cool start, tank. elves are always fun to play with. i'm interested in this prophecy. hero and bane, huh? there's a happy life for you...
was somewhat amused that you managed to include a rough haircut in the prologue, but i guess that might be a coincidence.
i like the set-up so far. sounds like tristan has a rather unique set of friends. i'm assuming the prophecy relates to him? the name would be apt...
speaking of names, i also find "teri" and "louki" interesting, though for different reasons. any particular significance to either, or would that be telling? i'm guessing that "teri" predates the show, but am i supposed to be thinking about a certain asguardian trickster? especially curious given the name tristan.
really like the introduction of ralph.
still, i can't help noticing that you've changed back to "tank the retired" from "tank the resting" and that this is not a story about lois going to a previously lois-less universe. this is a problem. unless you want to work on both?
if you do, i'd like to see more of this. one small request, tho... it would be nice if you had someone go over this for grammar and punctuation. i know i'm not the most careful guy around when it comes to posting, but i try to be careful when writing a story. all those periods where there should be question marks, misplaced commas, inconsistant verb tenses... minor things all, but i find each one jolts me a bit out of the story. just a suggestion.
anyway, i definitely like the story so far. good set up, nice flow, interesting characters. looking forward to part 2.
Paul
