A friend sent me a number of new pages for this script from the "FULL Blue" version. Every page she sent me was FULL Blue, the whole script; I have incorporated here. To pop everything into place... use Courier 10 (or 10 characters per inch) set top margin at 0.5", bottom margin at 0.5" (or minimums) (I had to tell the program that my primitive printer was using legal-size paper) left margin at 1" & right margin at 1" for pages---BEFORE TEASE Page For TEASE Page and after, left margin at 0.8 and right margin at .25 (or minimum) * and (X) used in script probably mean "this line changed from previous version" Notes: Cover: "Ghosts", Written by Michael Gleason [and] Directed by Robert Ginty are all in large bolt print. The remainder of the text is in Courier 10 (10 characters per inch) Typos noted (on first, not blue copy): Page 33: near bottom: Katherine banks... Come in, banks should be Banks Page 50: near bottom: 'Eggs a la Katie Banks. quote not closed with a single quote mark --page break-- (graphic - insert logo.bmp or logo.jpg) "Ghosts " EPISODE NINE Prod. #465209 Written by Michael Gleason Directed by Robert Ginty _Production Draft_ October 10, 1996 --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_Ghosts_" _CAST_ CLARK KENT/SUPERMAN LOIS LANE JIMMY OLSEN PERRY WHITE ________________________________________________________________ HERBIE SAXE KATIE BANKS MINK MAHONEY LILAH MONROE --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_Ghosts_" _LOCATIONS_ _INTERIORS_: _EXTERIORS_: Daily Planet Brownstone Street Newsroom Lois & Clark's Townhouse Magic Store Street Living Room Hardware Store Street Kitchen Bedroom Townhouse Front Door Seedy Hotel Backyard Herbie's Room Hallway --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_Ghosts_" FULL Blue 10/18/96 _LOCATIONS_ _INTERIORS_: _EXTERIORS_: Daily Planet Brownstone Street Newsroom Magic Store Street Lois & Clark's Townhouse Living Room Hardware Store Street Kitchen * Townhouse Front Door Seedy Hotel Backyard Herbie's Room Hallway --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_Ghosts_" _CHRONOLOGY_ SC. 1 - 4 NIGHT #1 SC. 5 - 7 DAY #2 SC. 8 - 21 NIGHT #2 SC. 22 - 28 DAY #3 SC. 29 - 38 NIGHT #3 SC. 39 - 40 DAY #4 --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ _The New Adventures of Superman_ "Ghosts" _TEASE_ 1 INT. LOIS AND CLARK'S TOWNHOUSE.- KITCHEN - NIGHT #1 1 CLARK HUMS a spritely tune as he tosses a salad, while LOIS removes a roast from the oven, staring anxiously at it, worried about how it's turned out. LOIS I... _think_ it's done. CLARK This is terrific. LOIS Say that after you taste it. CLARK No, I mean... this. Us. Here in the kitchen, making dinner together. LOIS Not too... normal for you? Routine? Dull? CLARK I live for 'normal'. I thrive on 'routine'. As for 'dull', that word doesn't exist when I'm with you. LOIS In that case, after dinner comes a very special... On her way to the table with the roast, she pauses to kiss him. LOIS (CONT'D) ... dessert. (then) Wanna give it a quick check before we get comfortable? Clark cocks his head, listens intently. A slow smile crosses his face. (CONTINUED) --page break-- _LOIS AND CLARK_ _The New Adventures of Superman_ "Ghosts" _TEASE_ 1 INT. LOIS AND CLARK'S TOWNHOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT #1 1 CLARK HUMS a spritely tune as he tosses a salad, while LOIS removes a roast from the oven, staring anxiously at it, worried about how it's turned out. LOIS I... _think_ it's done. CLARK This is terrific. LOIS Say that after you taste it. CLARK No, I mean... this. Us. Here in the kitchen, making dinner together. LOIS Not too... normal for you? Routine? Dull? CLARK I live for 'normal'. I thrive on 'routine'. As for 'dull', that word doesn't exist when I'm with you. LOIS In that case, after dinner comes a very special... On her way to the table with the roast, she pauses to kiss him. LOIS (CONT'D) ... dessert. (then) Wanna give it a quick check before we get comfortable? Clark cocks his head, listens intently. A slow smile crosses his face. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 2. 1 CONTINUED: 1 CLARK It's quiet out there. Superman may actually have the night off. He holds out her chair, then leans down to brush his lips across her neck. CLARK (CONT'D) Bon appetit. LOIS Hmmm. Great salad. Crisp. Tangy. Just the right combination of... She peers over the top of her fork, frowning as Clark cuts the meat. He's looking down at it with curiosity, applies a bit of force, glances up at her, smiles innocently, CLARK Uh... cuts like butter. LOIS Sure. You're Superman. (stares) Isn't London broil supposed to be pink in the middle ... ? CLARK (studies inside of meat) I can see pink. LOIS (leans forward) Where? CLARK (points) There. LOIS That tiny, infinitesimal _dot_? CLARK (helpfully) It's a _pink_ dot. She throws down her fork in disgust. LOIS It's a disaster! Clark, face it. I can't cook! CLARK Lois, I didn't fall in love with you because of your cooking. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 2. 1 CONTINUED: 1 CLARK It's quiet out there. Superman may actually have the night off. He holds out her chair, then leans down to brush his lips across her neck. CLARK (CONT'D) Bon appetit. LOIS Hmmm. Your salad's great. Crisp. (X) Tangy. Just the right combination of... She peers over the top of her fork, frowning as Clark cuts the meat. He's looking down at it with curiosity, applies a bit of force, glances up at her, smiles innocently, CLARK Uh... cuts like butter. LOIS Sure. You're Superman. (stares) Isn't London broil supposed to be pink in the middle...? CLARK (studies inside of meat) I can see pink. LOIS (leans forward) Where? CLARK (points) There. LOIS That tiny, infinitesimal dot? CLARK (helpfully) It's a _pink_ dot. She throws down her fork in disgust. LOIS It's a disaster! Clark, face it. I can't cook! (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 3. 1 CONTINUED: 2 1 LOIS Stop the presses! CLARK I fell in love with you because of... you. (tugs her to her feet) Put another way... I bought the whole house, not just the kitchen. And there are other rooms where you rate five stars. LOIS Why don't we skip right to dessert? He sweeps her into his arms but only manages a step or two before a WOMAN'S HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM intrudes. A moment to register the harrowing sound, then he releases Lois and they scramble toward the door. 2 EXT. BROWNSTONE STREET - NIGHT 2 as Lois and Clark barrel out and down the steps. The woman's SCREAMS are LOUDER. CLARK It's Bertha Avery! He points to an upper window, two doors down. 3 INTERCUT THE WINDOW 3 An ELDERLY WOMAN in an upper window flails in terror at something unseen. Suddenly, she screams, turns and dives out the window. 4 NEW ANGLE 4 In a BLUR, SUPERMAN appears and catches her in mid-air. As they float down, Lois stares at the woman's window and the FLASHING ARCS OF LIGHT that can be seen inside. ON her puzzlement, we -- FADE OUT _END OF TEASE_ --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 3. 1 CONTINUED: 2 1 CLARK Lois, I didn't fall in love with you because of your cooking. LOIS Stop the presses! CLARK I fell in love with you because of... you. (tugs her to her feet) Put another way... I bought the whole house, not just the kitchen. And there are other rooms where you rate five stars. LOIS Why don't we skip right to dessert? He sweeps her into his arms but only manages a step or two before a WOMAN'S HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM intrudes. A moment to register the harrowing sound, then he releases Lois and they scramble toward the door. 2 EXT. BROWNSTONE STREET - NIGHT 2 as Lois and Clark barrel out and down the steps. The woman's SCREAMS are LOUDER. CLARK It's Bertha Avery! He points to an upper window, two doors down. 3 INTERCUT THE WINDOW 3 An ELDERLY WOMAN in an upper window flails in terror at something unseen. Suddenly, she screams, turns and dives out the window. 4 NEW ANGLE 4 In a BLUR, SUPERMAN appears and catches her in mid-air. As they float down, Lois stares at the woman's window and the FLASHING ARCS OF LIGHT that can be seen inside. ON her puzzlement, we -- FADE OUT _END OF TEASE_ --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 4. _ACT ONE_ FADE IN: 5 INT. SEEDY HOTEL ROOM - ON EQUIPMENT - MORNING - DAY #2 5 The peeling paint and grime grey furniture mark this as a pit stop on the road to tough times. CAMERA PANS a projection device, chains, a tape player, a large ghostly puppet, taking us to HERBIE SAXE. With the crew cut, black horn rims and cherubic face, he could be Drew Carey's treacherous twin. At the moment, he's putting a fake head with an axe in its skull back in a box. From O.S., there is POUNDING on the DOOR. MINK'S VOICE Saxe! I hear you in there! open the door! More POUNDING. Carrying the head under his arm, Herbie crosses to the door like a man walking the last mile. He runs a hand across his suddenly parched lips, braces himself and whips it open -- a big smile pasted on his face, not a care in the world, delighted to see his visitor. HERBIE Mink! MINK MAHONEY blasts in. A large, thick-set man, Mink was apparently born without a sense of humor or a neck. MINK You're a tough man to find, Herbie. This is your fourth move in the last month. HERBIE Ambience is everything. (looks around room) I think I've finally found it. Mink glares at the equipment and the head. MINK What's all this? HERBIE A ghost. MINK A _ghost_? He pushes a button on a control box; from it comes horrible BANSHEE WAILING. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 4. _ACT ONE_ FADE IN: 5 INT. SEEDY HOTEL ROOM - ON EQUIPMENT - MORNING - DAY #2 5 The peeling paint and grime grey furniture mark this as a pit stop on the road to tough times. CAMERA PANS a projection device, chains, a tape player, a large ghostly puppet, taking us to HERBIE SAXE. With the crew cut, black horn rims and cherubic face, he could be Drew Carey's treacherous twin. At the moment, he's putting a fake head with an axe in its skull back in a box. From O.S., there is POUNDING on the DOOR. MINK'S VOICE Saxe! I hear you in there! Open the door! More POUNDING. Carrying the head under his arm, Herbie crosses to the door like a man walking the last mile. He runs a hand across his suddenly parched lips, braces himself and whips it open -- a big smile pasted on his face, not a care in the world, delighted to see his visitor. HERBIE Mink! MINK MAHONEY blasts in. A large, thick-set man, Mink was apparently born without a sense of humor or a neck. MINK You're a tough man to find, Herbie. This is your fourth move in the last month. HERBIE Ambience is everything. (looks around room) I think I've finally found it. Mink glares at the equipment and the head. MINK What's all this? HERBIE A ghost. MINK A _ghost_? He pushes a button on a control box; from it comes horrible BANSHEE WAILING. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 5. 5 CONTINUED: 5 MINK I hate that new age music. The projector projects something on a wall O.S.; there is the reflection of arcs of light on Herbie and Mink, who grimaces. Mink punches the button on the control box. MINK (CONT'D) Enough! (pulls gun) Bad news, Herbie. The boys voted to clip you. You sold us an entire block of brownstones so's we could put up a mall. HERBIE What are you complaining about? I let you in on the ground floor, didn't I? MINK You didn't even own those buildings! The title deeds were all faked! HERBIE Well, okay, yes, there may've been one flaw in the deal... MINK Nobody scams us. HERBIE I sold those trust deeds to a retirement fund for widows and orphans. How should I know it was controlled by the biggest crime family in the city? MINK Everyone makes a mistake, Herbie. (cocks hammer) This one's yours. HERBIE (sweating) I'm working my butt off to square things, make things right with my partners. (taps jacket pocket) Lemme prove it. MINK Gently. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 5. 5 CONTINUED: 5 MINK I hate that new age music. The projector projects something on a wall O.S.; there is the reflection of arcs of light on Herbie and Mink, who grimaces. Mink punches the button on the control box. MINK (CONT'D) Enough! (pulls gun) Bad news, Herbie. The boys voted (X) to clip you. (X) HERBIE For what?! I let you in on the (X) ground floor, didn't I?! (X) MINK You sold us an entire block of (X) brownstones so's we could put up a (X) mall. You don't even own those (X) buildings! The ownership papers (X) were fake! (X) HERBIE Well, okay, yes, there may be (X) _one_ flaw in the deal... MINK Nobody scams _us_. HERBIE I sold those trust deeds to a retirement fund for widows and orphans. How should I know it was controlled by the biggest crime family in the city? MINK Everyone makes a mistake, Herbie. (cocks hammer) This one's yours. HERBIE (sweating) I'm working my butt off to square things, make things right with my partners. (taps jacket pocket) Lemme prove it. MINK Gently. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 6. 5 CONTINUED: 2 5 Using thumb and forefinger, Herbie plucks a trust deed out of his pocket. HERBIE Deed of trust to number 27. MINK Bertha Avery's place? The old bat sold? HERBIE Put it on the market this morning. MINK She said she'd never budge. HERBIE (pats projector) But then she saw ghosts. (then) Soon, I'll own every brownstone in the block. MINK Who's next? HERBIE (checks list) The Kents. Young newlyweds. They'll be out by tomorrow. Piece of cake. MINK (torn) I don't know. I come back without popping you, I get popped. HERBIE Not if you present the deal correctly. He gently pushes the gun barrel aside, the consummate salesman. HERBIE (CONT'D) Point out to your associates that not only will the construction companies they own or control _build_ the mall, but once it's finished they'll be sitting on a gold mine, negotiating sweetheart contracts with themselves. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 6. 5 CONTINUED: 2 5 Using thumb and forefinger, Herbie plucks a trust deed out of his pocket. HERBIE Deed of trust... to number 27. MINK Bertha Avery's place? The old bat sold? HERBIE Put it on the market this morning. MINK She said she'd never budge. HERBIE (pats projector) But then she saw ghosts. (then) Soon, I'll own every brownstone in the block. MINK Who's next? HERBIE (checks list) The Kents. Young newlyweds. They'll be out by tomorrow. Piece of cake. MINK (torn) I don't know. I come back without popping you, _I_ get popped. HERBIE Not if you present the deal correctly. He gently pushes the gun barrel aside, the consummate salesman. HERBIE (CONT'D) Point out to your associates that (X) available parcels of prime real (X) estate like this are practically (X) non-existant in the city. That this is one of the few blocks zoned for retail development in (X) the entire area. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 7. 5 CONTINUED: 3 5 HERBIE (CONT'D). (eyes sparkling; voice rising) Think, Mink! Paying yourself to haul garbage. Supply linen. Wash windows. A veritable cornucopia of corruption! He throws an arm around the bedazzled gunsel, guides him to the door. HERBIE (CONT'D) Stand tall, Mink. Stand proud. (opens door) You are about to turn the corner. (eases him out) Onto Easy Street! He closes the door, sags against it. As he expels a long, relieved sigh: 6 INT. DAILY PLANET - NEWSROOM - DAY 6 Lois is at her desk, on the phone. In b.g. JIMMY OLSEN moves to answer a RINGING phone. LOIS The crime lab find _anything_ unusual in Mrs. Avery's house? Anything to explain _why_ she took a high-dive out the window? Trust me, it wasn't a suicide attempt. I was there. (listens) Clark?... He was... carving a roast. JIMMY (covers mouthpiece) Lois! Some French guy. Says you called him about cooking lessons? LOIS (chagrined; glancing around) Shhh! He's a famous chef. JIMMY I can barely understand him. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 7. 5 CONTINUED: 3 5 HERBIE (eyes sparkling; voice rising) In short, that they're just one (X) sure fire scheme away from a (X) _gold_ _mine_ and the wise man who (X) decided against _popping_ the (X) _possessor_ of this scheme is _you_! (X) He throws an arm around the gunsel, guides him to the door. (X) HERBIE (CONT'D) Stand tall, Mink. Stand proud. (opens door) You are about to turn the corner. (eases him out) Onto Easy Street! He closes the door, sags against it. As he expels a long, relieved sigh: 6 INT. DAILY PLANET - NEWSROOM - DAY 6 Lois is at her desk, on the phone. In b.g. JIMMY OLSEN moves to answer a RINGING phone. LOIS The crime lab find _anything_ unusual in Mrs. Avery's house? Anything to explain _why_ she took a high-dive out the window? Trust me, it wasn't a suicide attempt. I was there. (listens) Clark?... He was... carving a roast. JIMMY (covers mouthpiece) Lois! Some French guy. Says you called him about cooking lessons? LOIS (chagrined; glancing around) Shhh! He's a famous chef. JIMMY I can barely understand him. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 8. 6 CONTINUED: 6 LOIS Yes, yes, tell him I'll be with him 'tout a l'heure'. (into phone) If anything turns up, give me a buzz. (punches line two) Monsieur Bouchard. Enchantee. (hunches forward; lowers voice) Thank you so much for returning my call. You see, the problem is... cooking was never really important to me... (stiffens) Well, I would hardly call that a crime against humanity. I was just more interested in my career, that's all. (then) The thing is, I'm married now and well... I want to hold up my end. It's pathetic when you can't even boil water. (nervous laugh) Well, I mean of course I can boil water.... But what do you do with it? Anyway, I was wondering... Think you could give me some lessons? (beat) Hello? Hello? Mon ami? She stares sourly at the receiver as Clark arrives at his desk. CLARK Bertha Avery listed her house this morning. Sold in less than an hour. LOIS Wow! The market must be picking up. (then) You know, a couple days ago, we got a call from some real estate agent. Sounded harassed. Said he had a client who would die if he didn't buy our brownstone. (shakes head) Poor Mrs. Avery. Is she selling because of what happened last night? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 8. 6 CONTINUED: 6 LOIS Yes, yes, tell him I'll be with him 'tout a l'heure'. (into phone) If anything turns up, give me a buzz. (punches line two) Monsieur Bouchard. Enchantee. (hunches forward; lowers voice) Thank you so much for returning my call. You see, the problem is... cooking was never really important to me... (stiffens) Well, I would hardly call that a crime against humanity. I was just more interested in my career, that's all. (then) The thing is, I'm married now (X) and... I can't let my husband do (X) _all_ the cooking. It's pathetic (X) when you can't even boil water. (nervous laugh) Well, I mean of course I can boil water.... But what do you _do_ with it? Anyway, I was wondering... Think you could give me some lessons? (beat) Hello? Hello? Mon ami? She stares sourly at the receiver as Clark arrives at his desk. CLARK Bertha Avery listed her house this morning. Sold in less than an hour. LOIS Wow! The market must be picking up. (then) Remember the call we got from that (X) real estate agent? Sounded (X) harassed. Said he had a client who would die if he didn't buy our brownstone. (shakes head) Poor Mrs. Avery. Is she selling because of what happened last night? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 9. 6 CONTINUED: 2 6 CLARK She claims her place is haunted. LOIS Haunted? As in ... ? CLARK Ghosts. LOIS Ghosts... That's ridiculous. But as she turns away, a flicker of doubt shadows her face. LOIS (CONT'D) ... Isn't it? 7 EXT. METROPOLIS STREET - DAY 7 Herbie Saxe emerges from a shabby storefront, "The Village conjurer," lugging a large cardboard box. He starts down the street but: MINK'S VOICE Saxe! Herbie falters, waits till Mink Mahoney descends on him. MINK (CONT'D) I did some checkin'. These 'Kents' you're gonna scare away are well-known reporters for the Planet. They may not scare so easy. HERBIE Perceptive, Mink. I like that in a thug. And _because_ they're the Kents, I'm going to amp up my efforts. MINK How? HERBIE Do you know anything about.. the black arts? (leans in; whispers ominously) Witchcraft? Devil worship? Human sacrifices? MINK Sounds like my second marriage. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 9. 6 CONTINUED: 2 6 CLARK She claims her place is haunted. LOIS Haunted? As in...? CLARK Ghosts. LOIS Ghosts... That's ridiculous. But as she turns away, a flicker of doubt shadows her face. LOIS (CONT'D) ... Isn't it? 7 EXT. METROPOLIS STREET - DAY 7 Herbie Saxe emerges from a shabby storefront, "The Village Conjurer," lugging a large cardboard box. He starts down the street but: MINK'S VOICE Saxe! Herbie falters, waits till Mink Mahoney descends on him. MINK (CONT'D) From what I hear, these 'Kents' (X) you're gonna scare away are (X) well-known reporters for the Planet. They may not scare so easy. HERBIE Perceptive, Mink. I like that in a thug. And _because_ they're the Kents, I'm going to amp up my efforts. MINK How? HERBIE Do you know anything about.. the black arts? (leans in; whispers ominously) Witchcraft? Devil worship? Human sacrifices? MINK Sounds like my second marriage. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 10. 7 CONTINUED: 7 HERBIE (pats box) I've completely stocked up on Black mass candles... satanic symbols a book of incantations... tannis root powder... When I'm through, the Kents will believe an entire witches' coven has moved in and taken over! Add to that all my special effects, and they'll _beg_ me to take the place off their hands. MINK Let me just impress one thing on you, Herbie. If this don't work, the next time we meet, one of us will be dead. Herbie looks at him for a long moment before: HERBIE You can't _buy_ that kind of encouragement. 8 INT. LOIS AND CLARK'S TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT #2 8 We hear METAL scraping against the front door LOCK, then the door inches back and Herbie Saxe slips into the darkened room carrying his box of satanic goodies. A bundle of nerves, he wipes his brow, listening to the silence, eyes darting every which way. Satisfied he's alone, he heads for the kitchen, and we -- DISSOLVE TO: 9 A BLACK CANDLE 9 being lit. PULL BACK to REVEAL the KITCHEN as Herbie views his handiwork with a pleased smile. Black mass candles flicker, their flames doing a dance macabre across a wall now covered with demonic symbols, dripping red like trails of blood. Really getting into it, Herbie tosses tannis root powder around as though he were dispensing rose petals. The curtains LIFT as a breeze begins to blow through the room. The candles go OUT. The symbols GLOW. The pages of an incantation book FLIP, finally settling on an elaborate illustration of a warlock raising the dead. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 10. 7 CONTINUED: 7 HERBIE (pats box) I've completely stocked up on Black mass candles... satanic symbols... a book of incantations... tannis root powder... When I'm through, the Kents'll believe an entire witches' coven has moved in and taken over! Add to that all my special effects, and they'll _beg_ me to take the place off their hands. MINK Let me just impress one thing on you, Herbie. You got 48 hours. (X) If this don't work, the next time (X) we meet, one of us will be dead. Herbie looks at him for a long moment before: HERBIE You can't _buy_ that kind of encouragement. 8 INT. LOIS AND CLARK'S TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT #2 8 We hear METAL scraping against the front door LOCK, then the door inches back and Herbie Saxe slips into the darkened room carrying his box of satanic goodies. A bundle of nerves, he wipes his brow, listening to the silence, eyes darting every which way. Satisfied he's alone, he heads for the kitchen, and we -- DISSOLVE TO: 9 A BLACK CANDLE 9 being lit. PULL BACK to REVEAL the KITCHEN as Herbie views his handiwork with a pleased smile. Black mass candles flicker, their flames doing a dance macabre across a wall now covered with demonic symbols, dripping red like trails of blood. Really getting into it, Herbie tosses tannis root powder around as though he were dispensing rose petals. The curtains LIFT as a breeze begins to blow through the room. The candles go OUT. The symbols GLOW. The pages of an incantation book FLIP, finally settling on an elaborate illustration of a warlock raising the dead. Lights flicker. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 11. 9 CONTINUED: 9 Just as Herbie realizes something odd is going on, the symbol-covered wall begins to PULSATE, to BULGE and BOW, as if someone or some thing were trapped inside trying to get out. A horrible LAMENTATION rises WITHIN THE WALL before a GHOSTLY APPARITION wrenches herself loose of her confinement. She is terrifying, covered in flour. Herbie gawks in speechless terror. What has he wrought? He doesn't wait around to find out. Stunned at discovering herself free, the Ghost, who was once KATIE BANKS, takes in her surroundings as if seeing them for the first time. 10 THE LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 10 Herbie's hand is poised over the front door knob when a key JIGGLES in the lock. He freezes, glances toward the kitchen, caught between the devil and the deep. The doorknob TURNING propels him back into: 11 THE KITCHEN - NIGHT 11 A malevolent smile flits across Katie's features as she decides to flex her untried ghostly muscles by tossing around some pots and pans. Herbie appears in the kitchen, stares in horror, and barrels out the rear door. 12 THE LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 12 as an unsuspecting Lois deftly kicks the door closed, snaps on the lights and makes her way toward the kitchen, nose buried in a cookbook while juggling a bag of ingredients in the other hand. 13 THE KITCHEN - NIGHT 13 The CLANG and CLATTER of colliding POTS pulls her out of the cookbook. She stares, dumbfounded, at the cookware careening around the room by itself. And, as the bizarre scene echoes with GHOSTLY LAUGHTER, we -- FADE OUT _END OF ACT ONE_ --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 11. 