Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Off Topic Zero Tolerance strikes again...

Hey... some of you have been following this on Facebook, but I feel the need to share...

Two weeks ago (8/19) my 12-yr-old son Michael had a confrontation with a teacher. He was trying to turn in a "packet" -- several papers stapled together. She refused to accept it, saying that he needed to do more work on it. (This may well be true, but he was very upset about it, feeling he'd put a lot of work into it already.) He put it on her desk, visibly upset. She picked it up and handed it back. He lost it, and was thrusting the papers at her, trying to get her to take them. In the process, the papers touched her chin.

Sounds bad, right? Terrible behavior from my son, but he has autism so it's not inexplicable. Unacceptable, but understandable, if you see what I mean. We've been trying for the last six months or so to work with the school to help him better deal with these frustrations, and to help teachers to deal with him. The week before we'd specifically talked about teachers not getting caught up in arguments with Michael.

The exact sequence after that is unclear to me, but it ended with Michael in the vice-principal's office, who called me to come get him. Michael was still upset, and had been crying. The VP then informed me that he's been suspended for five school days. For assault. The official school write-up, which we received later, said that he "agressively" shoved a paper in her face. Oh, the horror.

But wait, it gets better. The school has a police officer on campus. He wrote Michael up and told us that charges were pending. The form he originally mailed to us said the charge would be "possession of a weapon on school grounds." To refresh your memory, the "weapon" in question was a piece of paper. I asked, did Michael actually touch the teacher. He said no, but if a student were to, say, swing a baseball bat, that would be assault just as much as punching. But it's a piece of paper, I cried! I could almost hear him shrug.

The officer wrote up a police report and filed a petition in juvenile court -- that means Michael was formally charged. It turns out that the "weapon" line on the form was a mistake; the officer had copied/pasted from another form, which was about a different child who had brought a weapon (the mind boggles; could he perhaps have had a pencil?!?). No, Michael was actually charged with "assault on a government offical."

Isn't that much better?

Yeah, not really. When the police officer told me that on the phone, I said, "Oh, that's so much better" -- then I had to explain I was being sarcastic.

Late Friday we got another notice in the mail, from the Department of Juvenile Justice (DJJ) requesting our participation in a conference downtown. The juvenile court counselor will interview us, "evaluate" the complaint and decide whether this has to go to an actual court or if it could be dealt with in some other way. That interview was originally scheduled for this afternoon, but we've been advised not to go to any meeting like that without a lawyer, and we haven't got a lawyer yet, so I called to reschedule.

The police offer advised that we take something along to prove that Michael has autism. You know, just in case it's relevant at all.

So, for the past week, I have been scouring the web, and living on my cell phone, trying to contact anyone who could help us. The Governor's office has a group called "Disability Rights NC" -- they told us to call the autism society. I called the autism society -- they suggested I call the Disability Rights NC people. A friend of a friend does student advocacy for a living, and she's been offering advice. I've staked out the pediatrician's office to get something about his autism in writing. I've visited his school several times, gathering paperwork.

The pastoral staff of our church invited us to a meeting, to come up with new guidelines for Michael's church attendance. That wasn't fun, but they are helping us with the whole fiasco. The director of the church's special needs ministry is keeping in close touch, also working the phones, etc.

If it weren't for the bills piling up, it'd be a good thing that I'm currently unemployed, because chasing all this around has been a pretty hefty time commitment. Did I mention that I hate making phone calls? Somehow that hasn't been a factor this past week.

Up until now, we've pretty much gone along with whatever the school personnel suggested. That's worked out real well, hasn't it? As far as we can tell, they haven't even been doing the little bit they'd agreed to. We're gearing up for a meeting with them (Sept 16th) to basically tear up what they've got and write up a new plan. I just know they're going to whine about going to the extra effort. Before, I'd have been sympathetic. Now I'm thinking more along the lines of "suck it up, people; you only have to deal with this for a small part of the school day; Michael is dealing with his autism 24/7."

Before this, I was laid back, cooperative, laissez-faire. My husband has given me a new nickname: Mama Bear.

PJ

Pam, this is terrible. Is the Sept 16th meeting for a new IEP? For a teacher to do this to a special needs child is just not acceptable. Government schools are just getting too unreasonable.
Good luck, keep us informed.
Sue

Yes, Sue, we'll be writing a new IEP. The existing one either is inadequate or not followed or both. I'm guessing both. In the meantime I'm trying hard to be polite to school personnel. No sense ticking them off prematurely, and we're going to have to be able to work with them.

