Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Off Topic I need some advice

One of my close friends used to like me. I have liked her for almost a year now.

Now she's "talkin" with this other guy. I never knew that she liked me, so I never said anything.

Plus, when other guys told her they had feelings for her, she always rejected them, then came to me and told me how hard it is to reject someone's feelings. That's why I didn't tell her.

I'm wondering now should I tell her or not. What do you guys think I should do?

I'm not a guy, but I've missed so many opportunites to tell people how I really feel. Even if she rejects you, which let's hope she doesn't, you'll feel a lot better later on knowing you at least made an effort. Life's too short. Go for it! Who knows? Could be the best thing you've ever done!

Hi Ja-10,

Go for it. What the worse it could happen? She said not interest any more? Then it wasn't for you.

If you don't said something, your regret it forever.

The first step is the hardest. Once you start talking don't stop.

Put it in Gods hands. If is for you, everything will turn out OK. If is not, don't worry is not for your happines.

MAF

Thanks guys. I still haven't made a decision. She has some "issues" going on in her life right now. I think I'll tell her in about a month maybe??

Hi,

Let her know you are there if she need you.

MAF

Yeah, I agree with that. BUT make sure she never thinks that you are there for her just because you want to go out with her. **I'm not saying you would do that**, but I've had some INSANE friends who jumped to conclusions all the time, and I can easily see that happening from the female perspective. :rolleyes:

MAF,

I totally agree with both of your replies.

Ja-10, I'm not a guy either, nor the best person to ask about this kind of things. But still...tell her how you feel, what do you have to loose?

If you prefer to wait 'til she's done with these 'issues' of hers, then make sure she knows you'll be there, as a friend, if she needs you.

I dont know if her 'issues' are serious, maybe sad or bad emotionnally speaking, so I don't really know what else to tell you exept: trust yourself. If you feel like it, do it. If you don't, then forget it, it's as simple as that (it may sounds silly, but it's often true!)

Carole

PS: one thing bothers me though. In your first post, you said "she used to like me"...why past tense? How do you know it's not the case anymore?

I'm not sure really. The thing is I'm pretty close friends with her, and she tells me about the guys in her life. Right now she and this guy are "talking", the only thing I know is that she's not that serious about him.

Then what are you afraid of?

I can see your point, I mean, you're really close friend to her, and obviously, you don't want to lose that but, You think they could get more 'serious'? Do you want to wait until they get more serious?

Sorry, just me wild guessing here, don't pay attention...told you I was the wrong person to ask.

I don't know your friend, but unless you give it a try (whenever that is, I know it's freaky) you'll never know for sure if she sees you as 'good old reliable' Ja-10 (in lack of better name) or if she sees you as 'more than a friend'.

Anyway, the decision is yours (see previous replies)

Carole

PS.: Just for the record, and on belhalf of my babbling mode, one of my schoolfriend (a girl), she had a 'just a friend' boyfriend she knew from daycare. And he always went to her to pour his heart out about his current girlfriend(s). Actually, like I told her, he came to her when he had no current girlfriend. And she really seemed to have a thing for him. But there was another guy asking her out and she didn't know what to do, apart asking me for advice. (Never a good move, but...)

Anyway, I told her honestly what her daycare boyfriend made me feel like, using her like he didn't give a damn to what she could feel. The next time he called her, she served him my exact comments. That was four years ago. They're newly engaged and happily sharing an appartment now.

Ja-10, about this other guy that she's "talking" to... his name wouldn't happen to be Scardino, would it?

PJ
ducking and running

LOL!! @ Pam

And Carole, I talked to her today, and they just got serious. She's supposedly going on a date with him this week. She says it's not a date though. What do I do now?

Realy! great, and good move, take a lot of courage to do so. Way to go!!!

Oh...maybe I misunderstood.

huh? it's a date but not a date? What does she means by that? and supposedly? Not that I think she's the kind of girl to do that, but you sure she's not making that up (on the other hand, what the use of making that up)?

I mean, in her place (maybe a little empathy couldn't hurt) either :

- I like the guy (and more if I'm considering dating him) and so, obviously, it's a date.

- Or I like him and wants to give dating a try to see if we could be more than friends...let's call it an 'almost date'. If I don't like it, then it's over, end of the story.

