Previously on Seed of Doubt...
"At some point, I don't know how long it was, I finally crash-landed on Earth. My parents were driving by Schuster's Field and saw what they thought was a meteor. Curious, they decided to check things out, only to find me instead. They couldn't have children of their own, but they managed to find a way to legally adopt me, even though initial attempts to adopt had failed in the past."
"You always told me that you were left on their doorstep," Lois pointed out.
"That's the official story that everyone knows," Clark clarified. "They were so afraid that someone would find out that I was more than what I appeared to be, and that some scientists might rip me away from them only to dissect me in a lab. Fear led them to cover up any evidence that might prove me to be something other than human."
"I wish you'd stop saying that."
"Saying what?" he asked, taken aback by the unexpected comment from Lois.
"That you aren't human," she replied calmly.
Clark was thunderstruck by that simple statement. It was the last thing he'd ever expected to hear from her, especially now as they sat dealing with the aftermath of his secret being exposed.
"It's the truth though," he said, finding his voice.
Lois shook her head. "Clark, I've dealt with every kind of person on this planet, everyone from true philanthropists, to ego maniacs, to the lowest scum to ever breathe air. You are one of the most human people I've ever met."
"But, biologically, I'm not," he protested, unsure why he was making the case against himself. Perhaps he'd considered himself as an outcast for too many years, thanks to the powers that set him apart from everyone else. "I wasn't born on Earth. I'm a alien."
"In your genetics only," Lois allowed. "Listen to me, Clark. Do you laugh when things amuse you? Do you cry when you're upset? Do you care about other people? Do you love? Do you hate?"
"Yes..." he ventured, tentatively.
"Then you're a human," she finished, a sense of finality to her voice.
He felt humbled by her defense of his humanity, but could only nod his acknowledgement. After a few seconds, he squeaked out a "Thank you."
"I'm still mad at you," she warned him. "And I might be for a while."
"I understand. I guess I'd be more afraid if you just accepted it without feeling anything at all," he admitted. "I promise, I won't pressure you. I can wait for you to...digest all of this."
Lois nodded. "I know."
"You do?"
"Yes. Because that's just who you are." Clark gave her a hopeful smile, but she barely returned it. "Now, you were saying?"
"Right," he said. "Anyway, they raised me as they would have any normal kid. For all they knew, I was a normal kid, right up until I was about ten. Then I started to develop a series of weird abilities. Before I was eleven, for example, I could outrun the local train without breaking a sweat or even breathing hard. I was growing stronger all the time. I set the occasional fire with my eyes. My parents, God bless them, helped me find ways to control all of my powers. They never judged me or condemned my abilities. While I silently or very verbally freaked out as each new power made itself known, they only remained steadfast and resolute in their efforts to help me. And, in time, I mastered each ability."
He sighed. "As I got each power under control, I eventually came to look at them as a gift. I had to decide how I would use them, if ever. Helping people seemed like the only morally sound way to deal with such incredible powers, but I was always afraid of being caught. So, for many years, I used them only when I was sure not to be caught, and worked on excuses for the few times when it seemed that I might become exposed for something other than a normal man. I traveled the world, looking for an explanation of why I had such powers and how I could best use them to help. And," he admitted, "I kept moving each time it seemed like I might have been in danger of being caught."
He looked away, the pain of those lonely days spent seeing world still a sharp knife in his heart. "Finally, I found myself in Metropolis. I found a way to secure work with the Planet. I met you. In fact, you're the reason why I fought so hard for Perry to accept me as his newest hire. The rest, I've already explained. You mentioned a change of clothes and soon thereafter, Superman was born."
"I guess I'm glad to have helped," Lois said, though she didn't sound all that enthused at the moment. "I need some time," she added, "to wrap my head around all of this. Starting now. I'll meet you at work."
Not sharing the ride to work with her broke his heart, but he had to admit that it wasn't wholly unexpected. He nodded in return.
"Okay," he said. Then, haltingly, "Is there anything at all, anywhere in the world, that I can get for you?"