9 CONTINUED: 9 Just as Herbie realizes something odd is going on, a (X) horrible LAMENTATION rises WITHIN THE WALL before a GHOSTLY APPARITION wrenches herself loose of her confinement. She is terrifying, covered in flour. Herbie gawks in speechless terror. What has he wrought? He doesn't wait around to find out. Stunned at discovering herself free, the Ghost, who was once KATIE BANKS, takes in her surroundings as if seeing them for the first time. 10 THE LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 10 Herbie's hand is poised over the front door knob when a key JIGGLES in the lock. He freezes, glances toward the kitchen, caught between the devil and the deep. The doorknob TURNING propels him back into: 11 THE KITCHEN - NIGHT 11 A malevolent smile flits across Katie's features as she decides to flex her untried ghostly muscles by tossing around some pots and pans. Herbie appears in the kitchen, stares in horror, and barrels out the rear door. 12 THE LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 12 as an unsuspecting Lois deftly kicks the door closed, snaps on the lights and makes her way toward the kitchen, nose buried in a cookbook while juggling a bag of ingredients in the other hand. 13 THE KITCHEN - NIGHT 13 The CLANG and CLATTER of colliding POTS pulls her out of the cookbook. She stares, dumbfounded, at the cookware careening around the room by itself. And, as the bizarre scene echoes with GHOSTLY LAUGHTER, we -- FADE OUT _END OF ACT ONE_ --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 12. _ACT TWO_ FADE IN: 14 EXT. LOIS AND CLARK'S TOWNHOUSE DOOR - NIGHT 14 as the front door explodes open and Lois rockets out. She pastes herself to the front door, yells: LOIS SUPERMAN!! Superman instantly DROPS DOWN in front of her. SUPERMAN Hi, honey, I was in mid-emergency. What is it? LOIS I don't know. SUPERMAN You don't know ... ? LOIS If I knew, I wouldn't need you. SUPERMAN Lois LOIS Something... intense is happening in the kitchen. As they start inside: 15 EXT. TOWNHOUSE BACKYARD - NIGHT 15 Herbie grunts and groans as he struggles to haul himself over the six-foot-high fence. He finally drops to the ground, backs away to take a run at the fence, then notices there's a gate. He hastily exits through the gate as we go back to... 16 INT. TOWNHOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT 16 Superman stands in the doorway, surveying the scene. LOIS' VOICE Well... ? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 12. _ACT TWO_ FADE IN: 14 EXT. LOIS AND CLARK'S TOWNHOUSE DOOR - NIGHT 14 as the front door explodes open and Lois rockets out. She pastes herself to the front door, yells: LOIS SUPERMAN!! Superman instantly DROPS DOWN in front of her. SUPERAAN Hi, honey, I was in mid-emergency. What is it? LOIS I don't know. SUPERMAN You don't know...? LOIS If I knew, I wouldn't need you. SUPERMAN Lois -- LOIS Something... intense is happening in the kitchen. As they start inside: 15 EXT. TOWNHOUSE BACKYARD - NIGHT 15 Herbie grunts and groans as he struggles to haul himself over the six-foot-high fence. He finally drops to the ground, backs away to take a run at the fence, then notices there's a gate. He hastily exits through the gate as we go back to... 16 INT. TOWNHOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT 16 Superman stands in the doorway, surveying the scene. LOIS' VOICE Well...? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 13. 16 CONTINUED: 16 SUPERMAN Demonic symbols... black mass candles... an incantation book... LOIS' VOICE What about the pots and pans? Superman opens a cupboard. SUPERMAN Sitting quietly in their cabinets. Lois appears behind him, obviously not happy with the findings. LOIS Who do you suppose did this? SUPERMAN Vandals. LOIS _Vandals_? Clark, pots and pans were whizzing around the room! SUPERMAN By themselves? LOIS I know how it sounds. SUPERMAN There must be a rational explanation. LOIS I'm all for that. Go ahead. She waits. He ponders. She grows restless. LOIS (CONT'D) (prompting) I'll accept almost anything. His brow furrows. His eyes squint. His mouth tightens. LOIS (CONT'D) (helpfully) Wind currents. Barometric pressure. Sun spots. SUPERMAN Afraid not. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 13. 16 CONTINUED: 16 SUPERMAN Demonic symbols... black mass candles... an incantation book... LOIS' VOICE What about the pots and pans? Superman opens a cupboard. SUPERMAN Sitting quietly in their cabinets. Lois appears behind him, obviously not happy with the findings. LOIS Who do you suppose did this? SUPERMAN Vandals. LOIS _Vandals_? Clark, pots and pans were whizzing around the room! SUPERMAN By themselves? LOIS I know how it sounds. SUPERMAN There must be a rational explanation. LOIS I'm all for that. Go ahead. She waits. He ponders. She grows restless. LOIS (CONT'D) (prompting) I'll accept almost anything. His brow furrows. His eyes squint. His mouth tightens. LOIS (CONT'D) (helpfully) Wind currents. Barometric pressure. Sun spots. SUPERMAN Afraid not. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 14. 16 CONTINUED: 2 16 LOIS Your turn. SUPERMAN Mild hysteria induced by a combination of fatigue and emotional trauma? LOIS _What_ emotional trauma? SUPERMAN Well... Although it wasn't, you know, a big deal to _me_... You seemed pretty upset about last night's London broil. LOIS Clark. After everything we've been through -- invading aliens, alternate universes, machines that suck the youth out of you... (leans in to him, eyes narrowed) You figure the one thing that'd make me see flying pots would be... _Meat_?! 17 INT. HERBIE'S HOTEL ROOM NIGHT 17 A sweating Herbie dashes in, slams the door behind him. A moment to get his breathing under control, then he feels around until he finds the rip in his pants. HERBIE Damn! He's taking them off when Katie easily PASSES THROUGH the door. Turning to lay the pants over the back of a chair, Herbie is confronted by a hovering Katie. HERBIE AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! He jumps back, startled to say the least, holding the pants up to his chin as if naked from the neck down. Katie surveys the room, hand on hip, puffing on an imaginary cigarette, only when she exhales, SMOKE COMES OUT OF HER MOUTH. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 14. 16 CONTINUED: 2 16 LOIS Your turn. SUPERMAN Mild hysteria induced by a combination of fatigue and emotional trauma? LOIS _What_ emotional trauma? SUPERMAN Well... Although it wasn't, you know, a big deal to me... You seemed pretty upset about last night's London broil. LOIS Clark. After everything we've been through -- invading aliens, alternate universes, machines that suck the youth out of you... (leans in to him, eyes narrowed) You figure the one thing that'd make me see flying pots would be... _Meat_?! 17 INT. HERBIE'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 17 A sweating Herbie dashes in, slams the door behind him. A moment to get his breathing under control, then he feels around until he finds the rip in his pants. HERBIE Damn! He's taking them off when Katie easily PASSES THROUGH the door. Turning to lay the pants over the back of a chair, Herbie is confronted by a hovering Katie. HERBIE AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! He jumps back, startled to say the least, holding the pants up to his chin as if naked from the neck down. Katie surveys the room, hand on hip, puffing on an imaginary cigarette, only when she exhales, SMOKE COMES OUT OF HER MOUTH. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 15. 17 CONTINUED: 17 KATIE (best Bette Davis) What a dump! (giggles) I've always wanted to say that but I was never in a place awful enough. HERBIE Who are you? What are you? _Why_ are you? And especially, why are you _here_?! KATIE You set me free! HERBIE It was an accident! It wasn't me! It was all that crap I bought! KATIE I came to thank you. I've been in this strange limbo state ever since my death. (sadly) I was murdered you know. HERBIE Well, you're welcome, do I have to open the door or do you slither underneath? KATIE How long have I been dead? There was no way of telling in there. HERBIE Well... who was President when you died? KATIE I never followed politics. HERBIE Who won the Super Bowl? KATIE I wasn't into sports. HERBIE What was your favorite TV show? KATIE I didn't watch television. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 15. 17 CONTINUED: 17 KATIE (best Bette Davis) What a dump! (beat) (X) I've always wanted to say that but I was never in a place awful enough. HERBIE Who are you? What are you? _Why_ are you? And especially, why are you _here_?! KATIE You set me free! HERBIE It was an accident! It wasn't me! It was all that crap I bought! KATIE I came to thank you. I've been in this strange limbo state ever since my death. (sadly) I was murdered you know. HERBIE Well, you're welcome, do I have to open the door or do you slither underneath? KATIE How long have I been dead? There was no way of telling in there. HERBIE Well... who was President when you died? KATIE I never followed politics. HERBIE Who won the Super Bowl? KATIE I wasn't into sports. HERBIE What was your favorite TV show? KATIE I didn't watch television. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 16. 17 CONTINUED: 2 17 HERBIE No wonder somebody killed you. You were a real drag. KATIE I must find my killer. Avenge my death. So I can pass over to the other side. HERBIE The other side ... ? What's on the other side? KATIE Don't _you_ know? HERBIE Me? KATIE You must be a very powerful medium to have released me the way you did. Are you my master? HERBIE Master...? Yes! Master! You got it, sister. And you hafta do everything I say or I'll... put you back in that wall. KATIE Yes, Master. Anything you say. HERBIE Ooooh, I like the sound of that. Now, in time -- if you're a good and faithful servant -- I will reveal your murderer to you. KATIE You know who it is? HERBIE Of course I do. I'm a master medium, remember? A BANGING at the door. Herbie cracks it open, tries to peer around to see who's there, but the door is flung back and a confrontational Mink Mahoney strides in. MINK You didn't call me, Herbie. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 16. 17 CONTINUED: 2 17 HERBIE No wonder somebody killed you. You were a real drag. KATIE I must find my killer. Avenge my death. So I can pass over to the other side. HERBIE The other side...? What's on the other side? KATIE Don't _you_ know? HERBIE Me? KATIE You must be a very powerful medium to have released me the way you did. Are you my master? HERBIE Master...? Yes! Master! You got it, sister. And you hafta do everything I say or I'll... put you back in that wall. KATIE Yes, Master. Anything you say. HERBIE Ooooh, I like the sound of that. Now, in time -- if you're a good and faithful servant -- I will (X) discover who killed you so you can (X) be free! (X) KATIE You can do that? (X) HERBIE Of course I can. I'm a master (X) medium, remember? (X) A BANGING at the door. Herbie cracks it open, tries to peer around to see who's there, but the door is flung back and a confrontational Mink Mahoney strides in. MINK You didn't call me, Herbie. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 17. 17 CONTINUED: 3 17 Herbie casts an anxious eye at Katie. Oblivious to her presence, Mink walks right past her, raising Herbie's eyebrows. MINK (CONT'D) And when I phoned over here, they said you wasn't takin' any calls, so I hadda leave my nice warm apartment to find out how it went tonight. HERBIE I'll know in the morning how successful I was. Do... you notice anything different about the place? MINK (looking around) It's even uglier than I remembered. Katie now lingers at Herbie's shoulder, and Herbie stands taller, jaw firm, a man with a powerful ally. HERBIE Look Mink, don't pressure me. And quit following me around. MINK What did you say? HERBIE I'm tired of you breathing down my neck. He propels Mink across the room. HERBIE (CONT'D) Now be a good little hit man and go home. I'll call when I need you. Shoving Mink out, he slams the door in the astonished man's face. 18 HOTEL HALL - NIGHT 18 a dangerously livid Mink glares at the door, then kicks it open. MINK Who the hell do you think you are?! Nobody talks to -- A large potted plant lifts off a table, hurtles out of the room, hitting him THWACK in the forehead. His eyes roll, his knees buckle and down he goes. The door slams. --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 17. 17 CONTINUED: 3 17 Herbie casts an anxious eye at Katie. Oblivious to her presence, Mink walks right past her, raising Herbie's eyebrows. MINK (CONT'D) And when I phoned over here, they said you wasn't takin' any calls, so I hadda leave my nice warm apartment to find out how it went tonight. HERBIE I'll know in the morning how successful I was. Do... you notice anything different about the place? MINK (looking around) It's even uglier than I remembered. Katie now lingers at Herbie's shoulder, and Herbie stands taller, jaw firm, a man with a powerful ally. HERBIE Look Mink, don't pressure me. And quit following me around. MINK What did you say? HERBIE I'm tired of you breathing down my neck. He propels Mink across the room. HERBIE (CONT'D) Now be a good little hit man and go home. I'll call when I need you. Shoving Mink out, he slams the door in the astonished man's face. 18 HOTEL HALL - NIGHT 18 a dangerously livid Mink glares at the door, then kicks it open. MINK Who the hell do you think you are?! Nobody talks to -- A large lamp off a table, hurtles out of the room, hitting (X) him THWACK in the forehead. His eyes roll, his knees buckle and down he goes. The door slams. --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 18. 19 INT. HERBIE'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 19 KATIE I shouldn't have done that. (shrugs) But orders are orders. HERBIE And don't you forget it. Now get back over to the Kents and scare the hell out of 'em. KATIE Why? HERBIE Because I said so. KATIE That's good enough for me. She VANISHES. HERBIE Yes, sir, I've got the spirit! 