Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Fun with Polls FoLC Friends: real or virtual?

One of the wonderful things about FoLCdom is all the great friends I've made over the years, through posting on the boards and email list, chatting in real time on IRC, and exchanging private email. What's been even better has been actually meeting some of these great friends in real life, and winding up having them as RL friends too.

So, what about everyone else? Are your FoLC friends just virtual, or are they real too? Don't just answer the poll; tell us all about it!


Wendy

I have never met a FoLC!!
AnnaBtG. (in silliness mode... it attacked me early in the morning and it still hasn't worn off.)

Some of my closest freinds are FoLC and I don't know what I would do without them.

I have my share of RL friends, but when comes to those I can count on, it's my RL FoLC friends.

Of course they're real! I've never understood the theory that internet friends are somehow less important in your life than those in the 'real world'. Friends are friends. Doesn't matter to me where I meet them or hang out with them, for that matter.

Have to admit though that I've never thought of meeting or not meeting those friends as being the criteria for whether they are real or not, important in my life or not. They just are.

LabRat

I've met a few FoLC's during the last year or two and I hope to meet up with them again soon. They're good friends. And then there are those FoLC's who live on the other end of the ocean (plus lots of country <g>) who I count as good friends too but I just haven't had a chance to meet yet. But I will one day!

To me, it doesn't matter if I met them or not, we care about each other and that's the importing thing. Even if everyone thinks I'm nuts and talks about axe murderers, I trust them and that's enough.

All I know is that FoLC Friends are the best and I hope to meet many more of you one day!

Saskia

I would love to have my RL friends and my FoLC friends be one in the same, but alas, they're not. I'd love to be able to go to a movie...let's say Signs...and we could be the only ones laughing at the kids when they put on foil skull caps so the aliens can't read their thoughts. But no...no one else thought that was funny. No one else thought that the first few minutes of Mr. Deeds was funny because Harve Presnell turned into a comical popsicle (reminiscent of a certain villian in a certain story ). Nobody else sees the humor in or appreciates you fitting "Ohmigod, that was two days ago. You have got to learn to let things go." seamlessly into a converstation. Nobody else giggles when they see a "Charlton Heston is my President" bumper sticker.

Oh, wait...this wasn't a rant section? Sorry. I guess I'm a little bitter. But I guess I can deal with RL as long as I can still come here.

Sara (who's not really sure that she actually answered the poll in all that mess up there

Ditto everything Boss and Anna said...

It´s great to be part of this and I really feel a member of the gang. Thanks to you all.

I just wished i didn´t live so far from you guys. And Brazil is really far uh? I hope I can meet you all one day.

MDL.

Maybe somewhere in between. I live in the middle of nowhere, so I've never had the chance to meet a FoLC in person, but you guys crack me up just as much as the people I hung out with last night. I'll move up north to a real city in a couple of years, and then some of you might see that I'm just as crazy (in a good way ) in person. Labby put it best...internet friends are just as cool and important as the people you hang around day to day. And seeing as how some of my friends moved this year, they've kind of become internet friends as well, since it's the cheapest way to stay in touch. So there's no real difference between you guys and them, except for the fact that I've gotten to hang around with them in person.

JD

Well, I chose the slightly hysterical 'folk friends rule' option <g>. It fits my experience most closely, since I have indeed met quite a few folcs, I consider them good friends, I've been shopping (just once or twice <g>) with them *and* been on holiday.

Like Rat says, friends are friends. Doesn't matter how you meet them or how you interact with them. The best kind of friend you can have is someone you can rely on when the chips are down, and I have both RL friends and Folc friends who fit that description.

Yvonne

I am not sure if any of the options really applies to me. I chose the option that I've met some FoLCs and hope to do it again. I had an awesome time at the beach last year with some wonderful girls I had the pleasure of chatting with and meeting.

