Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Related Fanfic Quiz: Funny moments

Clark immediately took a small step back. "I'd never do anything you didn't want me to," he said, as if horrified that she might think otherwise. "You do know that, don't you?"

She let out a breath. "I know that, Clark," she conceded. "It's just... Well, you are acting a little strange."

"I can't help how I feel. I'm so completely in love with you, baby."

Baby? Lois fell silent. What was going on here? Why was Clark calling her 'baby'? No one called her 'baby' and actually lived to tell the tale. However, before she could respond, Clark's face broke into a smile.

"Let's get out of here," he said.

"What? Clark, it's the middle of a work day. We can't just..." Her voice trailed off when Clark suddenly became a blur. When it finally stopped, Superman was standing in front of her, hand stretched out to her.

"What... How... Omigod!" Lois gasped as the implications of what she had just seen began to sink in.

"I've been all the way around the world," he informed her. "But I
started out in Sm--" Another yawn. A real jaw-cracker. "Huh,
guess that the whole rocket-ship-to-orbit thing was tougher than
I thought..."

"Maybe you should go home," Lois suggested, in a nice soothing
voice. "Where is home, by the way?"

"Oh, it's that way," he said, waving his arm towards the west.
"No, wait. Which way's north?"

She shrugged helplessly. "Not really sure."

He shrugged back, his eyes getting heavy. "It's out there
somewhere. Second star to the right..."

"Of course. You like Peter Pan, then?"

"Oh yeah, love him. Always liked the flying around thing." A yawn
interrupted his chuckle. "You're prettier than Tinkerbell. Or
Wendy. Wanna come fly with me?"

Lexmark cheered up. A woman? Here? His paper-jam problems
would soon be history, then. All women adored him. He
beeped for her attention.

Hewlett glared at the loud and brash Lexmark.

Attracted by Lexmark's siren song, the woman approached.
"Dammit," she muttered. "Why are these things always jammed
up when I need them?"

She thwacked Lexmark coldly, then walked away, leaving the
poor printer stunned by the rejection.

Hewlett whined softly. "Please...I need toner..."

Lexmark began frantically thinking -- could he possibly
block the supply closet? Didn't the coffee machine owe him
some favors?

He smiled appreciatively and playfully. "Well, I wanted to talk
to you about this weekend."

"This weekend?"

"Yeah," he said.

I noticed he seemed a little nervous.

"What's this weekend?" I asked. I honestly had no idea.

"Well, for one thing, it's our two month anniversary..."

There, right there! I thought, "Shoot me please, now!"
I luckily received a phone call right then and he had to go back
to his desk.

"He did NOT say two month anniversary, did he?" I thought
frantically.

If you, Diary (since I apparently am going crazy and am talking
to you like you are a person... I do need more friends), think I
am freaking out or clearly have commitment issues, let me explain
a little something about two month marks and my life.

When I knew Paul (college Paul that Linda (my then-so-called best
friend) stole) for two months, I worked up the courage to ask him
out. He said no and proceeded to do jumping jacks on my heart,
while doing, um, other stuff with Linda.

When I knew Claude for two months we... well... we slept
together. And then he left me. And he stole my story. Don't
think that needs more elaboration.

When I dated Lex for two months exclusively... And this was
pretty much two months to the DAY... he proposed. And I
accepted. And that one went down in the books as a new-age Greek
tragedy. Without the gouging out of the eyes, of course...
although had that incident actually turned out differently...

Hm.

And here's a clinker... When I was two months old, I got a cold
that apparently almost killed me. But I recovered.

Obviously...

About a year ago (post-wedding fiasco), when I was bored at work
one day (on a Wednesday, actually) I made this little connection
that I have so eloquently laid out here. I call it the Two-Month
Syndrome. Clearly bad things, BIG things sometimes, happen to me
at the two-month mark. And Clark, bringing up the weekend on a
Wednesday (usually we just play the weekends by ear) means that
he most likely wants to do something special or big. Something
we have to plan for.

This could only mean one thing: disaster.

"We have to get you off this island, don't we?" he asked gently, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her into his embrace. "Before you lose your mind?"

He knew. He always knew.

She didn't pretend to misunderstand him.