20 INT. TOWNHOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT 20 Clark watches Lois' eyes flutter shut, a cookbook slipping from her grasp. Gently setting it on the nightstand, he gives her a goodnight peck and switches off his light. Instantly, Lois' light comes on. CLARK What's the matter? LOIS I started dreaming about pots whizzing around the kitchen. (looks around; confidentially) Do you get the feeling we're not alone? CLARK No.... LOIS Pots don't fly by themselves, do we agree on that? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 18. 19 INT. HERBIE'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 19 KATIE I shouldn't have done that. (shrugs) But your wish is my command. (X) HERBIE And don't you forget it. Now get back over to the Kents and scare the hell out of 'em. KATIE Why? HERBIE Because I said so. KATIE That's good enough for me. She VANISHES. HERBIE Yes, sir, I've got the spirit! 20 INT. TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 20(X) Lois, in nightwear, Clark in robe, curled up on the sofa. (X) A fire CRACKLES in the fireplace. Clark watches Lois' eyes (X) flutter shut, a cookbook slipping from her grasp. Gently setting it on a table, he gives her a goodnight peck. She (X) stirs. (X) CLARK What's the matter? LOIS I started dreaming about pots whizzing around the kitchen. (looks around; confidentially) Do you get the feeling we're not alone? CLARK No... LOIS Pots don't fly by themselves, do we agree on that? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 19. 20 CONTINUED: 20 CLARK Heartily. (musing) You know... Our neighbor moved out because she says her place is haunted. Then you come home and find eerie symbols and props -- LOIS So I'm primed to see something... horrific, which I do. CLARK _She_ was frightened out of her house and immediately sold. We got a call from a real estate agent wanting to buy our place. And _now_, strange, spooky stuff shows up here. LOIS (not totally convinced) So... someone wants to scare us into selling. CLARK Worked on Mrs. Avery. LOIS Well, in a way it's a relief to be up against a real live flesh and blood adversary. CLARK I knew there was a rational explanation. He leans over, facing her, nuzzles her neck. LOIS (trying to convince herself) And I'm glad you realize I'm not in the habit of seeing things... CLARK (nuzzling) Right... LOIS I mean, I'm a pro, right? CLARK (kissing her neck) Sure! (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 19. 20 CONTINUED: 20 CLARK Heartily. (musing) You know... Our neighbor moved out because she says her place is haunted. Then you come home and find eerie symbols and props -- LOIS So I'm primed to see something... horrific, which I do. CLARK _She_ was frightened out of her house and immediately sold. _We_ got a call from a real estate agent wanting to buy our place. And _now_, strange, spooky stuff shows up here. LOIS (not totally convinced) So... someone wants to scare us into selling. CLARK Worked on Mrs. Avery. LOIS Well, in a way it's a relief to be up against a real live flesh and blood adversary. CLARK I knew there was a rational explanation. He leans over, facing her, nuzzles her neck. LOIS (trying to convince herself) And I'm glad you realize I'm not in the habit of seeing things... CLARK (nuzzling) Right... LOIS I mean, I'm a pro, right? CLARK (kissing her neck) Sure! (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 20. 20 CONTINUED: 2 20 LOIS (losing herself in the romance of the moment) My _job_ is to observe. Calmly. Rationally... Suddenly Katie materializes at the foot of the bed. LOIS (CONT'D) _Ohmygod_!! Clark stares at Lois, then flips over to look, Katie just as suddenly VANISHES, unseen by Clark. LOIS (CONT'D) You didn't see that?! CLARK See what? LOIS It just vanished into the wall! Clark jumps out of bed, using his X-RAY VISION to peer through the bedroom wall. LOIS (CONT'D) What are you doing? CLARK Whatever you saw may still be in there. LOIS (shaken) I don't think x-raying's gonna do any good, Clark. CLARK What do you mean? LOIS Because I don't think you can x-ray a... CLARK A _what_, Lois? LOIS A ghost, Clark. A ghost. 21 INT. HERBIE'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 21 Katie paces before a fuming Herbie, explaining: (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 20. 20 CONTINUED: 2 20 LOIS (losing herself in the romance of the moment) My _job_ is to observe. Calmly. Rationally... Lois glances over his shoulder, stares at: (X) 20A HER POV 20A(X) Katie sits on the mantle, watching pleasantly. (X) 20B LOIS AND CLARK 20B(X) LOIS _Ohmygod_!! Clark stares at Lois, then flips around to look. (X) 20C THE ROOM 20C(X) Katie is gone. (X) LOIS You didn't see that?! CLARK See what? LOIS It just vanished into the wall! Clark jumps up, tips his glasses to x-ray. (X) LOIS (CONT'D) What are you doing? CLARK I'm gonna look in the wall. (X) LOIS (shaken) I don't think x-raying's gonna do any good, Clark. CLARK What do you mean? LOIS Because I don't think you can x-ray a... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 21. 21 CONTINUED: 21 KATIE They were in bed, for God's sake! HERBIE You'd better get a lot thicker skin if you're going to be in the real estate business. KATIE Why do I have to terrify them? They seem like such a nice young couple. HERBIE I want them out of that brownstone. KATIE Why? HERBIE Since when do you ask questions? I'm the master, you're the servant. Remember that. KATIE I like to think of us more as partners. HERBIE Oh, you do? KATIE Yes. HERBIE Fine with me. KATIE Really? HERBIE Absolutely. (loud) Since you're dead, you be the _silent_ partner. (gesture toward door) Now get back there and do your stuff. Unless they're on their way by morning, I'll never reveal your murderer to you. (drawing close) And you can spend the rest... of _eternity_ squeezed between five inches of moldy plaster. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 21. 20C CONTINUED: 20C CLARK A _what_, Lois? LOIS A ghost, Clark. A ghost. 21 INT. HERBIE'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 21 Katie paces before a fuming Herbie, explaining: KATIE They were ready for bed, for God's (X) sake! Kissing! (X) HERBIE You'd better get a lot thicker skin if you're going to be in the real estate business. KATIE Why do I have to terrify them? They seem like such a nice young couple. HERBIE I want them out of that brownstone. KATIE Why? HERBIE Since when do you ask questions? I'm the master, you're the servant. Remember that. KATIE I like to think of us more as... partners. HERBIE Oh, you do? KATIE Yes. HERBIE Fine with me. KATIE Really? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 22. 21 CONTINUED: 2 21 KATIE (cowed) Gotcha. 22 INT. LOIS AND CLARK'S KITCHEN - ON AN EGG - DAY #3 22 It is expertly cracked against the side of a frying pan, the contents deftly emptied into it. CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal Lois, whisking the eggs into fluffy perfection. Clark enters, falters when he sees the unexpected spectacle of Lois at the stove, surrounded by a feast of french toast with whipped cream and strawberries, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, blueberry muffins, and assorted juices. CLARK Lois...? Are you okay? She turns, a contented smile on her lovely face. LOIS (cheery) Sure! CLARK Well, I mean, you didn't get much sleep... (stares) What's all this? LOIS Just a little apology I whipped up. (kisses him on cheek) I'm sorry for being such a mess last night. Things look a lot less... spooky in daylight. (then) Sit. Eat. He does -- sit at least. CLARK Well, it all... looks delicious. He takes a tentative bite. Chews, frowning. Chews harder, with more concentration. She's standing over him, beaming. CLARK (CONT'D) It's... wonderful... tremendous... mind-blowing. (blinks) That's one heck of a cookbook you've been reading. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 22. 21 CONTINUED: 21 HERBIE Absolutely. (loud) Since you're dead, you be the _silent_ partner. (gesture toward door) Now get back there and do your stuff. Or I'll never reveal your (X) murderer to you. Even though I'm _real_ close to finding out who (X) it is. (X) (drawing close) And you can spend the rest... of _eternity_ squeezed between five inches of moldy plaster. KATIE (cowed) Gotcha. 22 INT. LOIS AND CLARK'S KITCHEN - ON AN EGG - DAY #3 22 It is expertly cracked against the side of a frying pan, the contents deftly emptied into it. CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal Lois, whisking the eggs into fluffy perfection. Clark enters, falters when he sees the unexpected spectacle of Lois at the stove, surrounded by a feast of french toast with whipped cream and strawberries, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, blueberry muffins, and assorted juices. CLARK Lois...? Are you okay? She turns, a contented smile on her lovely face. LOIS (cheery) Sure! CLARK Well, I mean, you didn't get much sleep... (stares) What's all this? LOIS Just a little apology I whipped up. (kisses him on cheek) I'm sorry for being such a mess last night. Things look a lot less... spooky in daylight. (then) Sit. Eat. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 23. 22 CONTINUED: 22 LOIS You know, I've been thinking. All that yucky stuff that happened... His mouth full, Clark GRUNTS. LOIS (CONT'D) It could take a long time -- ages -- to get to the bottom of who's trying to drive us out. We do have an interested buyer. It's not like we've put down any roots here. Why not just sell, avoid all the aggravation and get a good night's sleep? CLARK That's not us, Lois. We can't be intimidated like this. LOIS Why not? What are we, super-human or something? CLARK Hey -- no fair hitting below the cape. LOIS I can be intimidated if I want. And I want. In fact, I've already signed the escrow papers. Clark is staggered as she tosses the escrow documents on the table in front of him. CLARK _What_ escrow papers? LOIS Remember that person who wanted to buy our place? CLARK You already signed papers?! LOIS If this marriage is going to work, we have to divide up the chores. So... you take out the garbage, I'll sign papers. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 23. 22 CONTINUED: 22 He does -- sit at least. CLARK Well, it all... looks delicious. He takes a tentative bite. Chews, frowning. Chews harder, with more concentration. She's standing over him, beaming. CLARK (CONT'D) It's... wonderful... tremendous... mind-blowing. (blinks) That's one heck of a cookbook you've been reading. LOIS You know, I've been thinking. All that yucky stuff that happened... His mouth full, Clark GRUNTS. LOIS (CONT'D) It could take a long time -- ages -- to get to the bottom of who's trying to drive us out. We _do_ have an interested buyer. It's not like we've put down any roots here. Why not just sell, avoid all the aggravation and get a good night's sleep? CLARK That's not us, Lois. We can't be intimidated like this. LOIS Why not? What are we, super-human or something? CLARK Hey -- no fair hitting below the cape. LOIS _I_ can be intimidated if I want. And I want. In fact, I've already signed the escrow papers. Clark is staggered as she tosses the escrow documents on the table in front of him. CLARK _What_ escrow papers? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 24. 22 CONTINUED: 2 22 CLARK Honey, I don't know what this is all about, but we need to talk about... He starts to rise but Lois, suddenly tough as a tank, shoves him back into the chair. LOIS (gruffer voice) Listen, four eyes, don't get up from the table again until you've finished every last bite of your breakfast! CLARK I think last night got to you more than you're willing to admit. She thrusts the escrow papers and a pen at him. LOIS If you LOVE me, you'll sign. If you WANT to love me, ditto. Abruptly, the nastiness changes to panic. LOIS (CONT'D) (normal voice) Clark! Don't you dare sign! Clark stares, thunderstruck, at the two beings seemingly locked inside his wife. The "evil" Lois talks, gruff and gravelly, out of one side of her mouth, the "good" Lois talks out of the other side, making her look like she's got the twitch of all time. LOIS (CONT'D) (evil) Sign, damnit! Or I'll never make you another meal. (good) Don't listen to me! I'm not me! (evil) Shut up! (good) I won't shut up! Lois suddenly SLUGS herself. LOIS (CONT'D) (evil) Do that again and I'll scratch my eyes out! (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 24. 22 CONTINUED: 2 22 LOIS Remember that person who wanted to buy our place? CLARK You already signed _papers_?! LOIS If this marriage is going to work, we have to divide up the chores. So... you take out the garbage, I'll sign papers. CLARK Honey, I don't know what this is all about, but we need to talk about... He starts to rise but Lois, suddenly tough as a tank, shoves him back into the chair. LOIS (gruffer voice) Listen, four eyes, don't get up from the table again until you've finished every last bite of your. breakfast! CLARK I think last night got to you more than you're willing to admit. She thrusts the escrow papers and a pen at him. LOIS If you LOVE me, you'll sign. If you WANT to love me, ditto. Abruptly, the nastiness changes to panic. LOIS (CONT'D) (normal voice) Clark! Don't you dare sign! Clark stares, thunderstruck, at the two beings seemingly locked inside his wife. The "evil" Lois talks, gruff and gravelly, out of one side of her mouth, the "good" Lois talks out of the other side, making her look like she's got the twitch of all time. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 25. 