To pop everything into place... use Courier 10 (or 10 characters per inch) set top margin at 0.5", bottom margin at 0.5" (or minimums) (I had to tell the program that my primitive printer was using legal-size paper) left margin at 1", right margin at .25 (or minimum) * and (X) used in script probably mean "this line changed from previous version" Notes: Cover: "I Now Pronounce You..", Written by Chris Ruppenthal [and] Directed by Jim Pohl are all in large bolt print. The remainder of the text is in Courier 10 (10 characters per inch) Typos noted: none noted --page break-- (graphic - insert logo.bmp or logo.jpg) "I Now Pronounce You.. ." EPISODE FIFTEEN Prod. #457415 Written by Chris Ruppenthal Directed by Jim Pohl _Production Draft_ December 13, 1995 FULL Blue 12/19/95 --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_And I Now Pronounce You..._" FULL Blue 12/19/95 _CAST_ CLARK KENT/SUPERMAN LOIS LANE JIMMY OLSEN PERRY WHITE MARTHA KENT JONATHAN KENT _________________________________________________________________ ELLEN LANE SAM LANE DR. MAMBA PRESIDENT/FAKE PRESIDENT WALKER/FAKE WALKER CINDY REVEREND BOB CHURCH DEACON PHIL AGENT ROBERTS MANAGER DELIVERY DRIVER MAID --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_And I Now Pronounce You..._" FULL Blue 12/19/95 _LOCATIONS_ _INTERIORS_: _EXTERIORS_: Daily Planet Daily Planet Newsroom Conference Room Church Clark's Apartment Phil's Pet Palace Lois's Apartment * Metropolis Diamond Hotel Lois's Fire Escape Lobby Suite 4010 Street Presidential Suite Lobby Church Jeep --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_And I Now Pronounce You..._" FULL Blue 12/19/95 _CHRONOLOGY_ SC. 1 - 2 NIGHT 1 SC. 3 - 5 NIGHT 2 SC. 6 - 24 DAY 3 SC. 25 - 42 NIGHT 3 * SC. 43 - 47 DAY 4 * SC. 48 - 50 NIGHT 4 --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ _The New Adventures Of Superman_ "And I Now Pronounce You..." _TEASE_ FADE IN: 1 INT. CLARK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT #1 1 CLARK lounges in mid-air, watching a basketball game on TV; he's completely at ease. He munches a few chips from a bag as he follows the game. TV ANNOUNCER (V.0.) ... gets the ball to Shaq, who spins, drives hard and OH! He slams that one home for two! CLARK Yes! The phone RINGS. Clark, still holding the chips bag, drifts over and answers it. CLARK (CONT'D) Hello? LOIS (V.O.) (distraught) Oh, Clark, you're there! It's horrible, it's terrible, it's -- CLARK (alarmed) Lois! ZOOOM! He blurs out his open window. The bag of chips hits the ground. 2 INT. LOIS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 2 SUPERMAN zooms through the open window and screeches to a halt behind LOIS, who's still on the phone, her back to the window. She's in mid-conversation. SUPERMAN What's the matter?! LOIS (jumps) Ahh! You scared me! (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 2. 2 CONTINUED: 2 SUPERMAN You said something horrible was happening. She relaxes now. LOIS Oh. No. It's just that, oh (in a neurotic rush) ... we're getting married in four days and I've never been happier in my life and I just know something bad's going to happen to mess it up. I Just know it. SUPERMAN That's it? LOIS (defensive) Well, yeah. SUPERMAN (smiles; hugging her) Nothing's going to happen, Lois. You're just nervous. So am I. LOIS Really? SUPERMAN (nods) Well, maybe not as much as you, but... sure. Look, we took the whole week off, we don't have any stories to investigate, it's going to be fine. The scariest thing that's going to happen is that tomorrow night we have to pick up our parents at the airport. LOIS But... but... I've had this weird feeling all evening. Superman theatrically walks to her front door, opens it, and pokes his head out, looking around. SUPERMAN Maybe it was those three chocolate shakes you had at lunch. Nope, not a bad guy in sight. Superman steps back as Lois sheepishly looks out, then turns her back to the open door. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 3. 