PJ

{{{{PAM}}}}

Go Mama Bear!

Keep us posted!

Good for you for advocating for your kiddo!

Carol

I'm sorry that you had to put so much effort into this ...

I can't believe they make a mountain out of a molehill. Don't they have anything else to do?

I second Carol:
Go Mama Bear!

We <3 Mama Bear!

I stand by what I said before: If Michael is going to be charged with assault, give him a bat and let him assault someone so at least the charge is legit. I vote for the police officer.

He is very lucky to have you as his mom!

Go, Pam!

The school staff are idiots.

I hope you can find a lawyer, not only one who specializes in juvenile cases, but one who specializes in disability law. It's time for you to go on the offensive.

Good luck.

What a bunch of idiots...but thanks for sharing; my two best friends are psychologists at an autistic school outside Boston, so I'm always trying to keep up with all the good, bad, and ugly of it. Do you mind if I repeat the story to them? The names can be changed to protect the innocent. Is this just a regular school, i.e. no extra learning programs for kids with any disabilities?

JD

I wish you lived up here, Pam. I'd be happy to walk you through this. Unfortunately, criminal law is different up here - as are the programs available.

Finding a lawyer who can walk you through it is a good idea. They should know who to talk to who will be reasonable - and what programs or other options are available to you.

As for outrageous charges, they happen all the time. I saw a person charged with assault with a weapon for hitting someone with a pillow. *dangerous weapon there, all right*

Sorry you're having to go through this. Try, though, to hold your temper. You're more likely to get people to be reasonable if you don't point out to them how crazy they are (I know it's tough. I struggle with it on a daily basis )

ML

As a teacher, I think I should comment on this.

Personally I would not accept having a piece of paper shoved up my face. I would report it to the principal, and I would expect the principal to ask the parents of the kid who had committed the offence to come to school for information and didscussion. I would expect the parents to be informed of what had happened, and I would expect a discussion and an agreement between the parents and the school about what was to be done to prevent this kind of behaviour in the future, and what was to be done if the kid stepped out of line again. I would most certainly expect to be present myself and explain what the situation had been like to me.

I would expect to be asked if there was anything I myself could do to prevent incidences like this from happening again. For example, if the student insisted on handing in a paper, should I accept it even if I thought that I couldn't give it a passing grade? I would certainly be willing to do that, but only if my accepting it didn't mean that I was automatically implying to the student that his work was okay.

Alternatively, if I could only accept the paper if I was ready to pass it, then I should specify what the student needed to improve to get a passing grade. For example, he might need to add more background. Or he might need to consider the facts he had already presented and formulate a conclusion. Or he might need to make a full list of the sources he had used to find his information. Maybe his grammar and vocabulary needed improvement. Maybe he simply hadn't written a sufficiently long text to pass, if, for example, I had told him to write at least a thousand words.

But in any case, I would have to tell him what exactly he had to keep working on in order to pass. It is not enough for a teacher to tell a student that his work just isn't good enough.

Getting the police involved in a case like this is obviously totally ridiculous. It solves nothing, but makes the whole thing worse.

You should of course stand by your son, Pam. Hopefully, the school is willing to work with your son, not against him. But the school is right to take action if your son becomes aggressive, even if it just means that he shoves a paper in a teacher's face. But getting the police involved is totally contra-productive.

You and the school must cooperate, and the goal must be that your son should do as well as possible academically. But your son, the teachers at the school, his classmates and you yourself should also be as happy as possible when your son is at school.

Ann

Once an autistic child is upset, there is no reasoning with them. Couldn't the teacher have taken the packet, then after the child calms down try talking to him? Getting into a shoving match with him is not the answer. You need to find yourself a good backup support system Pam because I hate to say this, but it will probably only get worse the higher in school he gets.
Sue

Jen, feel free to pass it on. It's a normal middle school; Michael's been mainstreamed since first grade. There's supposed to be support for him, or any other kid with an IEP, but it's mostly a school for "normal" kids.

ML, I am trying to hold my temper. Lashing out would be so, so satisfying... but I know it would just make everything worse. So I just rant to friends, and behave myself with the school.

