This script has many extra pages because I acquired both a production (first) draft and a later draft. This means you will find more than one of some pages. As noted above, you may find some very interesting changes! To pop everything into place... use Courier 10 (or 10 characters per inch) set top margin at 0.5", bottom margin at 0.5" (or minimums) (I had to tell the program that my primitive printer was using legal-size paper) left margin at 1", right margin at .25 (or minimum) * and (X) used in script probably mean "this line changed from previous version" Notes: Cover: "Title, Written by John McNamara [and] Directed by Michael Lange" are all in a Times New Roman-like serif font, bold, and large, at least 14 points. The remainder of the script is in Courier, 10 characters per inch, nonproportional Observation: here and there the character names are switched, then corrected in following version pages. Typos noted: Cast page, original (not "blue rev." version), odd word at end of list is on original Page 6, just past midway, "sidewalk and the cacophany" cacophany should be spelled "cacophony" Page 9 (both), near center: Uh, speaking of, 'funny feelings'?' note extra apostrophe between s and ? Page 14 (both), bottom, Myrtle: "Mr. Nunk. It passed many a long" strange wording; maybe it should have been "It helped me pass..." Page 54, near top, "CHORUS CRESCENDOES" where CRESCENDOES should probably not have that last "E" --page break-- CASTING (14 copies) 140-139 "Swear To God, This Time We're Not Kidding" EPISODE THREE Prod. #465203 Written by John McNamara Directed by Michael Lange _Production Draft_ August 5, 1996 Blue Rev. 8/6/96 Pink Rev. 8/14/96 Yellow R. 8/15/96 Green R. 8/17/96 Gold Rev. 8/20/96 White R. 8/22/96 --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_Swear To God, This Time We're Not Kidding_" _CAST_ CLARK KENT/SUPERMAN LOIS LANE JIMMY OLSEN PERRY WHITE MARTHA KENT JONATHAN KENT ___________________________________________________________________ MIKE MYRTLE BEACH DR. VOYLE GRUMMAN LEO NUNK LAMONT SAM LANE ELLEN LANE EMILY CHANNING HEAD PARAMEDIC MESSENGER NGER --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_Swear To God, This Time We're Not Kidding_" Blue Rev. 8/6/96 _CAST_ CLARK KENT/SUPERMAN LOIS LANE JIMMY OLSEN PERRY WHITE MARTHA KENT JONATHAN KENT ___________________________________________________________________ MIKE MYRTLE BEECH * DR. VOYLE GRUMMAN LEO NUNK LAMONT SAM LANE ELLEN LANE EMILY CHANNING HEAD PARAMEDIC MESSENGER --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_Swear To God, This Time We're Not Kidding_" _LOCATIONS_ _INTERIORS_: _EXTERIORS_: Daily Planet Metropolis Street Newsroom Conference Room Alley Clark's Apartment Emily's Front Lawn Dr. Grumman's Office Beneath Bridge Secret Lair Corridor Chapel Chapel Mountaintop Asylum - Padded Cell Van --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ Pink Rev. 8/14/96 "_Swear To God, This Time We're Not Kidding_" _LOCATIONS_ _INTERIORS_: _EXTERIORS_: Daily Planet Metropolis Street Newsroom Conference Room Alley Clark's Apartment Emily's Front Lawn Dr. Grumman's Office * Secret Lair Corridor Chapel Chapel Mountaintop Asylum - Padded Cell * --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_Swear To God, This Time We're Not Kidding_" _CHRONOLOGY_ SC. 1 - 3 NIGHT #1 SC. 4 - 7 DAY # 2 SC. 8 - 10 NIGHT #2 SC. 11 - 15 DAY #3 SC. 16 - 31 NIGHT #3 SC. 32 - 47 DAY #4 SC. 48 NIGHT #4 --page break-- _LOIS AND CLARK_ _The New Adventures of Superman_ "Swear to God, This Time We're Not Kidding" _TEASE_ FADE IN: 1 INT. CLARK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT #1 1 LOIS is unloading the dishwasher. She straightens up and WHACKS her head on the low edge of an open cabinet. CLARK, concerned, comes over. CLARK Honey? You okay? Lois straightens up, rubbing her head, and looks blankly at Clark. LOIS Who... who are you? CLARK What? LOIS I don't... where am I? CLARK Oh, no... LOIS I'm kidding. Lighten up. CLARK Not funny. That was not funny. LOIS (moves to kitchen table) No, that was funny. (re: newspaper clippings about to be pressed into a scrapbook) _These_ are not funny. She lifts them and we glimpse several tabloid-bright headlines along with matching tabloid-cheesy photos: 'HE MARRIED A CLONE!' (Picture of Clark looking shocked.) 'SHE WAS LUTHOR'S LOVE SLAVE!' (Picture of Lois looking, well, like a love slave.) (CONTINUED) --page break-- _LOIS AND CLARK_ _The New Adventures of Superman_ "Swear to God, This Time We're Not Kidding" _TEASE_ FADE IN: 1 INT. CLARK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT #1 1 LOIS is doing dishes. She straightens up and WHACKS her (X) head on the low edge of an open cabinet. CLARK, concerned, comes over. CLARK Honey? You okay? Lois straightens up, rubbing her head, and looks blankly at Clark. LOIS Who... who are you? CLARK What? LOIS I don't... where am I? CLARK Oh, no... LOIS I'm kidding. Lighten up. CLARK Not funny. That was not funny. LOIS (moves to kitchen table) No, that was funny. (re: newspaper clippings about to be pressed into a scrapbook) _These_ are not funny. She lifts them and we glimpse several tabloid-bright headlines along with matching tabloid-cheesy photos: 'HE MARRIED A CLONE!' (Picture of Clark looking shocked.) 'SHE WAS LUTHOR'S LOVE SLAVE!' (Picture of Lois looking, well, like a love slave.) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 2. 1 CONTINUED: 1 LOIS (CONT'D) I know you better than I know anyone, Clark, but I don't get your fascination with this. One look at it and I want to be chemically hosed. CLARK You've got to keep a sense of humor. Think how much the kids are gonna get a kick out of it. She moves to the other side of the table where there are more stacks of open scrapbooks and further clippings. LOIS I'm just not sure we should be bringing all this on... CLARK What do you mean? LOIS I don't know, Clark, maybe we're... cursed or something. Maybe the gods like us to get happy, comfortable, enjoy a little peace and quiet, then WHAM! Takedown, grapple and pin. Happiness loses. Maybe we shouldn't joke about any of it. And the more I think about it, we _really_ shouldn't be advertising. She picks up an official Daily Planet wedding announcement: 'LANE TO WED KENT.' CLARK Lois. We are getting married. Heaven, Earth and the Seven Seas could all conspire to stop it and they'd just be an annoyance. Because our being together is bigger than anything that's ever been. It's destiny. LOIS Oh, Clark... They kiss. CLARK And besides, it's not like... I don't know... the Wedding Destroyer just broke out of the asylum. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 3. 1 CONTINUED: 2 1 LOIS The Wedding Destroyer? What made you think of her? CLARK I just flipped past the article we did... remember? He opens a scrapbook and we see a picture of MYRTLE BEECH behind the bars of her padded cell. She is a striking woman with fierce eyes and a maniacal smile. The headline reads: '"WEDDING DESTROYER" CAUGHT.' The byline is Lois and Clark. LOIS Myrtle Beech... CLARK She really hated us. LOIS So we look on the bright side... at least the Wedding Destroyer's not coming after us. From that news photo of Myrtle behind bars -- DISSOLVE TO: 2 INT. ASYLUM - THOSE SAME BARS - NIGHT 2 Sans Myrtle's face. We hold a moment, then hear a TITANIC EXPLOSION from inside the cell; see the commensurate light flash, the trailings of smoke. WE MOVE THROUGH THE BARS into -- 3 THE PADDED CELL 3 and discover a big, smoking hole in the wall. We glimpse the fleeting SILHOUETTE of a woman running out through this hole. She is laughing. WE PAN DOWN to the floor and there discover Lois and Clark's newspaper wedding announcement. The escaped mental patient's laughter ECHOES. FADE OUT: _END OF TEASE_ --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 3. 1 CONTINUED: 2 1 LOIS The Wedding Destroyer? What made you think of her? CLARK I just flipped past the article we did... remember? He opens a scrapbook and we see a picture of MYRTLE BEECH behind the bars of her padded cell. She is a striking woman with fierce eyes and a maniacal smile. The headline reads: "'WEDDING DESTROYER" CAUGHT.' The byline is Lois and Clark. LOIS Myrtle Beech... CLARK She really hated us. LOIS So we look on the bright side... at least the Wedding Destroyer's not coming after us. From that news photo of Myrtle behind bars -- CUT TO: (X) 2 INT. ASYLUM - THOSE SAME BARS - NIGHT 2 Sans Myrtle's face. We hold a moment, then hear a TITANIC EXPLOSION from inside the cell; see the commensurate light flash, the trailings of smoke. WE MOVE THROUGH THE BARS into 3 THE PADDED CELL 3 and discover a big, smoking hole in the wall. We glimpse the fleeting SILHOUETTE of a woman running out through this hole. She is laughing. WE PAN DOWN to the floor and there discover Lois and Clark's newspaper wedding announcement. The escaped mental patient's laughter ECHOES. FADE OUT: _END OF TEASE_ --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 4. _ACT ONE_ FADE IN: 4 EXT. METROPOLIS STREET - DAY #2 4 Lois and Clark walk to work as Clark scans a new copy of THE INVESTIGATOR, a garishly colorful rag. We glimpse a corner cover story, with appropriate picture, entitled: 'REPORTER STILL SEARCHING FOR LOST MIND!' CLARK If you think about it, you can see the reason these things are so popular... LOIS Oh, Clark, come on. CLARK No, I'm serious. LOIS Next you're going to be defending big time wrestling, monster car rallies, tractor pulls... CLARK I like tractor pulls. They get in line at a cappucino machine. LOIS My point is, just because something's popular doesn't mean it has any value. CLARK But there is a kind of a truth here. Well, truth is maybe too strong a word... but they get the basic facts right. It's just the details and the heavy use of exclamation points that's all wrong. LOIS Clark. They have no right. This is our life, it happened to us, we have declined to comment and that should be the end of it. CLARK Lois, if that was the end of it, we wouldn't have jobs. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 4. _ACT ONE_ FADE IN: 4 EXT. METROPOLIS STREET - DAY #2 4 Lois and Clark walk to work as Clark scans a new copy of THE NATIONAL FASCINATOR, a garishly colorful rag. We glimpse a corner cover story, with appropriate picture, entitled: 'REPORTER STILL SEARCHING FOR LOST MIND' CLARK If you think about it, you can see the reason these things are so popular... LOIS Come on. Next you're going to be defending big time wrestling, monster car rallies, tractor pulls... CLARK I like tractor pulls. They get in line at a cappucino machine. LOIS My point is, just because something's popular doesn't mean it has any value. CLARK But there is a version of the truth here. Well, truth is maybe too (X) strong a word. It's just the (X) details and the heavy use of exclamation points that're all wrong. LOIS They have no right. This is our life, it happened to us, we have declined to comment and that should be the end of it. CLARK Lois, if that was the end of it, we wouldn't have jobs. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 5. 4 CONTINUED: 4 LOIS You're not comparing what we do to what they do. CLARK I like to think what we do has a higher purpose... but I wonder if it feels that way to the people we've gone after? They are next up. The vendor, MIKE, a kindly, streetwise man, smiles. MIKE Morning. What can I do to make your day a little better? LOIS A lot of chocolate, a little caffeine, no fat. CLARK Same again, but double the caffeine and triple the fat. MIKE How are the wedding plans going? LOIS Pardon? MIKE The wedding plans. CLARK I'm sorry, do we know you? LOIS Clark, obviously he reads the -- MIKE (to Lois) You're a little nervous, dear. Don't worry, it's fine to be nervous; just fine. LOIS Look, I don't want to be rude, but I have this rule about talking to strangers. MIKE But I'm no stranger, Lois. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 5. 4 CONTINUED: 4 LOIS You're not comparing what we do to what they do. CLARK I like to think what we do has a higher purpose... but I wonder if it feels that way to the people we've gone after? They are next up. The vendor, MIKE, a kindly, streetwise man, works at his cart, absorbed in cleaning the machine. (X) MIKE Morning. What can I do to make your day a little better? LOIS A lot of chocolate, a little caffeine, no fat. CLARK Same again, but double the caffeine and triple the fat. MIKE How are the wedding plans going? LOIS Pardon? MIKE The wedding plans. (X) (to Lois) You're a little nervous, dear. Don't worry, it's fine to be nervous; just fine. LOIS Look, I don't want to be rude, but I have this rule about talking to strangers. MIKE I'm no stranger, Lois. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 6. 4 CONTINUED: 2 4 He hands over the steaming cups. Lois' eyes meet his. He has one of those faces that seems to always be smiling; comforting anyone who looks into his eyes. She's taken aback for a moment. LOIS Who are you? MIKE I'm Mike. CLARK (staring at him) We've... have we met? He looks at Clark now. MIKE You worry too much, Clark. About Lois. About everybody. You're doing just fine. You two ought to get on your way. You're gonna be late. Lois and Clark nod. LOIS Y'know, we should get going CLARK ... we're going to be late. Mike nods and turns away. Lois and Clark move on down the sidewalk. They're just a tad foggy. CLARK (CONT'D) Boy, that was kinda... LOIS Yeah. They sip. CLARK Did I tip him? LOIS I don't, uhhh, I don't remember... She stops. Clark goes back around the corner to the cappucino, machine. The Vendor's back is to Clark. Clark taps his shoulder. The guy turns. But it's not Mike. Clark is a little shocked. Clark offers the dollar. