Previously on Seed of Doubt...





"Did Lois make a decision about the baby?" Martha asked worriedly. Clark knew that she hoped beyond hope for a grandchild.

"Yes," Clark answered. "She's keeping it. And I'll be involved in the baby's life, even if there's no chance of it being mine." They nodded, though they smiled at the prospect of becoming grandparents.

"That's wonderful news!" Jonathan exclaimed.

"Yeah," Clark said, his enthusiasm gone. "That's not really why I'm here though."

"What is it?" Martha pressed. "Is there something wrong with the baby?"

"No," Clark said, shaking his head. "It's Lois. She...found out. About me. About Superman."

"Oh," Martha said, sinking into her chair. "My guess is she didn't take it well."

"That's an understatement," Clark said, dragging his spoon through the stew before taking a mouthful. He swallowed before continuing. "She's absolutely livid."

"She's not speaking to you?" Jonathan guessed.

"She is, but it's almost completely limited to professional matters. She says she still loves me, but she needs time to process everything. I can't blame her. I've been lying to her face for a long time. We're having a baby together. She should be able to trust me with everything, and I should be able to trust her with everything, even that stupid secret of mine. I'm not sure she'll ever really forgive me. No, that's not right. I'm afraid she'll never truly forgive me. I'm terrified that I might have completely wrecked things."

"Did she say that everything is ruined?" Jonathan inquired.

"No," Clark admitted, pushing his food around in his bowl. "But I just have this sinking feeling down in the pit of my stomach. Lois means everything to me. Everything. I've spent the better part of the day second guessing everything about our relationship. The way I handled my secret, the way I couldn't just trust her from the start, whether or not she'll ever understand that she really does know the real me - that Superman doesn't factor in to who I really am, not really. He's just an extension of myself." He sighed heavily and ate another heaping spoonful of the thick and hot stew.

"At the same time," he continued, "I know in my heart that things couldn't have been any different. I needed to know that she chose Clark, not his alter ego." Again, he sighed and took a sip of water. "I've spent the other part of the day wondering if it was ever a good idea for me to create Superman to begin with."

"I thought you loved the freedom to be able to help people," Martha said knowingly.

"I do, Mom. You know that. It's just that, for all the good Superman does, he might have destroyed the one perfect thing in my life."

"She said she still loved you," Martha pointed out. "Can't you trust her when she says that?"

"I do trust her. But that hasn't stopped that nagging little flame of doubt from flickering there inside as well. I don't know what to do."

"I'm not sure there is anything to do," Jonathan said after a thoughtful moment of silence had passed.

"That's not exactly what I was hoping to hear," Clark said, casting his eyes down at his supper.

"I know it's not," his father said, reaching over and lightly squeezing Clark's shoulder. "But I think, in this instance, it's true. You have to let Lois figure things out on her own, as hard as it is."

"I'm not sure I can do that," he admitted. "I'm so used to fixing problems. Sitting still and being helpless..." he shook his head. "I don't know if that's possible for me."

"I have faith that you can," Jonathan said.

"I hope so," Clark said. "I can't mess things up any further than I already have." He took another bite of his food.

"I could talk to her, if you'd like," Martha offered.

Clark shook his head. "I actually offered as much to Lois. I wanted to bring her with me tonight. She's not ready for that either. I had hoped that, if she got to talk to you, it might help her to process everything. But, I'm not going to force it on her. Thanks anyway. Maybe sometime in the future though, if Lois ever forgives me."

"She will," Martha assured him. "She loves you. I know it looks bad now, but it will change. Just you wait and see."

Clark nodded, but, in his heart, he wasn't completely convinced.



***


"Croissant?"

"Huh?"

"Croissant?" Clark repeated, holding a brown bag toward Lois.

"Let me guess," she said in a lowered voice. "France?" She gestured with her hand in what looked to be a flying motion.

"Uh...oui?" he replied, feeling himself slightly blush. "They're from my favorite little cafe."

Lois nodded and took the proffered bag. "Thanks. I guess maybe there might be a perk or two to this whole thing."