Ann, you're right, what he did was unacceptable. Nobody deserves having papers shoved in their face, and if Michael were a "normal" kid we'd be reacting very differently. But he's got autism, and that influences so many things. Like Sue says, once a kid with autism is upset, there's no reasoning with them. They can't handle the frustration and verbal skills go right out the window. Talking to them makes everything worse.

We're frustrated that the teacher seemed not to know anything about autism and, deliberately or not, provoked him. It was the school's responsibility, both to Michael and to his teachers, to find a way to work with him effectively. The school set that teacher up for getting paper shoved in her face, by not teaching Michael ways to deal with things, and by not teaching her the best way to handle him. When they act as if they were innocent bystanders and it was all his fault, I see red.

Of course, when I'm infuriated, I can deal with it -- I have experience, I know clearly that losing my temper makes everything worse, I know how to vent to other people to release the tension. Even then, it's not easy, and I'm a lot better at it now than I was 10 years ago. But Michael hasn't got those advantages.

Discipline is sorely needed (training and consequences), but the usual sorts of discipline just don't work. It's almost like punishing a blind kid for not copying off the blackboard. Autism is a lot less obvious, but no less disabling.

By the way, that paper she refused to accept? She has since graded it; he got 80%.

PJ

I hope you get all of this straightened out, Pam. It's definitely unacceptable the way the school is treating this. And that's funny that the paper she said wasn't done got an 80. *shakes head*

The thing with Michael is that he's very very smart in a lot of ways. He's in 7th grade, taking 8th grade algebra, and if he passes the test at the end of the year, he'll get high school credit for it. But he also has a really hard time writing things down. He's got to actually think about so many things that we take for granted -- how much pressure to put on the pencil, how is each letter formed, how is each word spelled, how should the sentence be put together. For most of us, that's automatic. Right now, all I have to do is think of the word I want, and my fingers type it. But it's not automatic for him; he has to consider all those steps at once. Not to mention figure out what the right answer is. He can manage it, but it takes a whole lot of effort, which is totally invisible to most people.

It drove me nuts for years, before I understood the challenge. It'd be like me trying to write something in Russian or Chinese. With someone standing over me telling me to hurry up already. English is Michael's second language, really. But again, just looking at him and talking to him briefly, and none of that is even hinted at.

PJ

Pam, just to make everything clear - I definitely agree with you. The school needs to treat Michael with respect, accept his handicap, and find ways for both the teachers and Michael himself to work around it.

What I meant is that when I read what you wrote, I got the impression that no questions were asked of the teacher. Could she have acted differently? Can she and Michael come to an understanding?

Yes, Michael's behaviour was not acceptable, but neither is the school's attitude. And like you said, Micahel has got a disability. The school, hopefully, hasn't. I get the impression that the school is just blaming Michael for being unable to handle his frustrations. Did the school give him enough help to deal with his problems? Did it give him enough help to succeed academically? Is there any way that Michael could have been allowed to show what he knows without writing it down, if the writing in itself is difficult for him? For example, would it have been easier for him to use a computer? Or could he have an oral exam?

My impression is that your school is not trying to help Michael, just punish him for his failures, and that is NOT acceptable.

Yeah, that's the impression we've got, too. It was getting better this year (all six weeks of it); they've now got a "Behavior Support Teacher" who works with Michael (and other kids with various problems). She's got some good ideas about visual cues for him, and in general, if he's getting overwhelmed, he can excuse himself to her room, which is a quiet place he can get himself back together. She sometimes talks to him about what happened and how he could do it differently next time, which is good... but that approach requires him to fail before starting to teach him how to succeed. There are some obvious disadvantages to that method.

Despite all my whining, in a way I'm glad this happened this way. This incident is so self-evidently ridiculous, but it's illustrated a crying need to fix things. If this hadn't happened, we would probably have gone on until something more serious happened. Next time he might have actually assaulted a teacher, or a classmate. This was a useful wake-up call, with, hopefully, many good results and few bad ones.

PJ

Pam, I've been thinking about this since you first mentioned it, and I'm wondering - I don't know how things work in the US, or in your state, but here in Canada when people run into problems with government-run programs or services they go to their local political representative, who tends to make a couple of phone calls, bang some heads together and get a result. Yes, it's short-circuiting official procedures, which can piss people off a bit, but when official procedures are tying you in knots sometimes it's the only solution.

Would it be possible to contact your local state senator/congressperson/head of the school board (or whoever the appropriate representative might be)?