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 6. 4 CONTINUED: 2 4 He hands over the steaming cups and Lois' eyes meet his for (X) the first time. He has one of those faces that seems to (X) always be smiling; comforting anyone who looks into his eyes. She's taken aback for a moment. And slowly, all (X) ambient SOUND around them car horns, jackhammers, people (X) yelling, engines grinding it all FADES OUT, leaving a (X) blissful silence, right here in the middle of the city. (X) LOIS Who are you? MIKE I'm Mike. CLARK (staring at him) I know you... (X) He looks at Clark now. MIKE You worry too much, Clark. About Lois. About everybody. You're doing just fine. You two ought to get on your way. (X) Lois and Clark nod. LOIS Yeah, we should... (X) CLARK ... we're going to be late. Mike nods and turns away. Lois and Clark move on down the sidewalk and the cacophany of city sounds bleed BACK IN. (X) CLARK (CONT'D) I never noticed what a pretty day (X) it is. (X) LOIS (nods, sips) (X) Mmm. (X) They sip, then -- (X) CLARK Did I tip him? LOIS I don't remember... (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 6A. 4 CONTINUED: 3 4 She stops. Clark goes back to the cappucino machine. The (X) Vendor's back is to Clark. Clark taps his shoulder. The guy turns. But it's not Mike. Clark is a little startled, (X) but it passes quickly. Clark offers the dollar. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 7. 4 CONTINUED: 3 4 CLARK Uhhh, here. The guy looks at the dollar, shrugs, takes it and turns away. Clark goes back to Lois. CLARK (CONT'D) So what were we talking about? LOIS (trying to remember) Huh. CLARK (lifts the tabloid) Oh, right... LOIS ... right, yeah. Well, look, I'm not gonna get all strung out over this... I mean, I'm just nervous, it's normal to be nervous... CLARK It's not worth worrying about; sometimes I think I have this tendency to let everything make me worry about -- They stop and look at each other, as if trying to recall something they've shared; something that is growing more shrouded, more remote, by the second. LOIS Do you have this really weird feeling right now? CLARK Yes. LOIS Can you describe it? CLARK No. LEO NUNK appears from the crowd. A shaved rat in a silk suit, Nunk radiates cheerful insincerity. His constant companion is LAMONT, a photographer. NUNK Lois, Clark. CLARK Hello, Nunk. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 7. 4 CONTINUED: 4 4 CLARK Here you go. (X) The guy looks at the dollar, shrugs, takes it and turns away. Clark goes back to Lois. LOIS This is the best mocha I've had in (X) a long time. Wonder what he's (X) doing differently? (X) LEO NUNK appears from the crowd. A shaved rat in a silk suit, Nunk radiates cheerful insincerity. His constant companion is LAMONT, a photographer. NUNK Lois, Clark. CLARK Hello, Nunk. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 8. 4 CONTINUED: 4 NUNK (re: Clark's tabloid) What's this? A reassessment of my work? LOIS Nope... just looking for a birdcage. NUNK Birdcage, that's good. Glad I had the recorder running. (lifts his microcassette) Anything else you'd like to say for the record? LOIS Yes. For the record, you should get yourself to Harvard -- that's a college in Boston? And turn yourself over to the science lab as a scientific breakthrough: the newly-discovered, one of a kind, lowest form of life, in the known universe. As Lamont snaps pictures throughout -- NUNK Clark, anything to add? CLARK Yeah. Tell him to quit taking pictures. NUNK Or? CLARK Don't go there. NUNK Lamont, you wanna stop taking pictures? LAMONT Nope. CLARK I'm just telling you for your own good. Supposed to be solar flares all day. Sometimes they can ruin whole roles of film. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 9. 4 CONTINUED: 5 4 LAMONT Fascinating. CLARK Ohhhh-kay. Clark pulls his glasses down and feigns rubbing the bridge of his nose -- as if very, very tired of all this. A quick X-RAY BLAST FIRES out of his eyes at the camera. Lamont, oblivious, keeps snapping. CLARK (CONT'D) I have a funny feeling those aren't going to turn out. Lamont looks at his camera. Lois and Clark saunter off. NUNK Uh, speaking of, 'funny feelings'?' I wonder if you two'd heard about Myrtle Beech... The, uh, Wedding Destroyer? Lois and Clark stop. NUNK (CONT'D) She's out. Lois and Clark exchange a look, then -- LOIS What? NUNK Out and about. You guys put her away didn't you? And geez, your wedding's coming right up? Sure you got nothing to say? CLARK We have nothing to say. They start to move. NUNK (dogging them) Listen, I feel for you. You just can't get a break. Lois' amnesia, living with Lex -- hey, that musta kinda burned a little, huh, Clark? Lois whacked and shacked with her old fiance? Of course you had that hot little lizard-eatin' clone to do the frug with -- (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Yellow Rev. 8/15/96 9. 4 CONTINUED: 5 4 LAMONT Fascinating. CLARK Ohhhh-kay. Clark pulls his glasses down and feigns rubbing the bridge of his nose -- as if very, very tired of all this. A quick X-RAY BLAST FIRES out of his eyes at the camera. Lamont, oblivious, keeps snapping. CLARK (CONT'D) I have a funny feeling those aren't going to turn out. Lamont looks at his camera. Lois and Clark saunter off. NUNK Uh, speaking off 'funny feelings'?' I wonder if you two'd heard about Myrtle Beech... The, uh, Wedding Destroyer? Lois and Clark stop. NUNK (CONT'D) She's out. Lois and Clark exchange a look, then -- LOIS What? NUNK Out and about. You guys put her away didn't you? And geez, your wedding's coming right up? Sure you got nothing to say? CLARK We have nothing to say. They start to move. NUNK (dogging them) Hey, I feel for you. You just (X) can't get a break. Lois' amnesia, living with Lex -- Man, that musta (X) kinda burned a little, huh, Clark? Lois whacked and shacked with her old fiance? Of course you had that hot little lizard-eatin' clone to do the frug with -- (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 10. 4 CONTINUED: 6 4 LOIS (stops, whirls, in his face) Listen. Get something straight. Clones eat frogs. Not lizards. _Frogs_. Any idiot knows that! She turns and stalks off. Clark hands his copy of the tabloid to Nunk, dusts his hands, and follows her. 5 INT. DR. VOYLE GRUMMAN'S OFFICE - DAY 5 Imagine a member of the Addams Family went into grief counselling. Creepy, ooky... well, you get the idea. A knock at the door brings the twitchily ghoulish DR. VOYLE GRUMMAN to his feet. He opens the door, revealing a woman in a trench coat and sunglasses. VOYLE Myrtle. She enters, the door is closed and locked and the sunglasses are whipped off, revealing MYRTLE BEECH. Vivacious and voracious, she is a one woman storm center and she knows it. MYRTLE What's up, Doc? VOYLE I can't believe it, you're out, you really did it. Coat off, we see she's wearing something quite stylish. This is a woman of breeding and she's now enjoying all the sensual pleasures a long stay in the booby hatch deny one. MYRTLE Now, Doc, how in the world can't you believe it? If it wasn't for all that nitro you slipped me in those nail polish bottles, well, I just don't know what I woulda done. But I am _out_, breathing sweet, free air again... and I know exactly what I'm going to do. VOYLE Perhaps we should retire to my private chamber. (pulls several books out of a shelf) The police have been here already. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 11. 5 CONTINUED: 5 The bookshelf slides back, revealing a hidden hall. Myrtle and Voyle slip in. MYRTLE Po-lice. Tax-sucking, rubber-shoed dummies with pensions. VOYLE Oh, Myrtle. I've missed you. The shelf slides shut. 6 INT. VOYLE'S SECRET LAIR - DAY 6 Even creepier and more Gothic than his office, if possible. Voyle pours tea. Myrtle nibbles a cucumber sandwich. MYRTLE Mmm. Sure beats a tight straight jacket and oatmeal through a straw. VOYLE So Myrtle. What are your plans? MYRTLE (smiles) My plans. You know exactly what my plans are. VOYLE Do they involve a certain pair of reporters who've brought you nothing but misery? MYRTLE They just might. VOYLE (quivering with anticipation) And as they prepare to marry and look forward to a life of great joy and happiness, will you be destroying all that? MYRTLE I just might. VOYLE And will I be there to record it all in the name of science? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 11. 5 CONTINUED: 5 The bookshelf slides back, revealing a hidden lair. Myrtle (X) and Voyle slip in. MYRTLE Po-lice. Tax-sucking, rubber-shoed dummies with pensions. VOYLE Oh, Myrtle. I've missed you. The shelf slides shut. 6 INT. VOYLE'S SECRET LAIR - DAY 6 Even creepier and more Gothic than his office, if possible. Voyle pours tea. Myrtle nibbles a cucumber sandwich. MYRTLE Mmm. Sure beats a tight straight jacket and oatmeal through a straw. VOYLE So Myrtle. What are your plans? MYRTLE (smiles) My plans. You know exactly what my plans are. VOYLE Do they involve a certain pair of reporters who've brought you nothing but misery? MYRTLE They just might. VOYLE (quivering with anticipation) And as they prepare to marry and look forward to a life of great joy and happiness, will you be destroying all that? MYRTLE I just might. VOYLE And will I be there to record it all in the name of science? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 12. 6 CONTINUED: 6 MYRTLE We'll just have to see if you're a good boy. VOYLE (pen and pad at the ready) Oh, Myrtle. Tell me everything. MYRTLE You might just want to keep a wet towel handy... case you get too excited. VOYLE (lifts a dripping towel from a bucket of ice) Ready when you are. MYRTLE (sits back, dreamily dictating) Well, then. Lois and Clark. And how I will destroy their wedding... 7 INT. DAILY PLANET CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 7 PERRY and JIMMY, Lois and Clark: LOIS All right, from now on this is a red alert wedding. All information to be centralized, modularized and on a need to know basis. (consults list) Shower, cancelled. Rehearsal, cancelled. Out of town brunch and rehearsal dinner, cancelled. Reception, to be determined. Jimmy raises his hand tentatively. LOIS (CONT'D) Yes, Jimmy. JIMMY Um, am I still invited? LOIS Of course. JIMMY Do I still get to bring a date? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 13. 7 CONTINUED: 7 PERRY Now, son, come on, let's not be bothering the poor girl with that. CLARK Lois, you know, there's a good chance we're overreacting here. I mean, Myrtle's been getting a lot of therapy in that hospital, she's had a lot of time to think. If she's smart, she'll leave the country... and -- A MESSENGER is at the door. MESSENGER Lois Lane? LOIS Yes? MESSENGER (hands over package) Sign here, please. She does, then glances at the package as the Messenger exits. It says, TO: L.L., FROM: T.W.D. LOIS 'T.W.D.' JIMMY The Wedding Destroyer. Clark lowers his glasses and SCANS the package. Inside, is a tape recorder. CLARK It's all right. PERRY Now hold on, we oughta get the bomb squad double quick... Clark rips the package open and removes the recorder. CLARK It, uh, didn't feel like a bomb to me, Chief. PERRY You took an awful chance there... Clark presses 'PLAY.' From the speaker, we hear "The Wedding March." Then the sound of a MAN crying. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 14. 7 CONTINUED: 2 7 Then more MEN. Then a WOMAN. Then more WOMEN. A cacophony of sorrow. Lois shuts it off. LOIS Okay, fine. She wants to go after my wedding -- I'm going after her. Jimmy, pull every nano-byte we have on Myrtle. JIMMY You got it. LOIS Perry, can you reassign our other stories so we can concentrate on this psycho? PERRY Already done, darlin'. He exits. Clark is beaming at Lois. LOIS What? CLARK Nothing. Just proud of you. 'Cause you know we can handle anything that happens... LOIS ... as long as we're together. They kiss. 8 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - NIGHT #2 8 Voyle and Myrtle sit as Nunk and Lamont stand before them. Nunk is pitching his idea: NUNK I appreciate your seeing me on such short notice. MYRTLE I'm a great admirer of your work, Mr. Nunk. It passed many a long evening in the hospital... especially your recent series on those two reporters. NUNK Yeah, well, I bet you're kinda interested in them now, huh? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 14. 7 CONTINUED: 2 7 Then more MEN. Then a WOMAN. Then more WOMEN. A cacophony of sorrow. Lois shuts it off. LOIS Okay, fine. She wants to go after my wedding -- I'm going after her. Jimmy, pull every nano-byte we have on Myrtle. JIMMY You got it. LOIS Perry, can you reassign our other stories so we can concentrate on this psycho? PERRY Already done, darlin'. He exits. Clark is beaming at Lois. LOIS What? CLARK Nothing. Just proud of you. 