say, nothing changes for me. Julia is my daughter and Luthor will have no influence in her life."
Lois cracked a slight smile. "It's good to have Superman keeping an eye out on things, huh?"
"No. It's good to have a father watching out for his daughter," Clark countered with a grin.
"Somehow, that's a lot more intimidating than Superman," Lois agreed with a yawn.
"I love you, Lois."
"I love you too, Clark."
***
"Got it!" Clark said as he leapt from the couch, the sound of the doorbell not yet faded.
It wasn't that he was eager to greet Dr. Klein or to get the results of the DNA test. He merely wanted all of the waiting and the accompanying anxiety to go away. And he wouldn't have that until the results were finally out in the open.
As it was, he'd barely slept the night before. He and Lois had rotated feeding and changing Julia, in the hopes that it would allow them both some longer stretches of sleep. They often employed that strategy, and it usually worked, but not last night. Last night Clark had tossed and turned the whole night through. Each time Julia cried, he was instantly and fully awake again, even if it was Lois who was the one who was feeding her. During the times when the infant was blissfully asleep, Clark lay awake, staring at the dark ceiling, his mind spiraling with fresh doubts.
He knew in his heart that nothing would change. He'd already come to accept the fact that Julia wasn't related to him by blood. He'd been at peace with that for a long time. But unusually unformed doubts plagued him anyway, most surrounding Luthor. Would the court sever the man's parental rights, once they knew for certain that Luthor, not Clark, was the father? Would Julia one day grow up and demand to know her birth father? Would she one day don the name of Luthor in an effort to get ahead in life, riding on the coattails of the man whose unwanted seed had contributed to her conception? Would she be forever ashamed once she learned of the man's countless crimes against humanity?
In the small, gray hours of the morning, it had finally become too much for Clark to bear. He'd pulled on the Superman suit and had gone for a patrol around the city. The December air had been chilly and full of moisture with fog blanketing the city in a nearly suffocating cloud. He'd had to take it slightly slower than normal as he'd scanned Metropolis. But the city was all but asleep at that too early hour, and he'd found nothing insidious going on. He'd returned home, donned his favorite sweat clothes and had tried once more to sleep.
The brief outing must have cleared his head, even if he hadn't realized it. He'd finally managed a couple hours of sleep. He was far from rested, however. Even when he'd been able to sneak out for a few minutes alone in that void between Earth and the stars to soak up some quiet and sunlight, his brain hadn't afforded him any kind of mental relaxation. He was simply far too worked up about Dr. Klein's visit.
Now he stood, just on the other side of the door, about to have the immutable truth out in the open. It was rare that Clark ever felt in danger of being ill, but this was one of those times. His guts were knotted tightly. His heart was hammering away at super speed. He could taste the metallic tang of bile in his throat. A sense of dread cloaked his entire body, weighing him down in a way that nothing else on the planet could. He took a slow, deep breath through his nose and exhaled it through his mouth in an effort to calm his nerves somehow. It didn't work.
He opened the door to greet his guest. "Hi, Dr. Klein."
"Hi, Clark," the man said, warmly enough.
"Thanks for coming," Clark forced himself to say. "I appreciate it."
"Well, like I said on the phone, I'd hate to expose your daughter to any germs that might be floating around in the lab. And I certainly understand not wanting to really venture out with a newborn as it is, let alone with a preemie. But mostly, I think you two are entitled to hear the results of the test from me, personally, not in some random courtroom."
Clark led the doctor into the living room, where Lois was finishing feeding the baby. "Honey? Dr. Klein's here."
It felt like a stupid thing to say, Clark thought, but there was no recalling spoken words.
"Hi, Dr. Klein. Please, make yourself comfortable." She gestured with one hand while putting a pacifier in Julia's mouth with the other.
"She's beautiful," the man remarked before seating himself on the couch opposite where Lois and Clark were. "Congratulations."
