The day of Lois’ funeral dawned dark and grim, but by the time the service began the clouds had thinned and the spring temperature had risen to almost warm. Lucy looked around and thought, You get a nice send-off, Sis, and it’s a really pretty day for it.
The church was already packed. Perry and Alice were seated near the front and Lucy’s mother was beside them. Despite his recent artificial hip replacement, Perry had insisted that he present Lois’ eulogy, and Clark had overridden the pastor’s objections and agreed. It was really the only decision he’d made since Lois’ last moments.
Lucy almost smiled. Lois had spent so much of her youth taking care of Lucy, making decisions for her, trying to guide her, to advise her, and now Lucy was taking care of Lois’ final arrangements. Instead of resenting the task, Lucy was pleased that she could contribute to her sister’s family. She loved those kids almost as much as Lois had. And she didn’t think there was another man as fine and good and kind as Clark in the world.
Maybe that, Lucy mused, was part of the reason she was still single and planned to remain so.
She made one last circuit of the building to verify the arrangements. Everyone was in place and ready for his or her part. Having done all she could for now, Lucy sat down beside Jonathan and Martha, then turned and asked, “How are you folks doing?”
Jonathan continued to stare at the wall behind the pulpit. His only reaction to Lucy’s words or her presence was to clench his fists and cross his arms over his chest.
Martha dabbed at her eyes and patted Lucy’s hand. “It’s a very painful day for us, dear, just like it is for a lot of people, but I want to thank you for making it a little bit easier with all the work you’re doing. I’m sure Clark couldn’t have taken care of all these details himself.”
Lucy nodded. “He needs to be with the kids, not listening to coffin pitchmen or settling disagreements between the musicians. Besides, that folder Lois made to outline her funeral desires shut up a lot of people.”
“It did at that.” Martha opened her mouth, then closed it, took a breath, and said, “I have to ask you something.”
“Anything, Mrs. Kent.”
“Please, dear, call me Martha.”
Lucy smiled softly. “Of course, Martha. What were you going to ask me?”
Martha took in a breath and let it out slowly, then looked at her hands. “Did Lois really want these postcards distributed at her funeral?”
Lucy looked down and snickered. The card in Martha’s hand had a pink cloud background with the words “Having a wonderful time!” printed at the bottom of one side. On the other, the Bible verse from First Corinthians, the second chapter, “But as it is written: What eye did not see and ear did not hear, and what never entered the human mind— God prepared this for those who love Him.” was printed across the cloud scene in Comic Sans font. Balloons and exploding fireworks surrounded it.
“Yes, that was Lois’ idea. She shared it with me the last time I was here, not long after they found out little Ellen was coming. I don’t think Clark knew about it.” She hesitated, then said, “I hope you don’t think it’s too inappropriate.”
Martha smiled and wiped her eyes again. “For Lois? No, not at all. We all have to go sometime, and being able to look forward to seeing our loved ones again is comforting.” She leaned closer. “Jonathan and I may both be closer to that day than anyone would like to think.”
Lucy felt her face try to fall, but her acting skills kept her expression locked in place. “Um – is this something definite, or just a general knowledge?”
Martha patted her hand. “Something in between, I think. But don’t worry about that right now. We’re almost ready to start, and I believe your mother needs you.”
“Of course. Thank you, Martha.” She leaned closer to Jonathan and touched his elbow. “I’ll see you both later.”
As she turned to rise, Jonathan caught her hand. “Lucy – thank you. I know you – you lost a sister but – but we’ve lost a daughter and – and you’ve been wonderful. Thank you so much.” He patted her hand and tried to smile. “You’ve become a wonderful woman. Lois would be – no, that’s not right. She told me she was proud of you. She knew what a fantastic person you were – you are. You remember that, okay? Lois was so proud of you she almost exploded when she was telling us about – about what you were doing and how well you were doing it. If you forget everything else about her – you remember that.”
Years of theatrical training and experience had taught Lucy how to control her emotions and channel them into her performance, how to overcome bad news and perform comedy, how to set aside elation and perform a tragedy, and how to pretend that she didn’t have emotions of her own while on stage. But Jonathan’s brief speech had knocked her back on her heels. Her throat closed and she couldn’t speak. Her eyes clouded over and she couldn’t see clearly. She couldn’t even trust her legs to hold her upright.