However, I don't know if I would consider any of my online friends in the same category as my real life friends. It's like two seperate categories. Each group is important in its own way, but they are not the same -- at least not to me.

I really cherish my close FoLC friends. I have on FoLC friend who I have emailed back and forth with for over 4 years, but we have never met in person. Initially, I was afraid he was an axe murdere, and now it is just a problem with time and money. Actually, I've never even seen a picture of him, yet he is someone I can always talk to -- he even helped me out with a marriage project in my sociology class! I have another FoLC friend who I talk to on a fairly regular basis on AIM. And there is another lovely FoLC who has beta read every one of my stories since I returned to FoLCdom who I consider a great friend -- even though she lives on the other side of the globe -- anyone who sends me flake candy will forever be my best friend .

I also cherish everyone who I talk to on IRC, on the boards, or in private email conversations. However, to me, I am not sure if I actually know anyone and if they actually know me. When I stop to think about it, I'm really not sure if I know anyone I talk to online as well as I know my real life friends. Even more so, I am not sure if they really know me.

There is one thing I can count on with many of my real life friends. They know me. They know what I am passionate about: my politics (very outspoken liberal democrat), my religion (very outspoken nonpracticing Catholic who has very strong opinions on religion in public), my family situation (a mother that is facing having her colon removed and a father with no platelets in his blood, and a sister who doesn't care), and my goals in life (to be the dean of engineering at a major research university after being the chair of biomedical engineering by age 35), and they know I have an insane crush on John McDonald of the Cleveland Indians and the VP canidate John Edwards (something I am sure no FoLC knew ), and also that I used to tell people in my sorority I wanted to be the next Monica Lewinsky to totally freak out my republican sorority sisters who would unabashedly Clinton-bash and expect me to join in. I am sure no FoLC knows that I have a pet ceramic duck, and no FoLC has ever heard me passionately declare my love for monkeys or frogs (and I have a very unique definition of monkeys -- anything in the ape/monkey/baboon family is a monkey). All of these facts and so much more are very important to make me the person I truely am.

My RL friends see that side of me. I am not sure if my online friends do. And that makes me think that my online friends see a me that isn't exactly a true portrait of the person I really am. I am not saying that my online friends are any less important than my RL friends, just that they are two very different groups. I mean, where would I be without my online friends to complain about my RL friends to?

I am not sure if that just made any sense. It is really late and I should not have had all that coffee before dinner!

- Laura

PS: Who can say John McDonald isn't the best looking baseball player ever? His uniform doesn't even get dirty during most games. That's because the Indians don't realize he is the best player they have!

I see your point, Laura. I don't want to disagree, since everyone feels differently about their friends and there's no 'right' or 'wrong' opinion. But what you wrote reminds me of my relationships with most FoLCs.

I, having always been very open (maybe more than I should) in my social relationships, can say that the FoLCs that are my friends know a lot of me - maybe not everything, but some things I never tell anyone. Besides, fanfic is a very important part of my life too and I rarely discuss it with RL friends. With FoLC friends, otoh...

And then, there are the other FoLCs, who may not be friends of mine, but they know some things about me, I know some things about them, we hang around on IRC, they read my stories, I read theirs, we occasionally email each other when we need something, I get to 'see' them and their opinions on this boards every day and they get to 'see' me... So, even if they're not strictly friends, they are people who provide a stability in my life - people I don't depend on regularly (yes, I do depend on my friends; I don't know how I'd manage without them) but I know they're there when I need them. And they've proved that to me several times, in less or more serious occasions. Otoh, the RL people I hang around with but are not really my friends are not that important to me and they don't give me the same feeling of safety.

AnnaBtG. (who, in her paper for this year's Technology class had to thank, among others, two FoLCs who helped her find the pictures she needed )

I haven't met any other FoLCs in RL (at least, as far as I know.) Not that I wouldn't want to, though.

Gee, I hope no one ever finds out that I'm not a real person. I'm actually just an AI program that likes to play on this message board.