"Does that mean you forgive me?" he teased.

"Not quite. You know you can't buy my good graces."

"I know, and I wouldn't have picked these up, under normal circumstances. But I was in the area this morning."

"The plane that was going down. Yeah, I heard about it on the radio. And if I wasn't so hungry, I wouldn't even want this. It's like...cheating. No one else can do what you can. Getting this," again, she made that same motion with her hand, "the way you did - that's exactly what we're fighting about here, Clark. Everything that you hid from me. I want to be a normal couple."

Clark nodded in understanding. "I'm not sure that's possible, Lois. Because I'm not normal. Normal for me is rushing off on a moment's notice to help save someone or picking up an authentic Italian pizza. I'm sorry, Lois. I wish I could just...stop. But I can't. It's...he's...as much a part of me as the blood in my veins." He sighed and fell silent for a moment before speaking again, this time changing the subject. "Oh, uh...my parents say hi. They're so excited about your decision," he said, pitching his voice as low as he could, so that only she could hear. "And yes, they're even happy that you know...everything...about me. They're willing to talk with you, if you want. In person or on the phone, it doesn't matter. I told them you weren't ready yet, but they said the offer stands."

"Good to know," Lois said neutrally.

"Did you sleep okay last night? I wanted to call you but figured it was best if I didn't."

"Not as well as I would have liked."

"You and me both."

"The difference is, you deserve a sleepless night or two," she said.

Ouch.

He couldn't argue that she was wrong though. "Maybe," he said.

"Lois! Clark!" Jimmy called out to them. "This just came in. Surveillance photos from the subway that was bombed yesterday."

"Great. Thanks, Jimmy," Clark said, taking the manila envelope from his friend. It was thin, so Clark assumed only the most relevant photos were enclosed within.

"Oh, and the Chief wants everyone in the conference room for a quick staff meeting."

"We'll be right there," Clark said.

Jimmy nodded and headed off to spread the word. Clark moved to his desk and placed the envelope down. He dearly wanted to open the envelop up and inspect the photos within, but he knew better than to get wrapped up in their investigation. Finding the bomber would have to wait, as much as it pained him to know that the perpetrator was still out there somewhere, able to strike again if he or she so chose. With one last, lingering look, he put his back to the desk and moved off toward the conference room.

As per usual, he sat in the seat next to Lois, more out of habit than because he believed that she wanted him close by. Lois picked at her croissant as they waited for the rest of their coworkers to trickle in. She leaned in to Clark as she took the first bite of the treat he'd brought for her.

"It's really good," she informed him.

"Glad you like it."

"All right everybody, sit down and quiet up," Perry said as he entered the room. Immediately, the noise level in the room dropped to almost nothing. "Let's not make this a long, drawn out meeting. The world doesn't stop just because we're in here and not out there in the streets. Wyman, how's the gang murder story coming?"

"Almost done, Chief. I have two, maybe three more paragraphs to write."

"Good. Munoz? The apartment fire?"

"Waiting to hear back from the fire department on whether or not it was arson. I plan on calling them back by the end of the day."

"Make it sooner," Perry said. "Stone? How's the follow-up on that toy store robbery?"

"Stalled. The owner refuses to give us an interview and the police don't have any fresh leads. I'm going to try for an interview again before lunch."

"Good. Lois? Clark? Anything on the subway bombing?"

"Nothing new. We just got some surveillance photos that we haven't had a chance to look at yet," Clark answered. "With any luck, we'll grab a lead from them."

"As soon as this meeting is over..." Perry started to say.

"We'll be on it," Clark finished for him.

"Cat, how's the gossip column looking?"

"Unfortunately not as plump as Lois is these days," she jibbed, giving Lois a victorious smile.

The entire office was used to the traded teasing and occasional verbal warfare between the two women. But this time, there was only scattered snickering as Lois's entire visage darkened like a storm cloud.

"That's it!" she said, slamming the palms of her hands on the polished conference room table. "I have had it with the jabs about my figure from you, Cat. You want to know why I look the way I do right now? It's because Clark and I are having a baby. Yes, that's right," she said as Cat gaped, "he chose me to have a baby with. Not you. So chew on that for a while. You will never have Clark. Never."

