Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Related Nagging -- good or bad?

Okay, I debated whether or not I should post here because a lot of what I have to say has already been said. But I figure I'll just drop my two cents in and then run and hide <g>.

This hits the nail on the head for me, Pam! I love FoLCdom, and I love the people I've met here. But I've always had the sneaking suspicion that people only like me for what I can give them. (And I don't mean just FoLCs, this is a self-esteem issue that blankets all areas of my social life <g>)

When I was posting ID, waaaay back when, I don't know if I ever thought I'd actually finish it. Finishing stories wasn't really something I did <g>. It was just a one-off, throwaway nine page beginning that I posted to see how it was received. But the response was so much more overwhelmingly positive than I ever expected, and the readers were so encouraging and helpful, that I had to finish it. To date it's the longest thing I've ever managed to finish, and I owe that in great part to the faithful attention of my cheerleading squad and/or lynch mob <g>.

Now, at the time, I was just learning to use mIRC and talk to FoLCs in real time. Everytime I signed on someone would pounce on me. "Where's In Dreams?!" I'd become some sort of instant celebrity, which was amazing because I'm the sort of person who's too shy to make friends easily and doesn't do well in cliques. But for once here was a clique that valued me for how well I wrote, something I was relatively good at, as opposed to how I looked or dressed or how smart or dumb they were. The things I thought were cool-- a well written story, an elegant turn of phrase-- were the things they thought were cool. That was the most amazing thing I'd ever known.

So that was a great thing, and for a long time I felt really happy <g>.

But since then I've gone through some rough things. I've returned to school. I've spent some time writing other things. When you add it all up, it means I haven't posted anything for L&C in almost two years. And very quickly I started to notice a change in how I interacted in the channel. Now, obviously, people weren't going to jump on me everytime I came in channel, and I didn't expect that. But I started to hear "Kaylle, what are you working on lately? Why haven't you posted anything?" Which is all well and good until it starts to cross the line into "We're only interested in you when you're producing something." When I said I'd been too busy to write much, people would quickly tune me out. I had nothing more of value to contribute.

Now, I'm not at all implying that anyone out there has been deliberately perpetuating that attitude. In fact, it's most likely that I've invented it all. It's frightfully easy to misinterpret online conversations, where vocal inflections and facial expressions are all imaginary and subjective. So I don't want people to get defensive, or apologetic, because I honestly don't even remember who I felt slighted by <g>. I just thought I'd answer the question, because this has been something floating around in my head for a long time.

So, now that I've gone horribly off topic, what was I saying? Oh, yes. Nagging is good. Nagging reassures writers that they have people interested in their stories, and nagging keeps writers interested too. Nagging makes writers finish stories they might not otherwise bother with. But it's good to keep in mind that, contrary to Lois's belief <g>, a person is better than his/her next story.

(Wow, why did I write all that? <g>)
Kaylle

I'm sort of ambivalent. It's great to hear that people are enjoying your work, but that's just as easy to do by complimenting something already existing. I don't think of, "Wow!!! I really loved fic XYZ, I can't WAIT to see more things from you," specifically as a nag, and yet it accomplishes exactly what the nag is meant to do: Make the author aware that their work is cherished, and that more would always be appreciated. I don't really see you going wrong by complimenting something already finished -- it provides fuel to the inspirational fires, without making authors feel like they're cornered and pressured. I can see very easily where, "OMG WHERE IS THIS STORY!?" could grow old, and unwanted.

My personal feelings on the matter is that any feedback, good, bad, prodding, or dissuading, is a good thing, however. I rarely succumb to pressure of this kind, and sometimes I even thrive off of it. Even if the feedback generates bad feelings for me, I'm always happy to see I've moved somebody enough that they care to respond to what I've written. So to nag, or not to nag, I really don't mind either way when it comes to myself, because I have the ability to turn even the most anxious of feedbacks into something positive. The fact that somebody cares enough to harass me just tickles me.

I guess i should stop nagging about "One Strange Year" or "What's Love Got to do With It?" I'm really sorry...

Was quite surprised to find that so many writers are upset by nagging. Am now apologizing to those among that group whom I've nagged for fics ... honestly, I really meant it as an indicator that I was interested in your stories.

Although I've rarely been nagged, have to say it has been those occasions when I have that have mostly kickstarted my writing. As Nan said
cc malo

Well, I remember nagging you on multiple occasions, Carol... and then stopping because you insisted that you weren't writing anything at the moment.

I think what those who have had problems with nagging are getting at is that sometimes it can go too far. Honestly, I doubt very much that anyone objects to the 'what are you writing now?' or 'I can't wait to see another story from you' or 'hey, when are you going to finish XXXX?' nags. But it's the continual, never-let-up, almost bullying nags which people have had problems with.

Kaylle, I remember typing 'WHERE'S IN DREAMS????' to you every time you came on IRC. I'd hope that if you'd ever told me it made you feel pressured, I would have stopped (and I'm glad to hear that it actually encouraged you. ). Annie, I simply don't remember if I was there that night, but if I was, my sincere apologies. That's where people really do need to be more aware of others' sensitivities.

I guess I would see nagging, personally, as a huge compliment - it tells me that people want to read my work, that they're anxious to know when I'll be posting another story (or another part). But I've never been jumped on, on arriving on IRC, in the way some of my friends have now told me they have, so I haven't had the bad experiences which can turn nagging into something to dread.

However, I really would not like to see this thread taken as meaning that nobody should nag any writer, ever. I don't think that's what Pam intended, or what anyone who's posted about an unpleasant experience intended either. There's a balance. And we just need to be more aware that, when someone says 'please stop, this isn't fun', they mean it.

Carol, Sheila and anyone else who likes to nag: please carry on nagging! As Kaethel said, it's a great motivational experience for a writer. Personally, if I'm struggling with a story, as I sometimes do with longer stories, it really, really helps to know that people are anxious to read more. So nag with impunity... just with sensitivity too.


Wendy

(who says PS to Carol: got your email and will reply when I'm not up to my eyes in painting! )

Yes, that's precisely the point I was trying to get across. It's very flattering to have people ask after stories or sequels. As a writer, nothing makes me happier than having someone say, "Oh, I just loved such and such! Please most more soon! Please!"

The problem for me comes when people can't take no for an answer and continue to make demands and refuse to the let the subject drop after the person has explicitly asked them to do so.

For the record, I've never seen anything that would have upset me personally on the mbs. Occassionally I see posts nagging for more and am glad it's not me being pressured to put out when I'm not ready, but mb posts tend to be polite. Same with email. Barring the rare occassions of derranged fans making rude demands, personal emails tend to be the nicest and most inspiring nags.

The problem tends to be more on IRC. NOT because the people who frequent the channel are rude or insensitive or anything like that, I think that it's just a group mentality. One person starts nagging and everyone joins in and suddenly no one wants to let go. It seems fun and silly at first, it just gets out of control occassionally. Or, like Kaylle said, the problem is that people greet you not with "Hey! How have you been?" but with "Where's your next story?!" (Again, this is not a problem with the mb nagging, because people don't "greet" each other on the boards.)

Anyway, long story short, to all the naggers out there: please don't stop simply because a few of us have had bad experiences with extreme nagging. There is definitely a distinction between asking for more/being encouraging and harrassment/bullying. It would be sad if people stopped nagging altogether in order to eliminate a handful of bad experiences. Instead, my advice is just to be aware of the situation - if the writer seems upset, back off a bit. And remember that writers are people first, writers second and sometimes RL has to come first.

Annie