2 CONTINUED: 2 2 LOIS I know what you must be thinking, but -- DELIVERY DRIVER (stern voice) Lois Lane! LOIS Ahh! Lois practically jumps out of her skin. There's a small WHAP! as Lois turns to see a DELIVERY DRIVER standing behind her... with Superman's hand around his throat. The Delivery Driver looks like your basic average stoner serial killer. DELIVERY DRIVER (strained voice) I have a delivery for you. For the first time Lois and Superman notice a long flower box under his arm. Embarrassed, Superman gently releases him. SUPERMAN Sorry. DELIVERY DRIVER Nice grip. Sign here please. Lois signs. The Delivery Driver waits for a tip. Superman awkwardly looks at Lois. She quickly digs in her pocket and drops a few meager coins in the Delivery Driver's hand. He looks at them with disdain. DELIVERY DRIVER (CONT'D) (sarcastic) Whoa. Early retirement, here I come. He leaves. SUPERMAN See? Everything's fine. LOIS (sheepish) Yeah. She opens the box. It's a dozen roses. Dead. LOIS (CONT'D) They're dead. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 4. 2 CONTINUED: 3 2 SUPERMAN Maybe you were the last person on his delivery route. You know, they were fresh this morning, but now... LOIS There's no note. See? I told you, it's starting. SUPERMAN Lois, the only thing that's starting... is this. He pulls her tight and starts to give her a world-class kiss. As Lois lets herself be swept away, she drops the box of roses. CAMERA DOLLIES IN on the roses. FADE OUT. _END TEASE_ --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 5. _ACT ONE_ FADE IN: 3 INT. LOBBY - METROPOLIS DIAMOND HOTEL - NIGHT #2 3 Sleek and barely a year old, the Diamond gleams with modernity. It's also jammed to the gills with irate travelers and guests. People trip over luggage everywhere. outside, the weather is about ten exits past miserable. One voice, however, rises above all others... and it belongs to Lois. She, along with Clark, ELLEN LANE and MARTHA, are crushed against the front desk, talking to the MANAGER. LOIS What do you mean there're no rooms?! I've had reservations for a month; I confirmed them yesterday! THE MANAGER Yes, m'am, but the people staying in your rooms haven't checked out. LOIS I don't care if they've set up tents, just put them somewhere else! THE MANAGER I'm sorry, but there's no room. Metropolis is socked in. Nobody can get a flight out. ELLEN (starting to freak) Oh, my God, this is a disaster. I knew this wedding would never go off. We'll probably wind up sleeping in alleys like -- Clark rolls his eyes; Ellen is freaking out just the way Lois does sometimes. LOIS Mother... Martha pats Lois on the arm and confidently steps forward. MARTHA Excuse me, we'd like to speak to the manager. I'm a personal friend of his. THE MANAGER I am the Manager. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 6. 3 CONTINUED: 3 MARTHA (covering) Oh. Really. Well, that facelift really worked. You look fabulous. CLARK (sotto, to Martha) Nice try. MARTHA It was worth a shot. THE MANAGER (unsmiling) Perhaps you'd like us to try another hotel for you? SAM (arriving through crowd) They're all booked. JONATHAN Even the motels. There're about a dozen conventions in town. LOIS (now she freaks) Clarkkk.... ! CLARK (to Manager) Perhaps someone with adjoining suites might consider consolidating and -- LOIS (jumping in; desperate) Listen! My wedding is in three days! We've got relatives coming in from all over the country, assuming they can land and Uncle Rick's riding mower doesn't get stuck in the snow. We're tired. We're wet. And I have a very loud voice... (it starts to rise) ... and I don't care if the President of the United States is in our rooms, I want him out of there or I'm gonna -- Lois is suddenly jostled aside and interrupted by the appearance of Agent WALKER of the Secret Service. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 7. 