'Cause you know we can handle anything that happens... LOIS ... as long as we're together. They kiss. 8 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - NIGHT #2 8 Voyle and Myrtle sit as Nunk and Lamont stand before them. Nunk is pitching his idea: NUNK I appreciate your seeing me on such short notice. MYRTLE Well, when Dr. Grumman passed on (X) your message, I was understandably (X) intrigued. I'm a great admirer of (X) your work, Mr. Nunk. It passed many a long evening in the hospital ... especially your recent series on those two reporters. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 14A. 8 CONTINUED: 8 NUNK Yeah, well, I bet you're kinda interested in them now, huh? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 15. 8 CONTINUED: 8 MYRTLE (a glance at Voyle) What ever makes you say that? NUNK Why don't we pop the cork here, Myrtle? I'm holdin' info you'd like to have. I got a blanket of spies on those two -- janitors, coffee guys, staffers at the Planet; more snitches than a Watergate reunion. And you know everything about that wedding's gonna change. You need my info to keep up. MYRTLE And in return for this generous gesture, you get...? NUNK ... to be right there when you hit, Johnny on the spot, plus an exclusive interview with you -- after. MYRTLE You realize, Mr. Nunk, that this is no game. Lois and Clark humiliated me, took my freedom and sullied my good name. I am not planning a prank. I am planning revenge. Of operatic proportions. NUNK Cool. 9 EXT. BENEATH A BRIDGE - NIGHT 9 A van pulls up, its door slides open. Two hooded figures are ejected. The van drives off. They pull their hoods off, revealing themselves to be Nunk and Lamont. NUNK Not a bad day's work. Wanna beer? LAMONT Leo, you get what she's saying? NUNK Yeah, I get it. LAMONT She's nuts. She's gonna kill them. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 16. 9 CONTINUED: 9 NUNK And you're worried we'll be accomplices. No. We're gonna turn 'em in. Soon as it's all over and they burp up the exclusive. LAMONT But we just stand by and let her... kill Lois and Clark? NUNK Hey. I'm a reporter. You're a photographer. We don't interfere, we don't influence -- we record for posterity. And money. If we stepped in now, okay, it'd be like taking sides in a war zone. LAMONT But this is a wedding. NUNK Spoken like a man who's never been married. They exit. 10 INT. VAN - DRIVING - NIGHT 10 Myrtle at the wheel, Voyle beside her. VOYLE You don't really trust that reporter, do you? MYRTLE Of course not. But he does have what I need. VOYLE But he knows so much... about us... MYRTLE True. But come the wedding day, the only way he'll be talking to anybody is through a Ouija Board. Voyle laughs. Myrtle joins him. FADE OUT: _END OF ACT ONE_ --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 16. 9 CONTINUED: 9 NUNK And you're worried we'll be accomplices. No. We're gonna turn 'em in. Soon as it's all over and they burp up the exclusive. LAMONT But we just stand by and let her... kill Lois and Clark? NUNK Hey. I'm a reporter. You're a photographer. We don't interfere, we don't influence -- we record for posterity. And money. If we stepped in now, okay, it'd be like taking sides in a war zone. LAMONT But this is a wedding. NUNK Spoken like a single man. They exit. 10 INT. LAIR - NIGHT 10(X) Myrtle and Voyle enter. She tosses car keys on the table. (X) VOYLE You don't really trust that reporter, do you? MYRTLE Of course not. But he does have what I need. VOYLE But he knows so much... about us... MYRTLE True. But come the wedding day, the only way he'll be talking to anybody is through a Ouija Board. Voyle laughs. Myrtle joins him. FADE OUT: _END OF ACT ONE_ --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 17. _ACT TWO_ FADE IN: 11 EXT. SUBURBAN FRONT YARD - DAY #3 11 Lois and Clark talk to EMILY CHANNING: about Myrtle's age, coiffed and well to do. A little on edge. LOIS You were supposed to be Myrtle's bridesmaid... EMILY Yes. CLARK What was she like, before...? EMILY Sweet. Such a romantic. Dying to be loved. She was an orphan, you know... LOIS (checks notes) Mmm hm, parents died when she was five, inherited a two hundred million dollar fortune when she turned eighteen... EMILY That's when she met Roger. He was a lawyer who handled the estate. CLARK And on the day they were supposed to get married, he died in a car crash on the way to the chapel. EMILY She looked so beautiful in that gown, so happy and innocent... I felt horrible, just... LOIS What kind of unusual behavior did you first notice in her... after? EMILY Well, she started making scenes at other people's weddings, friends of ours. Pretty soon, she wasn't invited to anything anymore. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 18. 11 CONTINUED: 11 EMILY (CONT'D) ...I'd hear stories about how fixated she was... if she couldn't be married and happy, then no one could. Someone told me she let rats loose at some poor girl's wedding... told lies to the groom about the bride at another. That's probably about the time you started your investigation. CLARK (checks his notes) First thing we heard was she phoned in a bomb threat at a church, then poisoned a wedding cake... sank a boatful of people on the way to a reception... EMILY She never actually killed anyone, though... did -- ? Emily is distracted by the sight of her HUSBAND on the porch, moving to the sedan parked in the driveway. EMILY (CONT'D) (calling) Be right there, honey. (to Lois) We've got a wedding. Sort of ironic. LOIS She's very, very dangerous, Emily, and she's coming after Clark and me now. Is there any way to reach her? Maybe something you could tell us about the fiancee... EMILY He was... a man. Myrtle always said he was perfect, the one perfect person she ever knew. LOIS Was he? EMILY I ... I don't know. I don't think there are any perfect people. I think he... he wanted to love Myrtle. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 18. 11 CONTINUED: 11 EMILY (CONT'D) I'd hear stories about how fixated she was... if she couldn't be married and happy, then no one could. Someone told me she let rats loose at some poor girl's wedding... told lies to the groom about the bride at another. That's probably about the time you started your investigation. CLARK (checks his notes) First thing we heard was she phoned in a bomb threat at a church, then poisoned a wedding cake... sank a boatful of people on the way to a reception... EMILY She never actually killed anyone, though... did -- ? Emily is distracted by the sight of her HUSBAND on the porch, moving to the sedan parked in the driveway. EMILY (CONT'D) (calling) Be right there, honey. (to Lois) We've got a wedding. Sort of ironic. LOIS She's very, very dangerous, Emily, and she's coming after Clark and me now. Is there any way to reach her? Maybe something you could tell us about the fiancee... EMILY He was... a man. (X) CLARK (refers to notes) (X) According to other friend of hers, (X) Myrtle said he was the one perfect (X) person she ever knew. (X) LOIS Was he? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 18A. 11 CONTINUED: 2 11 EMILY I... I don't know. I don't think there are any perfect people. I think he... he wanted to love Myrtle. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 19. 11 CONTINUED: 2 11 CLARK Are you saying he didn't? EMILY I'm saying, she didn't really know him. And that's probably the problem. If she had, she wouldn't have idealized him so much... and she'd be able to get over this. Her Husband, now in the sedan, its motor running, HONKS. CLARK Well, maybe if you could tell us -- EMILY Look, I don't want to get too involved. Myrtle scares me. I don't want anything to do with her. (moving off) I'm sorry. She gets into the car with her Husband and they drive off. Clark's cell phone rings. He answers: CLARK Hello? 12 INTERCUT: MARTHA AND JONATHAN - KENT FARM 12 on their front porch, with several suitcases at their feet. Jonathan hauls up several more while Martha talks on the phone. MARTHA Clark? CLARK Hi, Mom. MARTHA I was just calling to say don't bother meeting us at the airport tonight. CLARK Why, what's wrong? MARTHA Someone cancelled our tickets. Oh, here, Jonathan, watch your back. She reaches for the suitcase, hands him the phone. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 20. 12 CONTINUED: 12 JONATHAN Somebody phoned in pretending they were us and got 'em cancelled. CLARK Well, don't worry Dad, I'll get you guys here. He clicks off. LOIS Myrtle? CLARK Myrtle. You should probably call your folks. Tell them they'll be coming Superman Expr -- He stops; turns as he SUPER-HEARS a series of CLICKS nearby. LOIS What? CLARK Nunk. Come on. He leads her to her jeep. Opens the door for her, then ducks down and -- A BLUE BLUR STREAKS out from behind the jeep. 13 EXT. DOWN THE SAME STREET - DAY 13 A van is parked. Superman STREAKS to a stop, RIPS the back of the van off like it was so much cardboard and hauls out two men from inside: Nunk and Lamont. Lamont is still holding his clicking camera. Nunk is wearing a headset, holding a boom microphone. NUNK Okay, hold the phone, Muscle Boy, you happen to know what a little thing called the First Amendment says? SUPERMAN 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof or....' He takes the mic and headset off Nunk. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Blue Rev. 8/6/96 20. 12 CONTINUED: 12 JONATHAN Somebody phoned in pretending they were us. (X) CLARK Well, don't worry Dad, I'll get you guys here. He clicks off. LOIS Myrtle? CLARK Myrtle. You should probably call your folks. Tell them they'll be coming Superman Expr -- He stops; turns as he SUPER-HEARS a series of CLICKS nearby. LOIS What? CLARK Nunk. Come on. He leads her to her jeep. Opens the door for her, then ducks down and -- A BLUE BLUR STREAKS out from behind the jeep. 13 EXT. DOWN THE SAME STREET - DAY 13 A van is parked. Superman STREAKS to a stop, RIPS the back of the van off like it was so much cardboard and hauls out two men from inside: Nunk and Lamont. Lamont is still holding his clicking camera. Nunk is wearing a headset, holding a boom microphone. NUNK Okay, hold the phone, Muscle Boy, you happen to know what a little thing called the First Amendment says? SUPERMAN 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof or... I He takes the mic and headset off Nunk. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 21. 13 CONTINUED: 13 SUPERMAN (CONT'D) '...abridging the freedom of speech or of the press or -- ' NUNK - What about the part saying I got the right to do whatever I want 'cause I'm a reporter? SUPERMAN We can all be thankful that _that_ amendment hasn't been written yet, Mr. Nunk. He takes Lamont's camera. LAMONT You can't just take my camera... my film... SUPERMAN Normally, you'd be right. But I just had a thought... As Lois jogs up. SUPERMAN (CONT'D) ... and Lois, you'll tell me if I'm reaching here? But I believe Clark told me the escaped lunatic known as The Wedding Destroyer has threatened you... LOIS That's right. SUPERMAN ... and I have to wonder if someone's been slipping her some information? Someone who's got eyes everywhere, someone who'd do anything for a story? No matter how many lives were endangered. LOIS I wouldn't say you're reaching at all, Superman. You might just be onto something here. NUNK Good, that's a real good theory. Now lemme show you a little theory. (whips out cell phone) It's called, 'speed dialing my lawyer.' (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 22. 13 CONTINUED: 2 13 LOIS (taps shoulder, whispers to Superman) I've got an idea. Grab him, rough him up... Going along with Lois, Superman grabs Nunk and hoists him into the air. NUNK Tom? Leo. I've got a problem with Superman. LOIS (stepping in, playing it kind of big) Superman, hold it, hold it, it's okay. NUNK I'm currently being ahh, I believe the word is hoisted... LOIS Let him go, Superman, I'm as mad as you are but this isn't the way. SUPERMAN (lowers him, also playing it kind of big) Well, gee, if you say so, Lois. LOIS (smooths out Nunk's jacket) See, Mr. Nunk, Superman's a good friend of ours... and if he had any proof you were helping Myrtle... well, the phrase 'God help you' takes on a whole new meaning because believe me -- only God _could_. NUNK I'll call you back, Tom. (clicks off) Well, that's very dramatic, Miss Lane, but Lamont and I are reporters, not criminals. (to Superman) And we'd like our equipment back. Superman hands it back. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 22. 13 CONTINUED: 3 13 NUNK (CONT'D) And an apology. SUPERMAN Don't push it, Nunk. NUNK C'mon, Lamont. They climb back into the van and drive off. SUPERMAN Did you do what I think you did? LOIS (lifts notebook) Nunk's notebook. SUPERMAN Say _that_ five times fast. LOIS (thumbing as they walk off) Now let's just see who he's been talking to... We stay with them as they walk past a GARDENER working in a yard. He's trying to lift a heavy sack of clippings onto the back of a truck. Superman nonchalantly picks it up and hoists it into the truck without missing a beat. The Gardener looks up and smiles. It's Mike. MIKE Thanks, Superman. Superman stops, recognizing him. Lois has walked on ahead, engrossed in the notebook. SUPERMAN Hey. You're -- MIKE I think Lois needs you. SUPERMAN (nods) Lois needs me. Mike smiles and goes back to work in the yard. Superman, looking a bit dazed, turns and catches up with Lois. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 23. 13 CONTINUED: 3 13 NUNK (CONT'D) And an apology. SUPERMAN Don't push it, Nunk. NUNK C'mon, Lamont. They climb back into the van and drive off. LOIS (assessing him (X) playfully) (X) I'm not sure I've ever seen (X) Superman quite so... edgy. You (X) were like one of those crazed cops (X) in a buddy movie. (X) SUPERMAN Being a groom'll do that to a guy. (X) Did you do what I think you did? LOIS (lifts notebook) Nunk's notebook. SUPERMAN Say _that_ five times fast. LOIS (thumbing as they walk off) Now let's just see who he's been talking to... We stay with them as they walk past a GARDENER working in a yard. He's trying to lift a heavy sack of clippings onto the back of a truck. Superman nonchalantly picks it up and hoists it into the truck without missing a beat. The Gardener looks up and smiles. It's Mike. MIKE Thanks, Superman. Superman stops, recognizing him. Lois has walked on ahead, engrossed in the notebook. SUPERMAN Hey. You're -- MIKE I think Lois needs you. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 23A. 13 CONTINUED: 4 13 SUPERMAN (nods) Yeah, thanks. (X) Mike smiles and goes back to work in the yard. Superman turns and catches up with Lois, as all sound RISES again. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 24. 13 CONTINUED: 4 13 LOIS (re: notebook) Now this is interesting. Dr. Voyle Grumman, grief therapist... SUPERMAN Hm? LOIS You okay? SUPERMAN Yeah, I'm... LOIS Did you go away for a minute? SUPERMAN (vaguely) I guess. He glances back at the Gardener. But there's no one there -- both he and his truck are gone. 14 INT. VOYLE'S OFFICE - DAY 14 Voyle is on the phone in a quietly excited state. VOYLE Yes, Larry, go on, tell me how much it hurt. Ohhhhh, yes. Yes. The pain of her sudden, unexpected death must've been just... (catching himself) ... awful. You're very strong and I know I can help you. We'll talk again tomorrow, in my office. I so look forward to it. No. Thank _you_. Myrtle enters, carrying a large sack. MYRTLE Well, Voyle, I just saw the lovely little white chapel where Lois and Clark are going to be married. She pulls a blow torch out of her bag, ignites it. MYRTLE (CONT'D) I was, in fact, the _last_ person to see it, prior to its incineration. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 24. 13 CONTINUED: 5 13 LOIS (re: notebook) Now this is interesting. He has (X) notes here about a Dr. Voyle (X) Grumman... (X) SUPERMAN Yeah? (X) LOIS ...which is the name of a grief (X) therapist Myrtle saw after her (X) fiancee died. (X) SUPERMAN Well, I guess Dr. Grumman's going (X) to get a visit from Lois and (X) Clark. (X) He glances back at the Gardener. But there's no one (X) there -- both he and his truck are gone. (X) 14 INT. VOYLE'S OFFICE - DAY 14 Voyle is on the phone in a quietly excited state. VOYLE Yes, Larry, go on, tell me how much it hurt. Ohhhhh, yes. Yes. The pain of her sudden, unexpected death must've been just... (catching himself) ... awful. You're very strong and I know I can help you. We'll talk again tomorrow, in my office. I so look forward to it. No. Thank _you_. Myrtle enters, carrying a large sack. MYRTLE Well, Voyle, I just saw the lovely little gazebo where Lois and Clark are going to be married. She pulls a blow torch out of her bag, ignites it. MYRTLE (CONT'D) I was, in fact, the _last_ person to see it, prior to its incineration. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 25. 14 CONTINUED: 14 Voyle nods, unimpressed. MYRTLE (CONT'D) (extinguishes flame) Voyle, are you pouting? VOYLE No, Myrtle, I just... well, I must be honest. While it's certainly fun cancelling airline reservations and burning down churches, it lacks the... well, the scope of what I thought we were trying to do. MYRTLE I don't think you're quite seeing the whole picture, Voyle. This is just the violin section warming up. They overcome these little inconveniences together and they appreciate each other more. In the face of all this adversity... (opens a locket around her neck) ... he loves her for her feisty resolve... She gazes at the picture in the locket: a handsome young rake with a cocky smile. MYRTLE (CONT'D) ... she loves him for his quiet strength, the knowing way he draws her... (tears brimming) ... into his arms, comforting her... Observing her, Voyle scribbles a few notes on his pad. MYRTLE (CONT'D) ... whenever life's endless cruelties become too much for her. And she can't imagine a world without him. (snaps the locket shut) But that's exactly the world she's going to be living in. A world where the pain of simply being alive, and alone, is almost intolerable. VOYLE (pen poised) Intolerable how? Exactly. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 25. 14 CONTINUED: 14 Voyle nods, unimpressed. MYRTLE (CONT'D) (extinguishes flame) Voyle, are you pouting? VOYLE No, Myrtle, I just... well, I must be honest. While it's certainly fun cancelling airline reservations and burning down gazebos it lacks (X) the... well, the scope of what I thought we were trying to do. MYRTLE I don't think you're quite seeing the whole picture, Voyle. This is just the violin section warming up. They overcome these little inconveniences together and they appreciate each other more. In the face of all this adversity... (opens a locket around her neck) ... he loves her for her feisty resolve... She gazes at the picture in the locket: a handsome young rake with a cocky smile. MYRTLE (CONT'D) ... she loves him for his quiet strength, the knowing way he draws her... (tears brimming) ... into his arms, comforting her... Observing her, Voyle scribbles a few notes on his pad. MYRTLE (CONT'D) ... whenever life's endless cruelties become too much for her. And she can't imagine a world without him. (snaps the locket shut) But that's exactly the world she's going to be living in. A world where the pain of simply being alive, and alone, is almost intolerable. VOYLE (pen poised) Intolerable how? Exactly. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 26. 14 CONTINUED: 2 14 Before she can answer, there's a BUZZ on his intercom. Voyle lifts the phone. VOYLE (CONT'D) Yes, Miss Grad? I see. (hangs up) Lois and Clark are here. Should I be panicking? MYRTLE Certainly not. (opens the bookcase) They're probably just checking a laundry list of all my former associates. Lie through your teeth and try not to sweat too much. She exits through the secret passage. 15 SAME SCENE - LATER 15 Lois and Clark in mid-interview. Voyle smiles. And sweats. LOIS So you were Myrtle's grief counselor after her fiancee died? VOYLE Yes. Oh, yes. CLARK When did she stop seeing you? VOYLE Oh, it was, ahhh... she was a patient for a very short time. I wasn't very effective in her case. Obviously. LOIS We came across something kind of interest, though. Out of the twenty or so weddings Myrtle disrupted, six participants became your patients. Seems like kind of a coincidence, doesn't it? VOYLE Well, there are very few therapists who specialize in cases of romantic grief. In fact, I'm the only one I know of here in Metropolis. So... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 26. 14 CONTINUED: 2 14 Before she can answer, there's a BUZZ on his intercom. Voyle lifts the phone. VOYLE (CONT'D) Yes, Miss Grad? I see. (hangs up) Lois and Clark are here. Should I be panicking? MYRTLE Certainly not. (opens the bookcase) They're probably just checking a laundry list of all my former associates. Smile, lie through (X) your teeth and try not to sweat too much. She exits through the secret passage. 15 SAME SCENE - LATER 15 Lois and Clark in mid-interview. Voyle smiles. And sweats. LOIS So you were Myrtle's grief counselor after her fiancee died? VOYLE Yes. Oh, yes. CLARK When did she stop seeing you? VOYLE Oh, it was, ahhh... she was a patient for a very short time. I wasn't very effective in her case. Obviously. CLARK And you haven't seen her since? (X) VOYLE Since what? (X) CLARK She was your patient. (X) VOYLE Since she was my patient, yes. I (X) mean, no. I mean, what you (X) think...said. Yes. Oh, yes. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 26A. 15 CONTINUED: 15 LOIS We came across something kind of interesting, though. Out of the (X) twenty or so weddings Myrtle disrupted, six participants became your patients. Seems like kind of a coincidence, doesn't it? VOYLE Well, there are very few therapists who specialize in cases of romantic grief. In fact, I'm the only one I know of here in Metropolis. So (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 27. 15 CONTINUED: 15 LOIS Do you know a reporter named Leo Nunk? VOYLE Nunk? No. No, I don't. LOIS Are you warm, Doctor? VOYLE (noting his own sweat) A bit. (big smile) Yes. CLARK Dr. Grumman, when you review your notes on Myrtle, any information you could give us would be greatly appreciated. He hands Voyle a card. VOYLE Conversely, if you should happen to undergo anything of a... grief-inducing nature, don't hesitate to call. Voyle hands over his card. 16 SAME SCENE - LATER - NIGHT #3 16 The office is empty, dark... and really creepy. The main door SQUEAKS open and Lois and Clark enter. CLARK X-raying this place I saw more secret passages than the Munster's house. LOIS Most couples are picking out china patterns, arguing over the seating chart... we're breaking and entering. (as Clark studies the walls) You see how to get into these passages? Clark fires an X-RAY BEAM. STAY ON HIS FACE as his eyes scan. Then he moves to the shelf. Pulls the books. The shelf slides open. --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 27. 15 CONTINUED: 2 15 LOIS Do you know a reporter named Leo Nunk? VOYLE Nunk? No. No, I don't. LOIS Are you warm, Doctor? VOYLE (noting his own sweat) A bit. (big smile, as if (X) remembering Myrtle's (X) dictum) (X) Yes. CLARK Dr. Grumman, when you review your notes on Myrtle, any information you could give us would be greatly appreciated. He hands Voyle a card. VOYLE Conversely, if you should happen to undergo anything of a... grief-inducing nature, don't hesitate to call. Voyle hands over his card. 16 SAME SCENE - LATER - NIGHT #3 16 The office is empty, dark... and really creepy. The main door SQUEAKS open and Lois and Clark enter. CLARK X-raying this place I saw -- (X) LOIS Don't tell me. A secret lair. (X) CLARK How'd you know? (X) LOIS _Please_. (X) Clark fires an X-RAY BEAM. STAY ON HIS FACE as his eyes scan. Then he moves to the shelf. Pulls the books. The shelf slides open. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 28. 17 EXT. UNDER THE BRIDGE - NIGHT 17 Voyle paces. Myrtle is icy calm. VOYLE It's that reporter, he turned us in, I'm telling you. MYRTLE Calm down, Voyle. VOYLE We have to get rid of him. MYRTLE His information's been awfully good... and awfully helpful. VOYLE Myrtle -- MYRTLE But if he has turned on us... 18 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - CORRIDOR - NIGHT 18 A brick panel has been opened, revealing an alcove and a secret file drawer. The drawer is open. From it, Clark extracts a file labelled BEECH, MYRTLE. He and Lois scan its contents in the gloomy light. LOIS Oh, my God... Clark, do you think this is true? CLARK I don't know, but why don't we go read this someplace a little safer? 19 EXT. UNDER BRIDGE - NIGHT 19 Nunk enters. Voyle and Myrtle turn. NUNK What's the big emergency? MYRTLE I need to show you something. She takes out a plain gold wedding band. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 28. 16 CONTINUED: 16 LOIS (CONT'D) Most couples are picking out china patterns, arguing over the seating chart... we're breaking and entering. 17 EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT 17 Voyle paces. Myrtle is icy calm. VOYLE It's that reporter, he turned us in, I'm telling you. MYRTLE Calm down, Voyle. VOYLE We have to get rid of him. MYRTLE His information's been awfully good... and awfully helpful. VOYLE Myrtle -- MYRTLE But if he has turned on us, we'll find out. 18 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - NIGHT 18 A brick panel has been opened, revealing a tiny alcove and a secret file drawer. The drawer is open. From it, Clark extracts a file labelled BEECH, MYRTLE. He and Lois scan its contents in the gloomy light. LOIS Oh, my God... Clark, do you think this is true? CLARK I don't know, but why don't we go read this someplace a little less (X) conspicuous? (X) 19 EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT 19 Nunk enters. Voyle and Myrtle turn. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 28A. 19 CONTINUED: 19 NUNK What's the big emergency? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 29. 19 CONTINUED: 19 MYRTLE (CONT'D) We're going to substitute this wedding band for the one Lois Lane has bought Clark Kent. Is it a good match? She hands it to Nunk. As he examines it, Myrtle and Voyle exchange a cruel smile. NUNK Yeah, I think so. MYRTLE But is it the right size? You and Clark seem to have similar hands slip it on... Nunk slips the ring onto his wedding finger. NUNK Yeah, seems all right. What's the plan here? MYRTLE The plan? Voyle takes out a small remote control box. MYRTLE (CONT'D) The plan is... Voyle hits a button. The ring on Nunk's finger emits a BOLT of ENERGY that envelopes the reporter in a shimmering net of light and power. He is stunned. MYRTLE ... with this ring, I thee dead. Nunk drops to his knees, body CRACKLING. The light dances across Myrtle and Voyle's faces. FADE OUT: _END OF ACT TWO_ --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 29. 