- I don't like the guy, but give it a try anyway, who knows, I might be wrong about him. As my first impression is generally the good one, it's not a thing I would normally do...after all, I'm not *that* depressed. so I'll jump directly to the last one...

- I don't like the guy and I dump him (either in a harsh or diplomatic way) and it's definitely not a date.

But it's just my opinion, not a universal date recipee, which brings me to the next questions:

Do you know the guy?

Does she love him or not?

After all, you too are good friends, and it's a question I would ask my good friends (guys or girls) if they were in the same situation. But I realise there's one answer you might not wanna hear...that's the risk.

Okay, okay, I was just thinking aloud here.

Apart from having me telling you once again I'm *definitely* not the right person to ask, that is? well I'm as clueless and confused as you are.

I guess, in the end, she's the one who'll make the final choice, after all, it's her life too, and you can't live it for her. But how can she choose you if she doesn't even know you're interested? Then, there are still her 'personnal issues' to take into consideration, am I right? So I guess,

Be there for her, as a friend. Which doesn't exclude to let her know you care about her (the way a brother could, if you don't want to involve 'more than friendship feelings).

Not good, I'm aware of that, but as I don't know what her personnal issues are, I can't really tell you more right now. Hope this helped a bit though.

Carole

PS: Haut les coeurs!

Well, from all you've said, I think maybe this girl isn't quite old and/or mature enough for any kind of serious relationship. You can keep being her friend, of course, but it sounds like anything more involved would be highly risky and likely to fail.

It might be tempting to think that you're the one who can "fix" her, but that's just not how it works. She won't have a serious relationship until she's ready. And that could be years from now.

PJ

Very perceptive Pam. You've kinda hit the nail on the head, well pretty much. I am serious about her, she's not really serious about anyone. You're right she's 17 and I'm even younger, 16. Still in high school, waiting for SENIOR year, YEAH!!

I might as well just let her go with the other guy. She's not really serious about anything in her life other than her education, just like me.

OK, as a guy, and a fellow who went through a similiar situation (with my wife, BTW), here is some things you should consider:

1. Worry first about being her friend, don't worry who else she interacts with. At this age things change fast anyway. Your first concern should be her happiness. If she senses that, then she'll naturally want to hang around with you.

2. At some point, you should subtlety let her know how she affects you, without putting any pressure on her (a fine line to balance on, to be sure). I knew my wife for five years before we went on our first official 'date', even though we hung out together and did the 'pizza and videos' thing occasionally during that time (you thought Clark had to be patient). I was her friend through a bad breakup, and a subsequent bad rebound boyfriend. Then one day I sent her a little card letting her know that she was special to me, without proclaiming my undying love (which I had, but I didn't need to tell her that yet). I always let her know that I was there for her, and that her happiness was the most important thing in the world to me, no strings attached. I realize at your age it's a hard thing to do, having to contend with growing up and all. But maybe if you are that kind of friend to her, you never know what may happen in the next few years.

3. Don't suffer too much angst over this. Just enjoy the time you have with her. Like I said, at your age you're in no hurry for anything, so just relax.

4. In a couple of years, after you get out of high school, if she still doesn't get the hint (and if you're still interested), a dozen roses and a moonlight serenade outside her window wouldn't hurt <g>.

Signed,

Taivas

P.S. My wife and I got married 4 months after our first date, which was 12 years and four kids ago <BG>

WHOA!!

Thanks man, that helps a lot. I don't know, I'm not your typical teen, my parents are not strict as Muslim parents, but are still very strict, and it is like a prison.

Can I send you an e-mail?? Maybe if you knew a little more, you could tell me specifically how I should handle this.

E-mail away (it would help to know what time zone you're in so I know if you're asleep or not when I answer you e-mail)

taivas965@yahoo.com

I just sent it. If you want to send anything back use this e-mail address Luvnsusu@yahoo.com.

Hmmm... My husband and I were married five months after our first date and that was 17 years and five kids ago <EBG>

Missy

Ja-10, please tell me if you got my e-mails

- Taivas

Yeah I got them. I'm reading the second one right now. I was at work, I hate work

Could you send me the rewrite to the letter again? I accidentally deleted it, and I'm not sure if my e-mails went through.