Two strong hands came to her rescue, one holding her left hand and the other around her waist, and they guided her across the aisle to the seat beside her mother. Her hand found Ellen’s and they leaned on each other for support as they each poured out their grief.
*****
Jim Olsen slipped back into his seat beside his wife. She caught his hand and squeezed it. “Good save, honey. I doubt that Superman could have done any better.”
He turned to face her, then brushed a tear from her cheek with his free hand. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
“I’d rather be married to you than to him anyway. I like him but I love you.” She burrowed closer to him and hugged his arm to herself with her free hand. “I’m really going to miss her,” Darla choked out.
Jim nodded slowly. “So am I, sweetheart. So am I.”
He let his eyes roam over the rest of the room. Except for a small space on the two pews down front reserved for the immediate family, there was barely an open seat anywhere. He recognized the mayor, two of the city council members, the state’s attorney general, and the city’s district attorney. The thought that Lois’ passing would make their jobs more difficult crossed his mind and he almost smiled.
At least the bad guys didn’t get her, he told himself.
Jim’s gaze ran over the sides and back of the room. There were a couple of suspicious characters sitting near the back corner, faces he recognized even though he couldn’t put names to them, and he thought about signaling to someone to watch them. But then he saw a hard-faced young main in an expensive suit rise from his seat beside Metropolis Police Chief William Henderson and glide to the back, where he whispered to two uniformed officers. The unis nodded, then eased along the wall until they bracketed the end of the pew where the two suspicious characters sat. Then they folded their hands in front of them and nodded at the men. The men in the pew returned the nods and shifted uncomfortably.
Message sent and acknowledged.
Seeing that, Jim knew everything would be fine. Besides, his wife had a death grip on his arm and he doubted he could pry her loose for the duration of the service. Not that he wanted to.
He turned and kissed Darla on the side of her head and she clamped down on his arm even harder.
But Jim didn’t mind. Her reaction meant that she needed him. And his own insecurities bequeathed to him by his father, the ones he could never quite vanquish despite his family success, his business acumen, his modest wealth and the financial help he’d given to those closest to him, were battered down once again by the love given to him by the woman he loved most in this life.
Through their example, Clark and Lois had taught him that such a love was more valuable and precious than all money and fame anyone could accumulate. It was one more item on a long list of things he owed to them.
*****
Through his amber-lensed Cartier sunglasses, Bruce Wayne observed the interaction between the officers and the two men he knew were from Intergang without looking directly at them. The thugs were low-level messengers who knew nothing significant and bore no threat to anyone, but Chief Henderson’s message to them was clear and unambiguous: Do not misbehave in this city, and most especially, do not misbehave at this funeral. The “memorandum” would be passed up the line to the mid-level bosses in the organization, and Bruce would have an opportunity to track the ripple effect. He was sure that was Henderson’s reasoning also. Former Commission Gordon of Gotham City would have been much more subtle but just as firm.
Henderson was no Jim Gordon, but he was very good at his job.
Beside him, Diana Prince shifted slightly and whispered, “Is this number of politically important personages normal at the funeral of a civilian?”
“Depends on who the civilian is,” he whispered back. “If she’d been just some hack romance writer, we’d see her family, someone from her publisher, and a few die-hard fans. But Lois Lane was much more than just a writer. She campaigned for truth and justice and against bad guys great and small. On top of that, she was a wonderful wife to Clark and by all accounts a terrific mom.” He paused, then said, “I hope Clark can go on without her.”
Diana nodded. “I met her once, at a diplomatic event hosted by my mother. I admit that I was impressed with her charm and self-assurance.”
“I’m not surprised. She was an impressive woman.”
“I see.” After a long breath, she said, “At the risk of being indelicate, it appears that you held her in higher esteem than you do most other women.”
“I did.” When Diana didn’t respond, he added, “We were never more than friends, but if not for Clark being in her life and Selina in mine, maybe we could have been something more. Of course, nothing ever happened between us, except that book she wrote.”
“Ah, the book. I wondered if you were going to bring it up.”