Tank (who says make that an ASI (articfical semi-intellegent) program)

Well, Tank, that would explain your dislike of kids...

My FOLC friends are my RL friends I've been blessed and have been able to meet a number of FOLCs in person. With some, it's only been a few hours, meeting for lunch, while others (with more time to spend) have come to the house for a video-watching session or two, and/or I've gone to their houses. And a few have become almost part of the family. Someday my kids are gonna wonder why they have so many aunts

We used to have a larger group around here; at the moment we've got a core group of three -- and I'm the only one who's really still involved in online fandom. We try to meet for lunch at least every few months, or we chat on the phone.

I agree with some of the others, there are levels of friendship -- from casual acquaintances, to people I really like hanging out with, to people I would trust with my life. I have lots and lots of casual acquaintances, both online and in RL -- I like them and enjoy talking to them when I see them, but I wouldn't really go out of my way to talk to them, if you see what I mean. And there are some that I look forward to seeing and would miss if they weren't there. (Please nobody be mad at me about that -- honestly, you're one of the ones I *really* like Maybe my point was that whether or not someone is a close friend has little to do with whether they're online or next door.

PJ
who is trying to plan a visit to Annette in time to meet Wendy there... and would love to meet any of y'all who happen to get to Raleigh, NC

Well, I answered: Yes, I've met at least one, and we had a great time. Hoping to repeat the experience in the future!

And then realized that's wrong. I *have* gone on vacation with FoLC friends and been to their houses (or at least some of their houses). They haven't been to my house, but that's simply because of distance issues.... Oh, and I've been a bridesmaid in a FoLC friend's wedding.

I also agree with Pam -- with any community there are going to be the people who are close friends, the kind of friend you keep even if you and/or the community goes away, and there are the acquaintances that you have fun with but don't go out of your way to do stuff with. Having moved quite a bit growing up (and with no plans of stopping that trend ), I love how the internet allows me to keep in touch with people -- I even keep in touch with a lot of local friends, whom I met in RL, with the internet. Of course, the fact that we're all writers might help with that.

But having met my FoLC friends online doesn't make them any less of a friend.

Bethy

I selected the "No but I'm about to meet a FoLC friend" option because in a couple short weeks, I actually will come face to face with a real live FoLC. The entire concept has my husband totally freaked out - he cannot understand how I could meet someone who I've gotten to know over the internet. I keep trying to explain to him that many of the FoLCs I've met on the internet have become real friends, and I know as much about them as some real-life people I call friends.

And as in real-life, I have FoLC friends that are acquaintances - that I chat with on occasion on IRC - ranging all the way to others who are deeper friends, where we exchange e-mails regularly that deviate way off the scope of FoLCdom. People I miss when they go on vacation and I don't get to hear from them in a while.

I would love to attend a huge FoLC convention and get to meet everyone. Even seeing pictures brings me a big thrill because I get faces to connect to names and nicks.

Although, there is something very liberating about remaining anonymous. In this world, you aren't judged at all by the way you look or how your voice sounds or any other physical factors, only by what you say. In a way, I think this environment is even better than real-life for making friends.

Lynn

Add 'age' in these factors We've had a couple of polls proving that.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Amen to that age thing. It's so great that we have all these different age groups around here, and we all treat each other as equals.

JD

Just a point of information for any folcs with husbands like Lynn's who freaks out at the thought of her meeting internet friends in the flesh - in this online community, at least, you can tell your doubting friends and family that many other folcs have already met each other and developed a variety of levels of friendship as a result. No-one got murdered, or even slightly damaged, in the process.

Of course, if you're in any doubt at all, you just follow the rules which apply to any 'blind date' type situation: you make sure you meet in a public place and don't exchange address details until you're sure the other party is credible.