The rest of their coworkers sat stock still and silent as they absorbed what Lois had said. She eyed them all with a dangerous stare, daring them to speak.

"Anyone else have something to say?" she asked in a flat, cold tone.

Jimmy bravely ventured to break the silence. "Congrats?" he asked, somewhat fearfully.

That finally put a small smile on her face. "Thanks, Jimmy."

With that, the congratulations began. Clark felt many a hand clasp him on the shoulder as their friends and coworkers all offered their well wishes and happiness for them. For a moment, Clark felt almost like a celebrity.

Too bad this baby isn't of my blood.

The thought was there and gone in a second, but it left him feeling somewhat deflated and definitely saddened. He kept the smile affixed to his face, however, and thanked everyone for their kind words. Lois looked surprised by the outpouring of happiness from the rest of the reporting staff and photographers. She graciously accepted each congratulatory word from the rest of the staff. Clark was glad. She looked genuinely happy and that made his heart ache with love for her.

"All right, everyone, settle down. Settle down," Perry called out, trying to regain order so the meeting could finish and everyone could get back to work. "You all will have a few more months to discuss this. Can we get back on track here?"

Lois shot Perry a grateful look. Clark knew that, as thankful as she was for the well wishes of their coworkers, she really didn't like being in the limelight, unless it was to celebrate yet another reporting award. Perry nodded once in acknowledgement.

"Kirth? Where are we on the school board hearing?"

"We should have a ruling tomorrow morning."

"Woods? The liquor store holdup?"

"Positive ID on the suspect, I sent the story over to you just before the meeting."

Clark lost track of the rest of the meeting. His mind was solely fixated on Lois. He'd never once imagined her telling the entire newsroom of her pregnancy, not the way she had. He knew also, now that the cat of out of the bag, so to speak, she would need to tell her parents. He wasn't looking forward to that. It was always awkward enough meeting a girl's parents for the first time. But to do so and take responsibility for her unborn baby in the same breath...he only hoped he'd leave the meeting in one piece. He loved Lois and nothing in the world could tear him from her side, but that didn't mean he wasn't nervous about the scrutiny he was guaranteed to receive, if Lois wasn't exaggerating about her parents' attitudes.

It was a relief when the meeting was adjourned and he could get back to work on the bombing case. At least he had something else to occupy his mind with. He went straight back to his desk and used a letter opener to neatly slice open the sealed manila envelope. He studied the pictures for a long time, scanning them in every possible way, looking for something by which he could identify the hooded figure he saw in the images.

"Anything yet?" Lois asked, appearing over his shoulder and causing him to jump slightly. He hadn't noticed she was there as he rescanned the photos for a second time.

Clark snapped out of his enhanced vision and back to normal to look at Lois. "Nothing yet." He zoomed back in on the photo. "Wait...I think...I think there's some sort of logo on his backpack."

"What does it look like?" Lois asked, getting excited.

"A starburst with initials."

"Well? Spit it out! What are they?"

"It's hard to tell. It's mostly blocked." He quickly checked the other photos, but they were worse that the first one. "I think I see the word 'tech.' Jimmy might know it. Jimmy!" he called out.

The younger photographer seemed to materialize from nowhere. "What's up, CK? Oh, and by the way, congrats again. It's so cool that you two are having a baby! Let me tell you, you guys are so lucky to have each other. I'd kill for a decent girl right now."

"Thanks, Jimmy," Clark said. "I need you to blow up these images. Specifically the backpack." He pointed with his finger to exactly where he meant. "I think something might be on it. It might be nothing, it might be everything."

"Will do. I've got some stuff developing in the darkroom right now, but I can get to this in about an hour."

"Great," Clark said, knowing it would be pointless to ask if Jimmy could please hurry along the current batch of photos. "You're the best."

"Just call the kid Jimmy and we'll be even," his friend teased as he took a few steps backwards, the photographs in question in his hand.