He glanced toward Diana, an almost-smile sneaking onto his chiseled jaw. “When you get quoted in a deep investigative work on Wonder Woman, we’ll talk about how it feels to have the second-best detective in the world looking into your life. All I can tell you now is that I was a little concerned that she was going to write that I might be, or in fact was, Batman.”
“And the fact that you did not know what she would write convinced you that she was not the woman for you.”
“Well, that, along with her own marriage and my relationship with Selina. But you’re right. I didn’t know what she was going to do, and because it made me nervous, it pretty much evaporated any embryonic romantic feelings I might have had for her.”
“Yet you and Clark have remained friends for all those years.”
He leaned back and adjusted his perfect tie. “The friendship of another person who’s living the double life and keeping the same kind of secret as me is precious. I have never, nor would I ever, do anything that would threaten that friendship.”
“I understand the ‘fellowship of the cape,’ as Ms. Lane so aptly put it in one of her books.” She reached up and brushed his hand away from the silk Windsor knot in his eight hundred thread count tie. “I take it that you also think very highly of Clark Kent.”
“I do.” He turned and faced her directly. “I can’t think of anything I’d not sacrifice to keep him safe, except my relationships with Selina or Alfred.”
She met his stare with a challenge of her own. “And that is why you have asked me to accompany you, instead of Selina. Unlike her, I can perform as a surrogate for – you-know-who – for a short time.”
“Yes. Thank you for volunteering.”
She held his gaze for a long moment, then gave him an almost-smile to match his. “I am trapped by your manipulations once again. Very well, I shall give of my time as long as you feel it is needed.” The organist began another song and began playing louder. “I am still uncertain of the purpose of this gathering, except, perhaps, making certain the one being mourned is actually dead. Is the service about to begin?”
He nodded and straightened in his seat. “Yes. This is our last best chance to offer respect and deserved accolades to the deceased, even though she won’t hear it. Her family, however, will, and they need to know how we all felt about Lois.”
“I – believe I understand. Perhaps I will grasp its purpose more fully when we are finished.”
The organ stopped and Perry White, Lois’ former boss and close friend, slowly shuffled to the podium.
“I hope you do. The major portion of the service is about to start.”
*****
Perry leaned his cane against the podium and pulled his notes and glasses out of his pocket. I shouldn’t be doing this, he thought. If I hadn’t pushed her to do better, if I hadn’t told her over and over again that a reporter is only as good as her last story, maybe she would have taken better care of herself. Maybe she would have lived to attend my funeral.
He shook his head and pushed the thought away. He knew that Lois would have lived her life pedal to the metal no matter what she did, irrespective of Perry’s counsel. If Clark’s steadfast and constant love combined with the joy she’d reaped from her kids hadn’t mellowed her, nothing he could have done would’ve worked.
He took a moment to look over the packed auditorium. So many people were there to say goodbye to Lois, so many were there to support Clark and the kids, so many were there to celebrate her life and her achievements, and a very few were there to make sure she was actually gone.
That last thought almost made him laugh.
He shuffled the paper before him, but he knew he wouldn’t present all of his carefully prepared remarks as written. This might be his last public appearance, but he was going to go out in a blaze of glory.
He took a deep breath and began.
“Folks, we’re here to say goodbye to a wonderful person. We’ve already heard about her family and her career and her life and how many people will miss her. And that’s something we should all strive to emulate. We should all – every one of us – live so that good and honest people will miss us when we’re gone, ‘cause it’s a sucker bet to think any of us will get out of this life alive.
“But there are some others who think they’ll be safer with Lois gone. They think that no one will turn over the rocks under which they hide, that no one will shine a light on their greed and corruption and foulness. They think that no one will chase them like Lois did.”
He leaned forward and glared. “They’re wrong.”
Perry straightened and adjusted his stance to ease the pain in his new hip. “The pastor would have told you how Lois is in a better place now, that she’s beyond pain and sorrow and loss, and that she’s being comforted by the One who loves her the most. He would have been right.
“But I want to remind you of something else. We don’t know what evil is without comparing it to good. Lois Lane-Kent stood for goodness and light and righteousness just as powerfully as Superman ever has. She just did it a little differently – she revealed the details of what the evil people did and let the whole world see them as they really are.