Yvonne
(who blithely didn't follow best practice at all when she met Jenni, Wendy or Helene for the first time )

Yeah, I've already got several plans in place for when I meet Wendy in a few weeks. Have the national guard on alert and a few key "save me" phrases to use with my husband like "Didn't you say we needed to change the batteries in the smoke detectors tonight?" LOL!

But, really, Yvonne brings up a great point. It is always best to be safe when meeting a virtual stranger. I'm always blown away by the sickos you hear about on the news who pretended to be a kid on the internet so they could lure other kids into unsavory meetings. Ugh!! Talk about giving internet friends a scary reputation.

And thanks, Anna, for mentioning the age thing. It is very cool how vast of a range of ages this fandom pulls and that we all see each other as equals.

I'm still gunning for that FoLC Fest.

Lynn

It's a little different for lurkers, I suppose. I've read many of your stories, your posts and even the stuff that you guys write in the Off Topic section.
I don't use the IRC at all, and don't intend to. But lurking and reading the posts, makes me feel as though I know many of the FoLCs. At least, the part that FoLCs share on these boards.

See, as a semi-lurker, I feel that I know some of you, but you guys probably know very little about me. Can I call you guys my friends? Perhaps I could, but you probably won't consider me to be one of yours.


metwin1 - who really does enjoy reading what everybody here has to say about fanfiction and all the topics that have featured in the "Off Topic" sections.

Well, I haven't met any FoLC but I'd love to!

I think virtual friends and RL friends are different, not as if one group is less than the other but different as in what are the characteristics(sp?) of each one.

I think this quote sort of explains it. RL friends are people I've met physically, know some of their interests, hang with them and they've also met me physically, know some of my interests and of course I care about them.
Virtual friends(in my case FoLCs), I might never meet, won't know much details about their life(but kind of know something about them through the boards) or won't be able to chat on IRC. Still, I consider virtual friends *friends*, if not close, you guys are definetely people I care about. In fact you are part of one of the things I love the most: L&C.

Apart from not knowing you physically, you're almost RL friends...

Not knowing much of you or the not hanging around part could easyly change,so it's not really a problem ,that is viable through IRC.
The reason I haven't be able to, was time(because of studies, once I start another semester I won't have any time to come and read your posts), plus me being shy, plus the language barrier (even if I have improve a little -at least I hope so!- in all the time I've been part of the boards it's been dificult for me to talk online, veeery different from writing a post, trust me!).
All those factors together and you have a very antisocial-not-liking-to-be-one FoLC.

So that's what I consider is the difference between RL friends and virtual friends.(Did I made sense?)

Carolyn

Well, the only FoLCs I've met in person (although not for lack of trying) have been ones I don't know all that well. So far, at least -- I'm scheduled to meet another in a month and a half or so.

OTOH, I have met MANY online friends from other fandoms. (They had the good sense to live in (or visit) my general geographical area. ) We get together fairly regularly.

And I'm about to head off to Chicago to get together with about 50 people from another forum (about 10 of whom I have met in person already).

I picked the last option.

I am very shy and have no intention of meeting anyone b/c I would be very nervous and make a fool of myself. Also, my living arragements do not allow me to make things very welcoming for people. I'm not outgoing enough to visit others, even though that would be fun. I want to be wild and outgoing...but I try and well things don't end up being peachy.

I don't do IRC because my brain can't figure it out and my computer just looks at me and grumbles, "you want ME to do ANOTHER function?! No way, I'm going on a holiday." I'm a little slow when it comes to real time posting. I think too much with not enough action.

I'll post here, but I still feel like an outsider. I really enjoy the stuff here and will continue to read until everyone jumps ship. Hopefully that will never happen! Maybe I'd feel more at home if I could contribute more.


So I guess I'd have to say no for both.
I wish that where not true. I don't want to call someone my friend and then find out they are not mine. I've done that too much in the past and well I end up looking like a dork b/c I want everyone to like me.

