Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Lois & Clark Caption Competition IX

La la la...time to start a new thread. I'm doing Robitussin shots so if you don't find the pic funny...take comfort in the fact that I find everything funny.

Rivka's response: Psst, Lois! It's me, the ficus.



Thanks for responding, and best of luck to all.

Lois: Excuse me Sir are you like one of those palace guards from England? You know the ones that don't even flinch when you poke fun at them? Hey Mister! is anyone home there?

Lois: "So you're saying you're Superman. Excuse me, but I don't think the suit would hide... ehm well, that figure."

Saskia

Lois: So, what? You'll let Nixon get by with his face falling off, but you won't let me in? For all you know, I could be a cross dresser.

Guard: [Looks Lois up and down.] Ma'am, I hardly think you could be a man.

Lois: Humph. Maybe I'm a really good cross dresser.

Guard: I'm sorry, Ma'am, but this is a "Gentlemen's" club.

Lois: So which part, if I am a cross dresser, doesn't apply to me? The "gentle" or the "man"?

Samik

Lois: Clark, I know you think people are starting to suspect your superman, but don't you think this new descise is just a little over the top? I mean those glasses of yours had me fooled for years, maybe you could have just dyed your hair?

good afternoon, carl.

shhh. i'm sleeping.

carl, you're the doorman!

<mumble>

you're not supposed to be asleep while you're on duty!

hey, i'm union.

Hmm 13 days later, I seem to have complete internet access agin...maybe I just jinxed myself. I'm still ROTFLing @ Rivka's so you're up!


Jen

Eeep! That means I have to go find a pic!

I'll be back shortly.

Ok, I'm going to cheat a little, and just use the pic KathyM picked for the quiz -- because my reaction when I saw it was that it would be perfect for captioning.

Clark (thinking): I wonder who that is flying up there?

Lois (thinking) Hmm...I think Superman needs to quit hitting the junk food...

Is anyone else failing to see the pictures on this thread? It's taking forever to load for me and then all I get are red crosses.

LabRat

Labby, my dial-up is far from fast, but I'm having no trouble with this thread.

Sorry, but I don't think it's the thread . . .

"'the coconut cream pie of doom?' man, tank endings just aren't what they used to be..."

----

"hey look, a skywriter! what's he saying? 'ultrawoman, i love you. call me!' wow, ralph is getting really desperate, isn't he?"

-----

guy in a homemade costume, stuck to the side of a building just out of frame: "come on superman! what are you? too afraid to challenge me? come on! i can take you, and you know it. i don't even need super powers! i'm the human ant and i've got suction cups! and an acid gun! what are you going to do about that, blue boy? huh?"

lois: "that has got to be the most pathetic supervillain i've ever seen."

Paul

p.s. labby... i'm also on dialup, and have no problem loading the pics. you don't happen to have a firewall or something, do you? only other thing i can think of is that your browser is set to not show pics (maybe pics larger than a certain size?) or something, but i think you'd have noticed that.

Hey, Paul - nice to see you back with us.

I do have a firewall, but I haven't changed any settings on it and haven't had any problem before with other threads or photo sizes, so suspect that isn't the problem.

I asked Kae to take a look here last night and she had the same problem at the time. So no idea why this thread in particular is proving difficult.

Ah, well...it adds a new measure of excitment and adventure trying to figure out what the captions refer to.

LabRat

EDIT: Okay, it suddenly occurred to me to go check out other photo threads which weren't a problem previously and they are exactly the same as this one - interminably slow to load and no photos at the end of it. Off to place a call to Mulder and Scully...

Rat, do you still have the same problem? It just loaded fine for me (after taking ages earlier this morning and giving me only red crosses like last night).

Kaethel

Yeah, no change so far. But if it's cleared up for you, I guess it might solve itself for me too at some point, so that's hopeful.

LabRat

Err, I had a kind of a thought. All the pictures in question are from Christiane's site, no? Can you load her site ok?

Good thinking, Rivka, and the answer is no I can't. I just get page not available. Which probably explains a lot. <g>

LabRat

thanks, labby. good to be back, sort of. well, i'm glad to be back, but i'm only sort of back. not signing on quite as often these days, for some reason, and i'm not reading fic for the time being (long story). but i am checking the rest of the boards, and i'm trying to be around a little more often. of course, with my parents making these silly requests that i spend time with them and go do stuff and things, i'm not on in the afternoon (evening, UK time) quite as much...

anyway, your pic problems are sounding pretty odd. i wonder if christiane's site is blocking access to certain addresses for some reason. virus or bandwidth restrictions or strange firewall settings or something. none of them sounds right, but it does seem that it's targeting certain specific comps or areas.

anyway, in the meantime...

the current pic is a close-up of l&c. they're outdoors (there are some trees in the background). clark is on the left, squinting up at something above him and to the right, out of frame. he's got this confused/skeptical expression on his face with maybe a twinge of disturbed/disgusted mixed in. kind of an "i don't know what i'm looking at, and i can't quite believe i'm seeing it, but i don't like it" expression.

lois is standing next to him, looking up in the same direction. her expression would probably best be summed up by "<sigh> yeah, figures." lips pursed, kind of resigned-looking. more of "well, that's pretty stupid, but stupid things tend to happen around here..." face.

from earlier posts, i'm guessing it's a shot of them looking at resplendant man, but that doesn't have to come into it.

that's the best description i can come up with. hope it helps, and hope you get whatever it is fixed. have fun.