"No," she said, with a swift shake of her head. Whether she truly didn't want anything or if she just didn't want to deal with his super-side at the moment, he didn't know, and thought it best not to even try to figure out.
"Okay," he repeated. "See you later."
As he watched her gather her things and step out of his apartment, he couldn't help but wonder just how badly damaged their relationship was. Unfortunately, only time would tell. He just hoped it wasn't completely beyond repair.
***
"You're here early," Lois said to Clark as she passed by, on her way to her own desk. "Didn't hit any traffic, I assume?"
Clark winced at the harshness of her words. "No, no traffic," he allowed. "Coffee?"
"No."
"Maybe later then," he muttered, more to himself than her.
"Maybe."
"I sent you everything I have on the pipe bomb this morning," Clark said, hoping that it would be the peace offering that was so desperately needed. "Including some choice quotes from Superman. I would have given you the car accident Superman was at in the middle of the night, but, I'm afraid that if I turn up with nothing this morning, Perry will skin me alive."
"We wouldn't want that to happen. It might expose that you've been lying to him all this time too," she said in an annoyed whisper.
"Lois...please. I'm trying here."
She sighed. "I know. So am I. But, you have to understand how hurt I am right now. How much you made me feel like an idiot."
"You aren't an idiot, Lois," he tried to assure her.
"Well, I sure feel like one, for not seeing what was staring me in the face for all this time," she snapped back before turning her back to him and walking to her desk.
Clark watched her go, but only for a moment. He had nothing left to say. He wanted to remind her how much he loved her, but knew that, until she worked things out for herself, it would be a futile and, more than likely, unwelcome effort. He sighed and forced himself to work on his article, though, as usual, he was still very aware of what Lois was doing.
For a time, she sat at her desk, sipping a bottle of water, reading something on her computer screen. Clark only hoped it was the detailed notes he'd written up about the pipe bomb. He really did want her to have the article. He knew it was the least he could do.
After a while, Lois clicked something on her screen, stood, stretched, and headed toward Perry's office. Clark didn't turn to watch as she walked through the bullpen. In fact, he made no moves at all, pretending, instead, to be engrossed in his work. In truth, he was already nearly done with the apparent suicide from the middle of the night. Soon, he would read it over, make his corrections, and send it to Perry.
"Lois!" Clark heard Perry say in a startled tone as Lois knocked on the open door to his office. "What in Elvis' name are you doing here so early?"
"I couldn't sleep," Lois replied, not waiting for an invitation to join him in his office. Clark heard her shut the door behind her, feeling guilty for listening in with his sensitive hearing, but driven to eavesdrop by some baser need. "Can we talk?"
"My door is always open, you know that," Perry replied in that soft southern drawl of his. "What's on your mind?"
"I need a new partner," she bluntly stated.
"Oh for the love of Elvis!" Clark heard Perry exclaim. He could just imagine their editor throwing his hands up in frustration. "I knew this would happen. It's worse than Norcross and Judd! What the hell happened? I thought you two were happier than pigs in slop?"
"Clark's been lying to me," Lois stated matter-of-factly.
"So?" Perry asked.
"What do you mean, 'so?'," Lois asked. "He lied to me, Chief!"
"And you've never lied to him, ever?" Perry countered.
"Well," Lois said haltingly, "of course I have. But this...? Did you ever have someone lie to you about something so important that it made you wonder if you ever really knew them at all?" Her voice wavered and Clark knew she was on the verge of tears. Tears that he wanted nothing more than to kiss away. Tears that he'd caused.
"Sure," Perry replied, and Clark imagined the shrug that went along with the calm and collected sound of his voice. "When Alice and I got married, well, we were standing there before each other on our wedding night. Suddenly, I notice she's listing off to one side. Turns out, she's got one leg that's an inch shorter than the other."
"Really?"
"Uh-huh. She has special shoes made for her with this little wedge inside to balance her out."
"So...what'd you do?" Lois asked.
Again, Clark's mind filled in a shrug that he couldn't see. "Nothing. It didn't matter to me. I loved her anyway. And, I figured, if she hadn't said anything about it before, it wasn't something that she herself was completely comfortable with."