19 CONTINUED: 19 MYRTLE I need to show you something. She takes out a plain gold wedding band. MYRTLE (CONT'D) We're going to substitute this wedding band for the one Lois Lane has bought Clark Kent. Is it a good match? She hands it to Nunk. As he examines it, Myrtle and Voyle exchange a cruel smile. NUNK Yeah, I think so. MYRTLE But is it the right size? You and Clark seem to have similar hands, slip it-on... Nunk slips the ring onto his wedding finger. NUNK Yeah, seems all right. What's the plan here? MYRTLE The plan? Voyle takes out a small remote control box. MYRTLE (CONT'D) The plan is... if you don't talk, (X) it's gonna be... (X) Voyle hits a button. The ring on Nunk's finger emits a BOLT of ENERGY that envelopes the reporter in a shimmering net of light and power. He is stunned. MYRTLE (CONT'D) ... with this ring, I thee dead. Nunk drops to his knees. (X) FADE OUT: _END OF ACT TWO_ --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 30. _ACT THREE_ FADE IN: 20 EXT. UNDER BRIDGE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS 20 The light around Nunk dies and he lies limp and semi-conscious on the floor as Myrtle and Voyle look on. VOYLE I know this is probably a bad time, Nunk but... (kneels down) could you maybe illuminate me a little on your mental state right now? You do know you're about to die, don't you? So which is worse, the physical pain or the certain knowledge your body is shutting down? Nunk MOANS. MYRTLE Voyle, quit your fooling. (kneels down) You talked to Lane and Kent, didn't you? What'd you tell 'em? You tell 'em, where to find me? You tell 'em, what the plan was? NUNK I didn't... tell them... anything... VOYLE Interesting. He's lying. MYRTLE How do you know? VOYLE I think everyone's lying He turns up the power. The light shroud around Voyle CRACKLES. He twitches, then his body relaxes. VOYLE (CONT'D) Oops. He shuts down. The light around Voyle fades. MYRTLE Oops? _Oops_? (feels for a pulse) You idiot, you killed him! (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 30. _ACT THREE_ FADE IN: 20 EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS 20(X) Nunk lies limp and semi-conscious on the floor as Myrtle (X) and Voyle look on. VOYLE I know this is probably a bad time, Nunk but (kneels down) could you maybe illuminate me a little on your mental state right now? You do know you could die, (X) don't you? So which is worse, the physical pain or the certain knowledge your body is shutting down? Nunk MOANS. MYRTLE Voyle, quit your fooling. (kneels down) You talked to Lane and Kent, didn't you? What'd you tell 'em? You tell 'em where to find me? You tell 'em what the plan was? NUNK I didn't... tell them... anything... VOYLE Interesting. He's lying. MYRTLE How do you know? VOYLE I don't, I just think everyone's (X) lying. He turns up the power. The light shroud around Voyle CRACKLES. He twitches, then his body relaxes. VOYLE (CONT'D) Oops. He shuts down. The light around Voyle fades. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 30A. 20 CONTINUED: 20 MYRTLE Oops? Oops? (feels f or a pulse) You idiot, you killed him! I didn't want this. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 31. 20 CONTINUED: 20 VOYLE Well, how do you think I feel? I never got to find out what he was thinking. I'm a therapist, these things are important to me. From around a dark corner, they hear a CLANG. They freeze. Myrtle pulls a small pistol out of her purse. Voyle draws one from his coat. 21 AROUND THE CORNER 21 we find Lamont, hiding, scared out of his mind. He hears Myrtle and Voyle approach. He sees a stack of boxes and slips behind them. Myrtle and Voyle look around the corner. See nothing. MYRTLE Get the ring off his finger and let's get out of here... They move out of sight. We MOVE TO Lamont behind the boxes, flipping open his cell phone, dialing 911. OPERATOR VOICE 911 Emergency... 22 INT. CLARK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 22 Lois and Clark flip through Voyle's file on Myrtle. CLARK All right, so let me get this straight. Myrtle's fiancee dies in that car crash... LOIS Right. CLARK Myrtle comes to Voyle. Voyle starts talking to some of Myrtle's friends, ostensibly to get a more thorough psychological portrait of her but... LOIS (flipping back a few pages) ... _but_ what he pieces together is that Myrtle's perfect fiancee wasn't so perfect after all. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 31. 20 CONTINUED: 2 20 VOYLE Well, how do you think I feel? I never got to find out what he was feeling. People's feelings are (X) important to me, I'm a therapist. (X) From around a dark corner, they hear a CLANG. They freeze. Myrtle pulls a small pistol out of her purse. Voyle draws one from his coat. 21 AROUND THE CORNER 21 we find Lamont, hiding, scared out of his mind. He hears Myrtle and Voyle approach. He sees a stack of boxes and slips behind them. Myrtle and Voyle look around the corner. See nothing. MYRTLE Get the ring off his finger and let's get out of here... They move out of sight. We MOVE TO Lamont behind the boxes, flipping open his cell phone, dialing 911. OPERATOR VOICE 911 Emergency... 22 INT. CLARK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 22 Lois and Clark flip through Voyle's file on Myrtle. CLARK All right, so let me get this straight. Myrtle's fiancee dies in that car crash... LOIS Right. CLARK Myrtle comes to Voyle. Voyle starts talking to some of Myrtle's friends, ostensibly to get a more thorough psychological portrait of her but... LOIS (flipping back a few pages) ... _but_ what he pieces together is that Myrtle's perfect fiancee wasn't so perfect after all. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 32. 22 CONTINUED: 22 CLARK Mr. Perfect was having an affair with... LOIS ... Emily the bridesmaid. No wonder she's so afraid of Myrtle. Look, it says here they were coming back from a hotel in separate cars, both ready to tell Myrtle the wedding was off... CLARK Ouch. LOIS ... when his car hit an ice patch and flipped into a ditch. So that was Myrtle's great lost love. CLARK And Voyle knows this and he's kept it from her. (reading) Look at this, this guy is really sick: 'Myrtle's emotions are the clay with which I will mold a creature driven by grief and pain...' See here? It was even his idea for her to disrupt that first wedding... At that moment, Clark SUPER-HEARS an ambulance SIREN. Lois sees him listening to the far-off CHATTER of men on radio. LOIS What? CLARK Ambulance... somebody's been electrocuted... they don't know if they can get him to the hospital in time... LOIS Go. CLARK You'll stay here. You won't go back to Dr. Grumman's without me? LOIS Clark, please. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 32. 22 CONTINUED: 22 CLARK Mr. Perfect was having an affair with... LOIS ... Emily the bridesmaid. No wonder she's so afraid of Myrtle. Look, it says here they were coming back from a hotel in separate cars, both ready to tell Myrtle the wedding was off... CLARK Ouch. LOIS ... when his car hit an ice patch and flipped into a ditch. So that was Myrtle's great lost love. CLARK And Voyle knows this and he's kept it from her. (reading) Look at this, this guy is really sick: 'All my life I have sought (X) to create a specimen of pure (X) rage. Myrtle's emotions are the (X) clay with which I will mold a creature driven by grief' and pain...' See here? It was even his idea for her to disrupt that first wedding... At that moment, Clark SUPER-HEARS an ambulance SIREN. Lois sees him listening to the far-off CHATTER of men on radio. LOIS What? CLARK Ambulance... somebody's been electrocuted... they don't know if they can get him to the hospital in time... LOIS Go. CLARK You'll stay here. You won't go back to Dr. Grumman's without me? LOIS Clark, come on... (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 33. 22 CONTINUED: 2 22 He kisses her, loosens his tie and moves off. We hear that budget-conscious WHOOSH. Lois scans the last page of the document. LOIS (CONT'D) (muttering) 'The key to Myrtle's extreme dysfunction is her total lack of...' She flips the page over. Nothing. The sentence hangs there, taunting her. She reaches for her purse. 23 EXT. UNDER BRIDGE - NIGHT 23 An ambulance drives up and SQUEALS to a stop just as Superman LANDS. He bends to Nunk. Feels for a pulse. The PARAMEDICS get out and also bend to Nunk. They shake their heads. HEAD PARAMEDIC He's dead, Superman. SUPERMAN I know this man... Who made the call? Lamont creeps out of the shadows. LAMONT I did. NUNK You saw who did this? LAMONT I was hiding back here, I didn't see anything but I heard... it was Myrtle Beech... and that doctor... SUPERMAN Voyle Grumman? (Lamont nods) How'd they kill him? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 33. 22 CONTINUED: 2 22 He kisses her, loosens his tie and moves off. We hear that budget-conscious WHOOSH. Lois scans the last page of the document. LOIS (CONT'D) (muttering) 'The key to Myrtle's extreme dysfunction is the total lack (X) of...' She flips the page over. Nothing. The sentence hangs there, taunting her. She reaches for her purse. 23 EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT 23(X) An ambulance drives up and SQUEALS to a stop just as Superman LANDS. He bends to Nunk. Feels for a pulse. The PARAMEDICS get out and also bend to Nunk. They shake their heads. HEAD PARAMEDIC He's dead, Superman. SUPERMAN I know this man... Who made the call? Lamont creeps out of the shadows. LAMONT I did. SUPERMAN You saw who did this? LAMONT I was hiding back here, I didn't see anything but I heard... it was Myrtle Beech... and that doctor ... SUPERMAN Voyle Grumman? (Lamont nods) How'd they kill him? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 33A. 23 CONTINUED: 23 LAMONT I don't know, some kind of electric thing... there was a bright light, then... (stops) They're going after Lois and Clark. You were right, Nunk made a deal with them, he's been slipping them information. They're crazy, I mean, really crazy... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 34. 23 CONTINUED: 23 LAMONT I don't know, some kind of electric thing... there was a bright light, then... (stops) They're going after Lois and Clark. You were right, Nunk made a deal with them, he's been slipping them information. They're crazy, I mean, really crazy... SUPERMAN You're preaching to the converted. The Head Paramedic comes up-to Superman. HEAD PARAMEDIC Superman, there's a fire at Mercy Hospital... they can't get the patients out. They need you, right now! 24 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - CORRIDOR - NIGHT 24 The brick wall is open. Lois rifles through the files. She hears a SLIDING SOUND and freezes. 25 INT. VOYLE'S OFFICE - NIGHT 25 As the bookcase slides open, Voyle and Myrtle move into the lair. MYRTLE Of course, we haven't even dealt with the real issue here. 26 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS 26 They move past the brick wall (now closed, the file cabinet hidden) behind which were found Voyle's secret files. VOYLE What's that? MYRTLE Whatever am I going to wear to Lois and Clark's wedding? VOYLE Maybe black. He glances at the brick -- and sees it isn't quite closed all the way. The seam is showing. His eyes flick to Myrtle. Has she noticed? But she sweeps right past. --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 34. 23 CONTINUED: 2 23 SUPERMAN You're preaching to the converted. The Head Paramedic comes up to Superman. HEAD PARAMEDIC Superman, there's a fire at Mercy Hospital... they can't get the patients out. They need you, right now! 24 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - NIGHT 24 The brick wall is open. Lois rifles through the files. LOIS (reads) '... key to Myrtle's dysfunction is the total lack of love she received as a child, combined with the trauma of losing her parents and fiancee...' (X) She hears a DOOR SOUND and freezes. 25 INT. VOYLE'S OFFICE - NIGHT 25 Voyle and Myrtle enter. MYRTLE Of course, we haven't even dealt with the real issue here. They move to the bookcase. It slides open. They enter the lair. VOYLE What's that? 26 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - NIGHT 26 MYRTLE Whatever am I going to wear to Lois and Clark's wedding? VOYLE Maybe black. They stand near the brick wall (now closed, the file cabinet hidden) behind which were found Voyle's secret files. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 35. 27 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - ALCOVE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS 27 Lois is in here with the files. She hears Voyle and Myrtle walk by, and she also notices the crack in the brick. MYRTLE (O.S.) No, no, I don't want to outshine the bride. As she hears them move off, Lois closes the brick wall all the way. 28 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS 28 Voyle and Myrtle enter. VOYLE You know, Voyle, I have a feeling we may not be safe here anymore. MYRTLE What do you mean? VOYLE Well, God knows if that idiot Nunk told anyone about us. MYRTLE Y'know, you're right, Voyle. Maybe we oughta move on outta here, check into the Mandaly Hotel, make that our new base, whaddaya say? VOYLE A truly excellent idea. MYRTLE I'll go register us, you pick up whatever we need, meet me. Voyle smiles. 