22 CONTINUED: 3 22 She picks up a big soup ladle, threatens to brain herself. The other hand grabs it, forces it back. The struggle resembles a deadly version of Dr. Strangelove trying not to salute. Clark grabs the ladle away. CLARK Lois! LOIS (evil) Bitch! (good) Intruder! (evil) Get out! (good) You get out! I was me first! Her eyes GLOW GREEN and Katie MATERIALIZES out of Lois! body, then VANISHES. Lois falls limply toward the floor. Clark manages to catch her before she hits. LOIS (weakly) Now do you believe me? And, on that understatement, we -- FADE OUT _END OF ACT TWO_ --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 25. 22 CONTINUED: 3 22 LOIS (CONT'D) (evil) Sign, damnit! Or I'll never make you another meal. (good) Don't listen to me! I'm not me! (evil) Shut up! (good) I won't shut up! Lois suddenly SLUGS herself. LOIS (CONT'D) (evil) Do that again and I'll scratch my eyes out! She picks up a big soup ladle, threatens to brain herself. The other hand grabs it, forces it back. The struggle resembles a deadly version of Dr. Strangelove trying not to salute. Clark grabs the ladle away. CLARK Lois! LOIS (evil) Bitch! (good) Intruder! (evil) Get out! (good) You get out! I was me first! Her eyes GLOW GREEN and Katie MATERIALIZES out of Lois' body, then VANISHES. Lois falls limply toward the floor. Clark manages to catch her before she hits. LOIS (weakly) Now do you believe me? And, on that understatement, we -- FADE OUT _END OF ACT TWO_ --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 26. _ACT THREE_ FADE IN: 23 INT. LOIS AND CLARK'S LIVING ROOM - ON WASH CLOTH - DAY 23 The cloth is soaked in a basin, wrung out. CAMERA TAKES it TO Lois, lying on the sofa, head back, eyes closed. A solicitous Clark gently settles the cloth on her forehead. LOIS Clark. I told you. I'm fine. CLARK _You_ may be fine but I'm a basket case. You know what it's like to see the person you love turn into a snarling monster right before your eyes? LOIS _She_ was snarling. I merely spoke loud for emphasis. Reaching up, she strokes his cheek with a wan smile; for all her bravado, she's drained and shaken. LOIS (CONT'D) I'm glad you were there. It helped me get through it. CLARK So... what was it like? I mean, how did it feel to have someone... occupy your body? LOIS Crowded. (sighs) It's strange... CLARK I can imagine. LOIS No, I mean, as awful as it was, I still have... remnants of her feelings scattered through me. I can feel her pain. (beat) I feel sorry for her, Clark. CLARK She didn't earn a lot of sympathy when she was trying to hit you with that soup ladle. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 26. _ACT THREE_ FADE IN: 23 INT. LOIS AND CLARK'S LIVING ROOM - ON WASH CLOTH - DAY 23 The cloth is soaked in a basin, wrung out. CAMERA TAKES it TO Lois, lying on the sofa, head back, eyes closed. A solicitous Clark gently settles the cloth on her forehead. LOIS Clark. I told you. I'm fine. CLARK (rattled) (X) Are you sure? I mean, what I'm (X) trying to say is, are you sure? (X) LOIS I'm sure! (X) CLARK Well, I'm not. You know what it's (X) like seeing the person you love (X) turn into a snarling monster right before your eyes? LOIS _She_ was snarling. I merely spoke loud for emphasis. Reaching up, she strokes his cheek with a wan smile; for all her bravado, she's drained and shaken. LOIS (CONT'D) I'm glad you were there. It helped me get through it. CLARK So... what was it like? I mean, how did it feel to have someone... occupy your body? LOIS Crowded. (sighs) It's strange... CLARK I can imagine. LOIS No, I mean, as awful as it was, I still have... remnants of her feelings scattered through me. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 27. 23 CONTINUED: 23 LOIS She seems stuck here. CLARK (looks around) Here? In the house? That'll send property values soaring. (then) Speaking of which, would a ghost have a big interest in real estate? Last time I looked, dead people can't own property. So why did she try to force us to sell? LOIS Think she's being guided by a more earthly force? CLARK Did you learn anything else about her? Lois closes her eyes, concentrates. LOIS She never thought she was pretty... she put on a little weight and her husband teased her about it... (eyes snap open) Oh, my God! CLARK What? What is it? LOIS She was murdered, Clark. (wide-eyed) Right here in this room. On their reaction to that startling piece of news: 24 INT. HERBIE'S HOTEL ROOM - DAY 24 HERBIE You are the worst damn ghost I ever met! One simple haunting. Whoosh! and they're gone, out! But nooooooooo. Once again you come back empty handed. _Casper_ could do a better job than you! REVEAL Katie glaring sulkily. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 27. 23 CONTINUED: 23 LOIS (CONT'D) I can feel her pain. (beat) I feel sorry for her, Clark. CLARK She didn't earn a lot of sympathy when she was trying to hit you with that soup ladle. LOIS She seems... stuck here. CLARK (looks around) Here? In the house? That'll send property values soaring. (then) Speaking of which, would a ghost have a big interest in real estate? Last time I looked, dead people can't own property. So why did she try to force us to sell? LOIS Think she's being guided by a more earthly force? CLARK Did you learn anything else about her? Lois closes her eyes, concentrates. LOIS She never thought she was pretty... she put on a little weight and her husband teased her about it... (eyes snap open) Oh, my God! CLARK What? What is it? LOIS She was murdered, Clark. (wide-eyed) Right here in this room. On their reaction to that startling piece of news: --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 28. 24 CONTINUED: 24 KATIE Stop yelling at me! You sound just like my husband! That's all he ever did! Yell at me! Make fun of me! Tease me! Laugh at me! Get it?! And her eyes FLARE GREEN. Taken aback by her sudden vehemence, Herbie decides to shift gears. HERBIE I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to raise my voice. (nicely) What did they call you when you resembled the living? KATIE My friends called me Katie. The few I had. HERBIE Well, Katie... the reason I got so carried away is because I want to turn that brownstone into a home for widows and orphans. A place where little tykes can fill their empty tummies and blue-haired ladies can play canasta to their hearts' content. (Elmer Gantry) LOVE, Katie! LOVE is why I want that brownstone! KATIE I understand. You're forgiven. HERBIE Bless you. (then) Now, do you think you could take one more shot at clearing out the place? Those orphans aren't getting any younger. KATIE Frightening didn't work. I even tried possessing her, but that Lois is tough. Fought me with everything she had. (then) But as bad as it was... It was sorta nice being human again. I mean, it beats this... limbo I'm in. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 28. 24 INT. HERBIE'S HOTEL ROOM - DAY 24 HERBIE You are the worst damn ghost I ever met! One simple haunting. Whoosh! and they're gone, out! But nooooooooo. Once again you come back empty handed. _Casper_ could do a better job than you! REVEAL Katie glaring sulkily. KATIE Stop yelling at me! You sound just like my husband! That's all he ever did! Yell at me! Make fun of me! Tease me! Laugh at me! _Get_ it?! And her eyes FLARE GREEN. Taken aback by her sudden vehemence, Herbie decides to shift gears. HERBIE I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to raise my voice. (nicely) What did they call you when you resembled the living? KATIE My friends called me Katie. The few I had. HERBIE Well, Katie... the reason I got so carried away is because I want to turn that brownstone into a home for widows and orphans. A place where little tykes can fill their empty tummies and blue-haired ladies can play canasta to their hearts' content. (Elmer Gantry) LOVE, Katie! LOVE is why I want that brownstone! KATIE I understand. You're forgiven. HERBIE Bless you. (then) Now, do you think you could take one more shot at clearing out the place? Those orphans aren't getting any younger. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 29. 24 CONTINUED: 2 24 HERBIE (feigning sympathy) Now, now, take it easy. Remember, when you've completed this task, I might just disclose your killer to you. KATIE Oh, that would be wonderful, master. HERBIE Herbie. Call me Herbie. After all... (winks) ... we're partners, aren't we? KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. Katie VANISHES. Herbie has no choice but to answer the door. A nasty purple lump sits in the middle of Mink Mahoney's forehead. MINK Are they out? HERBIE This is what makes you a first class criminal, Mink. You have an instinctive feel for -- MINK Cut the crap. He removes his revolver fingers it lovingly. Herbie can't take his eyes off the deadly instrument. HERBIE Mink -- I'm this close. He shrinks back, backing toward the window. HERBIE (CONT'D) I'm begging you, Mink. A few hours. That's all I ask. MINK I like to see you sweat, Herbie. My head don't hurt so much. How the hell'd you do that bit with the flower pot? HERBIE Three hours. Please! Make it four and I'll throw in a TV. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 29. 24 CONTINUED: 24 KATIE Frightening didn't work. I even tried possessing her, but that Lois is tough. Fought me with everything she had. (then) But as bad as it was... It was sorta nice being human again. I mean, it beats this... limbo I'm in. HERBIE (feigning sympathy) Now, now, take it easy. Remember, when you've completed this task, I might just disclose your killer to you. KATIE Oh, that would be wonderful, master. HERBIE Herbie. Call me Herbie. After all... (winks) ... we're partners, aren't we? KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. Herbie has no choice but to answer the door. 24A THE DOORWAY 24A(X) A nasty purple lump sits in the middle of Mink Mahoney's forehead. (X) MINK Are they out? HERBIE This is what makes you a first class criminal, Mink. You have an instinctive feel for -- MINK Cut the crap. He pushes past Herbie and into (X) 24B THE ROOM 24B(X) Katie's gone. Mink removes his revolver, fingers it (X) lovingly. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 30. 24 CONTINUED: 3 24 He is pressed back against the large, open window. Mink smiles nastily, raises his gun. MINK 'Bye, Herbie. He cocks the gun. Suddenly Herbie throws himself backwards and flips out the window as Mink FIRES. Outside there's the sound of a CRASH against GARBAGE CANS. Mink rushes to the window, FIRING GUN. Outside we hear RUNNING FEET. MINK (CONT'D) Creep! Mink charges to the door, rushes out. 25 INT. DAILY PLANET - NEWSROOM - DAY 25 Clark scrolls something on his computer, while Lois has her nose in a pile of books. PERRY WHITE wanders by, beaming at the pair. PERRY Does my heart good to see my two top investigative reporters hard at work an their stories. He leans over Clark's shoulder, his smile fading fast as he reads the computer screen. PERRY (CONT'D) 'Prohibition Agents Raid Brownstone, Discover Stiff in Basement.' (looks) What's that got to do with smuggling microchips out of the country? CLARK I've put that story on hold, chief. Right now I'm working on a murder. PERRY Okay, that sounds like page one. When did it happen? CLARK Sometime after 1898. PERRY (staring blankly) What? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 30. 24B CONTINUED: 24B Herbie can't take his eyes off the deadly instrument. HERBIE Mink -- I'm this close. He shrinks back, backing toward the window. HERBIE (CONT'D) I'm begging you, Mink. A few hours. That's all I ask. MINK I like to see you sweat, Herbie. My head don't hurt so much. How the hell'd you do that bit with (X) the lamp? (X) HERBIE Three hours. Please! Make it four and I'll throw in a TV. He is pressed back against the large, open window. Mink smiles nastily, raises his gun. MINK 'Bye, Herbie. He cocks the gun. Suddenly Herbie throws himself backwards and flips out the window as Mink FIRES. Outside there's the sound of a CRASH against GARBAGE CANS. Mink rushes to the window, FIRING GUN. Outside we hear RUNNING FEET. MINK (CONT'D) _Creep_! Mink charges to the door, rushes out. 25 INT. DAILY PLANET - NEWSROOM - DAY 25 Clark scrolls something on his computer, while Lois has her nose in a pile of books. PERRY WHITE wanders by, beaming at the pair. PERRY Does my heart good to see my two top investigative reporters hard at work on their stories. He leans over Clark's shoulder, his smile fading fast as he reads the computer screen. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 31. 25 CONTINUED: 25 CLARK Someone died in our brownstone, Chief. I'm compiling a list of everyone who owned it, then cross-referencing the names with the morgue files. PERRY (reading screen) Jumpin' Judas! You've got a rogue's gallery of fiends, cutthroats and murderers there! CLARK And those were the good tenants. PERRY I once traced my family back. Didn't like what I found. (pointedly) So I stopped. He drifts over to Lois. PERRY (CONT'D) Well, at least I have one reporter taking care of current business. How are you coming on the Morton bribery case? He peers closely at her book. PERRY (CONT'D) 'How to Raise the Dead'?! LOIS (uncomfortably) I get tired of novels. PERRY Don't tell me. You're trying to resurrect the person who was killed in your townhouse. LOIS (to Clark) Now there's a thought. CLARK I found her! --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 31. 