Wendy

That's an interesting idea, Wendy. Not sure who I'd contact but I can look into it. Thanks

PJ

Whatever happens with the court case, I am hoping your son can be placed in a different class. He needs a more flexible teacher.

Some teachers should not work with autistic kids. These teachers are not bad people, they may just be new or inexperienced or incapable of giving the extra effort.

There might also be something about that particular class that just isn't a good fit for him. Many years ago I was very upset that my son, who was diagnosed with ADHD, was expelled from a wonderful day care program. But I eventually realized that no matter how excellent the program, it was not a good program for him. Although the conventional wisdom was that ADHD kids need structure, we placed him into a more relaxed day care environment and it was a success.

I had reason to remember this last year, when an inexperienced friend of mine grabbed an autistic student by the arms to keep him from running out the door. Another adult had just told him he could not do what he wanted to do, and he was frustrated. He attacked my friend and severely scratched her face. Because this was an optional program, not school, he was asked to leave for violating the behavioral contract.

I had been working with the same student, and I have a little more experience with autistic kids. (One of my friends has a husband with Asperger's, and all her kids have it to some degree.) I don't think the situation was really the child's fault; I think the real problem was that the program was not appropriate for his cognitive level and the amount of stimulation that he needed. Everyone tried with the best of intentions, but it was the wrong placement for him.

It is possible that this class was not the right fit for your son, and no one wanted to admit it--it would make the teacher look bad if she brought it up. Now, with the disciplinary action, she can make sure any "blame" is pushed onto someone else--your son. For her, it's a matter of surviving the bureaucracy. It is for you, too, but you need to know the game that you are playing. And it helps to have someone who knows the game to guide you through. That's why I recommended a disability lawyer.

Pam, I wonder if there are resources here you haven't found yet: Yellow Pages for Kids with Disabilities in North Carolina. There are advocacy groups and lawyers there, among other organisations. I wonder if you'd be able to find a lawyer who might agree to help pro bono or on a reduced-fee basis?

I haven't read the whole listing, but this organisation looks interesting (not sure how close you are to Charlotte):

Council for Children's Rights
Brett Loftis
601 East 5th Street, Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28202
(704) 372-7961; (704) 372-5941 (fax)
Email: info@cfcrights.org
Web: http://www.cfcrights.org
Non-profit legal and advocacy organization for children. Areas: Special Education, School Discipline, Mental Health, Custody, Delinquency, Abuse/ Neglect. Primarily serving Charlotte metro area.


And this:

Disability Rights NC
Intake Specialist
2626 Glenwood Ave., Suite 550
Raleigh, NC 27608
(877) 235-4210; (919) 856-2195; (919) 856-2244 (fax)
Email: info@disabilityrightsnc.org
Web: http://www.disabilityrightsnc.org/
Protection /Advocacy Agency evaluates and accepts cases free of charge based on current priorities in areas of special education, abuse/neglect and community inclusion.

- accepts cases free of charge looks promising!


Wendy

I would certainly like to get Michael away from that teacher. There was another incident today. They were all supposed to be writing (typing) an essay. Michael didn't know how to start, and the software was apparently acting up on him. So he decided to play Pokemon on the web, instead. Bad choice on his part. The teacher noticed and according to the school, she gave him a warning and another five minutes before coming back. Michael doesn't remember the warning. When she came back and saw him still playing, she told him to stop and immediately yanked the laptop away. Meltdown time. In the ensuing fracas, she says he slapped her on the wrist. He's been suspended for another two days.

(Not that I'm complaining, but I find it interesting that this incident -- including an allegation of direct contact -- was treated less seriously than the one two weeks ago, with the piece of paper. As far as I know, the police haven't been called in on this one.)

Anyway, not only is she his homeroom teacher, and his language arts teacher, she *also* teaches 1st period health class! Which is where the incident happened this time. I seriously want him out of that situation. Before he even goes back to school I want to have a long talk with that teacher. According to school officials, she's had training on autism. I told them it didn't work. My advocate/friend thinks we need to see documentation of said "training." And in any case, I don't know that training would help, since she seems pretty rigid. I wonder if she gets into shoving matches with any of her other students.

Wendy, I think I found that page through wrightslaw.com -- good site. We don't live very near Charlotte, I think it's a two hour drive. I've been in contact with Disability Rights, NC, although at this stage they're sticking with dispensing advice. I've also contacted the Duke Children's Law clinic, for low-income families, and they say they'll be in touch. They won't touch the justice-system side of things, but I really do want to have a lawyer at the next IEP meeting. And the sooner that meeting is held, the better.