"Speaking of," Clark said, looking to Lois. "We're going to need to tell your folks. Not that they have any contact with anyone in the bullpen, but..." He shrugged and left the unspoken implications hang in the air.

"Ugh," Lois said with a healthy dose of disgust. "You're right, of course."

"They're going to find out eventually."

"Can we just send them an announcement when the kid graduates from high school?" Lois pleaded.

"Lo-is," Clark said, though an amused smile curled the corners of his mouth.

"Okay, okay. I'll see what I can do. Later. We have work to do."

Clark nodded. "Coffee?"

Lois thought about it for a moment. "I really shouldn't, but, yeah, I think I need it after that meeting."

"I'll be right back," he promised.

"I'll come with you," Lois said. "I feel like I want to stretch my legs a little."

He shrugged. "Sure."

As they made their way to the break area, they passed by Ralph, who was just coming from there, munching on a donut. He grinned when he saw them. Lois ducked away for a moment, heading into the ladies' room.

"So, Kent. You and the Lane woman," Ralph said, coming up alongside Clark. "You dog! Or should I say, Mad Dog tamer!"

Clark gritted his teeth. "That's not even remotely funny, Ralph."

"I mean, man! It's no secret that she's a looker. But that attitude? Did she even let you get a word in edgewise?" he continued, as if Clark hadn't spoken. "If you know what I mean, that is."

"Cut it out, Ralph," Clark said in a warning tone.

"Granted, for some reason, she gets along with you, and you with her. Most of us rather not be on the receiving end of her tirades, let alone whatever her pregnancy hormones are going to be like. I feel bad for you," Ralph said. "She's probably going to turn into a total psycho."

Clark had heard enough. He pushed Ralph back against the wall, pinning him there with his forearm. A look of shock, and maybe even a little fear, crossed Ralph's features. The donut dropped from his hand and hit the floor, the jelly filling spattering on the freshly mopped tiles.

"Hey, man, what's the big idea?"

"Shut up, Ralph," Clark demanded in an almost growling tone. "I don't ever want to hear you speaking about Lois like that ever again. Understood?"

Ralph gulped. "Get your hands off me! Do you know who my uncle is?"

"I'm very aware of who your uncle is," Clark replied. "I'm fairly certain your connection to the owners is the only reason why you still have a job here."

"So you know you just crossed a bad line," Ralph threatened.

"Actually, Ralph, you crossed the line. Lois means everything to me," Clark said. "I will not tolerate you or anyone else speaking badly about her."

He abruptly let go and Ralph dusted himself off in an overly dramatic fashion. "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you're the insane one. I've heard of sympathy pregnancies but this is ridiculous."

"Ralph, I'm not going to warn you again," Clark said through gritted teeth, trying hard to control the sudden wave of anger that had engulfed him.

For some reason, that seemed to cut Ralph to the bone. He took the opportunity to scurry away like the rat Clark thought he was. He'd always known that the man was inept at his job, as well as crude, but this had been a new low, even for him. However, it was his own reaction to Ralph that was upsetting Clark the most. He'd allowed his anger to control him. That was never a good thing. What if he'd lost his careful grip on his powers?

"Clark? Clark, you're shaking," Lois said as she lightly touched his upper arm. She sounded scared and Clark had to wonder how much she'd seen.

Clark looked down. His hands were shaking and he could feel the rest of his body quaking as well. "I...I..."

"Come over here," Lois said quietly, leading him to an empty conference room.

Once they were inside, she wrapped her arms around him in a hug, though he continued to tremble. For a moment, he just let her hold him, before he returned the hug, once he was sure that he was in control enough not to hurt her. Hurting Lois, even accidentally, was simply not an option.

"Are you okay?" she finally asked, murmuring into his ear.

"I'm not sure," Clark replied, pulling away. "I can't believe I just did that. I threatened him. I could have hurt him, Lois. For just a split second, I lost control of my anger, and, as a result, of my control over my abilities."

"But you didn't hurt him," Lois reminded him.

