Hello Terry,
I strongly suspect that my son got his autism from both of his parents, so I can relate to the complex feelings that that involves.
I am so sorry that you have literally lost sleep over it, though. It sounds like you are blaming yourself for your (grand?)child(ren?) having autism. If so, please remind yourself that you did not deliberately pass along that aspect of yourself. And weighed against any possible genetic component are the following:
- Were it not for you, they would not even exist.
- Once they did exist, you did what you could (I have no doubt) to help them have the best lives they could have.
And yes, I'll admit that I have told myself the very same things I am writing here to you. And yes, I'll also admit that while I absolutely intellectually believe these things about myself and my son, I still struggle to believe them in my heart. It's a lot easier to see these facts clearly when they relate to someone else.
Please be gentle on yourself.
Take care,
Lynn