3 CONTINUED: 2 3 WALKER Threats against the President are a felony, you know. Punishable by imprisonment. I'm sure they have rooms there. Everyone turns in surprise to see the PRESIDENT suddenly sweep through the lobby, surrounded by his entourage and Secret Service agents, including AGENT ROBERTS. LOIS Mr. President.... ! CLARK (sotto) Nice timing. THE PRESIDENT (smiling) Lois Lane. Good to see you. Hated that story you and Clark Kent did on my tax increase proposal. Oh, and congratulations. With a wave he's gone and heading towards the elevators. LOIS (mortified; beat) (X) Thanks! (X) WALKER (deadpan) Have a nice wedding. Then he vanishes after the President. Lois turns to Clark. LOIS Now what do we do? CLARK I guess we go to Plan B. (beat) If we can think of one. CUT TO: 4 INT. SUITE 4010 - METROPOLIS DIAMOND HOTEL - NIGHT 4 DR. MAMBA, a man of uncertain foreign extraction and accent, is in the midst of berating a FAKE PRESIDENT CLONE. Standing uneasily nearby is a FAKE WALKER CLONE. Both clones are identical to their real counterparts. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 8. 4 CONTINUED: 4 DR. MAMBA How could you be so stupid to take the car like that?! (biting sarcasm) Oh, I forgot, you're a _clone_, You're exactly like the President, except your _brain's_ from Jimmy Cricket! FAKE PRESIDENT (like a defensive teen) I was hungry. DR. MAMBA And you, _Pumbaa_, you were supposed to be looking out for him. FAKE WALKER (like a teen, too) Nobody saw us. DR. MAMBA You're just lucky they didn't! The next time you want something to eat, _starve_! FAKE PRESIDENT I'm sorry, I'm just nervous. FAKE WALKER Yeah, this is never going to work. Ever since that assassination attempt last month, security around the President has been tighter than ever. Mamba barely contains his frustration. DR. MAMBA (exaggerated patience) Okay, let's pretend we're back in clone school. FAKE WALKER (eager) Can I have some Jello? DR. MAMBA (sharply) No, you can't have some Jello! Now listen up! You're exact copies of the President and the head of his Secret Service detail. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 9. 4 CONTINUED: 2 4 DR. MAMBA (CONT'D) (to Fake President) Not even the President's wife could tell you apart. FAKE PRESIDENT What about when I burp? DR. MAMBA Don't be such a smart mouth! I can make another dozen just like you! All with better manners! Suddenly the phone rings. Mamba checks his watch. Right on time. Mamba raises a warning finger. DR. MAMBA (CONT'D) (into the phone; brightly) Dr. Mamba speaking. (anxious & servile) Yes! Yes! Everything's fine! We're right on schedule. No, sir! Yes, sir! By this time tomorrow, we'll have replaced the President and the head of his security (X) detail. (glares at clones) No, they're eager to do it! Right! You betcha! Until then. He hangs up. DR. MAMBA (CONT'D) (hard again) Don't make me tell him the truth. FAKE PRESIDENT (beat) I'm still hungry. FAKE WALKER Me, too. DR. MAMBA Jeez, what am I, the Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe? (off their looks) All right, but then no more. It's not good to eat after ten at night. Dr. Mamba crosses over to a pair of ornate ice buckets with lids. He opens one, reaches inside, and we notice that it's filled entirely with frogs. Strange, exotic frogs, paddling in some water. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 10. 4 CONTINUED: 3 4 He grabs two and casually tosses one to the Fake Walker and one to the Fake President. They instantly stuff them in their mouths. Suddenly, the door to the suite opens and a MAID enters, carrying chocolates. She starts speaking before she even sees what's going on. MAID Housekeeping. I came to turn down the -- She stops in shocked surprise at the tableau before her: the Fake Walker and Fake President stand rigid, tiny frog legs sticking out of their mouths. DR. MAMBA (beat, ominous) Grab her. The WHISTLE of a TEA KETTLE drowns out the maid's opened (X) mouth scream. (X) CUT TO: 5 INT. LOIS'S APARTMENT - CLOSEUP TEA KETTLE - NIGHT 5(X) Martha takes the tea kettle off the stove as Lois bustles (X) around trying to find room for a pile of luggage. Ellen (X) enters carrying a small cosmetic case, followed by Sam, (X) Jonathan and Clark, all struggling under a mound of (X) luggage. JONATHAN You certainly came well prepared. ELLEN Too bad I didn't bring a room. Oh, my God, I need a drink or three. What a pity I gave it up. This has got to be the worst night of my life... (sotto; to Lois, re: Sam) ... excluding our first date. SAM (sotto to Lois) Maybe she can sleep on the fire escape. ELLEN What'd you say? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 11. 5 CONTINUED: 5 LOIS (covering) Mom... Dad... I'm sure this'll only be temporary. CLARK I'll call the hotel first thing in the morning. MARTHA Would anyone like some nice warm tea? Lois gives Martha an appreciative smile. LOIS That sounds -- ELLEN Lois! What if Lucy can't get in?! Who's going to be your Maid of Honor? Oh, I know! You can ask Cindy; she'd be thrilled. Maybe you'd better call her right now, just to warn her. LOIS Mom! CLARK Cindy? Your cousin? Ellen starts to take some luggage into the bedroom. ELLEN (to Lois) If your sister doesn't show, you gotta have somebody. Cindy invited you to _her_ weddings, but you didn't go, you were _too busy_; you _owe it_ to her. Lois chases a few steps after her. LOIS Mom, the receptions lasted longer than both her marriages. Lois turns back to the living room in frustration. LOIS (CONT'D) She is going to drive me mad. MARTHA She's just anxious, dear. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 12. 5 CONTINUED: 2 5 LOIS I know. Martha hands her some tea. LOIS (CONT'D) Thank you. Oh, Martha, I hate to say this, but... could you possibly help me with my Mom? MARTHA Certainly, honey, I'd be happy to. LOIS Thanks, I'd really appreciate it. I'm about this far from losing it. She holds her thumb and index finger a millimeter apart. Ellen re-emerges from the bedroom. ELLEN Lois, I've been thinking, maybe we should have lobster at the rehearsal dinner instead of beef. LOIS (screaming) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! And as Ellen stops in surprise. ELLEN What? 6 INT. THE PLANET - DAY #3 6 Lois shoots out of the elevator, followed by Clark. PERRY Lois? Clark? What're you doing here? She shoots past PERRY and heads straight for her desk. She begins rapidly thumbing through her files. LOIS Perry, I need a story. Something big, horrible and complex that'll get my mind off my parents. One preferably out of the country. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 13. 6 CONTINUED: 6 PERRY (sotto, to Clark) Oh, she's entered Phase Two: that's the manic stage. Hold onto your spurs. CLARK (nodding) Maybe we could have just a little story; something that'd take only an hour or two. PERRY Got just the thing. (clears his throat; exaggerated) Lois, thank Elvis you two are here! I gotta Page One I need you on! Jimmy, gimme that file off my desk! JIMMY One file coming up! LOIS Perry, you're the best! What's it about? Government corruption? Banking scandal? Celebrity infidelities? PERRY _Frogs_. LOIS Frogs? PERRY Oh, no no no no no, not just any frogs. They're very rare and valuable frogs. From the South Pacific. All blue and yellow, with a tiny bit of green. Fantastic growth rate. People have been importing them for pets for years, but now it turns out they may be a medical miracle. Anyway, a bunch of them got stolen last night from, uh... (takes file from Jimmy) ...Phil's Exotic Pet Palace. So hop to, people! This is _big_. Let's move! (X) LOIS Thanks, Perry, you saved my sanity. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 14. 