Paul

Thanks, Paul!

Could someone post the current url to Christiene's site here for me, please? It may just be a problem with my bookmark or something and resetting it could solve it.

Thanks.

LabRat

Lois und Clark


Jose

Thanks, Jose. Didn't work. Should have known it wasn't that simple. Ah, well, was worth a try.

LabRat

...the link works for me.

So? What's next?

Carole

*mopes* Only two people posted captions? I mean, one of them was Paul, and he does, as always, have enough captions for several people . . .

All the captions were highly amusing, but I particularly liked the "coconut cream pie of doom"!

Paul, you're up!

hey, cool! thanks, rivka. glad you liked it.

so, i'm up, eh? okay, here goes. (btw, thanks to rivka for helping me sort through pics when i was looking at 5 different good ones)



have fun!

Paul

Superman: ...And so, doctor, I really think all of these problems may be linked to...doctor...Dr. Frisken? What are you doing over--<<x-ray visions>> *Really*, Doctor. Those pads are there to take notes on, not draw pictures of me without my shirt on. Tsk. Tsk.

Jen

Let me see if I understand you, Doctor. You're saying you were abducted by aliens, and you think I might know something about it?

*****

You want me to come to my next appointment wearing WHAT?

*****

No, I will not "take care of" someone for you!

Superman: Who did you say your hairdresser was?

Superman: "Okay, Dr. Friskin. How do you think I have to act with this reporter that pursues me across the whole city like a groupie?"

Jose

okay. been a little while since the last caption (they seem to be slower these days... wonder why...), so guess i'll choose someone to post the next pic.

using my usual tie-breaking method of "well, who hasn't just gone?" i'll go with jose.

you're up, mr olivaw.

Paul

p.s. for those of you who are interested, the coconut cream pie of doom was a weapon launched by bozomandius, who long ago ruled a galaxy with an iron fist and a red nose. he intended it to destroy his bitter enemies, the inhabitents of alpha centauri c (a solar system about half a billion light years from his empire), by coating their entire planet in a gooey substance, thus asphyxiating them. the deadly pie was launched a billion years ago, at half the speed of light.

unfortunately, as it turned out, bozomandius's aim was a few light years off (still impressive, considering the distance involved, not to mention having to compensate for stellar drift). the coconut cream pie of doom impacted with earth just as clark kent was saying "lois, i'm su-"

clark, with his notorious sweet tooth, was briefly distracted by the surprisingly tasty doomsday weapon, but soon detected lois's frantic struggles with his super-senses. noting that she was struggling for air, he immediately scooped her up and flew her to the top of the pie's horribly destructive graham cracker crust (20-ton crumbs can do quite a bit of damage...).

unfortunately, that turned out to be just past the upper reaches of the earth's atmosphere, and lois suffocated anyway.

clark lived out the rest of his days alone. no lois, no parents, no friends, no civillains to save... on the bright side, it also meant that there was no lex, no mindy church, no other villains, and, most importantly, no one else to claim a share of his lifetime supply of fat-, cholesterol-, and sugar-laden coconut cream pie filling.

the end.

p.p.s. it's strange what pops to mind when you're in the shower at the end of a long day running on just under 4 hours of sleep (the doctor-perscribed method to help you attempt to fall asleep amidst the sound of almost painfully loud music, the feel of too-cold air conditioning drafts, and the lovely smell of the formaldahyde in which the cap holding the electrodes to your head has all too recented been emersed), isn't it?

Dr. Friskin: Did you ever have an affair with Lois Lane?
Superman: Define affair?
Dr. Friskin: Well tabloids have shown a picture of you and Lois in a pretty compromising position so...
Superman: Ok you got fact of the matter is that I'm really Clark Kent Lois Lane is my wife and she likes it when I play into her Superman fantasy
so what you really got is a picture of me with Lois my wife

Yay!!!

Okay...

Clark: "Why am I hiding? I'm a ghost after all, she can't see me. And she's even the reason I'm a ghost!"

Saskia

Clark: I should have known better than to jump over the side of the building. Why's there a hook in the wall anyway?

that's odd... my neighbor called to warn me that i have a peeping tom, but i don't see anyone. wait a second. i'm on the fifth floor, aren't i? or am i on the first floor this week? no, it's fifth. how could i have a peeping tom on the fifth floor? greta must have meant to call mrs. siol down in 105.

----

lois: oh superman, superman... wherefore art tho, superman?

clark: what light from yonder window breaks? it is... oh, crumb. i'm wearning the wrong clothes.