29 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - ALCOVE - NIGHT 29 Lois glances at her watch. Moves to the wall and puts her ear there. Then, the wall is suddenly yanked open, revealing Voyle, with a gun. VOYLE Hello, Miss Lane. I see you've discovered my little secret about Myrtle. Too bad. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 35. 26 CONTINUED: 26 He glances at the brick -- and sees it isn't quite closed (X) all the way. The seam is showing. His eyes flick to Myrtle. Has she noticed? But she sweeps right past. (X) 27 INT. LAIR - ALCOVE - NIGHT 27(X) Lois is in here with the files. She hears the low murmur (X) of their voices and also notices the crack in the brick. (X) MYRTLE (O.S.) No, no, I don't want to outshine the bride. 28 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - NIGHT 28 Voyle takes Myrtle aside and whispers conspiratorially. (X) VOYLE You know, Myrtle, I have a feeling (X) we may not be safe here anymore. MYRTLE What do you mean? VOYLE Well, God knows if that idiot Nunk told anyone about us. MYRTLE Y'know, you're right, Voyle. Maybe we oughta move on outta here, check into the Mandaly Hotel, make that our new base, whaddaya say? VOYLE A truly excellent idea. MYRTLE I'll go register us, you pick up whatever we need, meet me. Voyle smiles. 29 INT. VOYLE'S LAIR - ALCOVE - NIGHT 29 Lois glances at her watch. Moves to the wall and puts her ear there. Then, the wall is suddenly yanked open, revealing Voyle, with a gun. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 36. 29 CONTINUED: 29 LOIS What kind of man are you, you take that poor, grief-stricken woman and turn her into a monster? VOYLE Correction, Miss Lane. (he snatches the file) I simply found the monster within the woman and coaxed it out. All I do now is feed it occasionally, and see that it's protected and -- LOIS -- and lie to her. She needs to know the truth about her fiancee; it could help her... maybe set her free from this obsession. VOYLE But Miss Lane, what about me? What about my studies? Myrtle is a singularly unique case. Grief and rage in perfect union, acting out with spectacular force. I've got so much to learn from her about pain... suffering... agony... the wonder of it all. And you and your happy fella are going to be a big part of that, which is why... (steps back) ... I'm letting you go. LOIS What? VOYLE (gestures) Go. Go through with your wedding, Miss Lane, because that's what Myrtle wants. LOIS I don't want to seem ungrateful, but you realize I'll _go_, right to the police... and Superman. VOYLE I wouldn't have it any other way. LOIS Which'll make you and Myrtle both fugitives from now on. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 36. 29 CONTINUED: 29 VOYLE Hello, Miss Lane. I see you've discovered my little secret about Myrtle. Too bad. LOIS What kind of man are you, taking (X) that poor, grief-stricken woman and turning her into a monster? (X) VOYLE Correction, Miss Lane. (he snatches the file) I simply found the monster within the woman and coaxed it out. All I do now is feed it occasionally, and see that it's protected. (X) LOIS Why? (X) VOYLE Well, I could say it's for sake of (X) science and that's partly true but (X) really, I need her. It's hard (X) to explain but I need what she (X) can feel. (X) LOIS But _she_ needs to know the truth (X) about her fiancee... (X) VOYLE Myrtle is a singularly unique (X) case. Grief and rage in perfect union, acting out with spectacular (X) force. I need to feel pain -- other people's pain -- and she's a (X) lifetime supply... as long as she's handled correctly. And you are a (X) big part of that handling, which (X) is why ... (steps back) ... I'm letting you go. LOIS What? VOYLE (gestures) Go. Go through with your wedding, Miss Lane, because that's what Myrtle wants. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 36. 29 CONTINUED: 2 29 LOIS I don't want to seem ungrateful, but you realize I'll _go_ right to the police... and Superman. VOYLE I wouldn't have it any other way. LOIS Which'll make you and Myrtle _both_ fugitives. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 37. 29 CONTINUED: 2 29 VOYLE Myrtle stashed away about fifty million before you packed her off to the giggle farm. We'll live well, she and I, travelling the world, looking for the cheeriest of pre-nuptial couples, so as to bring them the maximum amount of pain and suffering. Ours will be a happy life, devoted to misery. Lois makes a move for Voyle, but he backs up and FIRES at her feet, then aims at her heart. VOYLE (CONT'D) Now, I think it's time for us to go our separate ways -- for the moment. LOIS I just want you to know one thing. You haven't ruined my wedding. And you won't. Because my wedding isn't about a chapel or airline reservations... it's about the man I love, and what we have. And because you have no idea what I'm talking about, I feel sorry for you. She turns and leaves. Voyle regards her with a sick grin, then quickly ducks from sight. 30 EXT. STREET - NIGHT 30 Lois walks alone. Stops. The street is deserted. She looks up at the night sky. She is trying not to cry. A cop on his beat comes around the corner. It's Mike. MIKE You all right? LOIS Where were _you_ five minutes ago? MIKE Closer than you think. She looks at him. He smiles warmly. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 37. 29 CONTINUED: 3 29 VOYLE Myrtle stashed away about fifty million before you packed her off to the giggle farm. We'll live well, she and I, travelling the world., looking for the happiest pre-nuptial couples, bringing them the maximum agony. (almost wistful) A happy life, devoted to misery. Lois makes a move for Voyle, but he backs up and FIRES at her feet, then aims at her heart. VOYLE (CONT'D) Now, I think it's time for us to go our separate ways -- for the moment. LOIS I just want you to know one thing. You haven't ruined my wedding. And you won't. Because my wedding is about the man I love, and what we have. And because you have no idea what I'm talking about, I feel sorry for you. She turns and leaves. Voyle regards her with a sick grin, then quickly ducks from sight. 30 EXT. STREET - NIGHT 30 Lois walks alone. Stops. The street is deserted. She looks up at the night sky. She is trying not to cry. A cop on his beat comes around the corner. It's Mike. MIKE You all right? LOIS Where were _you_ five minutes ago? MIKE Closer than you think. She looks at him. He smiles warmly. And again, the sounds (X) of the world die down. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 38. 30 CONTINUED: 30 MIKE (CONT'D) You shouldn't be out here alone. There are people who love you. And I'll bet they're a little worried about you; maybe you ought to go talk to them. Lois is growing a bit foggy, as in Act One. LOIS Maybe I ought to go talk to them... MIKE I know it's hard, Lois, but you're doing just fine. LOIS (looking at him hard) I know you... I see you all the time... you talk to me when I need help... but I can never remember later. MIKE You remember what you feel; that's what's important. LOIS No, I want to remember you. Mike, your name is Mike. I want to remember all the times you talked to me, all the times you helped me ... and Clark... you help Clark, too... MIKE You need to see the people you love, Lois. LOIS ... people I love... MIKE (tips his hat) You go on and have a good night now, dear. He strolls off, whistling, melting into the shadows. Lois stands in a bit of a daze. She shakes her head to clear it. Looks in the direction of Mike's echoing whistle, but sees nothing. --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 38. 30 CONTINUED: 30 MIKE (CONT'D) You shouldn't be out here alone. There are people who love you. And I'll bet they're a little worried about you. (X) (X) LOIS (looking at him hard) I know you... I see you all the time... you talk to me when I need help... but I can never remember later. MIKE You remember what you feel; that's what's important. LOIS No, I want to remember you. Mike, your name is Mike. I want to remember all the times you talked to me, all the times you helped me... and Clark..you know Clark, (X) too... MIKE Everyone needs a little help now (X) and then. A nudge here, a whisper (X) there. Right now, you ought to (X) see the people you love, Lois. (tips his hat) (X) You go on and have a good night now, dear. He strolls off, whistling, melting into the shadows as the sounds of the city creep back in. Lois turns to walk off, feeling better than she did a few moments ago. Then stops. (X) Looks in the direction of Mike's echoing whistle, but sees (X) nothing. --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 39. 31 INT. DAILY PLANET - NIGHT 31 Lois, Clark, Jimmy, Perry, Martha, Jonathan, SAM and ELLEN. LOIS ... then Voyle let me go. The police haven't been able to get a lead on Myrtle or Voyle. They've disappeared. And that's where things stand. Wedding-wise. Pause. Everyone but Clark just stares at her in stunned disbelief. Then -- ELLEN Does anyone have an aspirin? Everyone in the room reaches for his or her private stash. ELLEN (CONT'D) Just two will be fine. She accepts them from whoever's seated closest. SAM Well, kids, it's pretty obvious the best way to handle this... LOIS We've decided -- SAM ... cancel the wedding and get as far from Metropolis as possible. LOIS -- just the opposite. Actually. MARTHA What? JONATHAN Now, Lois, I think you ought to listen to what Sam's saying. PERRY I gotta say I'm chiming in. JIMMY Ditto. CLARK Okay, but just hear us out. Let's say we go off to Kuala Lampur and find some secret missile silo and get married by the CIA... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 40. 31 CONTINUED: 31 LOIS ... and honeymoon at Camp David under armed guard. It's not going to stop there. As long as they're on the loose, they'll try and destroy us. CLARK So we've decided to set a trap. PERRY What kinda trap? LOIS A wedding trap. ELLEN Oh, I can't take much more of this. LOIS We're sticking to the same date, same time. We don't want to endanger anyone else so it'll just be Clark and me... and Superman and -- JONATHAN Now just hold on, you two. If there's trouble, we're not running from it. MARTHA We're your family. Family doesn't run from trouble. JIMMY Neither do friends, right, Chief? PERRY You tell us where and when, we'll be there with Kevlar and rice. SAM I'd never tell a bride how to get married. Would you, Ellen? ELLEN Well, it's all very _you_, Lois, (to the others) She always had to be different than the other kids. She kisses her daughter on the cheek. --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 40. 31 CONTINUED: 31 LOIS ... and honeymoon at Camp David under armed guard. It's not going to stop there. As long as they're on the loose, she'll try and (X) destroy us. JIMMY Technically, then, her name oughta (X) be... The Happiness Destroyer. (X) (Perry glares) (X) What? (X) CLARK We've decided to set a trap. (X) PERRY What kinda trap? LOIS A wedding trap. ELLEN Oh, I can't take much more of this. LOIS We're sticking to the same date, same time. We don't want to endanger anyone else so it'll just be Clark and me... and Superman and -- JONATHAN Now just hold on, you two. If there's trouble, we're not running from it. MARTHA We're your family. Family doesn't run from trouble. JIMMY Neither do friends, right, Chief? PERRY You tell us where and when, we'll be there with Kevlar and rice. SAM I'd never tell a bride how to get married. Would you, Ellen? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 41. 32 EXT. STREET - DAY #4 32 Ellen exits a jewelry store, holding a small shopping bag. 33 ACROSS THE STREET - IN AN ALLEY 33 Myrtle hands a gold band to Voyle, who puts it in a jewelry box and hands it to a PICKPOCKET. The Pickpocket leaves the alley -- 34 CROSSES THE STREET 34 to Ellen, 'bumps' into her and switches Ellen's jewelry box out and Myrtle's in. 35 BACK IN THE ALLEY 35 Lois' simple gold band is dropped by Voyle into Myrtle's hand. MYRTLE Lois Lane's wedding band. VOYLE I think it was a stroke of genius making her the target, Myrtle. Whatever made you think of that? MYRTLE Something you said, actually... VOYLE (feigning surprise) Really. MYRTLE That Lois doesn't seem to suffer as much as Clark. Or at least not as well. I think you said a lifetime of misery'll wear better on Clark. MYRTLE (modestly) Hm. Well. VOYLE (examines the ring) Pretty, don't you think? VOYLE If you like that sort of thing. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Yellow Rev. 8/15/96 41. 31 CONTINUED: 2 31 ELLEN Well, it's all very _you_, Lois. (to the others) She always had to be different than the other kids. She kisses her daughter on the cheek. ELLEN (CONT'D) So. Your ring's still at the (X) jeweler's being cleaned? I assume (X) you'll be wanting it. (X) 32 EXT. STREET - DAY #4 32 Ellen exits a jewelry store, holding a small shopping bag. 33 ACROSS THE STREET - IN AN ALLEY 33 Myrtle hands a gold band to Voyle, who puts it in a jewelry box and hands it to a PICKPOCKET. The Pickpocket leaves the alley -- 34 CROSSES THE STREET 34 to Ellen, 'bumps' into her and -- ELLEN Pardon _me_. -- switches Ellen's jewelry box out and Myrtle's in. 35 BACK IN THE ALLEY 35 Lois' simple gold band is dropped by Voyle into Myrtle's hand. Voyle pays the Pickpocket, who lopes off. MYRTLE Lois Lane's wedding band. VOYLE I think it was a stroke of genius making her the target, Myrtle. Whatever made you think of that? MYRTLE Something you said, actually ... VOYLE (feigning surprise) Really. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 42. 35 CONTINUED: 35 MYRTLE I never saw mine. Roger had it on him when he... (stops) VOYLE Just one more reminder of how unfair it all is, Myrtle. If this were a world where anyone deserved to be happy, Roger would be alive... and you'd have the perfect marriage. MYRTLE I know... VOYLE Instead you're a fugitive, an outcast... but you're not a victim. Are you? MYRTLE (as her fist closes around the ring) Oh, no. Not at all. FADE OUT: _END OF ACT THREE_ --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Pink Rev. 8/14/96 42. 35 CONTINUED: 35 MYRTLE That Lois doesn't seem to suffer as much as Clark. Or at least not as well. I think you said a lifetime of misery'll wear better on Clark. VOYLE (modestly) Hm. Well. MYRTLE (examines the ring) Pretty, don't you think? VOYLE If you like that sort of thing. MYRTLE I never saw mine. Roger had it on him when he... (stops) VOYLE Just one more reminder of how unfair it all is, Myrtle. If this were a world where anyone deserved to be happy, Roger would be alive... and you'd have the perfect marriage. MYRTLE I know... VOYLE Instead you're a fugitive, an outcast... but you're not a victim. Are you? MYRTLE (as her fist closes around the ring) Oh, no. Not at all. FADE OUT: _END OF ACT THREE_ --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 58. _ACT FOUR_ FADE IN: 36 EXT. CHAPEL - DAY - TO ESTABLISH 36 37 INT. CHAPEL - DAY 37 Jimmy, in tux, is playing the Wedding March. He nervously flubs a note and glances back at a tuxedoed Clark, who stands with an elegantly-dressed Ellen, Martha and Jonathan Perry, the stand-in minister again, glances around. He leans down to Clark. PERRY You, uh, you definitely decided no cops? CLARK (nods) We don't want anything to scare them away. PERRY But you're sure Superman's around? CLARK I'm sure. You okay? PERRY (dabs his forehead) I'm fine. Just a little... (glances around, uneasy) ... close in here. Jonathan pats his pockets. Turns to Ellen. JONATHAN Ellen, do you have the, uhh...? She opens her clutch and -- 38 CLOSE ON THEIR HANDS 38 as she hands the fatal wedding band to him. 39 BACK TO SCENE 39 as Lois appears, in a spectacular wedding gown. Her father accompanies her down the aisle. There are no other guests. She joins Clark and the others. Perry clears his throat. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 44. 39 CONTINUED: 39 PERRY Ahh, dearly beloved -- BANG! Everybody SCREAMS and jumps a foot. Clark nearly tears his shirt open. Then they all see it's just a door that's blown open in the breeze. PERRY (CONT'D) Okay, everybody, all right, let's just ahh, you know, stay calm. Let's see here... Clark, uh, do you Clark take Lois to be your lawfully wedded wife? CLARK I do. PERRY And uh, do you Lois -- ? LOIS (quickly) I do, I do. CLARK (glances around) We've got to slow this down, she's not here yet. PERRY (also quickly) Okay, Clark, the ring? ELLEN How romantic. Clark turns back to his father and -- 40 CLOSE ON A SERIES OF HANDS 40 as Jonathan gives the ring to Clark and Clark takes it, then slips it onto Lois' finger as we hear -- PERRY (O.S.) Repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed... CLARK (O.S.) With this ring, I thee wed... And as the ring is slipped on Lois' finger -- 41 BACK TO SCENE 41 Clark feels the ring. Something odd. He X-RAYS it. --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 44. 39 CONTINUED: 39 PERRY Ahh, dearly beloved -- BANG! Everybody SCREAMS and jumps a foot. Clark nearly tears his shirt open. Then they all see it's just a door that's blown open in the breeze. PERRY (CONT'D) Okay, everybody, all right, let's just ahh, you know, stay calm. Let's see here... Clark, uh, do you Clark take Lois to be your lawfully wedded wife? CLARK I do. PERRY And uh, do you Lois -- ? LOIS (quickly) I do, I do. CLARK (glances around) We've got to slow this down, she's not here yet. PERRY (also quickly) Okay, Clark, the ring? ELLEN How romantic. Clark turns back to his father and -- 40 CLOSE ON A SERIES OF HANDS 40 as Jonathan gives the ring to Clark and Clark takes it, then slips it onto Lois' finger as we hear -- PERRY (O.S.) Repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed... CLARK (O.S.) With this ring, I thee wed... And as the ring is slipped on Lois' finger -- 41 OMITTED 41(X) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 45. 42 CLOSE ON RING - HIS X-RAY 42 revealing its electronic innards and -- 43 BACK TO SCENE 43 as Clark reaches to tear it off and Lois' body is suddenly ALIGHT with arcs of ELECTRICITY. She crumples in his arms as he tries to absorb the shock, then -- MYRTLE (O.S.) Get away -- Everyone whirls. Myrtle and Voyle are at the door. Myrtle is holding the remote. MYRTLE (CONT'D) -- or she dies. Clark sees Myrtle's thumb on the button. He makes a move for her. She hits the button. A fresh arc of electricity courses through Lois' limp body. CLARK NOOOO! MYRTLE Then do what I say. CLARK All right. All right. I'm not moving. No one's moving, now please... The energy around Lois dies down. MYRTLE We're going now. I just wanted one good look at her, right on the edge here, one little button push from the eternal. (to Clark) And you. You look pretty scared. Well, you should be. (backs out) 'Cause this thing -- (the remote) -- has a ten mile range, so don't even think about following us. I don't care if you're as fast as Superman, I see anybody coming after us, my thumb hits the button and she dies. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 45. 42 OMITTED 42(X) 43 BACK TO SCENE 43 Lois' body is suddenly ALIGHT with arcs of ELECTRICITY. She crumples in his arms then -- MYRTLE (O.S.) Get away -- Everyone whirls. Myrtle and Voyle are at the door. Myrtle is holding the remote. MYRTLE (CONT'D) -- or she dies. Clark sees Myrtle's thumb on the button. He makes a move for her. She hits the button. A fresh arc of electricity courses through Lois' limp body. CLARK NOOOO! MYRTLE Then do what I say. CLARK All right. All right. I'm not moving. No one's moving, now please... The energy around Lois dies down. MYRTLE We're going now. I just wanted one good look at her, right on the edge here, one little button push from the eternal. (to Clark) And you. You look pretty scared. Well, you should be. (backs out) 'Cause this thing -- (the remote) -- has a ten mile range, so don't even think about following us. I don't care if you're as fast as Superman, I see anybody coming after us, my thumb hits the button and she dies. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 46. 43 CONTINUED: 43 CLARK (moving to her) You're gonna kill her anyway -- MYRTLE You don't know that. And you don't want to risk it. I mean, who knows what I'm gonna do? I'm nuts, right? And that's just close enough. Clark stops. SAM We've got to call an ambulance. ELLEN Don't do this to my daughter. CLARK Myrtle, you need help... MYRTLE Oh, I remember the last time you tried to help. Three years in the wacky factory. CLARK We didn't understand then what was really wrong with you... MYRTLE What's wrong with me is, I lost the one perfect man I ever -- CLARK No, that's not true. (points to Voyle) He's been lying to you. VOYLE (writing that down) Mmmm, desperation. Good, very good. Lois is starting to come around. Her hand moves to the ring. CLARK Myrtle, we found out something... your fiancee was going to leave you. He was in love with your friend, Emily. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 47. 43 CONTINUED: 2 43 MYRTLE How dare you. How _dare_ you sully his name. VOYLE (points to Lois) Maybe you should finish her off now... MYRTLE (threatens with remote) You just hold it, Missy, or you're gonna get the perm of a lifetime! CLARK Voyle's got a secret file on you, we read it; he twisted everything that happened. He's kept you believing Roger was perfect so he could use you but Roger wasn't perfect, he was going to leave you. MYRTLE That's a lie! LOIS (weakly, sitting up) No, it's not. (everyone turns to Lois as she gathers strength) He died on his way to the church. He was driving there to tell you it was over. CLARK And Emily's car was right behind his... wasn't it? They were together, Myrtle. LOIS We read every word of that in Voyle's file. Lois and Clark can see they're getting to her. So can Voyle. VOYLE Oh, for God's sake, Myrtle... MYRTLE Shut up. LOIS You're some kind of sick experiment to him. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 48. 43 CONTINUED: 3 43 CLARK Who's been telling you all this time how your one chance for happiness was ripped away? Who's been pushing you to hurt others, to strike back? Who killed Nunk? LOIS Who's the one who _really_ needs help here, Myrtle? Myrtle levels a look at Voyle, who seems to be getting more twitchy by the second. VOYLE Myrtle... She SMASHES Voyle across the jaw. He drops. Clark moves toward Myrtle. But she whirls on him. Finger on the button. MYRTLE I've got nothing now, thanks to you two! Not a friend in this world, not even a memory -- (rip her locket off) -- of being happy! Nothing! LOIS No. You've got the truth. MYRTLE Being alone, that's the truth. (to Clark) Maybe I ought to show you what _that_ feels like. Her finger is on that button. Lois freezes. Clark takes a slow, tentative step toward Myrtle. CLARK You can do that, Myrtle, you have the power. But look where you are. You remember what all this felt like, don't you? The hope you had in your heart; the life you dreamed of, right in front of you. Well, now that life is right in front of me... all of us... and you hold those lives in the palm of your hand. (moves to her slowly, holding out his hand) You don't want to do this anymore. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 49. 43 CONTINUED: 4 43 CLARK (CONT'D) Stop and you'll get the help need... you'll start your life over... But end this, Myrtle, end it now. Everyone is stone still, holding their breath. Tears spring out of Myrtle's eyes. She starts to cry. Clark moves to her gently and takes the remote. Then turns to Lois -- just as she faints. Everyone moves to her. 44 EXT. CHAPEL - DAY 44 A cuffed Voyle is led to a squad carl along with a cuffed Myrtle. They both look miserable. Voyle is put in the car. Myrtle stands on the curb, waiting her turn. She sees a minister smelling some flowers outside the church. He turns to her. It's Mike. MIKE It's all right, Myrtle. We'll talk later. You're going to be just fine. Something in her heart seems to lighten as Mike smiles at her. She gets into the car and peels off. 45 INT. CLARK'S APARTMENT - DAY 45 Lois is still in her gown, lying on her back. Clark is applying a cold towel to her forehead. CLARK You okay? LOIS Considering we've just had our second wedding which failed to result in an actual marriage as the result... I think I'm holding up pretty well. CLARK Why don't we give it a third try? LOIS Where? How? We've been so busy trying to stay alive, we haven't planned a real wedding... CLARK I have a sudden inspiration. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Yellow Rev. 8/15/96 49. 43 CONTINUED: 4 43 CLARK (CONT'D) Stop and you'll get the help you need... you'll start your life over... But end this, Myrtle, end it now. Everyone is stone still, holding their breath. Tears spring out of Myrtle's eyes. She starts to cry. Clark moves to her gently and takes the remote. Then turns to Lois -- just as she faints. Everyone moves to her. 44 EXT. CHAPEL - DAY 44 A cuffed Voyle is led to a squad car, along with a cuffed Myrtle. They both look miserable. Voyle is put in the car. Myrtle stands on the curb, waiting her turn. She sees a minister smelling some flowers outside the church. He turns to her. It's Mike. MIKE It's all right, Myrtle. We'll talk later. You're going to be just fine. Something in her heart seems to lighten as Mike smiles at her. She gets into the car and peels off. 45 INT. CLARK'S APARTMENT - DAY 45 Lois is still in her gown, lying on her back. Clark is applying a cold towel to her forehead. CLARK You okay? LOIS Considering we've just had our second wedding which failed to result in an actual _marriage_... (X) I think I'm holding up pretty well. CLARK How do you feel about a little trip? LOIS Where? He gathers her up in his arms and carries her off screen. WE INCLUDE a TV in the background, sound very low. On the screen, a REPORTER is standing in the street, holding a microphone. That reporter is Mike. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 50. 45 CONTINUED: 45 He gathers her up in his arms and carries her off screen. WE INCLUDE a TV in the background, sound very low. On the screen, a REPORTER is standing in the street, holding a microphone. That reporter is Mike. 46 EXT. SKY - DAY 46 Clark, still in his tux, and Lois, still in her gown, soar into sight. LOIS Clark, where are we going? CLARK Well, we're going to... to, uhhh... I thought you... I thought this was your idea. LOIS Clark, you're flying as... as Clark. CLARK (looks down at himself) What's going on? LOIS Maybe we'd better land. 47 EXT. A MOUNTAINTOP - SUNSET 47 We are atop a grassy peak, looking out over as gorgeous a vista of light-dappled clouds as we can imagine. Lois and Clark land. LOIS Do you know where we are? CLARK Ahhh, no. Mike, still in his minister garb, strolls up the hill. MIKE You beat me here. Guess I should've known. CLARK Who... ? (looks close) You look familiar, do I -- ? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 50. 45 CONTINUED: 45 MIKE ... and again, all those who can fly under their own power, will be making themselves and their fiancees airborne and flying due West... 46 EXT. SKY - DAY 46 Clark, still in his tux, and Lois, still in her gown, soar into sight. LOIS Where are we going? CLARK Don't you feel it, though? The (X) further West we go, the more... (X) right it feels. (X) LOIS (nods) (X) It's here. We should land. (X) (X) 47 EXT. A MOUNTAINTOP - SUNSET 47 We are atop a grassy peak, looking out over as gorgeous a vista of light-dappled clouds as we can imagine. Lois and Clark land. LOIS Do you know where we are? (X) Before he can answer, Mike, back in his minister garb, (X) strolls up the hill. MIKE You beat me here. Guess I should've known. CLARK (looks close) (X) You look familiar, do I -- ? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 51. 47 CONTINUED: 47 MIKE You know me, Clark. CLARK (in that fog again) I know you... MIKE And you too, Lois. I'm -- LOIS Mike... CLARK Mike hey, hi. Nice to see you again... They shake his hand. LOIS Do we get to remember this time, Mike? (to Clark) All my life, he's been there to give me just a little nudge, a little encouragement, but I never get to remember... CLARK Me either. Where are we, Mike? Jimmy and Perry come up the hill -- PERRY I have no idea where we are, Olsen, I just turned around and -- JIMMY Hey, Mike is here. They both greet Mike warmly. PERRY Mike, how are you, good to see you. MIKE Jimmy, Perry, glad you could make it. Jonathan and Martha and Ellen and Sam come up the hill now. MARTHA Mike? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 51. 47 CONTINUED: 47 MIKE You know me, Clark. CLARK Of course I do... (X) MIKE And you too, Lois. I'm -- LOIS Mike... (X) They shake his hand. LOIS Do we get to remember this time, Mike? (to Clark) All my life, he's been there to give me just a little nudge, like the other night, he was a cop... CLARK And a gardener... always there with a little encouragement, but we never get to remember... LOIS What are you, Mike? Are you -- ? Are you a -- ? MIKE (shrugs; simply) I've got the best job in the world, Lois. I look out for people. CLARK (looking around) (X) This place is beautiful. (X) MIKE And not on any map. (X) Jimmy and Perry come up the hill -- PERRY I have no idea where we are, Olsen, I just turned around and -- --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Yellow Rev. 8/15/96 51. 47 CONTINUED: 2 47 JIMMY (re: Mike) (X) Hey, who's -- ? (X) MIKE You remember. Everyone remembers (X) today. (X) They both greet Mike warmly. JIMMY Mike. (X) PERRY Mike, how are you, good to see you. MIKE Jimmy, Perry, glad you could make it. Jonathan and Martha and Ellen and San come up the hill now. MARTHA Mike? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 52. 47 CONTINUED: 2 47 The four parents all greet Mike warmly. He shakes everyone's hand, then -- MIKE Well, I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get started. LOIS Started with what? MIKE It's time for you two to get married. LOIS But I -- we haven't prepared anything... MIKE You've prepared all the important things, Lois. You've got your friends, your family, it's a pretty nice day. (tugs his collar) You've even got a broken down old minister. CLARK (to Lois) I think we ought to know by now, we should just... listen to Mike. Everyone nods and chimes in agreement. They all assume their places for the wedding. Clark takes Lois' hand. And from far off, the distant sound of a CHORUS -- spiralling, acapella harmonies, growing in volume and beauty throughout the ceremony. MIKE Well. To say this was a long time coming would be the understatement of the century. (everyone chuckles) I've known all of you a long time, haven't I? (everyone agrees) Especially you two. You've kept me pretty busy. But I think with everything that's happened, you guys have learned something. Love survives. Survives any joy, any sorrow; all the rights, all the wrongs; even life and death. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Gold Rev. 8/20/96 52. 47 CONTINUED: 3 47 The four parents all greet Mike warmly. He shakes everyone's hand, then -- MIKE Well, I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get started. LOIS Started? MIKE It's time for you two to get married. LOIS But I -- we haven't prepared anything... MIKE You've prepared all the important things, Lois. You've got your friends, your family, it's a pretty nice day. (tugs his collar) You've even got a broken down old minister. CLARK Look, everyone needs to know, this isn't some evil genius, cloned, amnesiac, fake-out? Because (X) there'd be a riot. (X) Everyone present nods in agreement. MIKE Clark. I'm just here to help you both get what you've wanted for so long -- what everyone's been waiting for so patiently... and praying for so hard. (smiles) Sometimes it takes us a while, but we're always listening. Shall we? They all assume their places for the wedding. Clark takes Lois' hand. And from far off, the distant sound of a CHORUS -- spiralling, acappella harmonies, growing in volume and beauty throughout the ceremony. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Yellow Rev. 8/15/96 52A. 47 CONTINUED: 4 47 MIKE Well. Glad I could get you all (X) here. To say this was a long time (X) coming would be the understatement of the century. (everyone chuckles) I've known all of you a long time, haven't I? (everyone agrees) Especially you two. You've kept me pretty busy. But I think with everything that's happened, you guys have learned something. Love survives. Survives any joy, any sorrow; all the rights, all the wrongs; even life and death. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 53. 47 CONTINUED: 3 47 MIKE (CONT'D) You know that now, just like you know that you've finally come to the right time and the right place. Clark? Lois and Clark join hands. CLARK Lois, I have loved you from the moment I saw you. And now we begin to DISSOLVE IN a montage of Lois images, LAID OVER this scene, as Clark continues: CLARK (CONT'D) I love your humor; your passion. The way you dive right in... even when you shouldn't. Because you refuse to just watch the world. You demand that it be a better place, and because of you, it is. And today, I want to give you as much of the world as I can. So I give you my heart, my soul... and our future. He slips the ring on her finger. The MONTAGE of Lois FADES. MIKE Lois? LOIS Clark, you're my best friend. And now we DISSOLVE IN a series of Clark and Superman moments, LAID OVER this scene as Lois continues: LOIS (CONT'D) That means everything to me, because I never had a best friend. And falling in love with you was so easy, I don't know why I fought it for so long. Because you have such gentle grace; such quiet strength; but mostly, such incredible kindness. I've never known anyone with as selfless and pure a heart. So today, I give you my love, my honor... and our life together. The MONTAGE of Clark FADES. She slips the ring on her finger. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Gold Rev. 8/20/96 53. 47 CONTINUED: 5 47 MIKE (CONT'D) You know that now, just like you know that you've finally come to the right time and the right place. Clark? Lois and Clark join hands. CLARK Lois, I have loved you from the moment I saw you. I love your humor; your passion. The way you dive right in... even when you shouldn't. Because you refuse to just watch the world. You demand that it be a better place, and because of you, it is. And today, I want to give you as much of the world as I can. So I give you my heart, my soul... and our future. He slips the ring on her finger. MIKE Lois? LOIS Clark, you're my best friend. Until I met you, I never had a (X) best friend. And falling in love with you was so easy, I don't know why I fought it for so long. Because you have such gentle grace; such quiet strength; but mostly, such incredible kindness. I've never known anyone with as pure a heart. So today, I give you my love, my honor... and our life together. She slips the ring on his finger. MIKE Lois, Clark. I now pronounce you husband and wife. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 54. 47 CONTINUED: 4 47 MIKE Lois, Clark. I now pronounce you man and wife. They don't have to be told what to do next. And they do it beautifully as the CHORUS CRESCENDOES and we slowly DISSOLVE OUT. 48 INT. CLARK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT #4 48 We are TIGHT ON Lois's face. Eyes closed, sleeping. Suddenly, her eyes snap open. LOIS Oh, no... She looks around. LOIS (CONT'D) Oh, God, don't tell me it was a -- She looks at her left hand. Sees the wedding band. SUPERMAN (O.S.) It wasn't. She looks up. REVEAL now that she's still in her wedding dress. He comes in with suitcases. Sets them down as she gets to her feet. SUPERMAN We're married. See? He picks up an official looking certificate of marriage off the coffee table. Next to it sits a framed photo of the wedding party atop the mountain. SUPERMAN (CONT'D) It's official. LOIS What are we doing back here? SUPERMAN We just flew back to pick up some things for the honeymoon. You must've dozed off. I don't blame you. It was a big day. She sets the certificate back down and picks up the photo. LOIS Clark, what was the minister's name? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Gold Rev. 8/20/96 54. 47 CONTINUED: 6 47 They don't have to be told what to do next. And they do it beautifully as the CHORUS CRESCENDOES and we slowly DISSOLVE OUT. MIKE And this time you'll remember everything... (smiles) ... well, everything but... And before we hear the end of that sentence, we -- DISSOLVE TO: 48 INT. CLARK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT #4 48 We are TIGHT ON Lois's face. Eyes closed, sleeping. Suddenly, her eyes snap open. LOIS Oh, no... She looks around. LOIS (CONT'D) Oh, God, don't tell me it was a dream. (X) She looks at her left hand. Sees the wedding band. Relaxes. Smiles. CLARK (O.S.) I don't think so, honey, unless (X) everyone else in the world is (X) dreaming, too. (X) She looks up. REVEAL now that she's still in her wedding dress. He comes in with an enormous pile of wedding gifts and adds them to an even more enormous pile on the floor. CLARK The presents are still pouring (X) in... She picks up an official looking certificate of marriage off the coffee table. Next to it sits a framed photo of the wedding party atop the mountain. CLARK (CONT'D) ...and about a hundred telegrams, including... (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" White Rev. 8/22/96 54A. 48 CONTINUED: 48 He hands her a telegram. She notes the wedding band on his left hand. LOIS (reading) 'Dear Lois and Clark. _Finally_. Best Wishes on the Wedding We've All Been Waiting For, The President of the United States.' CLARK Okay, we're all packed for the honeymoon -- (ducks into the next room, O.S.) -- our Estimated Time of Arrival in Hawaii -- (re-emerges with bags as --) SUPERMAN -- two minutes. The phone rings. Superman picks up. (X) SUPERMAN (CONT'D) Two minutes, fifteen seconds. (X) Hello? Hi, Mom. Yeah, it sure (X) was... Well, we'll have a big (X) party when we get back. Okay. Hi (X) to Dad. I love you, too. (X) (hangs up) Mom and Dad say 'Hi'. Ready? (X) She has set the telegram down and picked up the photo. Studies it. LOIS It was so simple, so beautiful, the way it just happened. Like we'd been trying to find that hill and that sunset, all our lives. He holds her. SUPERMAN We were. LOIS But... what was the minister's name? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" McNamara 8/5/96 55. 48 CONTINUED: 48 SUPERMAN It was ahhh... it was... LOIS He looks so familiar. SUPERMAN I know. Reverend, ahhh... It'll come to me. We should go, we don't want to miss the luau. She embraces him. LOIS This is it... isn't it? SUPERMAN (nods) This is the moment our lives really start. MOVE off them TO THE PICTURE on the table. LOIS (O.S.) I love you. PUSH IN ON Mike's face. SUPERMAN (O.S.) I love you. The photo of Mike suddenly COMES TO LIFE and he smiles at US. WIDEN to include Lois and Superman as they kiss, lifting off the floor and we... FADE OUT: _THE END_ --page break-- "SWEAR ... WE'RE NOT KIDDING" Green Rev. 8/16/96 55. 48 CONTINUED: 2 48 SUPERMAN It was ahhh... it was... LOIS Isn't that funny? (X) SUPERMAN Reverend, ahhh... It'll come to (X) me. (X) She sets the picture down. Wind blows through the open (X) windows, catching her hair, her dress, his cape. (X) SUPERMAN You ready? (X) LOIS This is it... isn't it? SUPERMAN (nods) The moment our lives really start. (X) MOVE off them TO THE PICTURE on the table. LOIS (O.S.) I love you, Clark. (X) PUSH IN ON Mike's face. SUPERMAN (O.S.) I love you, Lois. (X) The photo of Mike suddenly COMES TO LIFE and he smiles at US. WIDEN to include Lois and Superman as they kiss, lifting off the floor and we... FADE OUT: _THE END_