25 CONTINUED: 25 PERRY (CONT'D) 'Prohibition Agents Raid Brownstone, Discover Stiff in Basement.' (looks) What's that got to do with smuggling microchips out of the country? CLARK I've put that story on hold, chief. Right now I'm working on a murder. PERRY Okay, that sounds like page one. When did it happen? CLARK Sometime after 1898. PERRY (staring blankly) What? CLARK Someone died in our brownstone, Chief. I'm compiling a list of everyone who owned it, then cross-referencing the names with the morgue files. PERRY (reading screen) Jumpin' Judas! You've got a rogue's gallery of fiends, cutthroats and murderers there! CLARK And those were the good tenants. PERRY I once traced my family back. Didn't like what I found. (pointedly) So I stopped. He drifts over to Lois. PERRY (CONT'D) Well, at least I have one reporter taking care of current business. How are you coming on the Morton bribery case? He peers closely at her book. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 32. 26 THE COMPUTER SCREEN 26 shows a newspaper headline MOBSTER'S WIFE SLAIN and the sub-head KATHERINE BANKS FOUND DEAD IN THEIR BROWNSTONE. Accompanying the story is a photograph of Katie looking rather sad and forlorn. CLARK (V.0.) Name's Katherine Banks. Wife of a crime lord, since retired. 27 BACK TO SCENE 27 as Lois rushes over and Clark scrolls the story. LOIS How was she killed? CLARK Blow to the head. LOIS When? CLARK Five years ago. PERRY Any suspects? CLARK Hubby, naturally. Only he had an airtight alibi. He was in jail. LOIS Anything else? CLARK She was covered with flour. PERRY Flour? LOIS Listen to this. (reads) Seems a murdered spirit can only be freed from the place it haunts if the killer is found. Jimmy rushes in, waving a sheaf of documents. JIMMY I got it! I got it! (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 32. 25 CONTINUED: 2 25 PERRY (CONT'D) 'How to Raise the Dead'?! LOIS (uncomfortably) I get tired of novels. PERRY Don't tell me. You're trying to resurrect the person who was killed in your townhouse. LOIS (to Clark) Now there's a thought. CLARK I found her! 26 THE COMPUTER SCREEN 26 shows a newspaper headline MOBSTER'S WIFE SLAIN and the sub-head KATHERINE BANKS FOUND DEAD IN THEIR BROWNSTONE. Accompanying the story is a photograph of Katie looking rather sad and forlorn. CLARK (V.O.) Name's Katherine Banks. Wife of a crime lord, since retired. 27 BACK TO SCENE 27 as Lois rushes over and Clark scrolls the story. LOIS How was she killed? CLARK Blow to the head. LOIS When? CLARK Ten years ago. (X) PERRY Any suspects? CLARK Hubby, naturally. Only he had an airtight alibi. He was in jail. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 33. 27 CONTINUED: 27 PERRY Tuna on rye, right? JIMMY Uh, I'll call the delivery place, Chief... PERRY Does anybody still work here?! Jimmy slides past him to Lois. JIMMY Your neighbor sold her brownstone to Bismark Development Company. (checks papers) While the buyer on the escrow papers for your place is Hawkins Investment Associates. LOIS So they're two completely different buyers. CLARK They could be dummy companies controlled by the same person. Keep digging. LOIS The key to this is Katherine Banks' murder. We have to find out more about it... (thoughtfully) Maybe... from the best source possible. CLARK No. Huh-uh. Way too dangerous. 28 INT. LOIS AND CLARK'S LIVING ROOM - DUSK 28 Fading sunlight casts lengthening shadows across a solitary Lois as she moves around the room. Closing her eyes, she attempts to send herself into a state of receiving. LOIS Calling Katherine Banks, calling Katherine banks... Come in, Katherine. Slowly, she begins to feel and sense certain things. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 33. 27 CONTINUED: 27 LOIS Anything else? CLARK She was covered with flour. PERRY Flour? LOIS Listen to this. (reads) Seems a murdered spirit can only be freed from the place it haunts if the killer is found. Jimmy rushes in, waving a sheaf of documents. JIMMY I got it! I got it! PERRY Tuna on rye, right? JIMMY Uh, I'll call the delivery place, Chief... PERRY Does anybody still _work_ here?! Jimmy slides past him to Lois. JIMMY Your neighbor sold her brownstone to Bismark Development Company. (checks papers) While the buyer on the escrow papers for your place is Hawkins Investment Associates. LOIS So they're two completely different buyers. CLARK They could be dummy companies controlled by the same person. Keep digging. LOIS The key to this is Katherine Banks' murder. We have to find out more about it... (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 34. 28 CONTINUED: 28 LOIS (CONT'D) (to herself) Here... it was here, wasn't it... ? (touches floor) They found you here, Katherine? (louder) Please. Tell me. I want to help. Silence, then a RUMBLING SOUND and Katie gradually. MATERIALIZES out of the gloom. She appears suspicious, hostile, capable of great violence. KATIE Why? Why do you care what happened to me? LOIS (recovers; then, trying to keep her wits about her:) Because... I sense you're a good person who was treated badly. (beat) Katherine, please believe me. I'm not here to hurt you or ridicule you or make light of the terrible thing that happened to you. (beat) I sincerely want to help. Lois' words and demeanor put Katie at ease. KATIE I think you do. LOIS Tell me about your life. The newspaper had so little. KATIE (drawing a blank) Uh... LOIS Just the interesting little details that'll help me get to know you. KATIE I don't think there are any. LOIS (sympathetic) Of course there are. I know you could cook... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 34. 27 CONTINUED: 2 27 LOIS (CONT'D) (thoughtfully) Maybe... from the best source possible. CLARK No. Huh-uh. Way too dangerous. She smiles innocently. CLARK (CONT'D) Lois, I'm serious. _Seriously_, (X) Lois, this is something you just (X) can't do.... (X) 28 INT. LOIS AND CLARK'S LIVING ROOM - DUSK 28 Fading sunlight casts lengthening shadows across a solitary Lois as she sits on the couch, her hands resting on the (X) little moving table that rests on a Ouija board. (X) LOIS Calling Katherine Banks, calling Katherine banks... Come in, Katherine. Slowly, she begins to feel and sense certain things. LOIS (CONT'D) (to herself) Here... it was here, wasn't it...? (beat) (X) They found you in this room. (X) (louder) I want to help, Katherine. Are (X) you... here? (X) 28A THE OUIJA BOARD 28A(X) A RUMBLING SOUND and the table under Lois' hands begins to (X) tremble. A hand shoots into FRAME, clamps down on Lois' (X) hands and shoots the little table to "YES." Lois whips her (X) head up to see: (X) 28B KATIE 28B(X) She appears suspicious, hostile, capable of great violence. KATIE Whaddya want? (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 35. 28 CONTINUED: 2 28 KATIE That's true. And clean. And bring my husband's slippers. I did everything for him. LOIS Did he mistreat you? KATIE He did... awful things. Things that made me feel cheap and used and unwanted... One thing in particular that... LOIS Can you talk about it? KATIE (evasive) First tell me about you and Clark. LOIS (gently) You're changing the subject. KATIE Ghosts can do that. (pointedly) They can also disappear. The threat isn't lost on Lois and she backs off. LOIS Well... Clark and I were just married. And... well... all I can say is... we're very happy. KATIE I've seen more on tombstones. LOIS We just... fit. It's as though, when you're born, there's someone perfect for you out there somewhere and the tragedy is never finding that someone. KATIE (misty) Tell me about it. I never had that. Not even for one day. LOIS Katherine -- (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 36. 28 CONTINUED: 3 28 KATIE Katie. My friends call me Katie. LOIS Katie. (then) Tell me what happened the night you... you... KATIE Were murdered. It's okay. (then) I'd just finished... giving a cooking lesson. LOIS (intrigued) You give cooking lessons? LOIS I'd taught a secretary at my husband's firm... Lilah Monroe... How to prepare aiguillettes of pheasant with juniper berries. I came out here into this room.... (shrugs) The next thing I knew, I was stuck in the kitchen wall for... how long have I been dead? LOIS Five years. KATIE Five _years_?! LOIS Katie... What was the thing you were going to tell me about? The thing your husband did to you? KATIE No. I can't. LOIS Katie... KATIE No please don't ask me! (suddenly) George Bush! LOIS What?! (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 37. 28 CONTINUED: 4 28 KATIE (cocks an ear) My master's calling. LOIS George Bush is your master? KATIE No, president! My master's _calling_! Herbie freed me. I can't betray him. I have to go! LOIS Katie, first tell me.... And Katie's GONE, leaving Lois to grapple with what she's learned. 29 INT. HERBIE'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT #3 29 The lights are out. CAMERA MOVES to find a terrified Herbie cowering under the bed. Katie's feet walk into FRAME, yanks up the bedspread as she glares at Herbie. KATIE Five years! _George Bush_ was President when I died. 30 NEW ANGLE 30 as Herbie crawls out from under the bed. HERBIE Never mind the history lesson! I have something for you to take care of.... She shakes her head. KATIE I can't go on scaring Lois and Clark. Ask me anything else. HERBIE _Forget_ Lois and Clark. (eyes narrow) Katie, in order to better master-servant relations, I've decided to reveal... (dramatically) The identity of your killer. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 37. 28B CONTINUED: 3 28B LOIS (intrigued) You give cooking lessons? LOIS I'd taught a secretary at my husband's firm... Lilah Monroe... How to prepare aiguillettes of pheasant with juniper berries. came out here into this room.... (shrugs) The next thing I knew, I was stuck in the kitchen wall for... how long have I been dead? LOIS Ten years. (X) KATIE Ten _years_?! (X) LOIS Katie... What was the thing you were going to tell me about? The thing your husband did to you? KATIE No. I can't. LOIS Katie... KATIE No... please don't ask me! (suddenly) Ronald Reagan! (X) LOIS What?! KATIE (cocks an ear) My master's calling. LOIS Ronald Reagan is your master? (X) KATIE No, president! My master's _calling_! Herbie freed me. I can't betray him. I have to go! LOIS Katie, first tell me....! And Katie's GONE, leaving Lois to grapple with what she's learned. --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 38. 30 CONTINUED: 30 KATIE Really?!! HERBIE I think you deserve it. (mutters) It's time to avenge your death, Katie. 31 EXT. STREET - NIGHT 31 Mink Mahoney emerges from a bar onto the gloomy street. Most of the buildings are dark at this hour and a street lamp offers feeble illumination. He checks his watch -- and offers it a smile. MINK Time's up, Herbie. Get your shovel. He starts for the sedan with the tinted windows, patting the bulge under his coat. MINK (CONT'D) This is gonna be a pleasure. A CRASH and Mink spins around to see the entire window of a HARDWARE STORE shatter, then fall apart. As Mink gawks in horror, frozen to the spot, a display of lawn tools suddenly LIFTS UP and OUT of the window. And, as a deadly barrage of power mowers, rakes, shovels, and spades FLIES STRAIGHT AT HIM, we -- FADE OUT. _END OF ACT THREE_ --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 38. 29 INT. HERBIE'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT #3 29 The lights are out. CAMERA MOVES to find a terrified Herbie cowering under the bed, on the phone. (X) HERBIE (terrified, whispering (X) into phone) (X) ... Saxe. Herbie. The next (X) flight to Miami is full? Book me (X) anywhere else you fly! (X) Katie's feet walk into FRAME, yanks up the bedspread as she glares at Herbie. KATIE Ten years! _Reagan_ was President (X) when I died. (X) 30 NEW ANGLE 30 Herbie slams down phone, scrambles out from under the bed. (X) HERBIE Am I glad to see you! I got (X) something for you to take care (X) of... She shakes her head. KATIE I can't go on scaring Lois and (X) Clark. Ask me anything else. HERBIE _Forget_ Lois and Clark. (eyes narrow) Katie, in order to better master-servant relations, I've decided to reveal... (dramatically) The identity of your killer. KATIE Really?!! HERBIE I think you deserve it. (mutters) It's time to avenge your death, Katie. --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 39. _ACT FOUR_ FADE IN: 32 INT. TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 32 a bemused Lois sits on the sofa, watching Clark prowl the room. CLARK I can't believe I let you try this insane stunt. LOIS It worked, didn't it? CLARK That's the _second_ thing I can't believe. That you actually managed to summon a... a... LOIS Ghost. It's okay. You can say it. CLARK How was she? As scary as when she possessed you? LOIS There's a little girl quality to her. A lost and lonely little girl. I don't think she had a friend in the world. CLARK She have any idea who killed her? LOIS No. Last thing she remembers is giving a cooking lesson. CLARK That'd explain why her body was covered with flour. LOIS She had an awful marriage, Clark. And a worse self-image. (rises) And there was some detail about her marriage Katie couldn't bring herself to tell me. She (smiles) wanted to hear about you and me. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 39. 31 EXT. STREET - NIGHT 31 Mink Mahoney emerges from a bar onto the gloomy street. Most of the buildings are dark at this hour and a street lamp offers feeble illumination. He checks his watch -- and offers it a smile. MINK Time's up, Herbie. Undertaker's (X) waitin'. (X) He starts for the sedan with the tinted windows, patting the bulge under his coat. MINK (CONT'D) This is gonna be a pleasure. A CRASH and Mink spins around to see the entire window of a HARDWARE STORE shatter, then fall apart. As Mink gawks in horror, frozen to the spot, a display of lawn tools suddenly LIFTS UP and OUT of the window. And, as a deadly barrage of power mowers, rakes, shovels, and spades FLIES STRAIGHT AT HIM, we -- FADE OUT. _END OF ACT THREE_ --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 40. 