“My days of turning over slimy rocks are done, but there are so very many other younger men and women who are taking up the banner and fighting just as hard as Lois did, just as hard as Superman still does, just as hard as I ever did. You folks are going to remember Lois in different ways, but you had all better remember that she stood for something good, something right, something that was better than just lining her pockets or making herself famous. She fought for something worthy, tried to build something to pass on to her children, something that others could latch onto and continue working for.
”The Bible talks about a city built by God, where the righteous will live forever. I’m looking for that city, waiting for it, but I’ve also spent my life trying to make this world a much better place, a safer place, for people to live in peace and harmony. Lois worked for that. Her husband is still working for it. I believe that when her children get mature enough, they’ll work for it too, each one in their own way, as they follow their own life paths.”
He grabbed the sides of the podium. His strength was not what it once had been, and he couldn’t stand up much longer. But he knew he had to finish.
“Some of you are following the evil path. Don’t worry. We’ll get to you eventually, assuming you’re worth the effort.
“Some of you have already dedicated your lives to make the world a better place, even if your influence is mainly in your own home. And that’s not a bad thing. Without good homes, very few of us would be truly good people. And you give other good people a safe place to live, to love, and to grow. Those are all very good things.
“Many of you do right, at least for the most part, and you don’t do big wrong things. But by itself, that’s just not enough. If Lois were able, she’d sit up and yell at you to straighten up and fly right! If you’ve read her Wanda Detroit books, you know that’s what she was always pointing to. Just read the titles!”
A chuckle tiptoed shyly around the room as people remembered the bird-themed Wanda mystery titles. He joined them, remembering his favorite: ‘If It Quacks Like A Duck, It Ain’t a Robin.’ It had been the only humorous book in the series, and was the second-best seller of them all.
Perry waited for quiet, then continued. “If you’ve read Lois’ non-fiction books, you know how she always talked up the good people and exposed the bad ones. And if you knew her personally, you know that she never let anyone get away with doing wrong – not even herself.
“Don’t wait for an opportunity to do good. Go back to your daily lives determined to be the best you that you can be! Don’t be passively good, be aggressively good! Project it like a dancer with an attitude! And be that best you, that righteous you, with everyone you meet, from the cop on the beat to the bored grocery store clerk who short-changes you to the nincompoop who cuts you off on the Curt Swan parkway.”
Another laugh came, this one a bit louder. Perry waited and laughed with them, then said, “If you will do that, then Lois’ life will not have been lived in vain. Her battles, whether she won or lost, will have been worth the struggle and the effort. And, to misquote Shakespeare, the good she did will not be interred with her bones.”
The pain in his hip suddenly went from a background reminder of his condition to a near scream. He’d managed to finish just in time.
He grabbed at his cane and took as much weight off his bad hip as he could. “Thank you for listening to this old man.” Then he caught Clark’s eye, grinned, and said, “Thirty.”
An usher helped him off the platform. He knew a few others would catch the old reference to the end-of-column slug once used to mark the end of a story for the linotype operator, but he didn’t care. His message had gotten through to Clark, and he’d explain it to the kids later.
Behind him, the pastor walked to the podium. “Folks, Lois’ friends and family want you to remember her as she was in life. You are free to pass by the casket, but it won’t be open, which is what the family has requested. Instead, we invite you to share a brief moment with the people who will remember her most fondly as we display this video of Lois and her life.”
*****
The line would have moved much slower had not Commissioner Henderson stood at the head of the line, gently encouraging the mourners who passed by the Lane and Kent families to allow others to express their sorrow as Lois’ passing. The video showing above the platform held scenes from Lois’ life from her birth to a surprise baby shower the ladies from the Planet had thrown her for Ellie. There were photos of her singing, of her holding her high school diploma and then her journalism degree, shots from parties at the Planet where her successes were celebrated, scenes from her wedding, a few from her honeymoon, lots of pictures of the children, shots with Brad and Maya and her royalty checks – with the amounts blanked out, purely for modesty’s sake – scenes from her book signings where she laughed and joked with her fans, and a few Lois never knew had been taken.
