Laura already knows how much I liked this story, but since she's requested serious feedback, I'll start.
writing skills:
<<"You look beautiful," he said as he allowed his gaze to drift from her beautifully done up hair down>>
Watch for repetition; use it only for a specific effect - here 'beautiful' – so maybe 'You look amazing" or someting similar
characterization: cannnot see Lois spending two hours getting dressed for anything, not even her wedding. <g>
Now what I especially liked was the *sound* of the story - the 'zip', the repetition (!) of that sound. It seemed to signify the heightened sensual awareness that Clark would have in this situation and yet at the same time the pressure he likely feels to perform this task properly. The contrast of simple sentence fragments with the longer bits of Clark's introspection, and then with Lois's thoughts is quite effective, too, imo.
<<Zip. Unzip. Zip. Unzip. Zip. Unzip. Zip. Unzip. Zip. Unzip. Zip.>>
Love the sound! – can hear it echoing in the room. This line made the story for me.
Nice twist with the ending, too
So a nice, fluffy vignette and that's a compliment.
c (back to Kerth reading now)