PJ

I'm so sorry I was so late to see this. This is such a ridiculous situation, Pam. Sorry to hear about it.

Any news?

I'm late to this thread (per usual) but I just felt the need to comment on this situation.

As someone who works with people who have developmental disabilities, while I've never directly worked with someone who is autistic, I can certainly comment firsthand on how difficult and frustrating it can be to interact and try to connect with someone who's brain is wired differently than yours. In my opinion (and I should think this would be obvious), the key is to have some clue about what you're dealing with and how to handle it, and to have patience.

Clearly this teacher is not qualified to work with special needs children as these concepts seem to elude her. It sounds like Michael is doing extremely well if he's been mainstreaming for so long, but she still should have taken the time to educate herself on the subject and to talk with the rest of the school administrators to find successful ways to work with him. It must be so frustrating because really, the whole situation could have been avoided with a little effort on the school's part.

My heart goes out to you, and I hope this whole thing gets resolved soon.

We've had a lot of progress this week. On Tuesday, we drove to Durham to meet with the Duke University children's law clinic... (4th year law students take on issues in children's law, for low income families in the area, under supervision of a professor) We wanted to know what our legal options were. Bad news is, the previous IEP was written vaguely, so we didn't really have any grounds to sue. But the law student interviewed us, and the law professor paid attention, and then gave us some really good advice. This woman obviously knew about IEPs and autism, and pointed out problems with the existing IEP (when you take the language apart, it's written as if Michael is perfectly capable of behaving, but isn't choosing to do so, which is *far* from the truth). She then outlined some things to ask for in the IEP meeting; we took notes and basically used that as our game plan.

--We wanted a new analysis of his functional behavior and a new psychological analysis as well, focusing on his emotional maturity/social skills, etc.
--We wanted to talk about the "specially designed instruction" -- the way it was written, it didn't have to be direct one-on-one services.
--We wanted to plan to rewrite parts of the IEP, after the new analyses are done, and
--We wanted some specific accommodations -- modified assignments & classwork expectations, a second set of textbooks so he doesn't have to carry them around, and provision for visual, non-verbal cues for when he's upset.

So, we wrote those up into a two page document, printed 15 copies, stapled them, and took them along to give everyone their own copy. I'd also written a sort of "user's manual" with information on Michael, since every kid with autism has their own quirks, and we distributed those, too.

We had done a lot of homework (obviously; this has been occupying a lot of my time for weeks) so when we got in there, I was able to speak out confidently and lay out our expectations and concerns. In the past, we've mostly gone along with whatever the teachers suggested -- they're the experts, right? We're not making that mistake again.

It went pretty well. We were there for over two hours. The teachers were all there, along with the stupid jerk, I mean, ass't principal and two specialists that we'd not met before. The autism specialist for the school had some very good points, and we had some good discussion. It was all very civil (just to help the atmosphere stay friendly, I took along muffins, which they appreciated) and I think we educated them, to some extent, anyway.

So, they're going to have a point sheet for Michael to carry around, and teachers are going to prompt him for it, so they can give him a rating. Good behavior gets a 1, horrible behavior gets a 5, although they were all keen on heading off the really awful behavior if he seems to be heading in that direction. Good behavior wins him some free reading time; if he loses it he gets "pulled back" into the behavior support teacher's room the next day, where he can do his work, and talk about the stress and how he can deal with it better in future.

He's going to go to the behavior support teacher first thing every morning, to get direct social-skills instruction. Which is what we've been asking for since March, so yay! they're finally doing it. This will make him late to gym class, but I told them this wasn't a bug, it was a feature

They'll hold a textbook for him in the classroom, as well as give him one to keep at home (if appropriate, some classes don't use textbooks that much). He'd been carrying his social studies book everywhere, since he's afraid that if he goes to his locker, he'll be late to class.

They agreed that long written assignments can be modified/reduced/broken down into smaller sections. His algebra teacher said she'd be happy to get any homework out of him.

They said they wanted him to try to take notes -- he doesn't need them at the moment, but when he gets to high school, they'll be more important so we need to work him up to that. His social studies teacher said she'd give him credit for any attempt he makes, but he has to try. We decided that was fair enough.