Those showed her leaning over a computer or furiously writing down notes for one of her projects or smiling with Lucy or her in-laws or laughing with her children. There were two which Bill knew were Clark’s favorites – one of her playing with the kids in the back yard, and one Jon had taken of her sitting on the couch and leaning against her husband’s shoulder, an empty bowl between them and their hands entwined as she slept, a soft smile lighting her face.
Henderson watched as Marta lifted her hand to her face to wipe her eyes, then look up at the screen. The girl silently mouthed, “I love you, Mom. Good-bye for now.”
The staid, unflappable, bucolic police commissioner had to look away before he lost it.
*****
Bruce felt Diana’s hand on his wrist before he knew she’d moved. He’d been so wrapped up in Perry White’s words and the images from Lois’ life that he’d lowered his guard and lost his total awareness of the situation.
His self-rebuke melted away as he turned and saw her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.
“I – I did not realize how – that Lois Lane was so much a force for good. I will petition my mother the queen to set aside a feast in her memory when I return home. The life of such a woman must be celebrated by those who admire her as well as those who loved her.”
Bruce smiled softly. “I knew you’d understand.”
*****
Clark walked into the house with one hand around his son’s shoulders and the other enveloped by his daughter. Behind him, Lucy carried little Ellie – the nickname seemed to be a part of her already – and the baby’s diaper bag. He hugged his son tighter and was rewarded with a return embrace.
He was thankful that his children didn’t seem to blame him for their mother’s death.
Lucy bustled past and headed upstairs. “I’m going to change Ellie and see if I can put her down for a nap. Either way, I’m coming back down to put the feed bag on all of you, so everybody go change into something comfortable.”
As Lucy disappeared into Ellie’s room, Clark kissed Marta on top of her head and whispered, “How about you go get changed now, sweetie? Come on, do what Aunt Lucy said.”
“I’m not hungry, Dad.”
He knelt before her. “I know. I’m not all that hungry either. But your aunt needs to do something to serve us, and us having a meal together will help.”
She looked at him and sighed. “I’m still not hungry.”
He grinned and stroked her hair. “It’s okay. Just taste a couple of things and thank your aunt. It will make her feel like she’s helping.”
“She is helping, Dad. She’s been a big help. The – the funeral happened so smooth because of her.”
“So let her keep on helping, okay? She needs to feel like she’s contributing more than just good feelings.”
Marta sighed dramatically. “Okay. I’ll get changed and eat something. Maybe it’ll even taste good.”
He stood and gave her a wan smile. “That’s my girl. See you in a few minutes.”
Jon slowly trudged upstairs following his sister. “You’re right, Dad. But it doesn’t make this easier.”
Clark sighed. “I know, son, but remember, if this were easy, anyone could do it.”
The young man stopped and turned to face his father. “I don’t feel very heroic right now.”
Clark closed his eyes and forced them not to leak. “I know,” he said. “Neither do I. But we don’t have a whole lot of choices.”
Jon nodded. “I’m making one anyway. I’m going to get through this afternoon and not break down. Tonight, though, I’m going to cry until I’m too dehydrated to make tears.”
Clark couldn’t keep the catch out of his voice. “That makes two of us, son.” One corner of his mouth turned up slightly. “Maybe we can all do it together.”
He watched his son nod slowly, then climb the stairs as if carrying a dozen pianos in each hand. This was hard for Jon, he knew, even though his son understood Lois’ medical situation in far more detail than Clark did. Maybe, instead of making it easier for him, Jon’s knowledge made it harder.
And somewhere along the line Clark would have to deal with his unresolved anger at Lois for leaving him.
Clinically, he knew he was already in the second stage of grief. As often as they’d discussed how short Lois’ life might be, he’d had a lot of years to get past the denial stage. Now he was working on his illogical, irrational, loss-induced anger at Lois’ early departure.
Early departure? Maybe he wasn’t done with the first stage after all.
But he was angry. He’d have to find some way to release it where he wouldn’t hurt anyone, especially his children. They were dealing with their own pain – they didn’t need to carry his also. Maybe a screaming session in the central Antarctic would help.
The front door opened and he turned to see Sam supporting Ellen across the threshold. Behind them were his parents, both grim-faced and red-eyed but standing tall and strong.
