Author's note: This section makes reference to events in the movie "Superman II – The Donner Cut".
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They sat down at the kitchen table again, and Clark poured fresh coffee. "She found me out, you know," he said, breaking their silence.
She could only be Lois, Perry knew. "Um?" he said encouragingly.
"Lois. She's great," Clark said, a smile stealing onto his face. "Memories taken, Kryptonian technology suppressing the recognition, me acting like two different people – she figured me out despite all that."
Perry chuckled. "She is Lois Lane, you know."
"I know," Clark replied. He seemed lost in the past, looking at Perry but not seeing him.
Perry shifted his weight. "How did she do it, anyway, Clark? What did she do?" He had to know.
A fond smile stayed on Clark's lips. "I don't know how she figured it out. She had her suspicions. Then, when you sent us on that honeymoon scam expose in Niagara Falls, she took the opportunity."
"What?" Perry asked.
"She shot me," Clark said.
"What?" Perry asked, before realizing who he was speaking to.
"Yeah, Perry, she shot me. She said she was tired of putting her own life in danger and now it was time to put mine in danger." Clark was chuckling now. "So she shot me, and, obviously, no damage."
Perry gawped. "If you hadn't been Superman…"
Clark began laughing out loud. "I told her that too. If she'd been wrong, Clark Kent would have been dead. And she said, 'With blanks?'" Pride on his face, Clark finished, "She pinned me down good and proper. She was just so…so….Lois."
His voice took on a more serious tone. "Gosh, Perry, it was good to be open with her again. To let her see the real me."
"Why hadn't you told her before?" Perry asked.
"At first, because she disliked me," Clark said. "Subconsciously, I think, Lois knew I'd stolen something from her, and she was angry. And I was afraid to tell her. If I told her, I'd have to tell her everything, let her know that I'd stolen something precious from her, and that I couldn't give it back." He paused a moment. "Then, as we built a new relationship, I realized….I don't really know how to say this…it was sort of like a death in the family."
Perry gave the Man of Steel a questioning look.
"In a sense, the old Lois – the Lois that knew me, knew my secret, the Lois that was with me from middle school onward – was dead." Clark said this evenly. Apparently he'd thought about it for a long time. Dryly, he added, "The new Lois – she wasn't the old one. Obviously."
Clark shrugged his shoulders before turning his attention to his coffee cup. "I mourned the old Lois for a while. That was a hard time," Clark said softly. "Then I realized there was something new growing between us – something different than before. I didn't want to kill it before it really began, by dumping the attitudes and expectations of the past on it." He took another sip of coffee. "Both of us, in our ways, dealt with the loss of her past. She was different. We were different. In the time I spent with her, while she was annoyed by me, Clark Kent, bumbling reporter, I realized that." He shrugged again. "Everything had changed."
"I don't really know how to put this, Perry," Clark continued, "but somehow I felt I had to let Lois find out on her own." He leaned back, tipping his coffee mug to get the last few drops. "Or maybe I would have told her eventually – I'm not sure. All I know is that, even thought it was different from the friendship we had before, this friendship was good and true. And it would last. And it could maybe become something more." He got up, refilled his coffee cup. "It was a good thing she figured it out. I was getting to the point where I was working out scenarios on how to tell her. I just couldn't bring myself to do it right then."
Perry sat, stunned. So much was coming out. Clark was certainly in a confessing mood tonight. Apparently he'd decided to unburden his soul, once Perry figured out his dual identity.
Perry's mind swam, his world turned upside down. He fell back on reportorial instinct. "What happened next?" he asked. A good, basic, non-'yes-or-no' question.
Clark's eyes were unseeing as he stared out the window, lost in thought. "In a nutshell?"
Perry nodded.
"We flew to the Fortress. I gave up my powers."
Perry's eyes widened at the calm confession.
"We had three perfect days." Clark's voice mourned the end of that time.
Perry remained silent, holding his breath. Inwardly he thought, That's when Jason was conceived. Even though he'd never been one to surf the Internet boards about Superman, never joined in the prurient speculation as to whether the briefs came off, and could Superman actually…you know…with a human woman, he couldn't help but be aware of the question. The old "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" theory. It seemed as if Clark had had the same worries, thought Perry, if he'd felt he'd had to give up his abilities to….be with…Lois.
Absolutely no way am I going to ask Clark about that. No effing way.
"Giving up my powers caused damage to the Fortress," Clark went on, either unaware of, or ignoring, Perry's speculative glance. "The Fortress had been instrumental in keeping some Kryptonian criminals in…in prison."
"Prison?" Perry couldn't help asking.
"The Phantom Zone," Clark said. The words sounded harsh and unyielding.
"Phantom Zone?" Perry repeated.
"My father created it," Clark said. "I mean, Jor-El, before Krypton was destroyed. It's….it's…the best description is that it's an alternate dimension." He nodded grimly. "The worst criminals from the twenty-eight known galaxies were incarcerated there." He turned back to Perry, now focusing his attention, and smiled suddenly. "Basically, Perry, it's a high-tech Kryptonian slammer."
Perry chuckled at the sudden release of tension.
Clark went on. "When the Fortress…went down, three criminals escaped. You know who they were."
"Zod," Perry whispered. He thought back to that terrifying time when Zod had invaded his newsroom, almost killed him. The truly frightening thing had been the look in Zod's eyes when he looked at Perry. Perry was less to him than an insect. Zod would kill him in an instant and never think twice about it. Superman's powers without Superman's ethics….
"Lois and I were at the Fortress. I didn't learn about the rogue Kryptonians until we came back." Clark said tensely, "I didn't know what I'd done till then."
"Was it really your fault?" Perry asked.