"Thank you," Lois replied, casting her eyes down on Julia's face immediately upon speaking.
"I don't want to take up a lot of your time," Dr. Klein said, popping open the slender briefcase he carried. "So, let's get straight to it, shall we?"
"Sounds good," Clark agreed.
"Actually," Dr. Klein said, nervously fumbling with some papers in his hands, which he'd extracted from the black leather briefcase, "it might be better if I speak to you first, Lois. Alone."
Lois shook her head. "Whatever it is, you can talk about it in front of both of us."
"Are you sure? It's a bit...sensitive."
"I'm sure."
"Well...okay then. If you insist."
"I do," she replied, a little impatiently.
Dr. Klein bobbed his head in a slight nod. "I guess then, that I have some good news and some bad news."
Clark hadn't expected that. What could possibly be good about the results Dr. Klein had clutched in his hands?
"The good news first, I guess," Dr. Klein continued, as if speaking to himself. "Well, ah, the good news is, there is no possible way that Lex Luthor is the father."
A trillion to one.
Clark's heart missed a beat and he almost gasped for air. He thought for sure that his jaw hit the floor. He tried to speak but couldn't. He wanted to laugh, but no sound would come. He made an attempt to look at Lois to make sure that he'd heard Dr. Klein correctly, but found that basic movement denied as he sat frozen in place next to her.
"What?" Lois asked. Judging from the tone in her voice, despite all the reassurances that she'd given Clark that Julia really was his, it was clear that she hadn't truly forsaken the idea that the baby really could have been Luthor's.
"I ran the DNA. Twice. There were exactly zero matches between your daughter and Lex Luthor."
"You're sure?" Lois asked. Clark knew she needed that confirmation one more time.
"Absolutely."
Everything had just changed in Clark's world and the world seemed to tilt crazily on its axis. The impossible had happened. His dread was gone. He and Lois were suddenly free from the looming shadow of Luthor's influence in their lives. In an instant, Clark had become a father to a little girl who actually shared in his genetics. He was no longer the last living person in the universe to carry on the legacy of Krypton.
"Clark? Clark, did you hear that?" Lois asked.
With a start, Clark pulled himself out of his thoughts. He forced himself to speak.
"Yeah."
It was the best he could manage under the circumstances. He couldn't even nod. He still felt as if lightning had struck his brain. He could scarcely think straight and his whole body tingled with a rush of adrenaline that had surged through him at Dr. Klein's words.
"Did you hear that, Julia? The big, mean Luthor-man can't ever try to claim that you are his," Lois cooed to the baby, and Clark had to marvel at how completely in control and calm Lois seemed.
"And...the other news?" Clark finally squeezed out of his constricted throat.
"Oh. That." Dr. Klein pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and mopped at a few beads of sweat that had suddenly sprouted there. He looked possibly the most nervous that Clark had ever seen the man. "I...uh...I'm not really sure how to say this delicately."
"Dr. Klein, you know that you can tell Clark and me anything, right?" Lois encouraged him.
Dr. Klein nodded. "Yes, but this is not...some piece to a story. This is something..." He trailed off, at a loss for words, from all appearances. He sighed and looked at Lois. "I'm not even sure if I should be coming to you with this first, or what. But, ah, when you explained your situation to me, about needing the DNA test, you did say that it was either Luthor or Clark who was the father, correct?"
Lois nodded. "That's right. Why?"
"Well...in looking at Julia's genetic breakdown...what I saw didn't look right."
Instantly, the cold dagger of worry was back in Clark's heart and chest. "What do you mean? Is she okay?"
"She's fine, but uh...her DNA doesn't quite look like any Earth-born human I've ever seen."
Earth-born human. Clark liked the sound of that descriptor. It acknowledged the alien part of his being as something that was truly human, though it set him apart from normal Earthlings.
"What are you getting at?" Lois asked, shifting Julia in her arms, holding her closer.