Several years ago, Elisabeth and I met several FoLCs in St. Louis at the Torry(sp?) basketball fund raiser where Dean Cain was playing on the court. Afterward we gathered together in a small room and had a chance to talk with and meet Mr. Cain.

I won't embarrass myself by trying to name any of the people I met because I am so horrible with names. Suffice to say I met some long time members/authors.

Amusing story. The gender of the room was mostly women and less than a handful of guys. Us guys were near the end. Dean had gotten into the habit of leaning over the table and hugging each of the women/girls and the pattern was pretty well set when it came to my turn. For just a moment Dean started to lean forward, paused, did a mental replay of the situation and gracefully stuck out his hand for me to shake. It was very well done. He is as nice in person as he is on the screen.

James

Alas, I have never met one of my FoLC friends IRL. Plans were started one time, but fell through, or just never followed up on. Maybe one of these days, I'll meet everyone I've talked to!

Meeting people that I've met online doesn't bother me, as long as I've talked to them for a good long while first (and most of you, I have!). As most of you know, I met my husband online, and also have quite a few internet friends that I've met IRL, so meeting people I've met online is old hat for me. Oddly, I think I have more internet friends than IRL friends... of course, some of them went from internet friends to IRL friends living near me.

Yay, I got to pick the "Are you kidding?" option. I love my FoLC friends, although I don't get to see any of them very often...or heck even talk to them on IRC that much anymore, mainly because of my screwy school/work schedule.

I've been on vacation (hi beach girls!!!), and been to a couple of houses. And I'm going to dinner and a baseball game with a FoLC buddy today!

And this from someone who's racked up 363 posts. <G> That's a pretty good contribution right there, Roo! We don't need you to do more than you're happy with - we're just happy you hang out here and have fun with us. Keep up the good work! There are members who've never delurked, so for someone shy you're doing pretty well in the bravery stakes already.

And if you ever work up the nerve to join us on irc, just ask for help and someone will be able to beat that lazy pc of yours into submission. You can lurk in #loisclark too - you don't need to dive in chatting. If you want to just sit quietly in the corner with the ficus and listen to the chat, that's cool, too!


LabRat

Tank, dude, you have to be real. You just left me a ton of LNC videos at the comic book store, and if you didn't, I'm in the middle of some big alien conspiracy to keep me from writing while I watch EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

My closest encounter with an email personage and he claims he isn't real. That throws all my theories about life, the universe, and everything right out the window. DAAAAAMN!

I giggled, Sara, I giggled long and hard. Where'd you get that thing, I want one. I used to live in Chandler AZ, so I missed you being a RL for about a 2 hours drive.

Hell we all oughta have a big ole party down in Metropolis IL. They'll think we're nuts, but I bet they'll take our money.

TEEEEEEJ

It's not mine...and despite the good chuckle I get from it, had I one, it would not be on my car.

Sara

Rooooooooo!!!!

How come you say you don´t contribute much to this? You are my life savior!!! Who else helps this Stupid Braz Girl? Only you and SQD!!!

I you.


MDL

Yes, yes, yes, let's invade Metropolis! Just let me know when (preferably after the new year, so I have vacation time again), and I can also plan a family visit, since it's near there. (See my sig. )

Reading through this, it occurred to me that I love you guys I mean, in general, I'll meet someone and hope to get along, but among FOLCs, I just assume we'll be great friends. A few people have managed to make me change my mind about them in particular, but really, it seems pretty difficult to get me to *not* like you.

And I love seeing new people post, either as total newbies, or as long-time lurkers speaking up for the first time. It's wonderful seeing all the new perspectives and enthusiasm

So, yes, metwin, I'd love to meet you (and your clone ) and I'd love to get together with Roo, and pretty much everyone else here. I can't travel much, unfortunately, but I would if I could

And like LabRat said, if anyone wants to get on to IRC, we'd be more than happy to help you get there. If I could figure it out, anyone could.