32 CONTINUED: 32 CLARK I hope you didn't tell her _everything_. LOIS Well, I left out the... good parts. CLARK She's probably seen them anyway. About to kiss Clark, she suddenly draws back. LOIS I never thought about that. CLARK Any chance of getting her back for an encore? LOIS Dunno. Herbie called. He's her master. The one who 'freed' her. CLARK Wait... Freed her from our _wall_? Then this 'Herbie' must be the one who left all that stuff in the kitchen to scare us outta here. We need to find this Herbie. LOIS Sure, but if I were him, I'd be on my way out of town. 33 INT. SEEDY HOTEL HALLWAY - OUTSIDE HERBIE'S DOOR - NIGHT 33 The door flies open and Herbie, carrying a ratty suitcase, rushes out, SLAMMING DOOR. He hurries nervously down the hall, peering around a corner. Katie APPEARS behind him. KATIE (casually) Boo. Herbie whirls around, nearly having a coronary, and dashes back down the hall, into his room, SLAMMING door. 34 INT. SEEDY HOTEL ROOM - DOOR - NIGHT 34 Breathing heavily, Herbie leans against the door. KATIE (O.S.) Going somewhere, Herbie? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 40. _ACT FOUR_ FADE IN: 32 INT. TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 32 a bemused Lois sits on the sofa, watching Clark prowl the room. CLARK I can't believe I let you try this insane stunt. LOIS It worked, didn't it? CLARK That's the _second_ thing I can't believe. That you actually managed to summon a... a... LOIS Ghost. It's okay. You can say it. CLARK How was she? As scary as when she possessed you? LOIS There's a little girl quality to her. A lost and lonely little girl. I don't think she had a friend in the world. CLARK She have any idea who killed her? LOIS No. Last thing she remembers is giving a cooking lesson. CLARK That'd explain why her body was covered with flour. LOIS She had an awful marriage, Clark. And a worse self-image. (rises) And there was some detail about her marriage Katie couldn't bring herself to tell me. She... (smiles) ... wanted to hear about you and me. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 41. 34 CONTINUED: 34 Herbie spins around and CAMERA ADJUSTS to find Katie waiting in the room. She turns to Herbie, still casual, but changed, a cold harshness about her. HERBIE (the old con) Yes. On a fund-raising mission. Since you didn't keep your end of the bargain, I've got to find another home for those poor widows and orphans or they'll be doomed to wander, homeless and hungry, sleeping in cardboard -- KATIE Put a sock in it. His jaw drops. This is definitely not the Katie of old. KATIE (CONT'D) You used me to do a terrible thing tonight, Herbie. That poor man I dispatched to the other side wasn't my killer. HERBIE (trying to control panic) How do you know? _I'm_ the medium. You're just the message. KATIE If he _was_ my killer, I'd have passed over by now, instead of being stuck in a crummy room with a crummy con man. (leans toward him) I never got an even break in life -- and you're the last in a long line that saw to it. She advances on Herbie. He shrinks back toward the bed. KATIE (CONT'D) The hell with passing over! I don't want my murder solved. (nose to nose with him) I'm staying! And I'll look better than I ever looked. And I'll be with a man who's actually decent. I'm going to live! Live better dead than I did alive! She offers a crazy, frightening cackle. Herbie's knees buckle and he sits down hard on the bed. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 41. 32 CONTINUED: 32 CLARK I hope you didn't tell her _everything_. LOIS Well, I left out the... good parts. CLARK She's probably seen them anyway. About to kiss Clark, she suddenly draws back. LOIS I never thought about that. CLARK Any chance of getting her back for an encore? LOIS Dunno. Herbie called her away. (X) He's her master. The one who 'freed' her. CLARK Wait... Freed her from our _wall_? Then this 'Herbie' must be the one who left all that stuff in the kitchen to scare us outta here. We need to find this Herbie. LOIS Sure, but if I were him, I'd be on my way out of town. 33 INT. SEEDY HOTEL HALLWAY - OUTSIDE HERBIE'S DOOR - NIGHT 33 The door flies open and Herbie, carrying a ratty suitcase, rushes out, SLAMMING DOOR. He hurries nervously down the hall, peering around a corner. 33A ON CORNER 33A(X) As Herbie peeks around it, looking down the next corridor. (X) Above his head, Katie pokes out her head. (X) KATIE (casually) Boo. 33B THE HALL 33B(X) Herbie whirls around, nearly having a coronary, and dashes back down the hall, into his room, SLAMMING door. --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 42. 34 CONTINUED: 2 34 KATIE (CONT'D) I'll have anything I damn well please. (wags finger at him) And that includes your _head_! Which I'll _take_! As soon as I get something to mount it on! She DISAPPEARS, leaving a blinking Herbie who has, if not gotten religion, has at least gotten the hell scared out of him. 35 INT. DAILY PLANET - NEWSROOM - NIGHT 35 a skeletal staff works the graveyard shift, while Lois and Clark pour over stacks of documents. LOIS Investigating officer's statement? CLARK Blunt force trauma to the back of the head. LOIS Which means Katie never saw her attacker. (turns page) Last entry was two years ago. CLARK A murder case is never officially closed, but when the trail turns cold -- like old soldiers, it just fades away. With a frustrated sigh, he tosses the report on the pile. Jimmy bounds in, full of energy even at this ungodly hour. JIMMY Darndest thing. Guy got killed tonight. Ask me how. CLARK Am I gonna regret this? JIMMY Witness swears _lawn_ _tools_ flew through the air _by_ _themselves_ and impaled him. Husband and wife exchange a glance. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 42. 34 INT. SEEDY HOTEL ROOM - DOOR - NIGHT 34 Breathing heavily, Herbie leans against the door. KATIE (O.S.) Going somewhere, Herbie? Herbie spins around and CAMERA ADJUSTS to find Katie waiting in the room. She turns to Herbie, still casual, but changed, a cold harshness about her. HERBIE (the old con) Yes. On a fund-raising mission. Since you didn't keep your end of the bargain, I've got to find another home for those poor widows and orphans or they'll be doomed to wander, homeless and hungry, sleeping in cardboard -- KATIE Put a sock in it. His jaw drops. This is definitely not the Katie of old. KATIE (CONT'D) You used me to do a terrible thing tonight, Herbie. I'm not a (X) killer! I don't kill people! (X) (beat, emotionally) (X) And that poor man I dispatched to (X) the other side wasn't the one who (X) murdered _me_. (X) HERBIE (trying to control panic) How do you know? _I'm_ the medium. You're just the message. KATIE If he _was_ the one, I'd have (X) passed over by now, instead of being stuck in a crummy room with a crummy con man. (leans toward him) I never got an even break in life -- and you're the last in a long line that saw to it. She advances on Herbie. He shrinks back toward the bed. KATIE (CONT'D) The hell with passing over! I don't want my murder solved. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 43. 35 CONTINUED: 35 LOIS Sounds mighty ghostly. CLARK And getting more dangerous. CLARK You have the victim's name? JIMMY Yeah. Mahoney. Mink Mahoney. LOIS That rings some bells. JIMMY I ran him through our morgue. He's a trigger man for the most powerful crime family in the city. Excuse me, 'alleged' trigger man, since he always walked away clean. CLARK Until now. JIMMY Got another name for you. Herbie Saxe. LOIS & CLARK 'HERBIE?!' JIMMY You know him? LOIS His name gets around. JIMMY He's got a bunch of dummy companies he uses for real estate scams. (consults notes) He bought Bertha Avery's townhouse under Bismark Development and he tried to get yours using Hawkins Investment. CLARK Jimmy, this crime family Mahoney worked for.... What kinda things're they into? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 43. 34 CONTINUED: 34 KATIE (nose to nose with him) I'm staying! And I'll look better than I ever looked. And I'll be with a man who's actually decent. I'm going to live! Live better dead than I did alive! She offers a crazy, frightening cackle. Herbie's knees buckle and he sits down hard on the bed. KATIE (CONT'D) I'll have anything I damn well please. (wags finger at him) And that includes _you_! I will (X) make things a living hell for you (X) the rest of your miserable life! (X) CAMERA PUSHES IN TIGHT on Herbie. A flash of LIGHTNING, (X) THUNDER. And (X) 34A WIDE 34A(X) Herbie stands alone in the room, quaking. (X) 35 INT. DAILY PLANET - NEWSROOM - NIGHT 35 a skeletal staff works the graveyard shift, while Lois and Clark pour over stacks of documents. LOIS Investigating officer's statement? CLARK Blunt force trauma to the back of the head. LOIS Which means Katie never saw her attacker. (turns page) Last entry was two years ago. CLARK A murder case is never officially closed, but when the trail turns cold -- like old soldiers, it just fades away. With a frustrated sigh, he tosses the report on the pile. Jimmy bounds in, full of energy even at this ungodly hour. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 44. 35 CONTINUED: 2 35 JIMMY They build mini-malls n' stuff, after grabbing up the best property in town in some pretty questionable deals. CLARK (to Lois) Sounds like Herbie was tryin' to sell 'em our block. Lois' eye has fallen on a lone piece of paper and she peruses it intently. LOIS Clark! Here on page 16C. It's a supplemental report. Wasn't filed with the original. Did you know that -- A HOWLING WIND fills the room. Papers swirl all over, a blizzard of white. Fixtures rock, sway dangerously overhead, and everybody scrambles for cover. As quickly as it came, the wind subsides, but the research has been blown out the windows and all over the floor. LOIS (CONT'D) Help me find 16C! It's the answer to this whole thing! She and Clark drop to hands and knees, sifting through the debris of paper. JIMMY C.K., phone call, line six! 36 INTERCUT SEEDY HOTEL ROOM - HERBIE ON PHONE 36 HERBIE Clark Kent?! Is this Clark Kent?! Clark's on the phone. CLARK (into phone) Yes? HERBIE I'm Herbie Saxe... CLARK Herbie Saxe! We wanna talk to... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 44. 35 CONTINUED: 35 JIMMY Darndest thing. Guy got killed tonight. Ask me how. CLARK Am I gonna regret this? JIMMY Witness swears _lawn_ _tools_ flew through the air _by_ _themselves_ and impaled him. Husband and wife exchange a glance. LOIS Sounds mighty ghostly. CLARK And getting more dangerous. CLARK You have the victim's name? JIMMY Yeah. Mahoney. Mink Mahoney. LOIS That rings some bells. JIMMY I ran him through our morgue. He's a trigger man for the most powerful crime family in the city. Excuse me, 'alleged' trigger man, since he always walked away clean. CLARK Until now. JIMMY Got another name for you. Herbie Saxe. LOIS & CLARK 'HERBIE?!' JIMMY You know him? LOIS His name gets around. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 45. 36 CONTINUED: 36 HERBIE Kent! She's out of control! Someone has to stop her! CLARK Who? HERBIE Katie Banks! The ghost! She's gone off the deep end. I think she wants to bond with your wife. And I mean _bond_! (then, ominously) Your wife's there _with_ you, isn't she? CLARK Yeah, I... 37 NEW ANGLE 37 As Clark spins around. Lois is nowhere in sight. CLARK Lois...? _Lois_...? 38 INT. TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 38 Superman FLOATS down, steps through an open window. A truly eerie sight greets him: FROST covers the furniture, wind HOWLS, a mirror FLOATS BY, followed by Lois, also floating, wearing a lovely dress and primping in the mirror. LOIS Who the heck are you and what are you doing in my house? Where's Clark? I've made a lovely dinner for my man. SUPERMAN It's time to leave Lois' body, Katie. LOIS/KATIE (sweetly) I wouldn't give me orders, big boy. See, I can actually make Lois die by shutting down her system any time I want to. She does a PIROUETTE in mid-air, floats down to the floor. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 45. 35 CONTINUED: 2 35 JIMMY He's got a bunch of dummy companies he uses for real estate scams. (consults notes) He bought Bertha Avery's townhouse under Bismark Development and he tried to get yours using Hawkins Investment. Lois and Clark exchange a look. They were right. (X) CLARK Jimmy, this crime family Mahoney worked for.... What kinda things're they into? JIMMY They build mini-malls n' stuff, after grabbing up the best property in town in some pretty questionable deals. CLARK (to Lois) Sounds like Herbie was tryin' to sell 'em _our_ block. Lois' eye has fallen on a lone piece of paper and she peruses it intently. LOIS Clark! Here on page 16C. It's a supplemental report. Wasn't filed with the original. Did you know that -- A HOWLING WIND fills the room. THUNDER CLAP. Papers swirl (X) all over, a blizzard of white. Fixtures rock, sway dangerously overhead, and everybody scrambles for cover. As quickly as it came, the wind subsides, but the research has been blown out the windows and all over the floor. LOIS (CONT'D) Help me find 16C! It's the answer to this whole thing! She and Clark drop to hands and knees, sifting through the debris of paper. JIMMY C.K., phone call, line six! --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 46. 