"It doesn't matter," he argued, shaking his head. "The point is, I could have. For a moment there, I was terrified of myself. I can't allow myself to get this emotional. And I usually don't. But when he started in on you...between that and everything over the last few days...I couldn't help it. It was like...I don't know. Like I wasn't myself at all."

"I appreciate that you stood up for me," Lois said, giving him a smile before dropping her eyes down to the floor. "No one's ever really done that for me before. Not like this."

"Lois, I'm always happy to be there for you. But I shouldn't have done what I did. Perry's going to kill me."

"He'll have to go through me first," Lois vowed.

"Lois, don't put yourself on the line here. Not for me. Not after what I've done."

"Clark, forget the secret for now. This has nothing to do with it," she said, rubbing his forearm in a soothing manner. "And even so, I still love you. I've still got your back when things get tough."

"And I've got yours," he replied with a small smile.

"Kent?" Perry asked, opening the door to the conference room a crack. "Can I see you in my office for a moment?"

"Sure, Chief," Clark said, a knot of dread reforming and tightening in his stomach.

"I'm coming too," Lois said, and for once, Perry didn't challenge her.

She grabbed Clark's hand as they trailed their boss. It was a short walk to his office. Lois closed the door as they entered, blocking out the noise of the bullpen and prying ears alike.

"Kent..." Perry began, uncertain.

"Look, Perry...I can explain."

"No need. I know exactly what went on."

"You...do?" Clark asked, surprised.

"I wouldn't be the editor of a world famous newspaper if I didn't know what was going on in my own newsroom," Perry said.

Lois and Clark exchanged a look, then shrugged. It made sense, after all, that Perry would keep his thumb on everything that went on in the bullpen, if he could. Still, Lois ventured a guess.

"Jimmy?"

"Maybe," he said elusively. "Now, I don't disagree that Ralph got what was coming to him. But you have to remember, his uncle's one of the big mucky-mucks upstairs."

"I know," Clark said, sinking down onto the plaid couch. "Look, Perry, I know I messed up. I let him get under my skin and I lost my composure. I shouldn't have."

Perry nodded. "You, above all people, I think, understand that. I've never seen you that riled up before."

Me, above all people? Clark wondered to himself. Once again, he had to contemplate how much Perry knew or suspected about his connection to Superman.

"The things he said about Lois..." he said instead, in a weak defense of his unforgivable actions.

Perry put up his hand to silence him. "I know. I'll be speaking with him too. Believe you me, if I could, I'd kick his butt from here to Graceland. But I can't. That being said, there's no way I can sweep this little incident under the carpet. You understand."

Clark nodded miserably. "Of course."

"Good, that makes this a little easier. I'm going to have to suspend you for a week, sans pay."

"Perry!" Lois exclaimed, outraged. "You can't do that!"

"I can and I am. Look, if I do nothing, the bigwigs upstairs are going to be on me like white on rice."

"And what about Ralph?" Lois demanded to know. "What? Clark gets punished for sticking up for me, but Ralph gets away scott-free?"

"Lois," Clark protested, trying to get her to calm down. He felt like he deserved the punishment that Perry had doled out, and felt, in part, relieved that it was only a small suspension and nothing more substantial.

"I'll be speaking to him. And his uncle. I always said that guy was a walking sexual harassment suit waiting to happen," Perry said grimly. "His behavior is completely unacceptable."

"Tell him that I'm sorry," Clark said.

Perry nodded. "I hate to say this, you know that. But, I need your press pass, son."

Clark nodded in turn. "I understand." He took this wallet out, slipped the pass out, and handed it to his boss. "I'm sorry, Perry. It was stupid of me to lose my temper."

"Son, don't even mention it. I can't say that, back in the day, I wouldn't have done the same if someone had insulted Alice like that. Now, go home. Try to relax. Maybe start thinking up some names for that baby of yours." He gave Clark a fatherly smile and a pat on the shoulder.

It didn't make Clark feel any better. He sighed heavily. "Yeah, I guess."

"Go on," Perry encouraged him.

"Come on," Lois said, rubbing Clark's back. "I'll take you home. It's really not all that far out of the way from that fire from the other day that we covered. I was thinking of following up with the owner of that consignment store that was affected."