PJ

Does having three out of four bridesmaids be folcs, including the maid-of-honor, count? *grin*

I've met lots of folcs. Not everybody, especially not the Europeans, except those friendly enough to make the occasional foray across the Atlantic. But I've definitely enjoyed most of those I've met, and even taken a trip to the beach with a bunch of the girls.

When I had to choose bridesmaids for my recent wedding and send out wedding invitations, I ended up choosing three folc bridesmaids, plus several folc invitees. It ended up that only two others came (one couldn't make it because of work, and none of the rest seemed to want to come all the way over from Europe, *sniffle*). But it really made me realize how many good friends I've made among folcs (and, of course, in the column on the spreadsheet where we were writing "relation to bride/groom," I had to keep writing "Sarah-folc friend," which was a bit awkward to explain to my parents, who still think I know Annie from mutual friends from when she lived in DC. Who knows where they think I met Bethy from. )

Back from my holiday in England, and I've got lots to catch up on, but this caught my eye. What a great topic! Though I notice our topic-setter hasn't replied in full details herself.

I went for the "FoLC friends rules" option, as it definitely fits me. Spending time at each other's house, on a holiday together, or shopping... done it all several times and enjoyed it very much.

But it's not because they're FoLCs. Yes, that's true, we first started to chat together because we liked the same show, but if it was just about Lois and Clark, friendship wouldn't develop. It would stay at something superficial and not become some of the closest friendships I've ever had.

Once you start talking with people, and especially when you spend time in RL with them, then you stop talking about Lois and Clark only or even fanfic only. You start talking about your job, your family, your personal issues. You share experiences, comfort each other when one is feeling down, share happiness when one is being enthusiastic about something happening in their life, you go bra-shopping together... /me ducks and runs (sorry, that one was for Annette ), you can even end up conquering your terror of planes when one of your best friends is moving a continent away.

In a nutshell, you do lots of things together, because before being FoLCs, you're *friends*. Proof is, you don't stick to making friends with FoLCs. Example? I became friends with the husband of one of my closest friends, who's absolutely not a FoLC. But he and I can talk seriously or laugh together, tease each other, the sort of things that friends do. Okay, we don't go bra-shopping together (I do that with his wife ).

Basically, my point is that being a FoLC really stops mattering. I don't care that my friends are FoLCs or not; they're just my friends, and that's all that matters. I know I can count on them and they know they can count on me and I'll go out of my way to help them if they need something.

Kaethel

My credit card begs to differ. It considers itself badly damaged, if not murdered (it's got a way of putting things) because of my numerous shopping sessions with (FoLC) friends. But then, my credit card always blames Wendy for introducing it to the wonders of shopping at Cheshire Oaks, EWM, the Trafford Centre, you name it...

Kaethel (who won't take the blame for herself cos, as everyone knows, she's innocent )

Hi, FoLCs!

I voted a while back but didn't have a chance to post anything about the subject.

I agree with everything that Kaethel said. I think virtual friends are just as friends as my real friends. Actually there are some FoLCs that started being virtual friends and became real friends to me. I met some FoLCs in person and they are more than friends to me now. They are like family. I can say that most of the people I talk to in "real" world don't mean as much to me as some people I met online. Besides if you think about it you're just using the computer to talk to a real person... there's nothing virtual because you're not talking to a machine but a person. FoLCs are just the best people ever and I don't have FoLCs close to me to talk to so I have to use the internet.

I may not meet some FoLCs I talk to often but I like them very much and we shared lots of things already When I'm needing comfort I turn to my FoLC friends more often than to anyone else. I can see that as a real friendship.

If it wasn't for the internet I could never have met some of the most important person in my life (right, honey? ) and some of the greatest friends that I have (you know who you are ) so there's no virtual in anything.

Gee, did I make sense here?

Well, anyway I think that if I believed there was a line between real and virtual I would have missed some of the best things that happened in my life.

Raquel