Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Original Fiction FDK: The Crystal Demon: 32/32

Wow, what a ride! A great ending to the story...

Does Mark ever get another Droma?

So, what will be the next one?

How about Alan & Lynn's wedding? (which I guess would be The Stuff of Dreams & Honeymoon?

James

Great story, as always

As for story suggestions how about Outlaw?

Janine

All in good time. I have two fanfics to finish first.

Nan

Yes, yes, that is true, but we can at least give you our wish lists.

Hey, ChiefPam, what is your vote? See Timeline for Nan Smith\'s & Linda Garrick\'s Terran Underground for your wish list.

James, who thinks Outlaw would also be good, but if I remember correctly, that one isn't totally complete so could take some time for Nan to flesh out. Of course, I could be wrong and be totally thrilled.

Let's say the rough draft of Outlaw is finished, in that it's been written three or four times. It now needs to be updated to match the updated versions of the stories already posted, so when I post it I'll be revising as I go. I just want to get Mother's Day and Circle of Fate finished first. I've also promised a short story for the website findraiser, but that doesn't have to be done until November. I'm hard at work on Circle of Fate at the moment, so just hang in there.

Nan

I am very un-picky. I'll take anything Nan chooses to post

That being said, I'm eager to see how Circle of Fate gets resolved. But then, Mother's Day is fascinating, too... and more Terran Underground would be good... or whatever

PJ

To true. Anything would be wonderful, and I am glad to hear that your muse is not on strike.

So, your writing for the fundraiser... I wonder how deep I'll need to dig...

James

Nan, I really enjoyed "The Crystal Demon," but it almost felt like it ended too quickly. After such a long story, I really needed a little more discussion at the end to make it feel wrapped up properly. I wondered how Jeel managed to get free of the psychic creature to throw the blaster. I also wondered why the creature was so afraid of Alan but didn't seem as afraid of Mark's droma. I also wanted a little more about Lynn and Alan being psychic partners. I think wrapping up those kinds of questions would have made the ending longer and more in balance with the length of the story.

However, I loved your setting details, your dialog, and your action scenes, as always. You sure know how to tell an engrossing story!

This globe had never encountered a Droma before, and simply wasn't aware of the fact that the Droma was dangerous to it. Remember, this globe was found on Skelzir. It had never been on Kasal before. Up until the Droma went on the attack, it had been only a defensive force. The globe being was afraid of other psychics, like Alan, who had the power to destroy it.

Jeel's escape from the globe's control is easily explained. He had just delivered it to Halthzor, when Mark and the others attacked it with the Droma. They freed Jeel by killing the globe. By the time he threw the blaster, the globe was dead.

The nice thing about writing a series is that you don't have to explain everything in one story. Alan and Lyn's psychic partnership is explored further in later stories. Theirs is the usual kind of psychic partnership, where both are aware of the link, the same as other psychic partners are.

There are a couple of other stories involving globes. Coward, which is in dire need of rewriting, and isn't on the Timeline (yet) is the story about a second globe, and some of the nasty side effects it can have on a planet (and also, coincidentally, the story where Mark and Julia finally work out their differences) and Plague, which is about Lord Blashvor and Strike Commander Fong, (and a tiny, mysterious lady named Mai Wing to whom Fong has developed a strong attachment), tells still more about them. The Eye of the Idol exists only as a plot so far, but it is the story where the definitive weapon against the globes is found. Still, no one really knew what they were or where they came from until Matt Philips and Lyla Cane discovered the Centaur fortress on Midgard, in Artifact.

I'll talk to Linda and see if I can find a place to put in a little more, but the fact is, at the end of Crystal Demon, the globe was still largely a mystery. All they knew about it was that it was very dangerous, and very powerful, and after it had been destroyed there wasn't much they could do to find out anything else.

Nan

Edit: I thought it over and then added a little to the epilogue. See if it helps. <g>

That mention of Alan and Lyn in the epilogue was better, Nan. Now, if you could find a place to put in a brief mention of the characters' guesses about why the globe creature let Jeel go without destroying his mind, I'd be happy. They've seen too much of its destructive effects on the people it enslaves not to want to know how Jeel escaped completely. When he catches up with Alan and Mark, you could put in a brief exchange where, perhaps, Jeel mentions that the globe let him go when it was attacked--or that it was pushing him to kill the others to stop the attack and he managed to fight it off until the droma's attack killed it.

Actually, Nan, when I mention questions that I have, I don't want you to answer them outside of the story. Sometimes I just miss stuff, and you can point out in the story where you already answered that. But if you need to explain it in feedback, then it probably belongs in the story. That's why I'd like a short exchange between Alan and Jeel about what happened to Jeel when the globe was attacked.

But I don't want my comments above to obscure my delight in your excellent story-telling ability. I look forward to reading everything you write, and I really enjoy your world-building skills in this TU series. Your details hold together so well and have a consistency that makes them feel real.

I understand Sheila. Actually, I was just pointing out what we had described in the story up to that point. Jeel's mind was left intact because the globe needed him until it reached its goal, and then right afterwards Alan, Mark, Miki and the Droma attacked it. It was after the globe was dead that Jeel threw the blaster. You might have missed some of that, because there was a lot of action going on, but we had Jeel think, earlier in the chapter, that it would leave his mind intact until it got what it wanted. After that, the action is pretty quick and the globe literally had no time for Jeel.

I'll see if I can find a spot for someone to actually state that, but there wasn't a lot of time for conversation after the conflict with Halthzor and the Patrol squad. It's there, more or less, if somewhat obscure. <g>

Nan

Edit: I added a couple of sentences here and there to the last part. Hopefully that will cover Jeel.