Thankfulness for their presence warred with resentment for their intrusion into his grief within his heart. Yet they were hurting too, in some ways more than he. Sam and Ellen had lost a daughter, just as Jonathan and Martha had. He couldn’t deny them the same comfort he needed.
He went to Sam and Ellen first. “You two come on in and sit down on the couch. We’ve got enough food to feed everyone who showed up today, so Lucy’s changing the baby, and then she promised to prepare something to eat. ”
As she and Sam sat down, Ellen’s head snapped up. “Why is Lucy taking care of little Ellen? How long is she staying?”
“As long as I’m needed, Mother,” Lucy answered from the stairs. “I’m taking as much time as Clark and the kids need to land on their feet. I can afford it.”
Ellen made as if to stand, but Sam put a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Ellen, darling, please let Lucy help Clark. It’s her way of giving back to them.”
Ellen’s head spun around toward her husband. “Then why – why is she serving me? Why am I just sitting here as if I were a useless female? I can help too! I want to help!” A sob forced its way to the surface. “She was my daughter!”
Sam’s arm slid around her far shoulder and he softly pulled her close to him. “I need you right now, Ellen. If you weren’t here with me right now, I – I don’t think I could keep it together.”
Clark’s eyes widened as Ellen leaned into her ex-husband and wrapped her arms around him. Through her sobs, she said, “Oh, Sam, please hold me! I love you!”
Sam embraced her as Lucy knelt beside them, one hand on each parent. “Oh – Mom, Daddy, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to shut anyone out.”
Sam’s big hand brushed his daughter’s hair. “It’s okay, little Princess. I understand.”
Lucy’s eyes shimmered but she kept her composure. “Uh – Daddy? Where were you? And why did it take so long for you to get here?”
Sam heaved a deep sigh. “I was in South America, Lucy. I was researching some herbs and leaves they natives thought might help your sister.” He turned away and pulled back from his family. “But I couldn’t – I couldn’t find anything – there wasn’t time to—”
Lucy and Ellen both hugged him tightly at the same time, Ellen around his chest and Lucy around his neck. “You did your best, Daddy! Everyone knows you love Lois. And she knew it too.”
“Yes, Sam,” Ellen added. “You have your faults – just like the rest of us have faults – but no one can say you don’t love your daughters. You always have and you always will.”
Clark quietly guided his parents to the love seat and perched on the arm next to his father. Jonathan reached out and grasped Clark’s hand, then whispered, “Even from something bad, something good can come. Even in our worst pain, we can be comforted.”
Clark felt, rather than saw, his son and older daughter silently join them at the love seat. Jon knelt before his grandfather and grasped that big loving hand in both of his, while Marta curled up in her grandmother’s lap as if she were still three years old. They all remained that way for as long as it took to release their pain.
*****
Ever since he’d developed his hearing, Clark had used it to keep from walking into rooms and interrupting the conversations of others, especially when he knew those talks were not meant for his ears. So he didn’t mean to eavesdrop on Lucy and her mother. It just happened.
“No, Mom! I’m not leaving yet. They still need me.”
“But it’s been more than two months. Surely you have to go back to work some time.”
“I will, I promise. Just not now.”
“Lucy. Please listen. You’re a wonderful aunt, a terrific housekeeper, a good cook, and you’ve helped bring a sense of normal life back to those kids. They’re doing very well, especially little Ellie, and it’s largely because of you.”
He heard Lucy sigh. “Thank you, Mother. What’s the rest of it?”
“What makes you think there’s more?”
“I’ve heard it often enough. ‘Oh, Ms. Lane, you are a very strong performer, and you’re certainly qualified, but you’re just not the type we’re looking for.’ And when I ask what type they’re looking for, I usually hear something like, ‘We’re not sure, but we’re afraid you aren’t it.’ So give me the rest of it.”
“That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think, comparing me to a Broadway producer?”
“Except for the fact that you can’t fire me, I think it’s appropriate. Now please tell me the rest of what’s on your mind.”
Ellen huffed. “Very well. You know that I really do love you and the kids and Clark and I know you you’re giving a great deal of your time and money right now, and I – I don’t think you should make it a lifetime investment.”