"I may be sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong but...if I didn't know better, I would say that she's...well...the product of a night spent with Superman."
"I....uh..." Lois sputtered.
Luckily, Dr. Klein was too engrossed in telling his story to catch Lois' stammer. "I know, I know. How can I possibly know what Superman's genetic makeup looks like? It so happens that I've been working with it, breaking his DNA down to read the genetic coding. I've been doing it at his request, so that we can both better understand how his body functions and how I can best treat him as a doctor. Anyway, an Earthling's DNA has four major elements. Adenine, guanine, thymine and cytosine, as you might remember from high school biology."
"Right," Clark agreed, nodding, encouraging Dr. Klein to continue.
"Superman has an extra building block in his genetic code. I've just been calling it K, for now. You know, for Kryptonian. And the others...well, they are a little different from the AGTC that make up our DNA."
"A trillion to one," Clark breathed before he could catch himself from speaking it aloud.
Dr. Klein nodded. "For recombining with an Earthling's DNA, yes. How did you...?"
"It doesn't matter," Lois cut in.
"Anyway," the doctor said, clearing his throat and fidgeting with his handkerchief. "I'm not saying that Julia's the daughter of Superman. Just that...I found the same anomalies in her DNA as I did in Superman's." He cast his eyes down, perhaps ashamed by what he was saying.
Lois and Clark shared a look. It lasted a mere second, but an entire conversation - questions and answers all - took place within it. Clark looked back at Dr. Klein.
"Will...?" He almost couldn't ask it. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Will the court be informed of Julia's...uh...uniqueness?"
"You mean the specifics of her genes?" Dr. Klein shook his head. "No. They don't want to know or care about the specifics. They just want official paperwork telling them if Luthor has a case against you or not. In this case, no, he doesn't, because the paperwork will state that Julia and he share absolutely no genes in common."
Clark's body physically sagged in relief. He'd been worried about that, in the slim chance that something like this came to pass, as astronomically impossible as it had once seemed.
"They won't care if you or Superman or even if I am the father, not that I'm suggesting that he is. Uh, Superman, that is. At least, they won't care unless and until one of you files a suit requesting that he take a paternity test."
"That won't be happening," Clark said confidently.
Dr. Klein nodded distractedly, clearly not convinced. He looked uncomfortable, unsure of if he should say anything more, to them or to Superman. Clark looked again to Lois, a silent question in his features. She returned the look, as if telling him that the decision was his and his alone. Clark closed his eyes for a moment and sighed, trying to make up his mind. Coming to a sudden decision, he opened his eyes and met Dr. Klein's confused look.
"A trillion to one chance of ever having a child," he said, more to himself than to the doctor. "That's what you said."
Dr. Klein nodded. "Yes..."
"And you were wrong."
"I...guess so. Are you saying...?"
"That she's Superman's? That she's mine?" Clark nodded.
"His..? Yours....?" Confusion spread like wildfire across the man's features.
Clark nodded again. "Dr. Klein...are you in a rush to get back to the lab?"
"No. I took the rest of the day off. Why?"
Clark smiled. "Good. You might be here for a while. It's long past the time when you and I need to have a little talk." He pulled his glasses off as he spoke. "Because now, not only will you be looking after Superman's...my...health, you're also the only one I can trust with my daughter's health."
Dr. Klein's lips moved but no sound issued forth. It reminded Clark of how a fish would gape when pulled out of water on his dad's favorite fishing pole. He felt bad for the man.
"I know you have a lot of questions," Clark added gently. "And I...we," he amended, taking Lois' free hand, "are prepared to answer them all."
After a moment, Dr. Klein shook his head, as if clearing it. "One in a trillion." He laughed. "One in a trillion!" He laughed harder, slapping at his knee.
Lois and Clark couldn't help but join in, their mirth finally spilling over. Never before had they been so thrilled to find out that Dr. Klein had been wrong about something so important.
To Be Continued...
