Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Fun with Polls Soul-Mates

I'm not much for the "past lives" stuff -- I think life is a one-shot deal. On the other hand, I do think there's a perfect match for most (each?) of us somewhere in the world.

I also think I'm dating mine. Five days before we actually started going out, she knew she wanted to marry me. I gave in to the knowledge that I wanted to marry her within the first week. It took a month or so to admit that to each other. We're not officially engaged, but I consider it a rather foregone conclusion -- considering how much of the wedding we've tentatively planned....

I enjoy the soulmates concept in Lois & Clark, even the past lives part, which I absolutely don't believe in. But all of that is part of the fantasy. I don't believe in any of it in real life.

Besides, if you look at that description of soulmates, it wasn't true for Lois & Clark. They had to work hard to get together; both of them had to grow up a lot; their relationship was nearly derailed several times--and all of this after they met each other. Nope, that isn't how it was for L&C. Clark knew it, but seriously, I think it had more to do with his being a Kryptonian than with the soulmates issue.

I chose 'other' because I think having a soulmate is an idea that, for some, is real and for others, is bunk, an opinion colored by the person's experience. If one is receptive to the idea of a soulmate, one is more likely to find one. Otoh,many opportunities for a successful and happy relationship exist. It all depends on the time being right for you and the person meeting your expectations at the moment.

When I met my husband, at a kind of 'welcome to the neighborhood' dance, he was one of many 'bachelors' with whom I danced and who were there to check out the new 'spinsters'. Yet when I danced with him, something clicked. He wasn't the sexiest guy nor the best dancer, but we had instant rapport.

He is my soulmate now, but we had to fight a lot of battles to reach that destination.

Jude

I had to vote other because it wasn't clear whether the description was only talking about real life or fiction or both. To me, the soulmates concept is a fictional, mythical, romantic shorthand for something we wish was true in real life but don't always see come to fruition. And even in fiction, it's an ideal but it's an extremely powerful ideal when used effectively, which is both part of its charm and appeal and cause for a certain degree of negativity that many feel about it.

The thing is that in fiction, whatever its form, an "author" can create two characters to be soulmates for one another. Or they can create two people who could grow into soulmates if they are given half a chance. (That last being the main reason why some stories become triumphs rather than the more classical tragedy. ) That "creator" can literally balance their strengths and weaknesses against one aother. And so the battle or dance begins. How long it lasts is again up to the author.

So, if we're talking fiction, as far as I'm concerned, sure soulmates can happen. That's not the issue related to this topic that fascinates me, however. Personally, what I hate is to have it pounded into my head that two characters are soulmates. Maybe that's partly because as a longtime romance reader, that's pretty much a given in just about every romantic story. Otherwise what's the point?

Instead, I'd much rather get to go along for the ride and see the pair discover not that they automatically are soulmates the second they meet but that they could be if they work at it hard enough. And basically that's what Lois & Clark did. It took an established myth where everyone already assumes these two characters are soulmates, or at least should be or could be, and let us see a very real "human" struggle on their part towards that reality.

Now, that's romance at its most basic.

Well, past lives are against my religion And I don't believe everyone's got some mythical "perfect match/soul mate" somewhere out there -- maybe I'm setting my sights too low but I figure there are a few people out there who are 95-99% compatible with you, and you could be equally happy with the 95 percenter as with the 99 percenter. It's when it gets down into 80 and 70% or lower that you're in trouble

But that's in real life. In the context of L&C, I love the idea

PJ

Pam, are you inside my head? You said exactly what I wanted to say!

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

I'm going to be different...and I voted for yes. I believe in Soul Mates and I also believe in past lives.

I believe my boyfriend and I are Soul Mates. We met at work and started off as friends and then I fell for him first and then he fell for me. I had my heart set on moving to California and he stopped that for me. lol

In our case, I felt more like Clark. I started having feelings for him waay before he did for me. I pinned away for someone who only saw me as a friend. I can definitely relate to Clark and his feelings toward Lois. Like him, I didn't walk away and it ended up paying off for me in the end.

To cut the long story short I agree with Pam on this one.

Forgive me for resurrecting such an old topic, but even before this conversation popped up this week, I was planning to put out a poll about soulmates. But then it occured to me that perhaps it had already been done, and I was right. So I will just stick my thoughts here.

First, let me say that I think soulmates and past lives are two different things, and I don't believe in past lives. But the soulmates question is harder.

It would be so easy to say no, that I don’t believe in soulmates, but that’s not the entire truth. The reality is that I want to say no, because if soulmates do exist, then I would have acknowledge that my husband isn’t mine. And I don’t want to believe that I am supposed to be with someone else.

I love my husband. He is my best friend, and our life together is full of happiness and laughter and it will continue to be so for the rest of our lives. But my soulmate? The person who completes me, my other half, my missing puzzle piece? The person whom I would have found even if he had been on the other side of the world?

No.

So it’s easier to say that soulmates don’t exist at all. That, if you’re lucky, you just come across someone that you are compatible with, who shares your values and you have fun with, and, hopefully, that you desire, and eventually like turns into love. And that could happen with one of potentially dozens, hundreds, thousands of people in the world.

Except I have this nagging feeling that they do exist. That God surely would have sorted out the partner aspect of my life since he planned everything else. So occasionally I find myself wondering if that person is out there wondering about me.

All of which is a very long-winded way of saying... maybe.

Like others have said, the idea of past lives is against my religion. I'm not saying that it's fun to think or read about in fiction, but in reality? No way.

Soul mates--I absolutely believe in them . . . sort of.

