To pop everything into place... use Courier 10 (or 10 characters per inch) set top margin at 0.5", bottom margin at 0.5" (or minimums) (I had to tell the program that my primitive printer was using legal-size paper) left margin at 1" & right margin at 1" for pages---BEFORE TEASE Page For TEASE Page and after, left margin at 0.8 and right margin at .25 (or minimum) * and (X) used in script probably mean "this line changed from previous version" Notes: Cover: "'Twas the Night Before Mxymas", Written by Tim Minear [and] Directed by Mike Vejar are all in large bolt print. The remainder of the text is in Courier 10 (10 characters per inch) Typos noted: "all right" misspelled as "alright" in several places Page 14., 1/3 down, "are clear and the railings secure." "railings" in original should be "railing's" (not a typo) Page 55, mid page, scene 58 has "--" on third line... --page break-- (graphic - insert logo.bmp or logo.jpg) "'Twas the Night Before Mxymas" EPISODE ELEVEN Prod. #465211 Written by Tim Minear Directed by Mike Vejar _Production Draft_ November 5, 1996 FULL Blue 11/11/96 Pink Rev. 11/14/96 Yellow R. 11/15/96 Green R. 11/15/96 Gold R. 11/18/96 --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_'Twas the Night Before Mxymas_" FULL Blue 11/11/96 _CAST_ CLARK KENT/SUPERMAN LOIS LANE JIMMY OLSEN PERRY WHITE MARTHA KENT JONATHAN KENT ---------------------------------------------------------------- MISTER MXYZPTLK ELLEN LANE SAM LANE RALPH WILLIAM B. CALDWELL BANK ROBBER BARTENDER * NEWSCASTER COP --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_'Twas the Night Before Mxymas_" FULL Blue 11/11/96 _LOCATIONS_ _INTERIORS_: _EXTERIORS_: Daily Planet Metropolis Street Newsroom Conference Room Daily Planet Perry's Office Alley Bar * Bank Skyscraper --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_'Twas the Night Before Mxymas_" FULL Blue 11/11/96 _CHRONOLOGY_ SC. 1 NIGHT #1 SC. 2 - 59 DAY #2 --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ _The New Adventures Of Superman_ "'Twas the Night Before Mxymas" _TEASE_ FADE IN: 1 EXT. METROPOLIS SHOPPING DISTRICT - NIGHT #1 1 The streets drip with holiday cheer and decoration. Snow drifts glisten on the streets. Last minute SHOPPERS are out in force. It's a bustling, but merry sight. LOIS and CLARK appear, each burdened with bags and boxes. She's also checking off items on a list. LOIS Okay -- your parents... done. My parents... CLARK -- check. LOIS Perry -- CLARK Right... here. LOIS Jimmy... here. My Aunt Esther's getting the fruit basket; the deluxe holiday chocolates in the shapes of pro basketball players are going to The Perkos... I've ordered the international assorted cheeses for the Dahlstroms... oh, no. Wait. She just had a baby. Do newborns do Brie? CLARK Lois, relax. Everything's under control. It's going to be a great Christmas. They come to a red light, stop. She looks at him. (X) LOIS How do you know? CLARK Because -- it's _Christmas_. Our first together in our new home. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 1A. 1 CONTINUED: 1 She considers that, looks like she may relent, then: (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 2. 1 CONTINUED: 2 1 LOIS Speaking of which, I don't know how we're going to get the house into shape by the time everyone arrives... without super-cheating, (X) that is. I mean, between being (X) sentenced to death, living on the run as a wanted fugitive, and only just having had a decent exorcism performed on the place CLARK Lois LOIS Then there's the question of parking... CLARK _Honey_. She looks at him, realizes what she's doing. LOIS I'm sorry. I don't know what it is about the holidays that does this to me. CLARK It's the way you look at it, that's all. You view Christmas as a chore. Something to get through. LOIS That's always the way it was in our house. CLARK It's just a pattern. One I know you can break. (then) Take a look around -- what do you see? LOIS (really trying) Crass commercialization? Conspicuous consumption? Greed, gluttony... (off his look) I'm confusing The Twelve Days Of Christmas with The Seven Deadly Sins again, aren't I? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 2A. 1 CONTINUED: 3 1 CLARK You know what I see? I see magic. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) FULL Blue 11/11/96 3. 1 CONTINUED: 2 1 LOIS You do? Magic? CLARK Yes. And I love it. I just wish you could, too. She looks at him, sighs, clearly wishing the same. LOIS You know what I wish? I wish you and I could just have a nice, quiet Christmas together. _Alone_. No guests, no lists, and nobody needing... He looks off as he SUPER HEARS FIRE TRUCK SIRENS. LOIS (CONT'D) ... Superman -- what are you hearing? CLARK Fire trucks. Bedford Street Children's Home is on fire -- LOIS Hurry -- He nods, hands off the rest of the packages to her, then he's gone. She looks after him for a beat, sighs, glances at the holiday surroundings. She sees a charming bell (X) ringing STREET SANTA, flanked by a couple of rather cheesy (X) GREEN CLAD ELVES. A BIG LAZY DOG sleeps at the Santa's feet. Lois manages to produce some money, drops it in the pot. She turns, tries to make an internal adjustment. Forces a smile. LOIS (forcing it) Magic! (then, losing fake smile) Yeah, right. Magic... She moves off now, EXITING FRAME. WE HOLD on the Street Santa's pot. It starts to vibrate, swaying slightly. The Big Dog stirs at Santa's feet, sniffs the air, as... the AIR SHIMMERS and suddenly, POOF! Another ELFIN CREATURE appears next to the faux elves. This is MISTER MXYZPTLK (Mix-yez-pittle-ick), magical and malevolent imp from the Fifth Dimension. "Mxy"" for short. The other elves recoil, frightened. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 4. 1 CONTINUED: 4 1 PASSERSBY react -- probably because Mxy's levitating a good three feet off the ground. ON APPEARANCE, Mxy shakes his head vigorously, BARKS like a swimmer who's just broken through freezing water. MXY Woof! (to nearby Elf) It's that moment just as you break through the intra-dimensional vortex. Always gives me a brain freeze. Mxy eyes the street, straining to see... MXY (CONT'D) So where'd he go? I targeted him right at this spot... he _should_ be here... Mxy reaches out, produces a flashing tricorder-looking device from thin air, consults it. MXY (CONT'D) Whoa! He's heading North East -- and fast. Guy can move. The Big Dog knows a naughty gnome when he sees one, and BARKS its head off. Mxy reacts with distaste, flashes an intense look at the dog. And now WE SEE that the Big Dog (X) is gone -- in its place, a MECHANICAL DOG bounces (X) frenetically on the pavement, YAPPING mechanically. Mxy (X) reacts, pleased. Now he starts to note the looks he's getting from the amazed and fearful onlookers. MXY (CONT'D) _What_? You people never seen a diminutive god-like being from an alternate dimension before?! Pffft. Mxy looks back to his "tricorder," makes an adjustment, and: MXY (CONT'D) Stand back, boys! There's a new imp in town! WE HEAR a HIGH SPEED SNAPPING SOUND, then -- ZAP!, and all that's left of Mxy are mid-air PROTOPLASMIC SKID MARKS. (X) Off the stunned bystanders... (X) FADE OUT _END OF TEASE_ --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 5. _ACT ONE_ FADE IN: 2 EXT. DAILY PLANET BUILDING - DAY #2 2 A newspaper headline reads: "SUPERMAN SAVES CHILDREN AS (X) STATE HOME BURNS." Clark's hand reaches in, grabs a paper, (X) and WE SEE that we're at an outdoor news stand. Clark (X) also carries a bottle of wine. Lois is at his side, (X) carrying a manilla envelope. During this: (X) LOIS So I'll turn in my story, we'll wish everyone a Merry Christmas, then we duck out. What time does your parents' flight get in? They're now walking toward the Planet building. He's (X) engrossed in the paper. (X) CLARK (preoccupied) Hmmm? Oh, seven o'clock. LOIS (re the newspaper) You're not still brooding about that? You saved every one of those kids. CLARK It's just sad to think of them (X) being split up for the holidays. And their Christmas tree, all their presents destroyed. LOIS Clark, the faulty Christmas tree lights _started_ the fire, there was nothing more you could do. CLARK I suppose.. (then) There is something else that's been bothering me, though... She looks at him. CLARK (CONT'D) When I was pulling those kids out of the burning building, I had the strangest sensation that I was... being _watched_. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Gold R. 11/18/96 6. 2 CONTINUED: 2 LOIS Well, honey, you fly around in that suit, it tends to draw a crowd. CLARK That's not what I mean. It was something else... a presence. LOIS A presence... CLARK (shrugs it off) I don't know. I probably imagined it. I'm sure it was nothing. LOIS (lightly) Maybe it was a Christmas Presence... He gives her a pained look as they enter the building. A beat, then CAMERA reveals MXY, lurking above, near the big globe... 3 INT. DAILY PLANET - ELEVATOR - DAY 3 Lois and Clark ride up on the elevator. Lois glances at her watch. LOIS Okay, it's twelve noon now. We _have_ to get out of here by four thirty if we're going to make the airport by seven... CLARK (calming) Lois... I can get us there. Trust me. LOIS Oh yeah... (X) 4 INT. DAILY PLANET - BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS - A BIG CLOCK 4 ticks over to TWELVE O'CLOCK. QUICK PAN TO the elevator doors. DING! They open and Lois and Clark alight. LOIS ... traffic on Christmas Eve is going to be murder. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Gold R. 11/18/96 6A. 4 CONTINUED: 4 The office Christmas party is in FULL SWING. A couple of STAFFERS add the finishing touches to an exquisite Douglas Fir which is the centerpiece. A drunken RALPH, holiday bows stuck on him, throws himself at Clark, slobbering. RALPH Merry Christmas! I really love you guys the most. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 7. 4 CONTINUED: 4 CLARK Yeah. Merry Christmas, Ralph. Clark peels the drunken man off himself. Ralph forgets them instantly as he spots something o.s., moves off with: RALPH Hey, Beth Ann -- Merry Christmas! I love you the most, babe! Lois and Clark exchange looks, move to PERRY who stands watching the bank of VIDEO MONITORS where a newscast is in progress. A WELL GROOMED NEWSCASTER speaks: NEWSCASTER ... while his spokespersons have (X) refused comment, a formal (X) statement is expected once the elusive pop star emerges from his (X) isolation tank. (X) (then) (X) In world news, Eastern European peace talks are progressing tonight. Representatives from both sides of the conflict say a treaty could be signed as early as Christmas morning. (then) (X) Will it be a white Christmas in (X) Metropolis tomorrow? Find out in (X) weather, next... (X) PERRY How 'bout that! Maybe 'Peace on Earth, good will toward men' will mean something this year. CLARK Never underestimate the holiday spirit, Chief. (hands him wine) Merry Christmas. PERRY Merry Christmas, you two. LOIS (handing him envelope) And ho-ho-ho, here's that corruption story. Smells like a Pulitzer to me. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 7A. 4 CONTINUED: 3 4 PERRY I'll say this for your wife, Kent -- confidence is one thing she _doesn't_ lack. CLARK One of many things. (X) PERRY (then, re the tree) So, what do you think? Had to haul it up the side of the building. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 8. 4 CONTINUED: 2 4 LOIS It's gorgeous. I didn't think we had it in the budget -- PERRY Well, I sprung for it, myself. Didn't get one for the house, seeing as it's just me this year. LOIS Oh... Perry, I thought at least one of your sons... PERRY Nope, nope. Not this year. But I am looking forward to Christmas dinner tomorrow at your place. LOIS (veiled sarcasm) Aren't we all -- PERRY Well, you two enjoy the party. Try the nog. (as he moves off) Oh, Clark, you know your parents are here. CLARK My parents -- ? Lois and Clark react to that. Clark tosses the newspaper (X) onto a desk, headline up, as they move into the bullpen. (X) 5 MARTHA AND JONATHAN 5 are by a table lined with a fabulous array of food, chatting with Jimmy. As Lois and Clark approach, Jonathan reaches for a sweet; Martha looks at him, and gently: MARTHA Now, Jonathan, you remember what the doctor said about your cholesterol. We'll be having a big meal at Lois and Clark's tomorrow. JONATHAN (kisses her) What would I do without you to take care of me? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 9. 5 CONTINUED: 5 CLARK (on approach) Mom, Dad... ? MARTHA JONATHAN Hi, honey -- Hello, Son. CLARK We thought your plane didn't come in 'til seven... MARTHA The airline offered us an earlier flight. We took a cab straight here from the airport. JIMMY C.K., your mom was just giving me some great advice on women. She really knows a lot about 'em. MARTHA Jimmy's met a new young lady. JIMMY Brenda. She's really something. Rhodes Scholar. LOIS Impressive -- JIMMY Totally. Especially when you consider were she came from. The worst family background. But she overcame it all. A real self starter. (charms Lois) Kinda like you. Her family lives on the West Coast, so, I was wondering... LOIS You want to invite her to Christmas dinner tomorrow... JIMMY (spots her) If it's alright... LOIS (faked sincerity) What's one more? --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 10. 6 BRENDA 6 young, pretty, nicely tailored outfit, has emerged from the elevators. She casts a glance around the bullpen, spots Jimmy, waves. Jimmy waves back. JIMMY (moves off) I really think she might be the one. LOIS That puts us up to seven for Christmas dinner... (X) CLARK Lois is learning how to relax and just enjoy the holidays. MARTHA Oh, I understand. CLARK (now that they're alone) Mom, Dad, you know you guys don't have to fly with the airlines. (X) Money must be tight with those frosts you've been having -- JONATHAN Oh, not so bad. We lost some crops, but it's nothing we haven't been through a hundred times. The bank always covers us. We're fine, son. MARTHA When will your parents be arriving, Lois? LOIS They won't be. They're spending Christmas in Santa Paula, at the bed and breakfast where they honeymooned thirty-five... years... ago. _Mom_! All turn to see what Lois is reacting to... ELLEN approaches, looking frazzled, agitated. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 11. 6 CONTINUED: 6 ELLEN Don't say a word. I don't want to talk about it. Maybe in a few years, when these latest wounds have scarred over. Just pretend like I'm not here. (can't help it) He stood me up. Can you believe it? The second honeymoon was _his_ idea. Then he doesn't even show up. It's just so -- _him_. JONATHAN Would you like some nog? ELLEN MARTHA I'm an alcoholic. She's an (beat) alcoholic. Recovering. (beat) Recovering. JONATHAN Let's make it a club soda -- As Jonathan fills that order, Martha consoles Ellen, and Lois pulls out her notebook, scribbles -- LOIS That's eight for Christmas dinner... (to Clark, defeated) I'm doing this in pencil... (X) 6A OMITTED 6A 7 INT. DAILY PLANET - CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER 7 Clark gently opens the door to the darkened conference room. The party continues outside in the bullpen. Lois sits in a quiet corner, hiding out. CLARK Lois -- ? Honey, what are you doing in here? LOIS Taking a breather. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 12. 7 CONTINUED: 7 CLARK You okay? LOIS I'm trying, Clark, I really am. I know you want me to enjoy all this... I'm sorry. I guess the holiday magic is lost on me. (X) CLARK I didn't mean to pressure you. You don't have to like the holidays. Sometimes I forget not everybody sees things the way I do. LOIS Clark -- _nobody_ sees things the way you do. (a beat) But I'd like to. I want to see what you see... He moves to kiss her. And right smack dab in the middle of (X) the kiss -- he SUPER HEARS PANIC IN PROGRESS, underscored (X) by a BANK ALARM. He tries to hide it, but she can sense (X) these things by now. She pulls back. (X) LOIS (CONT'D) That better be sleigh bells you're hearing... CLARK Bank alarm. LOIS Great. I can only think of one other guy who works on Christmas Eve. _Go_. They hold the look for a beat. He smiles, winks, moves (X) to -- (X) 8 OMITTED 8 9 EXT. BANK - DAY 9 ALARM BLARING, frightened people scattering. THE BANK ROBBER, a surly mid-30's man, stumbles out of the bank, waving a gun, clutching bags of money. He throws open the door of his getaway car, jumps in... A familiar WHOOSH and SUPERMAN capes into the scene. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 13. 9 CONTINUED: 9 He grabs the back bumper of the getaway car and LIFTS it. The wheels just SPIN. The Bank Robber stumbles out of the car, tries to make a run for it, but little good it does him. Superman has him by the scruff of the neck. A HUGE REACTION from the SPECTATORS with WHOOPING and CHEERING. 