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"You still have to tell me your secret, you know. I hardly ever hear you
talk about the gym; when do you go?" she pressed, smiling.

He grinned back at her. "Who needs a gym? Keeping up with you is exercise enough."

"I love being married," he smiled. "And with Lois, it's *always* unpredictable."
"But tell me," Ralph said, lowering his voice. "If one of these hot babes gave you an invitation, you'd turn her down?"
"Yep."
"That's it? Just 'yep'? You wouldn't even *consider* it?"
"That's it. I mean there was this tall, green-eyed redhead who approached me, and --"
Ralph sat up. "Yeah...and!"
"And she was very attractive, but I wasn't interested."
"Oh, please."
Clark shook his head. "Ralph, she didn't even proposition me. She was just trying to hype some strip club she works at called Slow Joe's."
"Assuming such a place exists, which I doubt, since I've never heard of it, you're saying that if she came on to you, you'd turn her down cold?"
Clark sighed. He realized that he would never convince Ralph of his loyalty and fidelity to Lois. "Let's just say I come from a genetically faithful line of men."
"Shyeah, right." Ralph slumped back onto his bed.
"What planet are they from?"
"You'd be surprised," Clark laughed.

To: ClarkKent@dailyplanet.com
From: LoisLane@dailyplanet.com
Date: Friday, 21 October 1994, 02:42
Subject: waht you misssed

Daer Lark,

Iam ritng you this mail becuase youare gone awy. y9oui shouldnolt have gone. Iwant you hear. We arehaveing much fun at the abar. I want morefun withy yui. youia re looking verty good in black. Imso glad you wroe the lblakc. I dont know why yuo went awy. We wer have fun. If youare here we cound have more ufn. I amelonving you lots. You arewonederful. weare sogood together. Whd dont yo9u want to love me? we could have a goodnight bt u you wnt away. I wanted to love with you. we arelove. is good. isbadto goaway. you do love me? we had a good kiss. so yes love? Comedback rightnow. If you cme back we cold have good night togehte. hapily ever after, if you arehere. yay! comeback qyuick!!

love
lois

"Not that I have the foggiest idea what I'm going to do about Superman," she immediately continued. "I mean, if he was just Superman, that would be one thing. Not that I would know what to do. But at least I'd know what my options really were. I think I could even handle his having another persona. But he made it pretty clear that I wouldn't like him in that persona. He seemed positive about that. And I know it's ridiculous, but I just can't seem to stop thinking that maybe it's someone like Ralph."

"Lois..."

"What if he's right, Clark? What if he tells me who he is and I realize that he's right - that I really, really don't like this guy? If it is Ralph, how do I say: 'Sorry, Superman, but you're
right. I really..."

"Lois..."

"...don't like you. In fact, I think you're a creep and the idea of you touching me makes me feel sick to my stomach."

"Lois..."

"Oh, god, Clark. What if it is Ralph? How do I handle that? Why does it have to be Ralph? Why couldn't it be someone I really like? Why couldn't it by someone like yo..."

"I'm just waiting to hear the red hot part where you confess, you know, that you like him a `small amount,'" he growled.

"We can't all have the ultimate reunion sex fantasy like you do, Clark. The first thing you'll do is grab her and throw her down and reintroduce her to wonders of loving from Superman."

"I was a *virgin* for thirty years, Lane!" he defended himself. "Thirty years! It's not possible to go that long before.before.well.you know.and not think about it sometimes.what? Stop it! I'm not kidding, Lane. Get up! There will be no falling down laughing at Superman's expense." He lunged for her, picking her up high overhead. "I'm kicking you out,woman. I don't need this." He marched across the room and threw the back door open with one hand, making as if to toss her into the garden.

"Great," he replied, lifting one of the larger shells for closer inspection. "Nice collection," he ventured, a question in his voice.

He knew her too well. Knew what the shells meant. Not decorations and not keepsakes. But rather, small testimonies to her state of mind. That she was going stir crazy, trying to kill the time.

"Thanks," she responded too cheerfully. "I'm finished, though. They'll overrun the house."

"It's a lot of house," he answered, still with his back to her. "I think it would take you a while to fill it up."

"We've only used the kitchen and the bedroom," she teased. "Are you suggesting we...move on to a different room? Do some exploring?"

"I want to see them."

"The rooms?"

"The newspapers, Lois." He turned towards her now, meeting her eyes.

"Lois," he said quietly, "this is what it's going to be like. Sometimes I have to leave in the middle of the night. But I'll always come back." He handed her the orchid. "Always, Lois."

She looked at it. "It's beautiful."

"Aren't you going to take it?"

"No."

He sensed her dilemma; the bundle of clothing she was clutching to the front of her body wasn't leaving a whole lot to his imagination. He grinned. "Why not?"

"You could just maybe put it in a vase for me."

"I could." But he didn't move.

"Clark!"

His eyes lit up, and then he spun, whirling in front of her, his features an indistinguishable blur; then he was still, the costume lying in a careless heap beside him on the floor. He stood in front of her, naked, his dark eyes serious, promising her everything. He handed her the orchid. "I love you, Lois Lane."

"He works at the Planet, and we met a while ago when he first started working there," she told him slowly, hoping he'd pick up the hints she was dropping. "It's just taken me this long to realize how right we are for each other, and how perfect we'd be together. So, thanks to you, I made up my mind to just come right out and tell him how I feel about him."

