A German friend of mine emailed me this today. <g> Since she didn't attribute it and it wasn't quoted, it's entirely possible that Yvonne wrote it...
~*~*~*~
English is difficult. Can you read these sentences correctly... the
first
time?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The landfill was so full, they had to refuse more refuse.
4) Please polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could be in the lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier chose to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, it is time to present the
present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does strange antics when does are around.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong for us to wind the sail.
18) I shed a tear upon seeing the tear in the painting.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) I need to intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
eggplant, no
ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
were
not invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
candies,
while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write
but
fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
One
goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index,
2 indices? Is it not crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?
If
you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what
do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I
think the first 'teachers of the language' should have been committed
to an
asylum for the verbally insane. How is it that people recite a play and
play
at a recital; ship by truck and send cargo by ship; have noses that run
and
feet that smell??
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; you fill in
a
form by filling it out and an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and reflects the
creativity
of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. This is why
when
the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they
are
invisible.
P.S.
Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"????