----

lois: oh, how could i be stuck here babysitting a dog named "nana"? i wish some flying stranger in tights would come whisk me away for adventures. he'd be from over there... the second star on the right.

clark: this is so confusing. her name isn't wendy... or is it? well, whatever. i'm certainly not peter.

----

lois: oh, why did i put a potted plant out there? that's going to be impossible to water. i don't even know how to get to that ledge without knocking the pot off.

<clark hastily hides his watering can>

LOL!!!

hey, cool. thanks, jose. glad you liked it.

well, then, guess it's my turn. okay... see what you can do with this one...



Paul

Lois: Look Clark a cheque for 2 million dollars!
Clark: Lo-is you don't actually believe that do you?

Lois: Hangover and a bill... :: moans::
Clark: I told you to stop drinking.

Clark: C'mon Lois.
Lois: Waitwaitwaitwait. It says here that if we powder the paper, mix it with a glass of good red wine, cook chicken in it and feed it to a black cat, we will win the Kerth this year.


Lois: Holy Petunias! "The man of your fantasies is standing at your shoulder."
Clark: ::panicked:: You don't believe that, do you?

Lois: Cla-arrk! I'm turning into my mother! It says so!

Lois: "I can believe this!!!! This is my way to the Putitzer!!!!"

Clark: "What does it say?"

Lois: "Ah, nothing you didn't know... Only that YOU are Superman."


Jose

Lois: Oh no, Clark!
Clark: What is it, Lois, what does it say?
Lois: It's-- it's-- <gasp> --blank!

Lois: I cannot believe they can just vote to evict me like that from my apartment!
Clark: Well duh if you keep setting your apartment on fire trying to cook, of course your neighbors are gonna give you the boot.


Jen

well, it's been a day and a half since the last caption, so i guess it's time to pick one so we can move on.

close call (rivka's was fun, and i especially liked jen's and...), but i think i'm going to go with nqoire's "Lois: Cla-arrk! I'm turning into my mother! It says so!" good one.

you're up.

Paul

I think that is the first time I've ever won something.

Have fun!

Jimmy: (sound of gagging) WOISH!!! Ak'sh ish'gush'in'... Oo 'oo'a 'ol' me wash i' 'agish *'eHORE* I 'it ina it!

(Translation, after the gagging: LOIS!!! That's disgusting... You should have told me what's in haggis *before* I bit into it!)

Melisma (under her Rock, having a hard time trying to figure out exactly the sounds Jimmy would be able to produce with his mouth that full - but that's her best language-teacher guess )

Jimmy: Come on snake eyes!! If I win this...I win the girl!!

uhm, jimmy, you do know that when i told you that superman gets his powers from skittles because each one has an "S" on it, i was only kidding, right?

---

manaical voice: mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! my "simian sweets" work to perfection! once i flood the market with such deliciously evil flavors as "grape ape" and "organge-utan" the entire population of geeks and nerds will be turned into monkeys! the internet will cease to function, and in the ensuing chaos, i, AL 9000, the evil robot clone of al gore, shal take over the world! ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

jimmy: mmmph?

superman: sorry, AL. it won't happen. and, for the record, jimmy always looks like that when he's eating.

----

announcer: 3... 2... 1... and time's up. let's see, 1296 m&m's left in the jar. i'm sorry, jimmy. you missed the world's record by 3. nice try, though. better luck next time.

----

voice from a nearby hidden speaker: that's good work, jimmy, but you can stop now.

jimmy: mmmph!

voice: it's okay. trust me. nothing will explode.

jimmy: mmmmph?

voice: that's right. it's okay. there actually isn't a pressure-sensitive bomb under the candy jar. look over towards your left, behind the ficus.

jimmy: hmmm?

voice: smile, jimmy. you're on candid camera!

jimmy: mmmph?!

----

... and when i snap my fingers, you will wake up and remember nothing...

----

jimmy, call for you on line 3! some girl named angela said she'll give you another chance, but only if you come to the phone right now.

----

... and, if you'll step over here, you'll find the results of my latest experiemnt, a candy-coated laxative. each one contains a highly concentrated dose, but it's surrounded by a tasty candy shell to make it palitable...

----

yeah, he did it! superman knocked the asteriod off course! the world isn't going to end! wow, you know, you can do some really strange things when you think you've only got a few hours to live, you know what i mean, jimmy? ... jimmy?

----

lois: okay, now, the last jimmy was just a few pounds bigger than you, so you're going to have to go on a high-calorie diet for the next couple days. hopefully the chief won't notice in the meantime. here, see if you can finish this jar off by lunchtime... <turning away> i still think we should really get to work on jack. you never know when we'll need the next jimmy. we seem to go through them so quickly these days...

*footnote: that last caption was, of course, inspired by a brief challenge story by our own doctor jill. you can find it here.

I love the one about Angela, Paul. You're up.

thanks, nqoire. glad you liked it.

and, i see we're up to 49 posts in this thread (counting this one), so i guess i'll start a new one with the new pic. see you there.

Paul