Since I nagged and nagged... I'll jump right in...
Clark stared at the woman in his bedroom.
It was a dream.
It had to be a dream.
I *love* that line! Damn you and your great opening lines!
I really do love that line. That Clark's still so lost in his world that he can't accept it when something good happens to him, or rather, when he stumbles on something good snooping in his bedroom
No, the other Lois wouldn't be staring at him, terrified, her heart racing wildly.
Wonderfully descriptive! I'm starting to think I use the L word *way* too much when fdking your story, so I'm going to try something new
*ahem*
I like liked that line
I like liked the way Clark's already seperating the two Loises (Loisi?
) in his mind. So we know from the get go that he's not confusing them. There's no mistake in his mind. Even if he doesn't really believe she's real, at least he thinks she's an original fake.
He stood there, frozen as she stared at him, his heart scattering about in his chest like an insect caught in a jar.
Oh, I *l...adore* that line! That description. An insect caught in a jar. It's so original. And jam packed full of meaning. An insect in a jar. Fast. Fluttering. Panicked. Dammit, that line could have its own 15 minute informercial.
Really Sara, that's amazing! I ladore it!
To keep this post to a readable length... Every single word from:
That was when it hit him.
to:
"You must be Lois Lane," he tried cautiously, his voice a little stronger, but still far from normal. Surely she heard his heart pounding.
Really. Every word.
And actually, because I simply can't skip it because I thought I could, this line too:
He'd just spent an hour trying to convince himself that he *could* survive without her.
I ladore that line!
Really! It's so sad and yet... not. Not hopeless. Not shattered beyond repair. Because he is trying. He was. To convince himself he could survive... though it's suddenly pointless to do so, it's still a good sign. That's he's trying
Don't smile, Clark. Smiling would not be good right now. As her last words processed through his mind, he realized that he *was* smiling. He couldn't help it.
LOL!
That line probably shouldn't, but it cracks me up every time!
She was alive. She was fiery and determined. She was *babbling* in his bedroom. She was glaring at him; actually, giving him the look of death was more accurate.
I absolutely ladore that too
Especially the 'She was *babbling* in his bedroom.' - it's so universally Lois, and a perfect way for Clark to snap out of his little world.
"And I'll change into something more comfo... something else."
Nice save, Clarkie boy! Wouldn't want Lois thinking you had something else on your mind
She took a seat on the far side, the picture frame still gripped firmly in her hands.
*Wonderful* touch. That she's still got the picture gripped in her hands. It tells us so much about Lois' thoughts without having to switch to her POV. Marvelous! Brilliant! Genius!
Shouldn't he be happier? Shouldn't the feeling of gloom have simply disappeared the moment he'd seen her?
It *should* have.
But it hadn't.
I *know* I told you how much I loved that the first time I read through, but I'll tell you again - I *LOVE* that. That Lois wasn't a magic cure-all for Clark's ails. That Lois showing up didn't magically solve everything. I *LOVE* that. It's real. It's very, very real. And... I *LOVE* that.
Because I can't not quote it...
He...
He *hadn't* fallen in love with her at first sight.
There'd been no fluttering of butterflies, no magic, no fireworks... just the cold, blunt shock of seeing her there in his room. Alive. A little excitement if he admitted it to himself, yes, but nothing like it was supposed to be. The undeniable and shocking reality of it all was too much to handle.
This was all wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to work.
Again... see above. I *LOVE* that. How Clark's confused because he expected her to be a cure-all. I REALLY REALLY REALLY *LOVE* it. (Over did the caps?) REALLY LOVE it. (Don't care :p )
But how did you tell someone you had a picture of them because the dead writer H.G. Wells took you to a parallel universe to pretend to be an exact replica of yourself, and while there, you developed feelings for your counterpart's fiancée, who just happens to look exactly like the person you're trying to tell? At least, how could he tell her without having her think that he was an insane psychopath?
*ahem*
Start with, "Lois, we have to talk."
No, wait. We're still at 'Ms. Lane.'
So, "Ms. Lane, we need to talk. Have you heard of HG Wells? Yes? Good. Now, have you *met* HG Wells, because *I* have..."
See, it's not that hard.
Just... don't be too surprised when the men with the white jacket come-a-knockin'
He thought he had a headache.
Lovely touch
He had to get a grip on his emotions, try and separate his dreams from this all too real nightmare of a reality.
I really like that - the nightmare reality. Nice metaphor... it is a metaphor, right?
Yeah... we'll just go with that
he'd never be "just Clark" with her. He'd never have that.
Oi... what a nice way to throw in some angst, you sadist, you :p
...
Haven't been able to stop to comment.
I know I've read this before, so... I should be able to, rather than be so slack, but...
Yes, Clark, you can. The other Clark did for years!
... Just be prepared to face the consequences... she's got a long memory!
*ahem*
Ok, I'm done...
Time for a summary?
I ladore this part - especially how real you make it. You're going to make us work before you give us any happiness. (*If* you do - hurry up and write the rest, would you? I'm dying here!
)
Good on you!
David (who makes a note to start nagging on *Wednesday*)