"Yeah, thanks to me," Clark repeated, the sarcasm in his tone unmistakable. He sighed and again ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I guess I probably know him, if he works at the Planet. Who is it?" He paused. But then realization suddenly seemed to dawn in his mind, and a repulsed look crossed his face. "It's not Jimmy, is it?"

Besides, he needed something to explain why it had taken
him so long to get back from her apartment. He shook his
head slightly. It had been so quiet for the past couple of
weeks. Why was it that everyone needed his help today? He
figured he could give the jogging excuse for where he'd
been when Perry first arrived. But this second delay
required something with a little more... finesse. Chocolate
seemed to fit the bill.

He arrived at the top of the steps and opened the door.

"I'm home," he said looking around the apartment. He
furrowed his eyebrows when he realized all the lights were
off. The room was, instead, lit only by dozens of candles.
He heard soft music in the background.

"Are you alone?" asked a voice from the bedroom.

Perry held up his hand. "Clark, Lois is nuts about you. Everyone here can see that. As far as Superman goes, she's just like every other woman in Metropolis now...she just likes to get a look." Perry dropped his eyes, grinned, and leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially, "Hell, even my Alice wonders just what's under that suit every once in a while!"
Clark's face felt like it was turning all the shades of the rainbow. Here was a fact he could have lived without knowing.

At first I was afraid, I was...petrified..." said Lois Lane as the taxi pulled up to the curb in front of her apartment.
"Oh, no," said Clark Kent, leaning across her lap to pull the handle of the car door.
"SO NOW GO!! Walk out the door!" sang Lois, resting her head against the back of the seat with her eyes closed, making no moves to get out of the cab. "Just turn around now...'cause you're not welcome any more!" Clark shook his head once as he paid the driver.
"Something you did, man? Sounds personal." The driver looked at him with a droll expression that didn't quite fit on his dour face.
"Let's hope not," Clark said as he pushed Lois out onto the sidewalk. "Whoops!" He caught her as she stumbled slightly over the curb.
"Did ya think I'd crumble? Did ya think I'd lay down and die?" Lois sang woozily, jabbing his shoulder with an accusing finger as he set her back on her feet.
" 'Laying down...that sounds like a really good idea, Lois." When she stumbled again at the front steps, Clark bent down and slipped off her black satin pumps,
"AND SO YOU'RE BACK...FROM OUTER SPACE!!" As he straightened, her shoes dangling by the heels from two of his fingers, Lois let go of his shoulders which she had been using for balance and answered him in something approaching a bellow.
Clark winced. "Shhhhh...I know it's Saturday, but have some pity on your neighbors."
"I JUST WALKED IN TO FIND YOU HERE WITH THAT OL' LOOK UPON YOUR FACE!!"
As they reached the front door, Clark stopped to clamp his hand across her mouth for a moment. "No more singing, okay?" Lois blinked and then nodded, her brown eyes huge above his hand. She giggled as he removed it.
"Take me flying!" she said suddenly throwing her arms around his neck, lifting one black stockinged foot behind her and pointing her toe.
Clark gave a small laugh. "Not tonight, Lois. I have a headache."[...]"Very funny." As the elevator doors opened on the fifth floor, he turned her around by the shoulders and prodded her forward.
"I SHOULD'VE CHANGED THAT SCHTUPID LOCK......!!"
"Lois, you know I love you...but the next time your friends decide to treat you to a night out on the town for your birthday, either make sure it's not disco night at the club or find yourself another date."
"I SHOULD'VE MADE Y'LEAVE YOUR KEEEEEEEY!!"
"That song came out when you were what...about twelve? Doesn't it scare you that you know all the words?
"IF I'D HAVE KNOWN FOR JUSS ONE SECOND YOU'D BE BACK TO BOTHER MEEEEE!!
"Could we go back to 'YMCA'? I guess I really didn't appreciate it the first three times around." They reached number 501 and Clark opened her purse, taking out the keys. As he found the right ones and slid the first into the top lock, Lois ducked under his arm and pressed up against him, blocking his view of the door.
"OH NO, NOT I!!" she announced.
"I know, I know. 'You will survive.' Hold still." Clark peered over her shoulder and opened the second lock. She slid her arms around his neck.
"You look very handsome tonight," said Lois in a sudden switch, her voice throaty, running her hands down the lapels of his jacket.
"Thank you." Clark did his best to sound unimpressed.
[...]
"Clark?" Her voice was small, muffled.
"Yeah?"
"Turn the beat around...."
Clark opened the door and fairly shoved her through it. "That's it!! Inside!"

"He kept asking *me* questions too, as if I could help. What could I do, I'm no use to anyone, I'm just some jerk who doesn't know who he is. I'm so tired of it all, I just want to lie down and sleep - maybe if I sleep long enough, I'll wake up normal again. Maybe this is all a very bad dream - no, I tried that before when she told me I was an alien..."

Martha was relieved that he'd finally relinquished control over his pent-up emotions, but alarmed at the same time at what she was hearing - this wasn't *her* Clark giving vent to his feelings. She got up and grabbed his arms, stopping him in mid-pace.

"Honey, this 'she' is your wife. Don't you dare talk about her as if she were a stranger."

"But that's just it. She *is* a stranger. You all are."