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Joined: Jul 2003
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 2,977
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Story is Here.

Feedback goes here. smile

Sorry it's so little, so late, FoLCs. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things now that work has settled down a bit.


~•~
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
It's interesting that Lois trusts this man (Smith) who clearly hates her race (humans) and her entire family (descendants - the real patients, save his daughter). But, then again, she always did like a good mystery and between this hospital and Mr. Smith, it's better than staying put and twiddling her thumbs. smile It's also interesting that they have no stairs and have made the elevators out of a metal that he cannot break. Hmmmm.

Glad you're back. RL really can get in the way of one's writing.


VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,082
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,082
Just caught up with the whole story. You've created an interesting world to play in! Before I teach my students about European colonization of North America, I ask them if it would be cool if aliens visited our planet. They usually are all for it. Then I point out that as soon as one of them sneezes on us, we'll die of a horrible alien disease..but not until we sneeze on them and watch the same thing happen. wink It makes them look at Columbus in a whole new way! Hopefully Mr. Smith's daughter won't suffer the same fate... shock


You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie. wink
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 624
M
Columnist
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Columnist
M
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 624
I like the way Lois takes charge, and Mr. Smith follows her, despite not knowing why.

This part:
Quote
“But, this is not a plan!” he protested. “This is—this is maybe *half* of a plan! You don't even know if what we need is anywhere on this floor!”
reminded me of this:

Rocket Raccoon: And secondly, I don't think you even have a plan.
Peter Quill: I have part of a plan.
Drax the Destroyer: What percentage of a plan do you have?
...
Peter Quill: I dunno... Twelve percent?
...
Rocket Raccoon: THAT IS NOT A PLAN!
Gamora: It's barely a concept.


"It is a remarkable dichotomy. In many ways, Clark is the most human of us all. Then...he shoots fire from the skies, and it is difficult not to think of him as a god. And how fortunate we all are that it does not occur to him." -Batman (in Superman/Batman #3 by Jeph Loeb)
Joined: Mar 2008
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Mar 2008
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I hadn't been reading this story before, but I just caught up. I love the way Lois rolls with the punches of time travel, and the way you've integrated New Krypton into the storyline (pre-reveal, as the source of the Supermen, and post-reveal, with Mr. Smith).

Joined: Apr 2007
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Boards Chief Administrator
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Posts: 8,947
Likes: 28
Hi Mary!

Quote
He pressed the call button repeatedly, waved his hands in front of the doors, then began hitting them. They dented, but did not open.
Considering what comes later, couldn’t he just pull them apart and float up the elevator shaft?

Quote
Mr. Smith rolled his eyes. “This building doesn't have stairs,” he answered, his voice resuming that annoying tone of condescension. “In case of emergencies, people use the teleportation system.”
What if there is a fire, the elevators are thus shut down and the teleporter system is broken, probably because that’s where the fire started?
KRYPTONIAN: We bust open a window or wall and float out?

Quote
He glanced distastefully at the spot where she touched him.
Cooties!

Quote
She turned, cupped her hands around her mouth, and shouted. “Jordan!”

Mr. Smith gave her that irritating look, again. “Do you truly not know anything?” he asked her.
Noise-cancellation?

Quote
Earth's half-race, anyway, but our needs are the same.”

“Okay, first of all, stop calling them that,” said Lois.
clap At least he doesn’t call them mongrels.

Quote
Third of all, I am not a patient, here!”
rotflol

Quote
Lois froze. “Sound-proof?” she echoed.
LOIS: [Linked Image]

Quote
“allowing patients both peace and privacy.
And what do they do against reporters?
KRYPTONIANS: X-Ray vision their photo equipment?

Quote
Also, the patients' rooms have these things called 'beds'--”
clap

Quote
“We could try to hack it,” she said at last.

Mr. Smith blinked at her. “Hack it?” he echoed. “What--?”
Wouldn’t it have been funny had he actually started to hack/chop into the wall with his hand, karate-style?

Quote
So, that means they must all be controlled from some central location.”
Or they have those old-school elevator operators and they made an announcement inside the elevators to have them turned off.

Quote
“So,” she went on, “all we need to do is find the control center and turn them back on. Come on!”
What if it’s on a different floor?

Quote
“Any office,” Lois replied. “If we're going to find a gizmo to control the elevators, it's probably in someone's office, somewhere. So, let's start looking.”
Or the security station in the basement.

Quote
To Be Continued...
hyper

The intrepid Lois Lane strikes again inside the asylum for the Kryptonally challenged.

wave Michael


Join us on the #loisclark Discord server! We talk about fanfic, our favorite show, life, and more! (It’s almost like the IRC days of old again!)

I go by Michael on the Archives.

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