38 CONTINUED: 38 LOIS/KATIE (CONT'D) I like her for a home, but I can find others. There's that cute what's-her-name who turns cards on a quiz show. I could do _that_ if I was still dead. SUPERMAN You are dead, Katie. I know Herbie betrayed you, but this just won't work. LOIS/KATIE Clark will learn to love me. SUPERMAN No, he won't. Clark loves Lois. LOIS/KATIE Well, then I hope he comes to her funeral! And she begins shutting Lois down. Her eyes roll back in her head, her body is enveloped in blue light, her breathing grows shallow. Suddenly, Lois flies toward a wall. Superman blurs to stop her before she hits, grabbing her shoulders. LOIS/KATIE (CONT'D) Lemme go! I swear I'll kill her! SUPERMAN I know who killed you, Katie. It was right there on page 16C. The one Lois found before _you_ blew it away. The thing you couldn't bring yourself to tell her was that your husband had been having an affair almost from the day you two were married. Lois/Katie clamps her hands over her ears. LOIS/KATIE I don't want to hear anymore! SUPERMAN You never knew who it was, did you? And being cooped up in our kitchen wall, you didn't know your husband remarried right after your death. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 46. 36 INTERCUT SEEDY HOTEL ROOM - HERBIE ON PHONE 36 HERBIE Clark Kent?! Is this Clark Kent?! Clark's on the phone. CLARK (into phone) Yes? HERBIE I'm Herbie Saxe... CLARK Herbie Saxe! We wanna talk to... HERBIE Kent! She's out of control! Someone has to stop her! CLARK Who? HERBIE Katie Banks! The ghost! She's gone off the deep end. Tell me what you want me to do, Mr. (X) Kent... I'll do anything... (X) CLARK Where is she now? (X) HERBIE I think she wants to bond with (X) your wife. And I mean _bond_! (X) (then, ominously) Your wife's there _with_ you, isn't she? CLARK Yeah, I... 37 NEW ANGLE 37 As Clark spins around. Lois is nowhere in sight. CLARK Lois...? Lois...? 38 INT. TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 38 Superman FLOATS down, steps through an open window. A truly ghostly sight greets him: The room is lit by eerie blue (X) light. FOG drifts across the floor. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 47. 38 CONTINUED: 2 38 LOIS/KATIE (sings) 'I've been working on the railroad...' SUPERMAN He married her, Katie! LOIS/KATIE '... All the live long day...' SUPERMAN She was a stripper named Lilah Monroe. LOIS/KATIE Lilah wasn't a stripper! Lilah was a struggling secretary. My husband felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for her. I even gave her cooking lessons. SUPERMAN Your husband begged you for a divorce, didn't he? LOIS/KATIE (sings) 'Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord...' SUPERMAN But you wouldn't give him one. You suspected he was in love with someone else, so you vowed to stay married just to punish him. LOIS/KATIE (sings) 'SH-BOOM! SH-BOOM! Ya Da Da Ya Da Da.' SUPERMAN You didn't know you were giving cooking lessons to your husband's mistress! She hated you and wanted you out of the way. Hadn't she just left your house the night of the murder? (the capper) I think she came back and -- LOIS/KATIE It's not true! I couldn't be taken in like that. Not by _Lilah_. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 47. 38 CONTINUED: 38 The curtains flutter, lights flicker. Wind MOANS. Now, as (X) Superman stares, Lois floats by, wearing a lovely flowing (X) peignoir, primping in an ornate hand mirror. (X) SUPERMAN (dazed) (X) Lois...? (X) LOIS Who the heck are you and what are you doing in my house? Where's Clark? I've made a lovely dinner for my man. SUPERMAN It's time to leave Lois' body, Katie. LOIS/KATIE (sweetly) I wouldn't give me orders, big boy. See, I can actually make Lois die by shutting down her system any time I want to. She stands in mid-air, walks down invisible steps to the (X) floor, where the fog clears for her. (X) LOIS/KATIE (CONT'D) I like her for a home, but I can find others. There's that cute what's-her-name who turns cards on a quiz show. I could do _that_ if I was still dead. SUPERMAN You are dead, Katie. I know Herbie betrayed you, but this just won't work. LOIS/KATIE Clark will learn to love me. SUPERMAN No, he won't. Clark loves Lois. LOIS/KATIE Well, then I hope he comes to her funeral! And she begins shutting Lois down. Her eyes roll back in her head, her body is enveloped in blue light, her breathing grows shallow. Suddenly, Lois flies toward a wall. Superman blurs to stop her before she hits, grabbing her shoulders. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 48. 38 CONTINUED: 3 38 The front door opens and Herbie leads LILAH MONROE in. A trifle shopworn but still sexy, it's easy to understand what Katie's husband saw in her. Lois/Katie's head whips around to glare at Lilah, her eyes flashing green. SUPERMAN The truth, Lilah. Just the way you told me. It'll free all of us. Lilah hesitates, starts to open her mouth. LOIS/KATIE Don't say it Lilah! SUPERMAN Go on, Lilah. She won't hurt you. LOIS/KATIE Lilah...! LILAH (hysterically) I did it! I killed Katherine. LOIS/KATIE You! LILAH Katie, I'm sorry! LOIS/KATIE I don't care! I'm not leaving! She stamps her foot and a mighty struggle begins, BENDING Lois' body this way and that, parts of her BULGING and BOWING, much like the kitchen wall Katie initially escaped from. SUPERMAN (alarmed) You're free, Katie! You can go! LOIS/KATIE No! SUPERMAN Katie... Lois told me you're a wonderful person. But nothing about your life was fair. Obviously, you're meant to be in a better place... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 48. 38 CONTINUED: 2 38 LOIS/KATIE (CONT'D) Lemme go! I swear I'll kill her! SUPERMAN I know who killed you, Katie. It was right there on page 16C. The one Lois found before _you_ blew it away. The thing you couldn't bring yourself to tell her was that your husband had been having an affair almost from the day you two were married. Lois/Katie clamps her hands over her ears. LOIS/KATIE I don't want to hear anymore! SUPERMAN You never knew who it was, did you? And being cooped up in our kitchen wall, you didn't know your husband remarried right after your death. LOIS/KATIE (sings) 'I've been working on the railroad...' SUPERMAN He married her, Katie! LOIS/KATIE '... All the live long day...' SUPERMAN She was a stripper named Lilah Monroe. LOIS/KATIE Lilah wasn't a stripper! Lilah was a struggling secretary. My husband felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for her. I even gave her cooking lessons. SUPERMAN Your husband begged you for a divorce, didn't he? LOIS/KATIE (sings) 'Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord...' (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 49. 38 CONTINUED: 4 38 LOIS/KATIE But I like it here. (beat) And you don't have a choice. SUPERMAN (evenly) From what I understand, Katie... _You_ don't have a choice. Your killer's been found. Suddenly, forces more powerful than Katie SUCK her ECTOPLASM OUT OF LOIS and Lois drops toward the floor, Superman THERE to gently ease her down. Katie, now corporeal, stands nearby. KATIE I'm sorry, Lois. LOIS I know. And I understand. But I have to believe things'll be better for you now. KATIE You're probably right. (wistful) I seem to have made my best friend... my only friend, _after_ I left this life. Bummer. She tries to hug Lois, then glances at Clark. KATIE (CONT'D) (to Clark) You'll make sure all those people get their homes back? Clark smiles, nods. She turns and glares murderously at Herbie and Lilah. KATIE (CONT'D) I'll be waiting for both of _you_ on the other side. And with a wistful smile at Lois, she FADES AWAY. HERBIE (to Lilah) While we're in prison, it's nice to know we have something to look forward to. --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 49. 38 CONTINUED: 3 38 SUPERMAN But you wouldn't give him one. You suspected he was in love with someone else, so you vowed to stay married just to punish him. LOIS/KATIE (sings) 'SH-BOOM! SH-BOOM! Ya Da Da Ya Da Da.' SUPERMAN You didn't know you were giving cooking lessons to your husband's mistress! She hated you and wanted you out of the way. Hadn't she just left your house the night of the murder? (the capper) I think she came back and -- LOIS/KATIE It's not true! I couldn't be taken in like that. Not by _Lilah_. The front door opens and Herbie leads LILAH MONROE in. A trifle shopworn but still sexy, it's easy to understand what Katie's husband saw in her. Lois/Katie's head whips around to glare at Lilah and Herbie, her eyes flashing green. (X) HERBIE It wasn't my idea, Katie... He (X) made me... (X) SUPERMAN The truth, Lilah. Just the way you told me. It'll free all of us. Lilah hesitates, starts to open her mouth. LOIS/KATIE Don't say it Lilah! SUPERMAN Go on, Lilah. She won't hurt you. LOIS/KATIE Lilah...! LILAH (hysterically) I did it! I killed Katherine. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 50. 39 INT. TOWNHOUSE - MORNING - DAY #4 39 Clark comes down the stairs, putting on a robe, frowning as he HEARS the sound of pots and pans. He edges his way into: 40 THE KITCHEN - DAY 40 and there at the stove, apron and everything, stands our morning glory, indeed umming and actually seeming to enjoy her stay in this particular room. CLARK Lois...? LOIS Yes, yes, it's really me, don't be worried. CLARK Boy... Almost losing you... Makes me so glad I've _got_ you. She smiles, passing him, giving him a quick kiss as she sets a plate of eggs on the table. LOIS Sit sit sit. He sits, eyes the plate suspiciously. LOIS (CONT'D) Stop making that face. CLARK (innocently) What face? LOIS The one that says, 'Oh, my God, Lois has cooked something.' (then) The little bits and pieces of Katie are pretty much gone from me now, but I do want to hang onto this one thing. She sure knew how to make a good breakfast. He tastes. It's a winner. LOIS (CONT'D) I call it -- 'Eggs a la Katie Banks. He pulls her onto his lap. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 50. 38 CONTINUED: 4 38 LOIS/KATIE You! LILAH Katie, I'm sorry! LOIS/KATIE I don't care! I'm not leaving! She stamps her foot and a mighty struggle begins, BENDING (X) Lois' body this way and that, colored light playing all (X) over her body. Lois cries out. (X) SUPERMAN (alarmed) You're free, Katie! You can go! LOIS/KATIE No! SUPERMAN Katie... Lois told me you're a wonderful person. But nothing about your life was fair. Obviously, you're meant to be in a better place... LOIS/KATIE But I like it here. (beat) And you don't have a choice. SUPERMAN (evenly) The way I hear it, Katie, is... (X) _You_ don't have a choice. Your (X) killer's been found. Suddenly, forces more powerful than Katie SUCK her ECTOPLASM OUT OF LOIS and Lois drops toward the floor, Superman THERE to gently ease her down. Katie, now corporeal, stands nearby. KATIE I'm sorry, Lois. LOIS I know. And I understand. But I have to believe things'll be better for you now. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) Michael Gleason 10/10/96 51. 40 CONTINUED: 40 CLARK (an incredulous smile) Lois. My God. (beat) You can _cook_ something! LOIS Yes! And it's sorta like climbing Mt. Everest. Once you do it, you think, 'Why would I do that again?' CLARK I'll... eat slowly. LOIS I would. He gives her a quick kiss, savors the breakfast, we... FADE OUT. _THE END_ --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 51. 38 CONTINUED: 5 38 KATIE You're probably right. (wistful) I seem to have made my best friend... my only friend, _after_ I left this life. Bummer. She tries to hug Lois, then glances at Clark. KATIE (CONT'D) (to Clark) You'll make sure all those people get their homes back? Clark smiles, nods. She turns and glares murderously at Herbie and Lilah. KATIE (CONT'D) I'll be waiting for both of _you_ on the other side. And with a wistful smile at Lois, she FADES AWAY. HERBIE (to Lilah) While we're in prison, it's nice to know we have something to look forward to. 39 INT. TOWNHOUSE - MORNING - DAY #4 39 Clark comes down the stairs, putting on a robe, frowning as he HEARS the sound of pots and pans. He edges his way into: 40 THE KITCHEN - DAY 40 and there at the stove, apron and everything, stands our morning glory, indeed humming and actually seeming to enjoy her stay in this particular room. CLARK Lois... ? LOIS Yes, yes, it's really me, don't be worried. CLARK Boy... Almost losing you... Makes me so glad I've _got_ you. She smiles, passing him, giving him a quick kiss as she sets a plate of eggs on the table. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "GHOSTS" (#9) FULL Blue Rev. 10/18/96 52. 40 CONTINUED: 40 LOIS Sit sit sit. He sits, eyes the plate suspiciously. LOIS (CONT'D) Stop making that face. CLARK (innocently) What face? LOIS The one that says, 'Oh, my God, Lois has cooked something.' (then) The little bits and pieces of Katie are pretty much gone from me now, but I do want to hang onto this one thing. She sure knew how to make a good breakfast. He tastes. It's a winner. LOIS (CONT'D) I call it -- 'Eggs a la Katie Banks. He pulls her onto his lap. CLARK (an incredulous smile) Lois. My God. (beat) You can _cook_ something! LOIS Yes! And it's sorta like climbing Mt. Everest. Once you do it, you think, 'Why would I do that again?' CLARK I'll... eat slowly. LOIS I would. He gives her a quick kiss, savors the breakfast, we... FADE OUT. _THE END_