10 IN THE CROWD 10 lurks a gnome-like face -- Mxy's -- eyeing Superman and feverishly taking notes with an oversized feather quill. 11 UNIFORMED POLICE 11 appear. Superman hands the thwarted Robber off to them. COP Thanks, Superman! SUPERMAN Of course. (X) Superman SUPER HEARS a CRY FOR HELP. He takes to the sky. Mxy watches, impressed. 12 EXT. SKYSCRAPER - DAY 12 The CRY FOR HELP is coming from the MAN in the smoking jacket who is plummeting toward earth. And now A BLUE BLUR shoots through frame, snatching up the-man. 13 OMITTED 13 14 EXT. SKYSCRAPER - GROUND - CONTINUOUS 14 Superman lands, gently setting the man, CALDWELL, on his feet. CALDWELL Superman! Thank God! I don't even know what happened. I heard the bank alarm... came out on my balcony... the railing must've given way. You saved my life! Let me write you a check. SUPERMAN No reward is necessary. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 13A. 14 CONTINUED: 14 CALDWELL Have you no idea who I am? What I'm worth? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 14. 14 CONTINUED: 14 SUPERMAN Yes, I know who you are. You're Willard B. Caldwell. CALDWELL Then you know I'm a multi- billionaire. I own this high-rise. SUPERMAN Yes. And if you're going to live alone in a high-rise, Mr. Caldwell, you should make sure the fire exits are clear and the railings secure. A SMALL CROWD has started to gather; among them, Mxy, lurking. Superman, sensing the presence again, looks (X) fast -- but there's nothing out of the ordinary -- no Mxy. (X) CALDWELL Superman, you have to let me give you something. SUPERMAN Your gratitude is enough. Merry Christmas. Superman eyes the crowd again, then TAKES OFF. All look skyward in admiration. (X) CALDWELL If only there were more like him. (X) Others nod their agreement. Now Mxy appears, RISING UP (X) slightly behind them, noting their reactions. He takes a (X) few more notes as he LOWERS again, OUT OF FRAME. (X) 14A INT. BAR - DAY 14A CAMERA'S TRACKING down a row of bar stools. Empty stool here, BIG ASS there, another BUTT on a stool... finally WE ARRIVE at a SLIGHT BOTTOM which sits... in mid-air. REVEAL MXY "sitting" at the bar, sorting through his notes in a manic frenzy, making more notations and swigging from a bottle of beer. A JADED BARTENDER tends bar, (X) half-listening to Mxy. MXY ... and the Celts. Now _there_ was a tribe of Earth Worshippers who _knew_ how to treat an intra- dimensional being. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 15. 14A CONTINUED: 14A BARTENDER (re Mxy's beer) You want another one of those? MXY Yeah. That's one of the things I (X) love about your third dimensional world -- the beer. Ever have a fifth dimensional beer? BARTENDER Can't say I go much for imports. MXY Well, don't. They're awful. In fact, everything about the Fifth Dimension's awful. Ever been? BARTENDER Got an Aunt who lives in Jersey. (X) MXY Well, the Fifth Dimension's worse. BARTENDER Worse than Jersey... MXY You have any idea how much energy (X) it takes to bust through the intra- dimensional vortex in the first place? BARTENDER A lot? MXY _And_ it's not something you can (X) just do on a lark. All the cosmic tumblers have to be in alignment. (X) BARTENDER So you here for the holidays? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 16. 14A CONTINUED: 2 14A MXY No. I'm here for good. No one's sending me back. In the past when (X) I'd visit this dimension, I'd pull (X) a few pranks, have a little fun. Fall Of Rome ring any bells? That was mine. Titanic? BARTENDER Yours? MXY I did the iceberg. Yeah, that was some nice work, all right. But then there'd always be some joker who'd figure out how to banish me back to the Fifth Dimension. But not this time. BARTENDER No? MXY No. This time I'm gonna do things right. I'll just become absolute ruler of absolutely everything. BARTENDER World conquest. Tall order. (X) MXY Ahh, but I got it all worked out. There's only one three dimensional bi-ped who could stop me. And I've tracked him right here to Metropolis. BARTENDER Superman? You seen him? He's (X) tall. _And_ he flies. (X) MXY Let me tell you what this Superman (X) really is -- Mxy closes his notebook, looks up conspiratorially at the (X) bartender, motions him closer. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 17. 14A CONTINUED: 3 14A MXY (CONT'D) He's the symbol of hope. That's his whole thing. Take away hope, and he's the symbol of _nothing_. In a world without hope, he's powerless. Simple as that. (X) BARTENDER Get rid of hope? (X) (chuckles) (X) How do you plan on doing that? (X) MXY Easy. By taking away tomorrow. No tomorrow means no hope for tomorrow. BARTENDER Take away tomorrow? How? (X) MXY Why it's as easy as -- that-- (X) Mxy snaps his fingers and -- POOF!, the bartender is (X) vaporized. Mxy drains his beer, grabs his stuff and (X) swivels on his invisible bar stool. (X) MXY (CONT'D) (to the patrons, as he goes) It's on the house today, boys... (X) Off the patrons' horrified looks... (X) 15 15 THRU OMITTED THRU 17 17 18 INT. DAILY PLANET - ELEVATOR - DAY 18 Clark, smoothing his suit, steps onto the elevator, hits the button for his floor. Christmas MUZAK plays. Clark hums along, glances at his watch. --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 18. 19 INSERT - CLARK'S WATCH 19 it ticks toward Four O'Clock. MXY (O.S.) Ahhh, Christmas eve... 20 CLARK 20 looks up, reacts as he sees an old fashioned ELEVATOR OPERATOR on board -- It is, of course, Mxy. He holds up an ornate oversized stop-watch. MXY ... always the longest night of the year for good little children and large men in tights. Clark reacts to that, a little floored. MXY (CONT'D) Yeah, that's right. I know who you are. Know all about the secret identity thing. But don't worry, doesn't matter to me. Won't matter to _anyone_ pretty soon... CLARK You're the one who's been following me... MXY You peeked. CLARK You're not human... MXY Not even a little. I'm from out of town. The Fifth Dimension to be exact. Name's Mxyzptlk. _Mister_ Mxyzptlk. Spelled the usual way. And since the games are about to begin, I thought I should do the formal intro thing. CLARK What games? (X) MXY You wouldn't want me to spoil it, would you? DING! (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Gold R. 11/18/96 19. 20 CONTINUED: 20 MXY (CONT'D) Your floor, sir -- Mxy clicks the stop-watch and the hands SPIN BACKWARDS as... 21 INT. DAILY PLANET - BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS - A BIG CLOCK 21 ticks over to TWELVE O'CLOCK. QUICK PAN TO the elevator doors as they open and Lois and Clark alight. LOIS ... traffic on Christmas Eve is going to be murder. Clark reacts, surprised to find Lois standing next to him. He notes that he's also holding the bottle of wine and newspaper from before. We HEAR Mxy's laughter echoing around Clark. A drunken Ralph throws himself at Clark, (X) slobbering. RALPH Merry Christmas! I really love you guys the most! 22 BULLPEN 22 The office Christmas party is in full swing. A couple of STAFFERS add the finishing touches to a MEDIUM SIZED TREE. And off Clark's confused reaction... CLARK What the... ? FADE OUT _END ACT ONE_ --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 20. _ACT TWO_ FADE IN: 23 INT. DAILY PLANET - BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS 23 Clark is still trying to orient himself as he peels the drunken Ralph off himself. Ralph moves off with: RALPH Hey, Beth Ann -- Merry Christmas! I love ya the most, babe! Lois moves to Perry at the bank of VIDEO MONITORS. Clark follows, experiencing major deja vu. NEWSCASTER ... while his spokespersons have (X) refused comment, a formal (X) statement is expected once the elusive pop star emerges from his (X) isolation tank. (X) (then) (X) In world news, Eastern European peace talks are in question tonight. Representatives from both sides of the conflict are unsure if any treaty will be signed by Christmas morning. (then) (X) Will it be a white Christmas in (X) Metropolis tomorrow? Find out in (X) weather, next... (X) PERRY So much for 'Peace On Earth, Good Will Towards Men.' (then, re the tree) So, what do you think? Had to bring it up the freight elevator. LOIS Didn't think we had it in the budget -- CLARK (dazed) He sprung for it himself -- ? PERRY Yeah... How'd you know? CLARK Wild guess? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 20A. 23 CONTINUED: 23 LOIS (handing him envelope) Here's that corruption story, Chief. I don't think it's exactly Pulitzer material... PERRY Ahhh, like it matters. No one's gonna read it, anyway. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 21. 23 CONTINUED: 2 23 PERRY (CONT'D) You know they just look at the sports section and the movie listings. (as he moves off) Oh, your parents are here, Clark. CLARK Lois, something very... strange is going on here... LOIS (looking off) I know. Their plane wasn't due until seven... CLARK No... (X) And she moves off to greet them. Clark, dizzy, follows. 24 MARTHA AND JONATHAN 24 are by the food table. Jonathan munches; Martha chats with Jimmy. Lois approaches, Clark not far behind. LOIS Martha, Jonathan. MARTHA Hi, honey. LOIS We weren't expecting you until tonight... MARTHA The airline called us this morning. CLARK They got an earlier flight. Took a cab here from the airport. A beat as everyone just looks at Clark. MARTHA That was eerie... LOIS Did you just get psychic or something? Clark smiles uncomfortably. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 22. 24 CONTINUED: 24 JIMMY C.K., your mom was just giving me some great advice on women. She really knows a lot about 'em. CLARK Uh-huh... JIMMY I've been seeing this girl... CLARK Brenda -- JIMMY Well, yeah... CLARK Right. Why don't you invite her over to our place for Christmas dinner tomorrow? JIMMY Uh, okay... thanks. CLARK No problem. (without looking) Oh, look, there she is -- Jimmy looks over, sees Brenda. WE NOTICE that she looks a little different -- not quite so well-kept. Clark takes Lois by the elbow. CLARK (CONT'D) Mom, Dad, would you excuse us for a second? MARTHA Sure. Clark starts to steer Lois away, as: MARTHA (CONT'D) (re Jonathan's eating) Remember your cholesterol, dear. (X) JONATHAN Crops failed, bank hasn't called. Cholesterol may be all I have _left_. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) FULL Blue 11/11/96 23. 24 CONTINUED: 2 24 Clark is about to say something comforting, decides to wait, pulls Lois aside. LOIS Clark, what's wrong with you? You're actually being... rude. CLARK Lois, something's going on. He's done something to time... LOIS 'He'? What are you talking about? CLARK I -- I left here, did a couple of rescues... and when I got back... LOIS Got back? What are you talking about? When did you leave? CLARK (glances at clock) Um... in about twenty minutes... ? LOIS What? ELLEN Don't say a word... Lois turns to see Ellen approaching. LOIS Mom! ELLEN I don't want to talk about it. Maybe in a few years, when these latest wounds have scarred over. (X) Just pretend like I'm not even here. Is that nog? Jonathan, who is eating too fast, winces, coughs. Martha slaps him on the back. (X) MARTHA What did I tell you?. (X) Off Clark -- --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) FULL Blue 11/11/96 24. 25 INT. DAILY PLANET - CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER 25 Lois gently opens the door, enters, escaping the party. She reacts as she sees Clark already in here. LOIS Clark -- What are you doing in here? (X) CLARK Waiting for you. LOIS Waiting for me? How did you know (X) I'd... CLARK Lois, I need to ask you -- do you notice anything... familiar? LOIS Familiar? What do you mean? CLARK Just, this party. Does it seem like we've been here before? LOIS Well, yeah. CLARK Then you're experiencing it, too? LOIS Yeah. It's the same thing every year. (X) CLARK No, that's not what I mean. LOIS Then what do you mean? (X) He's about to tell her, but looks off as he SUPER HEARS the PANIC IN PROGRESS and BANK ALARM. CLARK Yep. There it is again... LOIS There what is again? (X) CLARK Bank alarm... He just looks at her for a beat. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 25. 25 CONTINUED: 25 LOIS Well you should go, shouldn't you? CLARK I guess so... 26 EXT. BANK - DAY 26 Superman has the Bank Robber in custody, by the scruff of his neck. He watches as PEOPLE pass. The same people who cheered him before -- they aren't the least bit interested this time. As the POLICE arrive: BANK ROBBER You think it's gonna matter? SUPERMAN What? BANK ROBBER Them, locking me up. I'll be out in a matter of hours, back robbing this same bank. SUPERMAN Why? (X) BANK ROBBER Because the judges in metropolis (X) are soft. I'll be back. Or (X) someone else will. (X) Superman hands the man off to the cops. SUPERMAN Here's your man, Officer. COP Yeah, thanks, Superman. It's not that we don't appreciate it... it just doesn't seem like we ever make a dent... Superman watches the police unenthusiastically cart the man off. Superman overhears an O.S. YELL. (X) 27 EXT. SKYSCRAPER - DAY 27 Superman swoops INTO FRAME, catching CALDWELL. They dive OUT OF FRAME and into --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 26. 28 EXT. SKYSCRAPER - GROUND - DAY 28 Superman lands gently, setting Caldwell on his feet. SUPERMAN (as they land) No reward is necessary -- CALDWELL Reward? Who said anything about a reward? SUPERMAN Well... you were going to, weren't you? CALDWELL Now just one minute, Superman -- just because I'm fantastically rich doesn't mean you can strong arm me. It's your choice to put on the red and the blue. It doesn't mean I owe you anything. What is this, some kind of super-scam? SUPERMAN No... I didn't mean... Caldwell gives a "HRRUMPH!" Starts to walk off. Superman reacts to the slight. SUPERMAN (CONT'D) Hey! I don't want your money! But a 'thank you' would have been nice! I _did_ save your life! CALDWELL (as he goes, back to Superman) Yeah? Well who asked you to? SUPERMAN (to himself) This is really weird... 29 INT. DAILY PLANET - ELEVATOR - DAY 29 Clark, smoothing his suit, steps onto the elevator, hits the button for his floor. The same Christmas MUZAK plays. Clark glances at his watch. 30 INSERT - CLARK'S WATCH 30 it ticks toward Four O'Clock. (X) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 27. 31 INT. DAILY PLANET - BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS - A BIG CLOCK 31 ticks over to TWELVE O'CLOCK. QUICK PAN TO the elevator (X) doors. DING! They open and Lois and Clark alight. LOIS ... traffic on Christmas Eve is going to be murder... Clark looks to Lois standing next to him. He's again holding the bottle of wine and newspaper. A drunken Ralph throws himself at Clark, slobbering. RALPH Merry Christmas! I really love you guys the most! 32 BULLPEN 32 the party is in, well, medium swing. A couple of STAFFERS add the finishing touches to a SCRAGGLY TREE. Clark reacts to all this. Now he notices the VIDEO MONITORS. The News Caster looks a little less neat. NEWSCASTER ... while his spokespersons have (X) refused comment, a formal (X) statement is expected once the elusive pop star emerges from his (X) isolation tank. (X) (then) (X) ... in world news, Eastern European peace talks are stalled tonight. Representatives from both sides of the conflict hold little hope that any treaty will be signed... (then) (X) Will it be a white Christmas in (X) Metropolis tomorrow? Find out in (X) weather, next... (X) CLARK Everything's changing... LOIS What? What's changing? CLARK Come with me -- He leads her off. --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 27A. 33 INT. DAILY PLANET - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 33 Clark scans the party outside through the windows of the conference room. Lois hovers behind him, bemused. CLARK Somehow we've been stuck in a loop -- a repetition... LOIS Well, that's the holidays for you. Repetitive. Hollow. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 28. 33 CONTINUED: 33 LOIS (CONT'D) It's really all just empty ritual if you think about it. Which is why I try not to, frankly... CLARK What? No, Lois... He moves to her; she's looking forlornly at the envelope which contains her story. LOIS I can't give this to Perry. What was I thinking? CLARK What? LOIS It's not any good. Perry'll hate it. CLARK Lois, honey, this is not you talking. (then) Listen to me. This day is replaying itself. And every time it does, people's attitudes are changing. Even that Christmas tree out there is changing... LOIS I don't understand... CLARK That's because from what I can tell, I'm the only one in the loop. Or out of the loop... LOIS Loop? What loop? CLARK The time loop. LOIS Time loop... CLARK Yes. There's a creature. He's here. I saw him. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 29. 