"I was thinking of swimming for it," she confessed. "I'm still in pretty good shape -"

"Great shape," he interrupted her.

"And if I could make into the international shipping lanes, flag down a cargo ship..."

"At least you haven't given it too much thought, Lois," he laughed.

"Oh, Lois, it's always good to hear from my favorite pregnant patient," Klein said cheerfully. "Well, my *only* pregnant patient, actually--"

"Dr. Klein," she said softly. "I need your help."

"Though if I had other pregnant--"

"Dr. *Klein*!"

Lois heard a glass-breaking sound in the background and Klein sighing loudly. "There's a stain that won't come out," he muttered.

"Dr. Klein, I *need* your help."

"I'm sorry, Lois. I heard about Superman at the UN. I don't mind him wanting to take over the world, really, but he sounded a little ... well ... nuts."

The District Attorney smiled a smile so oily one of the officers next to him slipped out of his chair and fell to the floor. "Well, we all know that Superman is in *love* with Lois Lane," he drawled, "so clearly he was lying."

"So if Superman lies on the witness stand, I guess that means the city needs to throw out all the criminals his testimony has put away in the last 3 1/2 years, huh? How many has it been ... four .. five thousand?"

Everyone in the courtroom blanched.

"Oh, well, we didn't say *that*," the judge fumbled, looking at the District Attorney in a panic.

The District Attorney wiped his brow. "No, no, I didn't say that ... I mean, after all, it would be a disaster for my campaign if the people found out that I allowed that many criminals to be put back on the street." He looked nervously around the courtroom. "But no one is going to tell anyone, right?"

Every reporter in the room made a dive for their cell phones.

"Damn."

"Oh. Well, anyway," Loispunzel drew herself up to her full
height (which was considerably taller by the way than
Lex's, even without the addition of several cut- throat
mercenaries) and eyed him imperiously. "You should take it
as read, good sir, that various and sundry unpleasant
things shall happen to you henceforth and futurewith should
you continue with this evil plot against the royal persons
of myself and my father. Furthermore - "

"Can we just take it as read?" Lex interrupted. "This goes
on for another four pages if I recall correctly, doesn't
it?"

"Five, I think," admitted Loispunzel. "Mr Crispin added
half a page because he disagreed with clause five too." She
looked at him primly. "It's very bad manners, of course,
not to threaten and bluster fruitlessly in full. You do
realize that? But..." she sighed. "Okay. So..." She thought
for a moment, re-orientating. "Desist at once, you won't
get away with this, foul beast...various
insults...blah...blah...oh!" She brightened and waved an
dictatorial hand at him. "Now *you* say, 'You *will* be
mine, princess, so you'd better get used to it. Oh, and
laugh evilly."

"I thought the evil laugh was optional?"

"Nope. Made it mandatory last summer. After that incident
with those two kids and that cottage made of gingerbread.
Remember? That witch was given five years for cackling
instead?"

Well, he looked so...vulnerable. Lying there, huddled under his blankets. That dark hair tousled, his features shadowed. Besides, she thought with an amused twist of her lips, how could anyone who still kept his favorite Snoopy blankie in the top drawer of his bureau be anything but a great big softie?
<You keep the Woodstock tooth mug you got for your third birthday in your - >
Yes, well that was entirely different! Not the same thing at all. They weren't talking about her, she told her other half primly. They were talking about Clark.
Yes. Clark.
She sighed. An enigma wrapped up in a mystery bundled up in a Snoopy blanket.

"Look at it this way. Now that you know, I won't have to make stupid excuses to run off and save the day anymore. You can make the stupid excuses for me."

(the story that taught me how to spell epiphany [Goofy] )

Ralph’s head shot up, and he shoved the papers back into position. “Oh, hi, Clark!” he called, pasting on a bright smile. “I was just, ah, looking for a pen!”

But Clark wasn’t finished with him. He crossed the room in a few long strides, reached his desk, and grabbed Ralph’s head in both hands. He lowered his head and kissed Ralph lovingly.

Then the Mad Professor makes a special show
DNA grenade and pistol set to go
With a gusto we admire
He shouts, "Ready, aim, FIRE!"