"That's so beautiful," Lois said, her voice still quavering.
"What about you?" Perry asked gently. "Do you love Clark? No, no. Don't answer me. Think about it for yourself. This lying - is it something you can live with, or a complete deal breaker?"
"I do love him," Lois said after a minute, though Perry had told her not to voice her answers aloud. Clark imagined - or rather hoped - that she was staring out the window of Perry's office in Clark's general direction. "But this lie...it's a lot to take in."
"You think you can still work with him? On a professional level?"
Clark could hear Lois' contemplative sigh. "I don't know. I'll try, I guess."
"Good. Now, go find your partner and something to put in the blank space I have in my paper."
Lois must have smiled or nodded, because she left Perry's office without another word. She breezed right back to her desk, saying nothing to Clark. A few minutes later, he could hear the keys on her keyboard clicking as she began to write. He hoped it was the pipe bomb story, but he didn't dare ask.
At noon, they broke for lunch. Lucy had just started working for one of the local diners, in between the classes she was taking. She seemed happy to see them when they walked through the front door, and immediately rushed to get them drinks.
"So, how much did you hear before?" Lois asked once her sister was out of earshot.
"Hear?" Clark asked, trying to find her train of thought.
"When I spoke to Perry."
"Oh. That. I, uh..." He felt his neck and cheek flush with heat and redness.
Lois nodded. "I thought so."
"I didn't mean to. I just...I'm so scared, Lois. Not that you'd...out me...to Perry," he said, lowering his voice and glancing around as he carefully chose his words. "But that I'm going to lose you completely."
"I told you, I need time to digest it all," she said, her voice soft instead of harsh, the way it had been for most of the day so far.
"I know. But, the truth is, part of me has always wondered if I was good enough for you. Especially because of the lies you exposed this morning. It's always been my biggest fear that those same lies could tear apart the only love I've ever known. And I do love you, Lois."
"I know you do."
"One bacon swiss burger, extra fries, no coleslaw, double pickles for you," Lucy said as she appeared with a tray of their food. She put the dish in question before Lois, along with a bottle of ketchup. "One steak sandwich, extra au jus for dipping, waffle fries, double coleslaw and a pickle for you," she said, setting down Clark's plate. "Anything else?"
"Not at the moment," Lois replied pleasantly, picking up a steak fry and nibbling on it before deciding that the fries needed salt. "So, the new job's going well, I take it?"
"Well enough," Lucy said. "There's one cook who is a little creepy, but the other girls assure me that he's harmless."
"You sure?" Lois asked.
Lucy nodded. "Yeah. I think he's more socially awkward than anything else. I'll let you know if there's ever a problem. So, how are the two of you doing? And the baby?"
"Ssh! Not so loud," Lois complained, motioning for Lucy to turn the volume down several notches. "No one knows."
Lucy rolled her eyes. "Sorry," she said in an exaggerated whisper. "So? Are you going to tell me? Or should I ask again?"
"Everything's fine," Lois lied. "And I've decided to go ahead and keep it," she added in a low, confidential tone.
"Oh. My. God," Lucy said, almost squealing. "That is so great!"
"Mom and Dad don't know anything yet. You cannot say a word to them, got it?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Hey, there she is!" came a new voice.
"Johnny!" Lucy cried, happy to see the newcomer. "Lois, Clark, this is Johnny Corben. We've been seeing each other."
"Since when?" Lois asked. Then, "Sorry. Nice to meet you."
"Same," he replied, barely glancing over at Lois and Clark.
"A couple of weeks," Lucy said.
A couple of weeks? Clark thought. Didn't she just recently break up with some other guy?
Judging from Lois' look, she was having a similar thought.
"I'll tell you all about it some other time," Lucy said, her tone conveying the confirmation they were looking for. She had, indeed, been seeing at least two men at the same time.
"Babe, can we talk?" Johnny asked.
"Sure. Just give me a few minutes, okay? I have to check on a few more tables first." Lucy led the man away to a more secluded area, where they could talk in private when she was finished refilling a few drinks.
"A couple of weeks?" Lois said in a voice so low, it was almost as if she merely mouthed the question, instead of speaking it.
Clark shook his head. "Guess your sister's been keeping some secrets."
Lois frowned, instantly making Clark regret his words. "Seems to be a pattern with people that I love lately."
"Lois..."
She put her hand up in a "stop" gesture. "Clark, I'm really done discussing your...extracurricular activities for the time being."
Clark sighed, slumped his shoulders, and swallowed the words that had been on his tongue. He tried to think of something else to say, but came up empty. He said nothing, dunked his sandwich in the small bowl of au jus, and took a bite. At least, with his mouth full, Lois wouldn't expect a response.
At the end of the meal, Lois excused herself to the bathroom. Clark paid the bill, leaving cash on the table. Lucy hadn't yet returned, and he and Lois still had work to do. He didn't want to have to wait for his credit card to be run. He left a healthy tip as well, sensitive to the fact that Lucy was his girlfriend's sister. Or, rather, he hoped he could still consider Lois to be his girlfriend. After all, she had said that she still cared about him.
When Lois failed to return in a timely manner, he went looking for her. He found her spying around a corner, beyond which Lucy and Johnny were speaking together. He lightly touched Lois' shoulder. She jumped a little at the unexpected contact, but she managed to keep her gasp of fright low enough to remain undetected by her sister.
"Excuse me, but this is the no eavesdropping section," he teased her.
"A funny thing for the man who listened in on my conversation with Perry to say," she shot back, but she did allow him to lead her away. "I'm trying to make sure my sister doesn't get hurt," she added, in an attempt to defend her actions.
"Lois," he said haltingly, choosing his words, "I'm not sure that's the best idea."
"I'm her older sister," she argued as they left the diner.
"I know that. And I appreciate where you're coming from. But, do you think Lucy will? From what you've told me, you've always been a little...vocal...about her choices in men."
"Clark, trust me. Lucy needs my help. She can't seem to pick a decent guy. You want to know what I overheard just now?"
Clark buckled his seat belt. "No, but something tells me you're going to tell me anyway."
"She gave him all her money! Her tips and paycheck! He's using her, Clark. And she's too blind to see it."
That gave him pause. He knew that Lucy was already struggling to pay her rent and her tuition fees. She certainly couldn't afford to give up her tips and paycheck to anyone, let alone a guy she'd only just started dating.
"I don't want her to be forced to drop out of her classes," Lois said in a sad voice.
"I know. I know you want to protect her," Clark sympathized, giving her shoulder a squeeze. He stopped for a stop sign, checked both ways, then proceeded forward. "I admire you for it. But this might be one of those things that she needs to figure out on her own. I have this feeling that she won't appreciate it if you meddle at all."
Lois said nothing, which Clark took as a bad sign. He kept driving, trying to think of some way to transition into a different topic of conversation. Finally, a thought popped into his brain, as he made a sharp right turn at an intersection.
"I was wondering something," he started.
"What's that?"
"Well...I thought that maybe...maybe you'd like to come out to Kansas with me tonight? I know you're mad at me right now, and I respect that. But, to be honest, my parents love you. I'm sure they'd be thrilled to find out that you know, well, everything now. As scared as they've always been for me, about others finding out, I think part of them has always wished that I could find someone I could trust enough to be my whole, real, weirdly gifted, alien self around." He turned his head just long enough to give her a quick smile, which she partially returned.
"No."
"I...uh...okay. I understand."
"Not tonight. I need some more time, Clark. I love your parents, and yes, maybe it would be good for me to talk to them. But I can't do this right now."
Clark nodded, keeping his eyes trained on the road ahead. He hit the brake as the driver in front of him stopped short. "Okay," he said.
"Are you going to tell them?" she asked.
"Well, I think they'll know something's up if one night Superman flies you to their house," he joked.
Lois laughed, a sound so precious and rare that day. "I meant about the baby."
"I...thought I'd follow your lead on that one. I wasn't sure if, after everything, you wouldn't change your mind. Especially given how it's...not mine."
"We don't know that for sure," she argued, though he couldn't tell if she wanted to believe there was a chance of him being the father or if she was just arguing for argument's sake.
"We do," he said in a soft, defeated voice. Then, "So, you are still keeping it, I take it?"
"I am. And, even as mad as I am right now, I still want you to be in the baby's life...if you still want to be."
"I do. I promised you, Lois. You and this baby will never be doing this on your own. Part of me fell in love with it when you showed me that first ultrasound image. And I still love you. Always will. I could never walk away from that, ever."
"I know. I still love you too. That's what makes this so hard," Lois said in a low, soft voice. Her head drooped a little toward her chest.
Clark nodded and swallowed down the urge to reply. He wasn't even sure what he could say to try to mend the rift between them. At least she still cared about him. If she couldn't muster the will to tell him that she still loved him, then he would be concerned. But she had told him that, and it was enough to give him hope that one day the hurt would be healed and they'd be the closest they'd ever been. He just wished he knew the day or the hour when that would happen, while part of him, despite his hope, feared that Superman and his deception would always stand as a wedge between them.
"So..." he hedged after a few minutes of silence. "I think we should check with the police and see if they know anything about that pipe bomb from this morning."
"We?" Lois asked.
"It's your article of course," he quickly amended. "But, well, it might not be the worst thing in the world if I tagged along. I'd like to stop by the scene of the bombing too, just in case I can pick up on anything that the police didn't."
"It's been hours," Lois pointed out.
"I know," he said, beeping the horn as the car before them remained idle well after the traffic light they were at turned green. "But it would give me peace of mind to check things over anyway."
"Okay," Lois said. "And, Clark?"
"Hmm?"
"We can share the byline, if there's a story."
"Really, Lois, I don't mean to pry into your story."
"I want to," she said. "I've done some thinking, especially right after I left your place this morning. You could have scooped me on just about any story we've done together. Especially the Superman pieces. But you've always shared the credit, even outright given me some of them. I know it hasn't been just to maintain your cover."
"It's because I've wanted to share with you," he said before she could. "I've always loved getting to share a part of who I am...my super side...with you, even if I couldn't do it directly."
"Let's go to the subway station first," Lois suggested. "I want to get this solved as quickly as possible. Whoever did this could strike again, and you might not make it there on time. I don't want to see anyone get hurt."
"Okay," Clark said, changing his course to comply with her wishes.
It didn't take long before they found themselves at the subway station. It was still closed as the police continued to work the area over, looking for the slightest clue to help them identify at least a suspect or two. Lois broke away from Clark, going over to speak with Detective Anderson, whom they had often worked with in the past. Clark spoke for a time with Inspector Henderson, but the man had nothing new to add to their investigation. Casually, he looked around the area, like any interested and curious reporter. As he did so, he discreetly employed his enhanced senses, scanning for clues, but came up empty. There was simply too much concrete and steel for there to be any distinctive signs of who may have passed that way.
And thousands of commuters coming and going day in and day out, every single day, he reminded himself.
Henderson promised to keep them abreast of any break in the case, and they vowed to do the same, if they heard anything. Lois put the word out to all of their snitches as Clark drove them back to the Planet, but by the day's end, they had heard nothing. Lois opted to go straight back to her apartment, alone, nor would she allow Clark to buy her dinner. It broke Clark's heart, but he couldn't blame her. She was still absorbing his betrayal of her trust.
For his part, Clark followed her home from a distance, after Lois refused to let him escort her. It made him feel better to make sure that she got safely to her door. He spent the better part of two hours patrolling, then headed off to Kansas. Now more than ever, he needed the support of his parents.
"Clark!" Martha cried when he knocked on their door. Then, seeing his face, concern flooded her own, replacing her joy at seeing him. "Honey, what's the matter?"
"I need to talk to you," he said, stepping over the threshold as Martha held the door open to him.
"Come in. We're just having dinner. Have you eaten yet?"
"Not yet," he said as his mother ushered him to the table.
"Venison stew," Jonathan said by way of a greeting as Clark entered the room. "Mark stopped by last week with some meat. His freezer broke and the new one doesn't hold as much. How are you, son?" He wrapped his boy in a bear hug.
"I've been a lot better," Clark admitted as he sat.
"What happened?" Jonathan asked as Martha set a large bowl of stew in front of Clark.
"Did Lois make a decision about the baby?" Martha asked worriedly. Clark knew that she hoped beyond hope for a grandchild.
"Yes," Clark answered. "She's keeping it. And I'll be involved in the baby's life, even if there's no chance of it being mine." They nodded, though they smiled at the prospect of becoming grandparents.
"That's wonderful news!" Jonathan exclaimed.
"Yeah," Clark said, his enthusiasm gone. "That's not really why I'm here though."
"What is it?" Martha pressed. "Is there something wrong with the baby?"
"No," Clark said, shaking his head. "It's Lois. She...found out. About me. About Superman."
"Oh," Martha said, sinking into her chair. "My guess is she didn't take it well."
"That's an understatement," Clark said, dragging his spoon through the stew before taking a mouthful. He swallowed before continuing. "She's absolutely livid."
"She's not speaking to you?" Jonathan guessed.
"She is, but it's almost completely limited to professional matters. She says she still loves me, but she needs time to process everything. I can't blame her. I've been lying to her face for a long time. We're having a baby together. She should be able to trust me with everything, and I should be able to trust her with everything, even that stupid secret of mine. I'm not sure she'll ever really forgive me. No, that's not right. I'm afraid she'll never truly forgive me. I'm terrified that I might have completely wrecked things."
"Did she say that everything is ruined?" Jonathan inquired.
"No," Clark admitted, pushing his food around in his bowl. "But I just have this sinking feeling down in the pit of my stomach. Lois means everything to me. Everything. I've spent the better part of the day second guessing everything about our relationship. The way I handled my secret, the way I couldn't just trust her from the start, whether or not she'll ever understand that she really does know the real me - that Superman doesn't factor in to who I really am, not really. He's just an extension of myself." He sighed heavily and ate another heaping spoonful of the thick and hot stew.
"At the same time," he continued, "I know in my heart that things couldn't have been any different. I needed to know that she chose Clark, not his alter ego." Again, he sighed and took a sip of water. "I've spent the other part of the day wondering if it was ever a good idea for me to create Superman to begin with."
"I thought you loved the freedom to be able to help people," Martha said knowingly.
"I do, Mom. You know that. It's just that, for all the good Superman does, he might have destroyed the one perfect thing in my life."
"She said she still loved you," Martha pointed out. "Can't you trust her when she says that?"
"I do trust her. But that hasn't stopped that nagging little flame of doubt from flickering there inside as well. I don't know what to do."
"I'm not sure there is anything to do," Jonathan said after a thoughtful moment of silence had passed.
"That's not exactly what I was hoping to hear," Clark said, casting his eyes down at his supper.
"I know it's not," his father said, reaching over and lightly squeezing Clark's shoulder. "But I think, in this instance, it's true. You have to let Lois figure things out on her own, as hard as it is."
"I'm not sure I can do that," he admitted. "I'm so used to fixing problems. Sitting still and being helpless..." he shook his head. "I don't know if that's possible for me."
"I have faith that you can," Jonathan said.
"I hope so," Clark said. "I can't mess things up any further than I already have." He took another bite of his food.
"I could talk to her, if you'd like," Martha offered.
Clark shook his head. "I actually offered as much to Lois. I wanted to bring her with me tonight. She's not ready for that either. I had hoped that, if she got to talk to you, it might help her to process everything. But, I'm not going to force it on her. Thanks anyway. Maybe sometime in the future though, if Lois ever forgives me."
"She will," Martha assured him. "She loves you. I know it looks bad now, but it will change. Just you wait and see."
Clark nodded, but, in his heart, he wasn't completely convinced.
To Be Continued...