33 CONTINUED: 2 33 LOIS When? CLARK On the elevator, when I was coming up earlier. LOIS Earlier? Clark, we just got here. CLARK I know. But this was before. Or after. Or before _and_ after. I'm not really sure. It's a loop. LOIS A loop. You keep saying loop. Clark, you know I trust you completely... but... I just don't get what you're trying to tell me. CLARK I know... I wish there was a way I could get you to see it... Clark reacts now as he glances back out at the party. And react he should -- CLARK (CONT'D) Wait a minute... (X) 34 CLARK'S POV 34 No one's moving. In fact, they're all FROZEN IN TIME; in the middle of biting into a pastry, hand in mid-gesture, garment in mid-swirl. WE SEE a woman who has thrown a drink in Ralph's face -- the liquid suspended in mid air. 35 CLARK 35 looks back to Lois -- CLARK Lois... -- but she too is FROZEN. Mxy sits on the conference table. MXY Gives a whole new meaning to the term 'statuesque', doesn't she? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 29A. 35 CONTINUED: 35 CLARK Okay, Mxyzptlk -- you've got my attention. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 30. 35 CONTINUED: 35 MXY Oh, good. Because I love attention. It's even better if you worship me. (X) CLARK What have you done with time? MXY Flipped it. Burped it. Took away tomorrow. CLARK Why? MXY To get rid of hope. No tomorrow means no hope. Or no hope means no tomorrow. It's a philosophical question, really. Either way, you bein' the symbol of hope, without it, that kinda puts you out of a job, doesn't it? CLARK Why are you doing this? MXY I'm staying in this Third (X) Dimension. No one's making me leave this time. Not you, not them, not anybody. And if you try, I'll just let them destroy themselves. CLARK Destroy themselves.. ? MXY Hadn't you noticed? As time (X) _doesn't_ pass, they start to fall apart. Mortals don't hold up well without their tomorrows. Without (X) hope -- they die. Creatures who live within three dimensional time are funny that way. CLARK I live within three dimensional time... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 31. 35 CONTINUED: 2 35 MXY Oh, _you_ I've kept out for a reason, Mister Invulnerable. Mister You-Can't-Squish-Me-With- The-Biggest-Rock-You-Can-Conjure. I wanted you to see there ain't nothin' you can do to stop me. Clark boils with anger, his hand shoots out, going for the imp's throat, POOF!, he finds himself holding a handful of dead flowers. Now MXY'S VOICE echoes around Clark: MXY (V.O.) You can't hurt me, tough guy. I'm (X) not 3-D like these mortals. I'm 5-D, baby. And to you, that might as well be magic. (then) Let me know when you're ready to deal. And now the ROOM OUTSIDE REANIMATES. So does Lois... (X) walking right past Clark... LOIS (tossing envelope in trash as she goes) Maybe Perry won't notice if I just don't give it to him... She walks into the bullpen. Clark watches from the door of the conference room, as 36 OMITTED 36 36A THE PARTY 36A Martha and Jonathan, as Jonathan munches away JONATHAN What if the bank doesn't cover our loses this time, Martha? What then? We lose the farm? Our home? MARTHA We're probably doomed, sweetheart. Ellen looks longingly at Ralph as he towels drippy, sticky nog off himself. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 31A. 36A CONTINUED: 36A ELLEN How's that nog? Good? What do you suppose the alcohol proof is? I haven't had a drink in almost fifteen years. Gave it up after my husband abandoned me. Left me with two teenage daughters and a mortgage... remind me again why I quit drinking? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 32. 36A CONTINUED: 2 36A Perry stands with a PARTY-GOER, looks at the Christmas tree. PERRY Picked it up at a little lot down the street. Thought it might brighten up the place. But it's just gonna die. Pine needles all over the floor... Jimmy and Brenda come down the ramp. She's no longer wearing the nicely tailored outfit; she looks a little cheaper this time. JIMMY What do you mean you gave up your Rhodes Scholarship? You worked so hard for it... She just shrugs. On the TV MONITORS the Newscaster looks like he could use a cigarette. NEWSCASTER This just in: New threats of war (X) in Eastern Europe this Christmas Eve as peace talks collapse... Lois has poured herself a glass of nog, raises it on high with: LOIS To collapsing peace talks! She is met with a responding, "Collapsing peace talks!" from the rest of the room. She downs the nog. 36B CLARK 36B watches all this. He wants to move to them -- but now the BANK ALARM and SOUNDS OF PANIC start. HOLD ON Clark, his horror punctuated by the INCESSANT WAIL of the ALARM... FADE OUT _END OF ACT TWO_ --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 33. _ACT THREE_ FADE IN: 36C EXT. BANK - DAY 36C Superman watches as The Police cart off the thwarted Bank Robber. He hangs there for a beat, then... 36D OMITTED 36D 37 INT. DAILY PLANET - ELEVATOR - DAY 37 Clark on the elevator. The same Christmas MUZAK plays. He glances at his watch 38 INSERT - CLARK'S WATCH 38 it ticks toward Four O'Clock. 39 INT. DAILY PLANET - BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS - A BIG CLOCK 39 ticks over to TWELVE O'CLOCK. QUICK PAN TO the elevator doors. DING! They open and Lois and Clark alight. LOIS ... traffic on Christmas Eve is going to be murder... Without missing a beat, Clark deftly sidesteps the drunken Ralph, who takes a tumble -- RALPH Merry -- d'oh! CLARK (grabbing Lois) (X) C'mere... (X) They pass Perry who regards a couple of unenthusiastic (X) STAFFERS adding the finishing touches to a METAL (X) Christmas tree. (X) PERRY (to nearby party-goer) Yeah, I dug it out of the basement. Always meant to put it up for my kids. Never did get around to it. --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 34. 40 INT. DAILY PLANET - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 40 Clark brings Lois into the conference room, shuts the door, positions her at the windows which look out onto the bullpen. CLARK Okay. (X) LOIS Clark -- what's going on? CLARK Just watch... He directs her focus during the following as each thing Clark describes is played out. CLARK (CONT'D) ... Helen Kylee is going to come around that corner with a tray of food. She puts it down next to my father. Now the elevator's going to open... there. And now Jimmy's new girlfriend steps out... there she is. WE SEE Brenda, looking more or less like a street walker. LOIS That's Jimmy's new girlfriend? CLARK She didn't look like that earlier today. I think that's what she'd be if she didn't have hope in her life -- LOIS Hope for what? CLARK Later. Just keep watching. Okay -- Jimmy's about to turn. In a second he'll see her. She waves. He goes off to meet her, and... in three, two, one... your mother walks in. Lois reacts as she SEES Ellen step off the elevator. LOIS Clark, how did you know all that? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 34A. 40 CONTINUED: 40 CLARK I've been here already, Lois. So have they -- and so have you. This day is repeating itself. And every time it does, the people here lose a little more hope. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 35. 40 CONTINUED: 40 She looks at him, not comprehending. CLARK (CONT'D) You're feeling anxious about your story, aren't you? LOIS Well, I mean, it's garbage... He takes her by the shoulders, looks hard at her. CLARK No, it's not. I read that story, Lois. It's _great_. But you don't know it anymore. You just have to trust that I can see this, even though you can't. You have to fight it. Don't give in to this pattern of despair. LOIS (as if trying to recall) Pattern... CLARK We've got to dig up everything we can on gnomes, imps, elves. Anything from fairy tales to mythology. Specifically, how to get rid of them. Clark SUPER SCRIBBLES on a sheet of paper. He hands it to her there's a SUPER SKETCH of Mxy. CLARK (CONT'D) This is what he looks like. He said his name was Mix-yez-pittle- ick. LOIS '_He_ said...' CLARK Just go with me on this. He told me he wasn't going to be sent back 'this time.' That means he's been here before -- and it means he's been sent _back_ before. LOIS I don't know if I'd be of any (X) help... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 36. 