Clark mutely nodded and followed Lois when she exited Perry's office. His heart dragged along with his feet. How had he been so irresponsible? How had he lost that iron grip he always had on his emotions and powers? And why Ralph? The man wasn't worth Clark's anger. In fact, Clark tried to avoid the man when it was possible, for the sole reason of how much his complete ineptitude and inherent crudeness bothered Clark.

"Hey, CK," Jimmy said as he spied the two making their way toward the elevator.

"Don't say it, Jimmy," Clark said, shaking his head.

"I wanted to say that he had it coming," the younger man said.

Clark knew that Jimmy and Ralph had a rocky history. Ralph thought of himself as a Jack-of-all-trades and master of all. He'd once been paired with Jimmy on an assignment. While there, he'd tried to teach Jimmy how to be a photographer, despite the young man's prowess with a camera. He'd even grabbed the camera from him and shot an entire roll of useless, blurry photos. Of course, when Perry had raged about it, Ralph had tried to place the blame on Jimmy, stating that the photographer must have purposefully messed with the settings to make him look bad. Perry hadn't believed a word of it, but that had done nothing to cool Jimmy's hatred for Ralph.

"It's about time someone put him in his place," Jimmy added.

"Yeah, well, it should never have been me," Clark said. "I've been suspended for a week."

"What?! That's ridiculous!"

"It's more than fair," Clark said, putting a hand up to stop Jimmy before he could begin to rant.

"Sorry, man."

"Don't be. I did it to myself."

Jimmy shook his head anyway. "Oh, Lois," he said, as if suddenly remembering something. "There was an ATM robbery this morning."

"So? That's not exactly breaking news." She shrugged.

"Yeah, but the word is that the front of the machine had a hole punched right through it."

"A hole?"

"A fist-sized hole," Jimmy said, a twinkle in his eye.

"How do they know that?" Clark asked.

"There was a witness. She saw the man punch a hole in the machine with his bare hands."

Lois and Clark shared a look. This could be something huge, they both knew.

"I'm coming with you," Clark said decisively.

"But..."

"Not as a reporter," he assured her. "But as a concerned boyfriend."

And superhero, he thought to himself flatly. With Lois' strong reaction to his secret alter ego, the thought of Superman left an almost bad taste in his mouth.

Lois nodded. "Let's go then."

"I'm coming too," Jimmy said, grabbing his camera. "Actually, I was just about to leave you a message and go when I saw you. I'll take my bike and meet you there."

That didn't surprise Clark. Jimmy rarely rode with them when on assignment. He preferred to take his own car or motorcycle, so that he could be free to get back to the Planet whenever he needed to. That way, he could get the photographs developed as swiftly as possible, oftentimes finishing the process before Lois and Clark could get back to the bullpen. It was a time consuming process to speak with the police, witnesses, victims, and others at crime scenes, or to secure an interview with whoever was holding the press conference they were covering. On more than one occasion, having Jimmy develop the photos ahead of Lois and Clark's reemergence into the bullpen had given them their very next lead almost instantaneously.

"See you there," Lois said, her voice carrying a note of approval. Then, to Clark, a brief and singular nod.

"Right," Jimmy said, slinging his camera bag over his shoulder. "I'll give Perry the head's up."

"Are you going to, you know? Buzz around?" Lois asked when they were safely in the elevator.

Clark shook his head. "Only if I have to. Jimmy's expecting to see me there, not Superman," he said, lowering his voice though they were completely alone.

"Clark?" she said after a brief lapse of silence.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"This," she replied, gesturing broadly. "This is my fault. I should have kept my mouth shut about the baby."

Clark laughed, causing creases of confusion to crinkle Lois' brow. "It would have come out sooner or later. And Ralph still would have been an idiot."

"Yeah, but, in light of everything between you and me lately..."

"Lois, trust me, I don't think there would ever be a perfect time to announce that to the rest of the Planet. Are both of our emotions running high right now? Sure. But, in the end, I'm responsible for my own actions. All of them."



To Be Continued...



Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon