Previously on Seed of Doubt...
"I feel...such guilt," she said after a moment. "I keep thinking...'how can I put Clark in this position? If, for some reason, I choose to keep this baby, how can I ruin Clark's life if it isn't his?' And that scares me."
"You aren't putting me in any position, Lois. I'm choosing to be in it. I want to be there, no matter what," Clark insisted. "You aren't ruining my life, Lois. If you decide to keep the baby, you'll be enhancing my life."
"But, if it's Lex's...?"
"It won't matter," Clark swore. "Because he will never know about the baby. He will never have any interaction with the baby. He or she won't even know who Luthor is, let alone any possible genetic link to him."
"But what if...if it is his...what if I can't love it the way it deserves? Not through any fault of its own, but because of what it would remind me of?"
Clark shook his head. "I wish I had an answer for that, Lois. I really do. All I can say is that I know you. I know how warm and loving you are. I've seen how much you care for people, even those you don't know. Regardless of who fathered this child, half of it is you. I believe that this will trump anything else. Besides," he added with a smile before he took a sip of water, "you don't have to find out who the biological father is if you don't want to."
"I guess that's true," she said unhappily, obviously still not convinced.
"Well, like I said, nothing had to be determined tonight," Clark reminded her. "For the time being, let's leave it at this: I love you and I swear that I'll be at your side, no matter what. There is nothing that will change the truth of those two things. Okay?"
"Okay," Lois said with a nod as she poked distractedly at her food with her fork.
"Can I ask one thing though?" Clark said after a moment, during which, he'd managed to eat two more bites of food.
"Sure."
"What'd Lucy say?"
That got Lois laughing. "She's torn between being ecstatic at the prospect of becoming an aunt and wanting to march down to the jail to castrate Lex."
"Can she do both?" Clark teased.
Again, she let out a laugh. It was so good to hear that beautiful sound. It meant the world to Clark that he could help lighten Lois' mood, even if only by the slightest of degrees.
"I wish," Lois agreed.
***
"Morning, Lois," Clark said as she opened the door to her apartment.
"Morning," she replied, sounding less than thrilled.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, already guessing from her demeanor that she wasn't feeling well at all.
"Aside from the fact that I've been throwing up for the last half hour?" she quipped. "Just lovely."
"I brought you something for that," Clark said, holding up the bag he'd brought.
"A new stomach?" she asked weakly.
Clark chuckled. "No. Ginger ale, saltines, and a box of peppermint sticks. All the books I've read say that this can really help with the morning sickness."
"All the books, huh?" Lois said, giving him a side glance as she took the bag from him.
Clark shrugged. "I figured it couldn't hurt. Ever since you told me...well, I've been educating myself, in case you decide that you want to keep the baby."
It had been two weeks since Lois had first told him the news. Two weeks in which they had continued to talk, at length, about the situation. Two weeks in which Lois had remained torn on the issue - to keep the pregnancy, to end it, or to give the baby up after birth. Two weeks in which she'd seemingly come no closer to making a decision. But Clark was a patient man. He would wait for Lois to be completely ready to make her choice.
Lois peeked in the bag, then hastily put it on the floor and went running to the bathroom. A minute later, Clark could hear Lois retching. He moved toward the bathroom, to find Lois nearly hugging the toilet as she vomited. He knelt behind her and gently pulled her hair back for her and held it out of the way. For several long minutes, she alternated between throwing up and dry heaving, before she finally, albeit shakily, rose. Clark held on to her as she flushed the toilet and rinsed out her mouth, then helped her back to the living room, where he opened a can of the ginger ale.
"Drink this," he told her, holding the can out to her as he knelt before her.
Lois took it and sipped cautiously before leaning into the couch cushions. "Thanks, Clark." She sipped again. "Are you sure about this though?"
He shrugged. "Like I said, the books all seemed to agree on it. And you need to do everything possible to stay hydrated."
She nodded. "It does feel good to not immediately throw up whatever I've eaten or drank." She took a longer swallow from the can. "You know, I used to hate this stuff. But right now, it tastes pretty good to me."
"Are you feeling any better?" Clark asked worriedly.
"I think so. Maybe," she replied hesitantly, as if speaking the words would make her morning sickness return with a vengeance.
"Think you can handle some crackers?" Clark asked, popping open the top of the box of saltines.
"I can try," Lois said in a non-committal tone.
Clark nodded and tore open a sleeve of the crackers. He gave a couple to Lois to get started with. She nibbled experimentally. Finding herself not immediately getting sick, she began to eat with more confidence. Clark handed her a few more saltines. She ate them quickly enough, washing them all down with intermittent sips of ginger ale.
"I needed that," she finally said, after refusing more of the crackers. "I think I can handle something a little more substantial now."
"Are you sure about that?" he asked skeptically.
"No, but I'm hungry enough to try. And sick of being sick."
"How about toast?" Clark asked. He checked his watch. "We still have enough time before we need to be at work."
"I think I could handle some toast," she responded.
"Butter and jelly?"
"A thin layer, yeah."
"Grape or blackberry?" he asked as he headed into her kitchen.
"Blackberry," Lois said. "The thought of grape is enough to make me queasy."
Clark chuckled. "Blackberry it is then."
He swiftly got together everything he needed and began to make Lois her toast. It didn't take long. Within minutes he was handing her a plate with four slices of toast on it. She smiled gratefully at him.
"Thanks," she said between mouthfuls.
"No problem. Consider me your own, personal chef and/or food retriever. Any time, any food, you name it, I'll get it."
"What if I want chocolate ice cream at four in the morning?" She was teasing him, he knew.
"I'll have it in my freezer, waiting for you," he said.
"What if you don' t have any left?" she said, still teasing him. "What if I finished off the container earlier in the night?"
"Well then, it might take me some time, but I'll find a store open at that hour," he said, meaning every word.
Lois might not know that he could fly to anywhere in the world in seconds, but he hoped she'd at least realize how sincere he was being.
"Somehow, I believe you," she said.
"It's the truth," he assured her.
"I know."
She finished off her toast, leaving only a few small corners on the plate. Clark dutifully whisked it away into the kitchen. He tossed the scraps into the garbage, then washed the plate. In moments, he rejoined Lois in the living room.
"Ready to go?" he asked her.
"Yeah. Let me just grab my jacket and purse."
"Take your time," Clark encouraged her. "Did you want me to drive us in?"
"That would be great. I didn't sleep too well. I'd rather not drive if I don't have to."
Clark nodded. "Okay. Is everything all right though?"
"Fine. I just never imagined that the constant need to visit the bathroom started this early. I thought that was something that women got to look forward to toward the end of pregnancy."
"Have you given things any more thought?" he asked as Lois pulled her jacket on and slung her purse over her right shoulder.
She grabbed her keys from the table by the door and locked the multiple locks behind her as they stepped into the hallway.
"A lot," she said absently as she secured the final lock. "And I can honestly say that I'm no closer to making a decision. It's just such a huge thing, you know? Whatever I choose, my life's going to be altered in ways I can't even imagine. Not just mine either. Both of ours."
"I know," Clark replied solemnly.
"Have you told your parents yet?" Lois asked as they reached the stairs and started down.
"Not yet," he said with a shake of his head. "I didn't want to say anything until you were ready. I also didn't want to get them excited about a potential grandchild if you opt not to keep the baby."
"Oh," she said thoughtfully.
"Have you told yours yet?"
"No," she said, shaking her head in turn. "I'm not sure I'm ready to have that conversation. I don't even want them knowing about this unless we decide that we're keeping it." She paused for a moment. "But, I think...you should tell your parents, Clark. Maybe they have some words of wisdom for us, even though I know they never quite went through what we are. Still, they're so...accepting and loving. I think they should know."
"Okay," Clark said, touched that Lois trusted and accepted his parents so much that she was willing to include them in everything. "I'll talk to them tonight, if I can."
In person, not over the phone, he thought to himself. If I get the chance to fly out.
***
"But Perry!" Lois whined.
"But nothing!" Perry insisted. "I need you on this story."
"This isn't real news!" she stressed. "This is...a puff piece!"
"It's the story you are going to cover, whether you like it or not," the Chief said, his tone brooking exactly zero arguments.
"But..." she started again.
"No buts. I need you to cover this. Winestock and Paulson are out with the flu."
"So? Find someone else," Lois demanded.
"Lois, it's not that bad of an assignment," Clark finally said, breaking his silence on the matter. That earned him such a hard glare from Lois that it might have killed a normal man.
"Easy for you to say," Lois shot back. "You love puff pieces."
"I just don't think it's worth fighting over," he defended.
"Perry," Lois said, moving her gaze back to their boss. "You can't possibly understand how much I don't want to do this."
"Look, normally, I'd agree this assignment is beneath your skill. But I've got no choice here. Everyone's covering something and I'm short staffed as it is. Just take the assignment. Unless, of course, you think you can't be a professional. Under the circumstances, that is," Perry said somewhat slyly.
"Circumstances?" Lois asked, a squeak of panic shattering the feigned innocence of the question.
"You know," Perry said, giving her a knowing nod. "Since I'm asking you to cover the opening of that new fertility clinic in midtown and you're...well...already expecting."
Lois' jaw dropped and Clark fought hard not to follow suit.
"How did you...?" she asked, perhaps unable to finish.
Perry glanced out of the windows in his office, out at the bullpen, just for a moment, before he looked again at Lois. "It's been over thirty years, but I still remember exactly how Alice acted when she was carrying both of our boys. The constant yawning. The frequent bathroom breaks. The paleness and illness around certain foods."
"But I haven't..." she started to protest.
Perry chuckled. "You might not have said anything, but I've noticed the changes in your behavior. You left the staff meeting three times yesterday."
"Hey! During one of those, I had to take that phone call from the DA's office," she said, crossing her arms.
"I know," Perry nodded. "But I also noticed that you slipped back toward the ladies' room afterward. Look, I don't mean to sound like a stalker or anything," he said, giving her a fatherly smile, "but, well, you know me. I like to keep an eye on everything that happens within these walls. Any editor worth his salt does the same. Besides, I want you to know, if you need anything, well, all you need to do is ask."
"I know," Lois admitted. "Look, Perry, I was going to tell you...eventually. If...well...Clark and I have a lot of decisions to make."
"Yours?" he asked, looking at Clark.
"As far as I'm concerned," he replied with a nod.
Perry nodded thoughtfully. "Okay then. My lips are sealed, until you two tell me otherwise."
"Thanks, Perry," Lois said gratefully. She sounded like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
"Any time. Now, the ribbon cutting ceremony is at two. I suggest you two grab Jimmy and get going."
"You want us both to go?" Clark asked, surprised. He'd assumed that Perry had a different story for him to cover.
Perry nodded. "I think it's for the best. You can cover the reactions of any of the men there. They may be more open to speaking with a man, given how sensitive of a topic infertility issues can be. Lois can cover the women. Again, they may be more open to speaking with a woman about things."
"Makes sense," Clark said, looking at Lois and shrugging.
"Oh, and uh, keep a sharp eye out. Word is that some of the more, ah, religious organizations have threatened to protest. Something about fertility clinics being the lair of the devil, from what I've gathered." He rolled his eyes.
"We'll be careful," Clark assured his boss.
"Good. Now, git."
"Yes, sir," Clark said even as Lois rolled her eyes in disgust.
"Oh boy," Clark heard Perry say after the door had shut, thanks to his super hearing. "This might be worse than Norcross and Judd ever was. God, I hope I'm wrong about that."
"What?" Lois asked, looking up at him, concerned.
"Huh?" Clark asked, snapping back to his immediate surroundings.
"You sighed just now. It sounded a little...heavy."
"Oh? It's nothing. Just, ah, thinking about the assignment, that's all."
"So, you sighed sadly?" she asked, not buying it.
"Well...yeah," he stammered. "I mean, what must it be like? Pinning your hopes for a family on expensive medical treatments? What would my life have been like, had my parents had these treatments and facilities available? Would I have had brothers and sisters?"
He hoped his explanation would satisfy Lois. It wasn't completely untrue. He really did feel for anyone who was facing problems in building their family. And he'd often wondered as a teenager, especially as his powers had developed, what it would have been like to have a sibling.
That answer seemed to satisfy her. She made a throaty noise of approval.
"Anyway," Clark said, "let's just get this over and done with. Afterward, let's stop by Mazik's and see if we can't get an interview with the owner about last's night's robbery."
And, one day, if I'm lucky, a ring for you.
That would have to wait, however. They hadn't been dating all that long. He didn't want to push too hard, too fast. And with the baby - if she decided to keep it - he didn't want it to look like he was only asking because there would soon be a child.
Well, in another thirty weeks, give or take, he thought to himself.
In any case, he needed Lois to know that the baby wasn't the reason why he wanted to marry her. She had to understand that he was asking because he couldn't live his life without her. Still, waiting for that opportunity to arise was slowly killing him. He'd lost his heart to her long before they'd begun to date. And, although he hadn't worked at the Planet for years, it certainly felt like he'd known and loved Lois all of his life.
"Good idea. But not before we stop for lunch," Lois said, still clearly unhappy with what she considered to be an assignment that was beneath her abilities as a reporter. "Uncle Mike's place isn't too far from there."
Outside of the Planet, they hailed a cab, with Jimmy promising to meet them at the clinic later. Clark gave the driver the address and they soon found themselves at one of the largest gatherings of people they'd seen at an event like this. Clark thought that he probably hadn't seen a gathering like this one since Superman had been officially welcomed to the city of Metropolis. In some ways, it was humbling to see how many people had come out in support of the clinic - people who needed the facility's help and friends and family members of those couples. In other ways, it hurt Clark's heart to see just how many needed the clinic to give them any kind of hope for a family of their own.
He and Lois soon split up, working through the crowd at a gentle pace, interviewing whoever felt comfortable enough to allow them to interview them. Many were too uncomfortable to give their names, citing everything from feelings of shame that stemmed from not being able to have children on their own to judgmental family members that they never wanted to know about their struggles and treatments. Still, a surprising number of men and women both spoke to him, providing him with a wealth of insight and quotes he could use in the article he and Lois would be writing. They spoke openly about their hopes and fears, their gratitude at having a clinic opening so close to home, the time and money they'd already poured into treatments and how much more they were guessing they would be spending, all in the hope of having a child to love.
Their indomitable wills uplifted Clark's spirit. The obvious pain they were all in crushed his soul.
One of the women who agreed to speak with him spoke passionately about her five year long attempt to get pregnant. Tears slipped from her eyes as she spoke of the three miscarriages she'd suffered. She couldn't meet his eyes as she talked about taking a second mortgage out on her home to afford the fifty thousand dollars she and her husband had already spent at a more expensive, out of state, clinic. If this clinic couldn't help her, she would have to resign herself to being childless, she said. Monetary resources were running out and she mentioned that adoption was not an option for them, but she would not elaborate on that.
By the time Clark found Lois again in that crowd, he had more than enough for an article and several sidebar pieces. It would be difficult to whittle away at his notes to find the best quotes. Lois also had several pages of hastily scrawled notes in her notebook. Clark skimmed them as they waited for the ribbon cutting ceremony. They didn't have long to wait. The mayor soon stepped out from beyond the clinic's doors.
"Ladies and gentlemen, my good citizens of our fair city of Metropolis," she began dramatically. "I want to thank you all for coming out today in support of the grand opening of the Metropolis Hope Fertility Clinic. I know, for some of you, this place is a beacon of hope and light in an otherwise dark and turbulent time. I also know that, for some of you, this place signals a new beginning for yourselves or your loved ones. That is why I am thrilled to introduce Dr. Lawrence Eagleman. Some of you may recognize the name. Dr. Eagleman is one of the foremost authorities on assisted reproductive technology and the head of this clinic. Let's give him a warm welcome. Doctor?"
The mayor stepped away and a tall, thin, kindly old black man approached the microphone as the audience clapped for them both. Despite his advanced age, he stood straight and unbowed by the weight of so many years. He took off his silver wire frame glasses, cleaned a spot off the one of the lenses, then replaced them back on his face. He looked out over the crowd for a moment before speaking.
"Thank you, Madame Mayor," he said. "And thank you, everyone, for the welcome. I'd start with a joke, but, well, there's a time and a place, right?"
Nervous laughter rippled through the crowd.
Dr. Eagleman cleared his throat. "Anyway, I'll keep this short and sweet. I am so pleased to welcome all of you here today to this state of the art facility. I'm thrilled to say that we have the top of the line in everything here, from our ultrasound machines to our labs where we work with the embryos, to the very people who staff this building. We are all here to serve you. We understand how important starting or expanding your family is. Our promise to all of you is that we will do our best to help, and we look forward to meeting with you all."
He paused, and Clark wondered if that short speech had been all the doctor wanted to say.
"Now then, each of you who came for more information about our clinic was given a folder. Does everyone who needs one have one?" He waited for a moment while a few raised their hands to alert the workers that they still needed a folder. "Good," he said after a few minutes. "Now then, I would ask that you all open it and go to the very last sheet of paper in there. It's a price list." Again, he waited while everyone did as they were bid. "The other doctors here as well as myself decided to raffle off a few in vitro sessions. If you have a gold seal on the top of that price list, I congratulate you and ask that you please see Dr. Wallace Lancer so that we can get your information."
Delighted shrieks and thankful prayers rent the air. Clark craned his neck to look out over the crowd. Not far away, he could see the woman he'd interviewed earlier, the one who'd spent fifty thousand dollars already in the hope of having a child of her own. Tears streamed from her eyes and she clasped her hands. She looked heavenward with a smile and a prayer of thanks on her lips, it seemed.
"And now," Dr. Eagleman said, taking the oversized pair of scissors the mayor held out to him, "it is my pleasure to announce that the Metropolis Hope Fertility Clinic is officially open!"
He deftly cut the ribbon and shook hands with the mayor while photographers snapped photos. But it wasn't the flashing bulbs that caught Clark's attention. From behind the crowd, in the street, an angry chanting had begun. He turned his head to look.
Perry hadn't been wrong about petitioners and protesters. A sizeable crowd had gathered, all with signs with anti-fertility treatment sayings on them. GOD HATES TEST TUBE BABIES! one declared in angry red against a white background. JUST SAY NO TO ARTIFICAL BABIES! another stated, complete with a circled test tube with a slash running through it. Another brazenly pronounced A.R.T. = NO SOULS. And yet another declared THE WORLD DOESN'T NEED YOUR GENES! OPT TO ADOPT!
Before Clark could even mention to Lois how tasteless he thought the protesters were being, a fight broke out. How, he wasn't sure. There was no way of telling who threw the first punch. In the next second, all hell broke loose. The entire crowd went into a panic - at least those who hadn't been goaded into a fight. People started to move, trying to either get away or join the fray. Yells rang out as people were pushed, shoved, kicked, and punched. Clark found Lois wretched away from his side.
"Clark?" she called out, sounding a little scared.
"Go! Get out of here, Lois!" he yelled back. "I'll find you at your uncle's!"
He lost sight of her completely then as the crowd swelled around him and swallowed her up. He carefully forced a path out of the fray and found a deserted alley. After a thorough check to ensure no one was looking, he spun into Superman's famous blue, red, and yellow suit. He spent the next half hour breaking up the fight, aiding the police forces that showed up within minutes of the first punch being thrown, thanks to the officers who'd already been on site to help maintain the peace. All the while, it baffled him how the protesters could be so heartless toward an already suffering group of people. In a rare moment where Superman showed his anger, he burned the protest signs in a heap right there on the street, only to extinguish the blaze once it had consumed the hateful messages.
Then it was time to find Lois.
He really, sincerely hoped she'd listened to him and gone to her uncle's restaurant. His heart in his mouth, he flew with all speed to the place, stretching out his hearing before him. After a tense few moments, he found her, her heart beating steadily and calmly. He zoomed in with his telescopic vision and found her sipping ice water with a lemon wedge just inside the cafe, at the table right by the window. He angled himself into a landing and found a spot to change.
"Clark!" she cried, sounding ecstatic to see him in one piece. She stood and threw her arms around him, kissing his cheek. "Thank God you're okay. I was getting worried. What happened?"
"I got swept up in the fray," he said, shrugging, as he pulled out a chair and sat. "You're lucky you were able to get out when you did. It was a nightmare by the time I got out of there. But, I was able to see Superman break things up, so at least we can add it to the story."
"Yeah," Lois nodded, sounding distracted.
"Are you okay?" he asked gently, sliding his chair over to sit next to her as opposed to across from her. He put a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm fine," she said, shaking her head a little, as if to snap out of whatever thoughts were on her mind.
"Lo-is."
"Really, I'm okay. I just never expected a puff piece to, well, have such an emotional aspect. I mean, I know they can, but I'm usually so distanced from it."
"Because of...you know?" he asked in a near whisper, mindful of the fact that Lois didn't want anyone in her family to know about the pregnancy.
"Maybe. Maybe it's just because the man I love's parents could have been those people there today. And to see them met with such...such...hate..." She shook her head.
"People fear and hate what they don't understand," Clark said softly. "They think their way of life, their way of thinking, is the only way. Unfortunately, that sometimes leads to things like this."
"I felt," she said, hesitantly and shaking her head, "like an intruder there today. Like I wasn't welcome there, even though most of the people I spoke with were perfectly nice and cordial, and even though I know that none of them could possibly know anything about me. They all want the one thing I'm not sure I can accept in my life right now." She sounded extremely guilty.
Clark nodded thoughtfully. "I can understand that." He wasn't sure what else he could say to ease Lois' guilt. "I guess we all feel like that, once in a while. We all have what someone else wants - we might feel guilty over hating our job when a friend is unemployed, or complain about how overcooked our steak was even as we pass by a homeless person in the streets. I don't think any of us are immune to it. Not even Superman, I'd wager. But Lois, our situation...it's nothing to feel guilty about. What those people are going through..." he shook his head lightly as he took her hand in his, "it's unfortunate, yes. But it's also something that, hopefully, most of them will be able to finally beat, with the help of those doctors."
Lois sighed heavily. "I know. But it still doesn't make me feel any less bad for contemplating, uh, ending things."
Clark nodded. "I know," he said in a whispered voice.
"Did Superman weigh in on it?" she asked, in an attempt to change the topic. "The fight, that is."
Clark shook his head. "He didn't say a word to any of the press who stuck around. But he did burn the protesters' signs. So I guess it's safe to assume he didn't like their messages."
"Good," Lois said grimly.
To Be Continued...