We had wanted to ask if we could get them to contact us before handing Michael over to the cops. The idiot jerk said he couldn't agree to that, and if certain things happened, it was board policy to be referred to the police. I was so tempted to call him out on that, since he's acted inconsistently so far, but decided not to.

His language arts teacher -- the one who's provoked the two incidents -- mentioned in passing that she's been very careful of how she interacts with Michael. Better late than never, chickie.

So they'll be working on a new assessment and evaluation -- one of the specialists even volunteered that they could do an 'assistive technology' eval on him. They may decide he needs a laptop, for instance, so that he can type his notes. We learned last week about a girl with dyslexia, who was provided books and lectures digitally, and an mp3 player to listen to them with.

We're going to try all the things we talked about, see how they work, and then get back together in another meeting in early November.

We were pleased they agreed with most of what we wanted, and had some good ideas of their own, and most of all we're happy to have it in writing. If they screw up again in future, we want to have a paper trail.

Now all we have to do is go downtown and talk to the juvenile court counselor tomorrow... any prayers and good wishes will be greatly appreciated.

I'm exhausted. One more day to go. And then all I'll have to do is... take my final accounting exam over the weekend. Shouldn't take longer than ten hours altogether, with studying... my sociology final, I took this morning. And my english course doesn't have a final exam; we turned in research papers a week and a half ago.

PJ

Sending good thoughts your way for tomorrow and the weekend finals!

Baked goods are always a great icebreaker. :p Best of luck with the new program. It's super that several of the teachers are finally trying to implement some programs and skills for Michael.

JD

Whew, I'm glad the meeting went so well, and it sounds like it was very productive! I hope the other meeting goes just as well.

So, we went downtown to the courthouse -- had to go through a metal detector to get in, which Michael thought was cool -- and then up to the 7th floor. The juvenile court counselor (JCC) was really nice & understanding. I'd made copies of lots of paperwork, so I gave her all that. She interviewed Michael (he shared that he liked his sister "sometimes") and we told her about the IEP meeting we'd had Wednesday.

One thing was clarified -- upon Michael's second incident (the laptop grabbing thing), the school actually did contact the SRO (cop on campus) who consulted with the JCC, who told him not to do anything about it, since there was already something underway. Which explains the inconsistency in treatment; I had been assuming that the second incident hadn't been referred to the SRO at all. Now I'm glad I didn't try to make an issue of it in the IEP meeting.

We mentioned thinking about trying to educate the SRO... the JCC indicated that would be a good idea.

We told her about the new & improved BIP, with the point sheet, and social skills training, etc. We said that we were going to request a new psychological evaluation of Michael, since it had been last done in 2003, but the school wasn't too keen on that idea. We told her about taking Michael to the neurologist to work on his insomnia & panic attacks. We explained that once he gets to a certain point, rational thought disappears and he only reacts; a big part of the school plan is focused on stopping him from getting to that point. She took lots of notes.

At one point, Michael asked for a blank sheet of paper. She asked if he liked to draw, and he said he liked to fold. We watched him turn one piece of paper into a little kite and a cube.

She said she didn't think this should go before a judge. Instead, they have what they call a "diversion contract" which is a plan to be followed for up to six months. Kind of like being on parole, but not quite as binding. The terms of the contract are that Michael should work with the plan we'd agreed on with the school two days ago, that we should check in with her from time to time, and that Michael needed to make her a piece of origami art. He said he'd email it to her

She asked us if we wanted to add anything, and we said, well, the school doesn't seem too eager to do a whole new analysis on him. She added that recommendation to the contract It's not court-mandated, but it's court-highly-recommended. And if we have any problems with the school not living up to their side of the bargain, we should call her, and *she* would pressure them. God is so good.

We had worried so much about this... but it's all good. And I love the idea of being able to use the court against the school... should the need arise. Maybe the next time, they won't just wait to "see what happens" with another autistic kid.

So, we work with her and this contract for up to six months, and if things are going well, she declares the contract completed, and then shreds all the documents, so this won't be coming back to haunt him later. He's not been convicted of any crimes.

We went out to dinner to celebrate!

PJ

Pam, I'm so glad to read such good news about Michael. It seems as if he and you have found the proper track, and that you're finally getting through to the folks at his school. And I'm glad the counselor and Michael seemed to connect with the origami. Those are the kinds of things kids like Michael remember way longer than you'd think.