40 CONTINUED: 2 40 CLARK Lois -- if anyone can do this, it's you. You have to believe that. A beat as she looks at him, fueled for the moment by his obvious faith in her. LOIS What are you going to do? CLARK See if I can get a jump on this thing. I have some time before the bank robbery -- LOIS Bank robbery -- ? CLARK Nevermind. And, Lois... you've (X) got to hurry. At Four O'Clock (X) it'll be Noon again and you won't (X) remember any of this... And he's gone. She looks to the sketch of Mxy. Off that -- 41 INT./EXT. GETAWAY CAR - DAY 41 It's before the bank robbery. The Bank Robber sits in his car, across the street from the bank. He sweats as he contemplates what he is about to do. He looks down to something he holds -- A PHOTO OF HIS WIFE AND KIDS. He looks from it, back to the bank, then reaches into his jacket, takes out his gun. Suddenly -- SUPERMAN appears next to him in the passenger seat. BANK ROBBER Superman! SUPERMAN This isn't the solution. BANK ROBBER I - I don't know what you're talking about... Superman takes the gun, crushes it. SUPERMAN I can't let you rob that bank. The Bank Robber just stares at Superman for a beat, stunned, then: (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 37. 41 CONTINUED: 41 BANK ROBBER (pouring out) I don't know what else to do. I've been out of work for a month. I was head of security at LemCo. Sixteen years. But they were downsizing, and... I haven't had the heart to tell my wife. And tomorrow's Christmas... SUPERMAN That remains to be seen -- BANK ROBBER Huh? SUPERMAN Becoming a felon wouldn't be any kind of gift for your wife, sir. Besides -- I'd catch you. I've done it before. (mostly to himself) And frankly, I'm getting tired of it. The Bank Robber just looks at Superman, not getting it. SUPERMAN (CONT'D) Look, I've got some other stops to make. I'll talk to you later. Or earlier. Whichever, do not rob (X) this bank. (X) And Superman is gone. The Bank Robber just sits there. 42 INT. DAILY PLANET - DAY 42 Lois carries a stack of research materials through the party, passing: Martha and Jonathan as Jonathan is munching away -- JONATHAN Our whole lives, Martha. What have we been working so hard for? It just doesn't seem to make any sense anymore -- MARTHA I don't know what to tell you, Jonathan... you're right... Ellen downs a glass of nog, gets chummy with Ralph. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Gold R. 11/18/96 38. 42 CONTINUED: 42 ELLEN Actually, as awful and humiliating as it was, our first honeymoon was even worse. He actually showed up for that one. You know... you're a very attractive young man... (extending glass to Ralph) Hit me -- Lois shakes her head, moves on. (X) 42A PERRY 42A sits weeping, commiserating with a partygoer. (X) PERRY I guess the thing I regret most is I never got the chance to play Santa for my boys... a father should do that for his children, don't you think? It's a miracle only one of them ended up in prison... Lois reaches her desk, sits, tries to block out all that goes on around her as she dives into her research, as... 43 EXT. SKYSCRAPER - DAY 43 CALDWELL plummets toward Earth. A BLUE BLUR swoops into scene, scoops him up. They DIVE OUT OF FRAME, and WE HEAR: CALDWELL (O.S.) What the hell do you think you're doing? 44 EXT. SKYSCRAPER - GROUND - DAY 44 Superman lands gently, setting Caldwell on his feet. Caldwell is furious. He starts stalking back toward his building. CALDWELL Bloody do-gooder. SUPERMAN Mister Caldwell -- ? CALDWELL _What_? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Gold R. 11/18/96 38A. 44 CONTINUED: 44 SUPERMAN You jumped, didn't you? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Gold R. 11/18/96 39. 44 CONTINUED: 2 44 CALDWELL So? What business is it of yours? SUPERMAN Has it really gotten that bad? A beat as Caldwell looks at him, loses his bluster. CALDWELL Have you no idea who I am? What I'm worth? Nothing, that's what. All the money in the world and no one to share it with. No one to love. Superman just watches the dejected Caldwell make his way back toward his building. 45 INT. DAILY PLANET - BULLPEN - DAY 45 Lois sits at her terminal, clicking away at the computer, a stack of books next to her. She goes from computer, to books, and back to computer, a whirlwind of research. Jimmy sits next to her, assisting, looking depressed. He casts frequent nervous glances over at Brenda who is really selling it to A PARTY-GOER. JIMMY I don't know what I saw in her. Not exactly a Rhodes Scholar, is she? 'Course, her life was so lousy, I don't know what else I expected. Lois looks from the trashy Brenda to Jimmy. LOIS Jimmy, I have it on good authority that she's... not herself today. Jimmy considers that, rises, moves off with: JIMMY I just don't see a future for us. As a matter of fact, I don't see a future at all -- A WHOOSH at the window, then Clark appears, walking into the party. He glances at the clock -- several minutes before four. He passes through the party; several people are (X) slumped on their desks in despair, etc. As he approaches Lois' desk, Clark glances up at -- the TELEVISION MONITORS. The Newscaster looks desperate, takes a ragged drag off a cigarette, his hair tossled, his jacket and tie mussed. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 40. 45 CONTINUED: 45 NEWSCASTER ... still more reports coming... (X) in world news, Peace Talks turn to war as violence worsens in all parts of the world this Christmas Eve, the bloodiest in recent memory (breaking down) (X) Oh, God... Clark sets his jaw at that. Lois meets him halfway, carrying a big hardback book and her notes. LOIS Clark, things are really deteriorating around here. Your parents are actually snipping at each other, my mother's started drinking again, Perry's crying because he never got to play Santa for his kids, and Jimmy's depressed because his girlfriend's a hooker. CLARK It's not just here. The whole world's falling apart. How do you feel? LOIS Not much better than them, I'm afraid. I mean, I did what you asked, but... I don't know... CLARK Lois -- you have to remember what I told you LOIS It's a loop... I don't have to give in to the despair... CLARK That's right. LOIS You may have to remind me a few more times. CLARK As many times as it takes. (then, gently) What did you find out? Anything? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 40A. 45 CONTINUED: 2 45 LOIS I think so... Your friend, Mix-el... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 41. 45 CONTINUED: 2 45 CLARK Mxyzptlk -- LOIS Right, him. Well, it turns out you were probably right. I've found references to magical beings like him throughout human history. Leprechauns, gnomes, imps. Always taking a slightly different form, but there is one thing that keeps turning up... Suddenly, A COMMOTION. They both turn to see -- MARTHA I can't do it anymore, Jonathan! I can't constantly reassure you! It's not like _I_ have any faith in the future myself! Clark instinctively starts to move in their direction. CLARK Mom, Dad -- JONATHAN No, son. Your mother's giving up on us. I don't blame her. We're going to lose everything we've worked for. A man's future can be taken away just like -- that! Suddenly he scissors in pain, clutches at his chest, his knees buckling. Martha reacts with horror. MARTHA Jonathan! CLARK Dad -- ! Several people are in motion, rushing to Jonathan's side, but just then -- TIME STOPS. Everyone in the room is utterly frozen. Everyone, that is, except for Clark. And now -- Mxy is there, hovering in the room. (X) MXY Okay. I think we've seen enough. How about you? Clark whirls on the imp, furious. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 42. 