"It didn't matter," Clark said. "The world was at risk from three superpowered criminals, and I was the only one who could stop them." He sighed, "Whether I meant for it to happen or not – "
"Not," Perry interjected.
"—it still happened. It was my choice to give up my powers. That's what caused it," Clark finished. He put his head in his hands.
The incandescent light from the ceiling fixture threw highlights off Clark's black hair. The silence continued, stretched. Clark took a few shuddering breaths. Perry thought of the bitter irony of Clark giving up his powers, only to create a situation where he had to assume them once again, denying himself a chance of happiness.
"What next?" Perry asked gently.
Clark kept his head in his hands, and Perry had to strain to hear his muffled words. "I…got back my powers. I managed to take care of the bad guys." Another sharp breath. "And Lois and I…we couldn't be together."
Perry nodded, understanding the naked pain in Clark's voice. There was more than one story here – for example, I took care of the bad guys cried out for a lot more detail – but now wasn't the time.
"What then?" Perry asked again. He confined his questions to those simple words, needing no more to elicit the flow of events from Clark.
Clark took his head from his hands, although he kept his elbows on the table. He looked up at Perry.
"We lasted a week together at the Planet. It was so hard, seeing her every day, knowing it was impossible…Clark's voice faded out. "She felt so too. One day she just burst out crying," he said softly. "It wasn't enough to just be friends anymore." He sat up straight. "We'd been lovers, and not to be able to have that….was bitter."
Perry only nodded.
Clark went on. "I wanted her not to hurt, with all my heart." He touched the innocent-looking glasses sitting on the kitchen table, tiny pinpoints of light reflecting off the curved lenses. "I don't know if I asked for this or not…." He twirled the glasses. "I didn't really plan it, you know," he said plaintively.
Perry gave him a questioning look.
"I kissed her," Clark blurted out, "wishing that she wouldn't hurt." He took the glasses in his hand, squeezed. Perry saw his knuckles whitening, wondered how much force was being applied to the spectacles. "It worked again," Clark said bitterly. "Once again, Lois' memory was taken away."
Perry couldn't help shaking his head. "No," he said.
"Oh, yes. Again," Clark agreed. "Did you pick up on it, Perry?"
Perry thought back. "I remember a little bit of that time," he said slowly. "Lois wasn't herself for a week or so. Then she seemed OK," Perry said. Events slotted themselves into place. "She seemed OK until you left," he said accusingly.
Clark grimaced. "I couldn't stay, Perry. I couldn't go through that again. I'd lost her once. I just couldn't face losing her again. Not this time, not when now I knew what I was missing."
Perry nodded.
"I had to go. I would have slipped back into drugs," Clark insisted.
Perry took a minute to wonder about drugs. What the heck could Clark be addicted to? He was Superman, darn it. He was invulnerable, impervious to earthly drugs and alcohol. This called for more research. Later on.
"The news that the astronomers had found Krypton came out just then, and I grabbed onto it," Clark said. "I knew I had to get away. And I couldn't be human right then. It hurt too much."
Perry nodded again.
"So I left. And I spent five years in my ship, being a Kryptonian. Learning about my birth planet." Clark smiled sardonically. "Finally taking my training."
Perry couldn't help himself. He had to know. "And Krypton?"
Clark's smile disappeared. "That place was a graveyard," he said somberly. "The planet had been destroyed. I saw the remnants of a great city on the biggest fragment. It was sterile, lifeless." He sighed. "Everyone was dead." Even more softly, he murmured, "I'm the last one."
What to say to that? What could you say to the last member of his species? "Sorry for your loss" just seemed a little….inadequate.
"Did you know that before?" Perry blurted. He wondered. Presumably, from what Clark had said, the artificial intelligence at the Fortress must have known.
"I had been told that before, yes," Clark agreed. "But it's different actually seeing it." He had the thousand-yard stare again, thought Perry. "Seeing it with my own eyes made it real."
God, this was a depressing conversation, Perry thought. He got up, clattering his chair to break the heavy silence. "More coffee?"
Clark stayed seated. "Sure," he murmured.
Perry refilled their mugs. He'd be up most of the night for sure. But this time, Perry considered, it wouldn't be from the caffeine. It would be from thinking about everything Clark had told him.
He deliberately took a large sip. The coffee had been sitting on the heat for a long time now, and the taste was just a little….concentrated. Oh well, Perry had often had worse. He could drink almost any sludge disguised as coffee.
"So, what next?" Perry asked.
Clark visibly turned his mind from the dead planet. A slow, careful smile teased its way onto his lips. "Well, for one thing, I did finally master the Kryptonian language and technology," he said. He pointed to the glasses. "No more unintentional amnesia. I know how these things work now and I'm not like a kid with a loaded gun anymore."
"Oh-kay," Perry said slowly. "That's good news."
Clark chuckled. "That's why we're having this conversation now, Perry. I turned off the Obliviousness Field for you." He quickly added, "It's still on for everyone else."
Perry shrugged. "You've got to protect your identity. I can see that." A thought struck him. "Did you turn them off for Lois?"
Clark breathed inward carefully. "Lois." He seemed lost in thought. "We have a chance, now," he said, curiously hopeful. "I've learned enough about myself, my abilities, my protective aura...well, let's just say that now we can be together. I never thought it possible….but we could be." He caught Perry's glance, snapped back to the question that was asked. "Um, Lois. Uh, yes. I turned it off for her at the same time I did for you." He sat pensively. "You noticed first."
Perry raised his eyebrows. Beginning to say something, he was cut off by Clark murmuring fiercely, "God, if she'd only look at me!"
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Author's note: "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" is the classic essay by Larry Niven. Don't miss it.