And yay for you! It's not easy being the parent of a child with any kind of special needs. I think you're doing a marvelous job and you are all to be applauded and lauded and feted and fed!

I hope you had ice cream.

Terry, yes, I'm very pleased that things are working out so well... a couple of weeks ago I'd started to suspect that this would all turn out to be a good thing (God is sneaky like that), and I think I was right.

Being a parent isn't easy, in general, and I always say that every child has challenges.. but this nonsense just might be a bit more than a lot of families ever have to worry about. I'm just glad I had my friend Angie, and the support of my church. (Just today, I used the church's photocopier to make copies of about 60 pages to give to the JCC, and they're covering the parking garage fee for our trip downtown.) We've been blessed with all you wonderful friends, too, to give us encouragement. Thank you, everyone!

PJ

I'm really glad to see both these updates, Pam! And congratulations, too, both on the outcome and on managing to stay calm and reasonable in a situation where most people would have found it hard not to lose their cool. Great idea with the muffins, too!

And let's hope that this new agreement holds and the school does their bit. Definitely sounds as if the juvenile court counsellor knows what she's doing.


Wendy

Pam, I'm glad things seem to be working out. I'm sorry I didn't comment before, but I just now saw your post, so my apologies.

I can relate. I don't have a kid with autism, but my second son had a severe learning disability, which he eventually managed to beat (if one can ever really "beat" such a thing) and we had to battle it and school officials over it from kindergarten through eleventh grade, before he finally managed to graduate to a regular curriculum. There was one incident where he and his sister got into a knock down drag out physical fight at home, and the next day the school was calling me about physical violence and numerous other allegations (sister had a bruise on her cheek) and was threatening call in the authorities and to force him into counseling. I pointed out that they apparently hadn't looked at *him* -- he was clawed up so badly that he looked like the victim of a bear attack. I had to face down the school counselor and make myself very unpopular with them before I could convince them to leave my family alone, and that we had dealt with the problem ourselves (yes, I know -- a mere *parent* dealing with something that the school wants to horn in on? Unheard of!) Evidently it worked, however. He is a law-abiding citizen of thirty today, albeit looking for a job because of the current recession, and she is a staff sergeant and CID officer in the Marine Corps. Somehow we muddled through it without a bunch of officious persons who had their own ideas of how we should do things.

Anyway, congratulations on working things out, and welcome to the messy world of officious nitwits and zero-tolerance nonsense in the current school system. Although I'm sure this isn't the first time you've encountered it.

Nan

Pam, I'm glad things are going (looking to go) better. I know this is many years down the road, but I wanted to tell you to keep all records and get evaluations for the future. With a Drs evaluation Brian was able to get to work with the disabilities office at college. This all had to be approved with the state to make him eligible. Through this office he gets letters for each of his teachers each semester telling them what help he has been approved for. He mostly only uses the one that allows him to take tests at the disabilities office and is allowed extra time. He is supposed to get 50% extra time but they don't monitor this. He has spent hours and hours in there on one test. He just keeps going over it and over it. He also gets to register for classes before everyone else. This has been the greatest!

Another thing that has helped in college has been a handicap sticker for the car. It's a commuter college and this has help greatly. Takes a lot of stress off him.

I am glad for the help he gets at the college but I do worry about the future and working. But I guess I need to just take one day at a time.

I'm glad things are better and I hope they stay that way.
Sue

Thanks, guys.

Wendy, revenge is a dish best served cold

Nan, they were idiots, but then you already know that. No, it's not our first encounter with the problem.

Sue, you bet we're keeping everything now. I've got a big binder that I've carried everywhere for weeks. It's got copies of the IEP, the BIP, the FBA, the school discipline reports and the school safety officer report, and every other official form, along with all the notes I've made, talking to all sorts of people. They're keeping copies of some of our papers, too because we printed things out and asked for them to be attached to the minutes.

The fight's not over yet. We still have to see how well they perform, and see if the modifications are actually helping. We want him re-evaluated, with an emphasis on his emotional, social, and functional behavior. We definitely want to rewrite sections of the IEP -- some things are way too vague and others are just plain wrong. And that's all before Christmas

They still fundamentally misunderstand autism, as evidenced by an email I received this morning. That's printed out, with the relevant section highlighted, and notes jotted in the margins. We need to get them educated.

We'll be watching them closely from now on.

So the war's ongoing -- but I think we definitely won this last battle.

PJ