45 CONTINUED: 3 45 CLARK Alright. That's it -- you release them from this now, you little (X) gnome -- or I promise I'll find a (X) way to send you someplace far (X) worse than your Fifth Dimension (X) MXY Look, Mister Goody-Two-Boots, I'm not doing anything to 'em. Nature's just taking its course. So he's the first to go. Someone had to be. We ready to make a deal? CLARK What do you _want_?! MXY Alright. The terms are this: I'll end this time loop, will personally restore some hope to all these mortals -- who will no doubt be so grateful they'll willingly worship me -- if -- and it's a big one if you agree to leave Earth. Forever. Clark sets his jaw, stares at the gnome. MXY (CONT'D) No room for two gods in this dimension. And I plan on being it. Well? It's them or you. Clock's ticking... so to speak... And off the frozen tableau... FADE OUT _END OF ACT THREE_ --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) FULL Blue 11/11/96 43. _ACT FOUR_ FADE IN: 46 INT. DAILY PLANET - BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS 46 TIME STANDS STILL. Mxy hangs there, waiting for his answer. MXY Well? It's up to you. Will you stay and be the ruination of these mortals, or accept banishment and leave their world to me -- and spare them the suffering? A tense moment. Clark's eyes move over the people in the room, all poised on the edge of time. Finally: CLARK I love them -- and that's why I'm not going anywhere. MXY What -- ? Does someone have to hit you over the head with a shillelagh? Don't you _get_ it? (X) It's _hopeless_! CLARK No. That's what you don't understand about them. There's always hope somewhere in the human spirit. And I'll find it. (X) Suddenly, a loud BANG! Both Mxy and Clark look over to see that the heavy book Lois was holding has slipped from her grasp and hit the floor. She's no longer a statue, she's looking right at the imp, that familiar fire in her eyes. LOIS You heard him, gnome! Blow! CLARK Lois -- ? MXY How'd she do that? (to Lois) You're supposed to be frozen! LOIS Yeah, well, I thawed out. And Clark's not going anywhere, Mazeltov! (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 44. 46 CONTINUED: 46 MXY (bristling) Mxyzptlk! Mister Mxyzptlk! (then) Fine! Have it your way! All motion takes up where it left off -- Jonathan dropping to his knees in agony, etc., but only for a second, then -- 47 INT. DAILY PLANET - BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS - A BIG CLOCK 47 ticks over to TWELVE O'CLOCK. QUICK PAN TO the elevator doors. DING! They open and Lois and Clark alight. Lois is next to Clark as they step out of the elevator. A couple of STAFFERS add the finishing touches on a pathetic CHARLIE BROWN TYPE Christmas Tree. A drunken Ralph throws himself at Clark, slobbering. RALPH Merry -- (weeping) Oh, god! Clark peels Ralph off himself. CLARK No -- not again... (X) He pushes Ralph aside, grabs Lois and starts to spirit her toward the conference room. As they go: CLARK (CONT'D) (re the monitors). War's breaking out -- (to Perry) Sprung for it yourself, right -- (passing Jimmy) New girl. Brenda. Invite her over. (to his parents) Earlier flight... LOIS ... cab from the airport. Clark stops dead. Looks at her. Then hustles her into -- 48 INT. DAILY PLANET - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 48 CLARK Lois, you remember! (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) FULL Blue 11/11/96 45. 48 CONTINUED: 48 LOIS All of it. Mxyzptlk. What a (X) name. I mean, can I like, buy a vowel, please? CLARK How -- ? LOIS It was you. I could _feel_ you rejecting hopelessness, Clark. It hit me like a wave. That's what broke me free. (the final word) Clark -- you're not going anywhere. CLARK No way. But if I'm not leaving, that means _he's_ got to. What'd you find out? (X) LOIS Okay, according to the mythology, (X) in order to send him back to his (X) own dimension, you have to get him (X) to say his own name backwards. (X) CLARK I can barely say it forwards LOIS _You_ don't have to say it backwards, you have to get _him_ to. He considers that, casts a glance at the room full of people. Notes his father at the food table. CLARK What about them? If we let things go on the way they have been... my father... LOIS I know ... Clark, the other thing I kept coming across in the (X) literature is that these spells, or his science, or however it is he's doing this -- the power source (X) is him. It's like he's a Fifth (X) Dimensional battery, or something. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 46. 48 CONTINUED: 2 48 CLARK So maybe... while this loop is in operation it takes all his power to sustain it. LOIS Exactly. CLARK Makes sense. He only seems to appear right as one loop ends and the next one begins. LOIS He's got to run out of juice at some point. CLARK Yeah, but what if they give out before he does? She thinks about it for a beat, then, full of resolve: LOIS (CONT'D) If his only window of opportunity to appear is at the end and beginning of each loop, then we have a little less than four hours to ourselves. Let's use that time to restore hope to the world. CLARK We could do that. Because of you, we know how hope works... LOIS (nods) It's a ripple effect -- a little hope... CLARK ... and you get miracles... 49 OMITTED 49 --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Pink Rev. 11/14/96 47. 50 EXT. BANK - DAY 50 THE WOULD-BE BANK ROBBER walks resolutely toward the bank, his hand hovering inside his jacket. But just before he reaches the door -- it opens and out strides Superman. BANK ROBBER (under his breath) Whoops -- The Bank Robber starts to make an about-face, but reacts as he sees: following Superman out of the bank are the WIFE AND KIDS we saw in the robber's family photo. The Bank Robber reacts, stunned, sweating. BANK ROBBER (CONT'D) Doris -- ? Kids? W-what's going on? Superman approaches him with no trace of malice. In fact, he extends a hand in friendship. SUPERMAN Mister Weston, when your family heard that you'd be starting your new job here at the bank, they wanted to be here to congratulate you in person. BANK ROBBER New... job -- ? SUPERMAN As head of security. Superman indicates a BANK MANAGER who has appeared as well. SUPERMAN (CONT'D) Ms. Snyder, the bank's manager, has been looking for someone to fill the position. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) FULL Blue 11/11/96 48. 50 CONTINUED: 50 SUPERMAN (CONT'D) Someone with experience. Someone who could anticipate possible robberies. I suggested you. All the necessary paperwork is ready for you. And an advance check -- The teary-eyed man is enfolded by his family and Superman steps back, allowing them the moment. And now something catches Superman's eye -- he looks over to see the Street Santa, ringing his bell. He stands next to a Daily Planet newspaper vending machine. And now we again see the headline: "SUPERMAN SAVES CHILDREN AS STATE HOME BURNS." off that -- 51 INT. DAILY PLANET - DAY 51 Lois winds her way through the party, carrying an ice chest. She comes upon Jonathan and Martha. MARTHA Jonathan, you _have_ to relax. Remember what the doctor said... JONATHAN Martha, we're broke, we're losing (X) the farm... I can't relax! (X) LOIS Sure you can (X) (they look at her) I'll show you how. Don't go (X) away -- 52 ELLEN 52 is about to ladle some egg nog out of the punch bowl, but before she can, Lois grabs the bowl. LOIS Bad nog. (indicating the ice bottles) But try the natural sodas. They're delicious -- And she moves off, leaving Ellen holding the empty ladle. As Lois moves back toward the Kents, she passes Brenda, really looking like a hooker at this point, chomping gum. LOIS (CONT'D) (as she passes) Bren, hon -- when you get a sec I'd like to talk hair... --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 49. 53 EXT. SKYSCRAPER - GROUND - DAY 53 Superman lands with the depressed-Caldwell. SUPERMAN It'd be a mistake, Mister Caldwell. CALDWELL How did you know -- ? SUPERMAN I know, Mister Caldwell. I know how you live in this tower, locked away from the world, afraid to let anyone in, but needing to. You don't have to be alone... Life (X) doesn't have to be like this. (X) Caldwell just stares, open, exposed, as... 54 INT. DAILY PLANET - DAY 54 WE PAN Lois, Martha and Jonathan, each sitting in the Lotus position, their arms on their knees. Lois conducts them in an "oommmmmm." She listens, approves, rises. LOIS Oh, you're doing very well. (as she backs away) That's right... oommmmmmmm... She leaves them, moves to the ladies' room door, knocks LOIS (calling inside) You ready in there? Now Brenda emerges, looking all cleaned up, and not unlike her former self. LOIS (CONT'D) Honey, you look terrific. She blushes a little, likes the feeling. Now she sees Jimmy who spots her, does a take, approaches. JIMMY Wow. You've changed... Lois glances at the clock -- 3:30. 55 INT. PERRY'S OFFICE - DAY 55 Perry sits at his desk, gazing a circa 60's PHOTO TWO YOUNG BOYS at Christmas. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 50. 