My idea of soul mates has to do with my idea of where we came from before life--that we basically "hung out" with each of our earthly friends and family members in a non-physical (in other words, purely spiritual) life before this. Some we got along with pretty well, and that is what I think carries over into the actual LIFE part.

I also think that there might be more than one possible Soul Mate for each person--which one they find just depends on the choices each person makes during their life.

For instance, Soul Mate A might not be the one for Person 1 because the choices Person 1 made in the beginning parts of his/her life and his/her personality makes him/her more compatible with Soul Mate B. Meanwhile, Soul Mate A has made his/her own choices, and has found their own best soul mate in Person 2.

If either Person 1 or Soul Mate A had made different choices in the first parts of their lives, then I think they might have been each other's soul mates.

So, do I believe in Soul Mates? Sure--but not that there's exclusively only one possible soul mate for each person.

That said, it's my theory that your husband could be ONE of your soul mates, Mrs. Mosley, and that any of the other guys who were your potential soul mates would not have been right for the you that came about from your personality and life experiences/choices.

(I'm only answering with you as an example because I'm not married--or even really dating at the moment. Although, I have met--and dated--a few guys, two of which I think were potential soul mates who just weren't THE soul mate for me anymore, because I'd made different choices and had different experiences in my life that made me incompatible with them soul mate-wise.)

Did that make sense?

I agree with Pam's idea that there are many people with whom you could be happy. I felt that instant connection with the man I eventually married and he's said that he felt the same way. But I've also felt that instant connection with a woman who eventually became a very close friend, who also says she instantly bonded with me. Uh oh...was I really destined to be a lesbian and I settled for a man too quickly?! I hardly think so! I also felt that instant connection with another man; again, the feeling was mutual. We're both married. Uh oh...do we throw away a combined 18 years of marriage to people we each love?! Again, I hardly think so! We've just become really great friends. Depending on the reality of the circumstances under which people meet, that spark between people can lead to different things. The notion of a soul mate is best left to romance novels and fantasy.

I would love to know where Kitty’s quote comes from. I wasn’t pointed to it by the link she included.

And as for this, I say balderdash. How many people to you know that have thought this and ended up in hateful, Hateful, HATEFUL divorce.

A relationship is HARD work, and it isn’t a matter of just ‘finding’ the right person.


I agree. But then maybe Clark was just smitten. After all, he should have been turned off by the way she treated him.

Exactly. Anything can happen in fiction. That’s why it’s fiction.

And yes, well said, Chief Pam.

I really like what you said, Mrs. Mosley. I think that is total reality, and you’ve got guts for saying so. Kudos.

God also planned that some people should be alone in this life. And don’t forget free agency. God allows us to make choices and to succeed… and fail. That’s part of the learning process.

Yes, yes!! Someone else who agrees with me!!!

Yes, I’ve been there, too. I have a very good (female) friend, and I’d swear sometimes we can read each other’s minds. But were we meant to be lesbians? Oh, heaven’s no. Never.

Extremely well said!!

Well, as a matter of fact, I do believe in past lives, but not in soul-mates.

The first, obviously, is a matter of faith, and mines obviously differs from that of the majority. So, what?


The second - had you asked me five years ago, I'd have claimed to have found mine. As it turned out - he wasn't. The details are complicated and unpleasant, but that experience has shaken me profoundly, and I don't believe in soulmates any more. At least, not for me.


Besides, I've met several people in my life which, usually, I wouldn't have given a second glance, but once I got to talk to them, (or got them totalk, more likely,) there was definitely a bonding taking place. Guessing one another's thoughts, comleting one another's sentences, etc. - and all within a short period of time.

No, I don't believe in soulmates. It makes for great stories, but not for real life. In many ways, I think Plato did people--women especially--a huge diservice by propagating this theory that there is some "other half" out there we all need to be searching for.

For one, I reject the idea that I NEED a partner in my life to make me complete. I was myself long before I was part of a married couple. It's unfair to put the weight of those expectations of "being the other half that completes me" on another person. It's a fictional person that will never embarass me and always understand everything I say. I don't understand myself sometimes!

Also, I think too many people think themselves inadequate when they find themselves without a significant other--that can lead to bad relationships that drain them and sometimes even end their lives.

For another, I've seen several relationships and families destroyed when one person in the committed partnership decided someone outside of it was really his/her "soulmate". Ironically enough, it was often only to find out that this supposed soulmate actually was a normal human who also said insensitive things from time to time and forgot to take out the trash.

For me, it's not about a mystical reunion of souls but rather a choice coupled with a commitment. I like Pam's statistical theory, and I feel it's likely close to the truth. Maybe that's sucking the romance out of it, but I've found that real life has a way of confounding expectations of the romantic, both for the good and the bad.

I believe there is a "best partner" for everyone, but the concept of soulmates is a little bit too fantastical. Each person only gets one life and each is unique. Not that there isn't a perfect person for each one of us, but that has nothing to do with your souls being intertwined from before.

Think about LnC. If you toss out the "soulmates" concept, what makes their relationship work? Similar passions, acceptance of each other's faults, and genuine care for the other's physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Not to sound technical, but those aspects are the reason they would stay happy together.

I think it's interesting that many people here thing that the concept of soul mates kind of negates the work Lois & Clark had to do to be together.

My own definition of soul mates means that there's an immediate connection, yes, but it does NOT mean that the relationship will automatically work out--whether it's romantic, just friendly, or even as enemies.

To me, the concept that L&C were soul mates totally worked, because their connection may have meant they were REALLY compatible, but it's their love for each other and the work they are willing to put into the relationship that keeps them together.

I love what you said in your last post, Capes.


And I liked this, too, Mellie. Who would have thought you and I would become friends over thousands of miles and be so in sync as to do very similar things? (You know what I mean.)