Lucy’s voice sounded as confused as Clark was. “What?”
Ellen’s voice softened. “Sweetheart, I – I don’t want to see you try to replace Lois.”
“Replace – Lois? You mean – as Clark’s wife? And the kids’ mother? Oh, Mom, you don’t—”
“Please! Please listen! Lucy, if you want to get married and settle down and have a family, that’s what you should do, even if you marry into a ready-made family. But I don’t think you should marry into this one, and that’s what I’m afraid you’re thinking about.”
“Oh, wow, Mom, you are so far off base—”
“Please listen! Do you know why your father never made a home with any of the women he took up with after he left us? Do you understand why he never stayed married very long to any of the few he did marry?”
“Yes! It’s because Daddy is incapable of commitment!”
“No, Lucy. It was because none of them could measure up to his memory of me.”
Clark was sure Lucy’s mouth was hanging open just as his was.
“I don’t mean the drunk me, the nagging me, the horrible harridan me! I mean the young and loving me, the me who couldn’t wait for him to come home so we could wrap ourselves up in each other. We were really in love when we were young, sweetheart, and we were happy together. If I had stayed in love with him that way, he wouldn’t have – have cheated on me – on us.”
He heard Lucy’s teeth grinding together. “Are you telling me that it’s your fault he ran out on us? That you drove him away? That you pushed him into the arms of those other women? That it was your fault and not his? Because I’m not about to—”
“No! Lucy, no, that’s not it. I didn’t push him away. It’s just that – that I didn’t – I didn’t give him a good reason to stay with me.”
Neither of them spoke for several seconds, then Lucy said, “Okay, I can understand that. But what does that have to do with me?”
“Your father didn’t give himself the time to really separate from me emotionally. When he took up with those other women, he was looking for that younger, loving me all over again. If you were to marry Clark, especially now, he’d be looking for Lois in you, and as fine a woman as your sister was, she wasn’t you.”
“Oh,” Lucy said in a small voice. “I thought you were going to say it like – like I could never be her.”
“You can’t be Lois, any more than she could have been you. If she had gone on stage, she would have been good, but she wouldn’t have been you. She couldn’t have played the roles you’ve played, or at least not as well, she wouldn’t have had the kind of success you’ve had, and she wouldn’t have been where you are now in your career. And it’s not because either of you lacked anything the other one had in abundance, you just had those things in different proportions.” Clark heard them shuffle closer and embrace. “Oh, Lucy, you can’t replace Lois! And she could never have replaced you! I just want you to understand that before you get too emotionally committed to Clark and the kids.”
At least one of them sniffled before they separated. “I understand what you’re saying, Mom. I promise that I’m not planning on marrying Clark. He’s a great man, and the kids are wonderful, but I’m not leaving my life for them. I have too much time and heart invested in what I do to give it up. I love Clark, but I’m not in love with him. Sharing his life forever and always isn’t in the cards for me.” She sighed. “It’s about time I got back to the salt mines anyway. I called my agent yesterday and he said he had a standing offer for me to join a company based in Chicago. I told him I’d probably be free in about two weeks or so. I just need to talk to Clark and the kids about it.”
“Good. Not that you’ll find a man any better than Clark, of course, but if you really want to get married, you can find the best man for you.”
“Thank you, Mom. Hey, along those lines, this is the third time you and Daddy have been here together. Does that mean anything?”
“Well, I wasn’t going to say anything just yet, but—”
Ellen giggled like a teenager and Clark blushed. They were about to share some very private information that he didn’t need to know, didn’t want to know, and he spun around to retrace his steps to wherever he’d been before he’d listened in to the conversation.
He sighed in relief as he silently walked away. Asking Lucy to stay as his wife was something that had crossed his mind, mostly for the sake of the children, but it wasn’t a thought that had found fertile ground. The reasons Ellen had listed for Lucy to remain uncommitted to him were similar to the ones he’d had for not getting closer to his sister-in-law. And he had other reasons that Ellen hadn’t mentioned.
He didn’t want another woman in his house to replace Lois. He didn’t want his children to have another mother. And he couldn’t visualize waking up to another woman’s face every morning. He wasn’t ready to replace Lois.
He feared that he might never be ready for that.