55 CONTINUED: 55 He reacts now as a copy of the Planet is tossed on his desk, open to the headline about the destroyed Children's home. Perry looks up, surprised to see Superman standing there. PERRY Superman! SUPERMAN Hello, Mister White. (re the photo) Those your boys? Perry self consciously puts the photo back in a drawer. PERRY Years ago. I'm still tryin' to remember what I got 'em that Christmas. (re the paper) So what's this about? You got a problem with the story? SUPERMAN No. I did have a problem with the fact that those kids weren't going to have a Christmas this year. But that's all been taken care of. One of Metropolis' top citizens has agreed to replace the gifts that were destroyed, and to open his door to all the children who were displaced. PERRY (confused) Well, that's great, Superman. If you don't mind me askin' ... what's that got to do with me? Superman produces a large department store style box. SUPERMAN Well, sir, I was wondering if you could give him a hand... Off Perry's interested look -- 56 INT. DAILY PLANET - BULLPEN - DAY 56 The CLOCK reads: 3:45. The party goers watch with detached (X) interest as Caldwell directs his FLUNKIES as they disperse wrapped gifts around the tiny Christmas Tree. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Gold R. 11/18/96 51. 56 CONTINUED: 56 Superman emerges from Perry's office. He looks to his side, sees he's alone. He beckons back into the office. SUPERMAN It's _fine_.... Now Perry appears, looking adorable, but totally uncomfortable in the Santa suit. PERRY I feel ridiculous... grown man putting on a silly suit to give hope to... (off Superman's look) Sorry, Superman. No offense meant. Superman leads Perry to the center of the bullpen where the displaced CHILDREN gathered, looking shyly about. They spot "Santa" and break into a chorus of "look!" "It's Santa!," etc. Perry is at first taken aback, but then can't help it. He's drawn into it. He moves right in, playing the part with gusto. PERRY (CONT'D) Ho Ho Ho! Well, what've we got here? Good little boys and girls? I think we might just have something for you... He starts distributing the presents. Superman joins Lois. The other party-goers start to gather 'round. Slowly at first, watching the children accept their gifts. Superman and Lois eye each other, and the clock. LOIS It's almost time... if he holds true to form, he'll be here. SUPERMAN We've got to beat this thing before he shows... Lois considers this, then she looks at Superman, smiles, then STARTS SINGING a Christmas Carol. The other party-goers react. Slowly start joining her in song. Martha first, then Jonathan. Now Jimmy and Brenda are SINGING. And as everyone starts to be caught up in the moment, it's not long before the entire bullpen is filled with SONG. Lois notices that everyone is singing except Ellen. She moves to her. LOIS Mom? Are you okay? (CONTINUED) (X) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) FULL Blue 11/11/96 52. 56 CONTINUED: 2 56 ELLEN I miss your father -- LOIS What? ELLEN I don't know It's crazy. But I wish he were here. I wanted _him_ back, Lois. But then I was angry at him for _being_ him. He didn't stand me up--I stood him up. I got there, he wasn't there. They told me held called, said he was going to be late. I panicked about the whole thing and I bolted. I just wish I could break these patterns. LOIS You can, Mom. ELLEN You think? LOIS I have all kinds of faith in you. Lois puts an arm around her mother, gives her a squeeze. They hold the look for a moment, and now Ellen joins in the singing. Perry hams it up, enjoying his role as the gift-giving Santa. Martha and Jonathan snuggle close as they sing, watch the children open presents... Jimmy puts an arm around Brenda, they both keep singing, move to join each other... Lois glances over at Superman. They both look at the clock -- it's drawing close to the hour... POOF! Mxy appears, floating above the scene. The children react, applauding the "Christmas Elf." MXY (as he lands) What is this?! You're not supposed to be delighted! Mxy moves frantically around the room -- MXY (CONT'D) (to Martha and Jonathan) Hey! Don't look so chipper! You've got ten acres of worthless seed, remember? But they just laugh and sing -- tick, tick... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) FULL Blue 11/11/96 53. 56 CONTINUED: 3 56 MXY (CONT'D) (to Ellen) How 'bout a drink? Ellen and Lois keep singing. Mxy moves to Perry, who hands out gifts, singing heartily -- tick... (X) MXY (CONT'D) Hey! Father Christmas! Your own kids hate you after years of neglect, or did you forget that? Nothing. Mxy makes a beeline to Superman -- tick, tock... MXY (CONT'D) You think this little bit of love and good cheer is gonna break the loop? Fat chance, buster. Superman smiles at the Imp. The CHRISTMAS SONG ENDS. PERRY (re the presents) Okay -- that's it. LOIS No, Santa there's still one left. Perry sees the small wrapped gift under the tree, retrieves it. Tries reading the name... MXY (to Superman) When that clock ticks over, you'll be right back where you started -- and I'll be... PERRY Is there a Mixy... Mixzel... Mxy reacts to that. Turns. MXY Mxyzptlk? PERRY Yeah, that's it. MXY For me? But... no one's ever given me a Christmas present before... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Yellow R. 11/15/96 54. 56 CONTINUED: 4 56 PERRY Well, that's just not right. Merry Christmas, son. Perry holds the gift aloft. The brightly colored paper shines. Mxy's not sure what to do. overcome, and infected with the spirit that fills the room in spite of his evil little self, Mxy moves forward, accepts the package from Santa-Perry. He giggles. Gives it a shake. MXY I can't imagine what it could be! LOIS Read the card, see who it's from. MXY Oh, right! I've never done this before... Lois and Superman make eye contact, look to the ticking clock... Mxy pulls back the tag, a little giddy, reads: MXY (CONT'D) 'To Our Beloved Mister Mxyzptlk... I (looks up) 'Beloved.' SUPERMAN Who's it from, Mxy? MXY Oh, right... (looks back at tag) Umm... 'Love... I Oh, love... 'Love... I (straining to see) Kill-tip-zix-em... I Mxy does a double-take as he realizes he's been had... MXY (CONT'D) Kill-tip-zix-em! That's Mxyzptlk backwards! Oh, _rats_! A strange light appears around Mxy, and -- MXY (CONT'D) No! I'm not leaving! You can't make me! I'm takin' over! Do you hear! Ooooovvveerrrr! POOF! He's gone in a puff of smoke. Superman catches the unopened gift before it hits the ground. Looks to Lois just as -- THE BIG CLOCK strikes FOUR and now -- (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 55. 56 CONTINUED: 5 56 The tiny Christmas tree MORPHS back into the towering Douglas Fir. Impromptu cries of "Merry Christmas!" Lots of hugging and raising of glasses. Lois eyes Superman as he slips away -- and almost instantly -- Clark steps up behind her. CLARK Merry Christmas... LOIS Clark, they don't even seem to notice what happened -- CLARK As far as they know, it didn't... (X) He nods toward -- 57 THE TELEVISION MONITORS 57 The NEWSBROADCAST plays. The Newscaster is fully pressed. NEWSCASTER And in world news, warring Eastern European factions have called a permanent cease fire as treaties are signed on this historic Christmas Eve... 58 LOIS AND CLARK 58 embrace, but react a little gun-shy to the sound of DING! They look over as the elevator doors open. And there stands __ ELLEN Sam! SAM emerges, enters the Party. Ellen makes a beeline for him. SAM Ellen, sweetheart, when I got to the bed and breakfast they told me you'd left... I've been trying to get here all day. It seems like it's taken forever. ELLEN It has... And she throws her arms around and kisses him. --page break-- "'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MXYMAS" (#11) Green R. 11/15/96 56. 59 LOIS AND CLARK 59 With their arms around each other, they gaze at the people they love with tenderness. And we cover them all... Perry playing Father Christmas to the children; Caldwell with him; Jimmy and Brenda (who is her old self again, totally) in an intimate moment as they get to know each other; Sam and Ellen; Martha and Jonathan. Lois has a realization, looks at Clark. LOIS Clark -- it's happening... CLARK What? LOIS (re the room) This. It's... magic. Just like (X) you said. I mean, I may not be (X) able to see through walls or start (X) a campfire with my retina... but (X) right this second, I really do (X) feel like I can see everything (X) through your eyes... (X) CLARK (gazing at her) Then you're the lucky one... (she looks at him) ... because I'm looking at you... And as they are drawn together in a kiss, and the party continues around them, WE MOVE TO the BIG WINDOW where outside, SNOW FLAKES have begun to fall... and off that... FADE OUT _THE END_