6 CONTINUED: 2 6 PERRY No problem. We'll see you at the rehearsal. (X) CUT TO: 7 CLOSEUP - A FROG - EXT. PHIL'S PET PALACE - DAY 7 It's small throat puffs in and out as it breathes. PHIL (O.S.) ... then, about five years ago, scientists found out that the... 8 WIDESHOT 8 We see PHIL showing Lois and Clark some frogs that are in aquariums on stands outside the store. All sorts of pets fill neighboring cages and cases. PHIL ... Doppelbuufo frog cell nucleus contained DNA that... when grafted onto the DNA from another animal... helped make perfect biological copies of whatever the second animal was. LOIS You mean clone them? PHIL Yes. So far, it's only been tried on mice. CLARK And someone stole your latest shipment. (X) PHIL That's right. I came in about seven this morning and discovered that the front door had been jimmied. They didn't even take (X) any of the more valuable pets; (X) just the Doppelbuufos. LOIS A rogue medical researcher, no doubt. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 15. 8 CONTINUED: 8 CLARK Anything else you can tell us about them? PHIL (in full nerd mode) No, except they have a very fast metabolism, due to some unusual enzymes they have, which makes them hungry most of the time. And, if they can't make enough of their own enzymes, they'll happily turn on each other for them. LOIS Sounds like my parents. Clark gives Lois a wry smile. 9 INT. PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - METROPOLIS DIAMOND HOTEL DAY 9 The REAL President is changing his shirt and tie as he talks to Secret Service Agent Roberts, who is checking his notes. (X) THE PRESIDENT ... and how do I get from the stage to the limo if I need to leave in a hurry? (slight smile) They may not take too kindly to my tax increase proposal. ROBERTS (grinning) (X) We've got a secure route from the wings through the side bar. THE PRESIDENT Excellent. They hear the side door open and are slightly surprised to (X) see the Fake Walker, dressed as a Secret Service agent, (X) enter, followed by Mamba, dressed as a hotel maintenance (X) man, pushing a wide screen TV. (X) FAKE WALKER (grinning; to President) Thought you might like to see the (X) game tonight in widescreen, sir. (X) THE PRESIDENT (pleased) (X) All the better to watch your Tar (X) Heels get their butts kicked. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 16. 9 CONTINUED: 9 FAKE WALKER Never happen. (X) ROBERTS I thought you said you were on (X) your way up in the passenger (X) elevator? (X) For a split second, the Fake Walker and Mamba share a (X) moment of alarm, but quickly cover. (X) FAKE WALKER Did I? I meant 'service.' We (X) came up in the service elevator. (X) In fact, do me a favor and take it (X) back down to the garage and tell (X) 'em we roll in fifteen minutes. (X) ROBERTS Will do. (X) He leaves by the side door. A second later, the _real_ (X) Walker lets himself in the front door. (X) WALKER Sir, we're -- (X) He stops in surprise at the sight of the Fake Walker and (X) instantly goes for his gun. SPPPT! A tranquilizer dart (X) shot from a gun held by the Fake Walker drops Walker instantly. The President stands frozen as Mamba shuts the door. The back on the TV opens and out of the cramped space comes the Fake President, dressed in T-shirt and sweats. DR. MAMBA Uh-uh-uh, no screaming. It's undignified. The President takes a breath to scream and SPPPT!, the Fake Walker shoots him with a tranquilizer dart. He drops in a heap. The Fake Walker opens a secret door in the wall. DR. MAMBA (CONT'D) This is so much cheaper than an election. (to the Fake President) Change clothes. Then help me get him into the passageway. FADE OUT. 10 10 THRU OMITTED THRU 11 11 _END OF ACT ONE_ --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 17. _ACT TWO_ FADE IN: 12 INT. JEEP - DAY 12 Lois and Clark are stuck in a huge traffic jam caused by (X) TWO ARGUING DRIVERS in the middle of the street next to a (X) minor fender-bender. _They are just a little ways from the_ _pet store_. Lois blows her HORN twice as she leans out her window and yells at another driver trying to inch in front of her. LOIS Hey, don't try and cut in front of me! Clark glances at a large clock on an ornamental post on the sidewalk in front of a watch store. It reads 12:03. CLARK Relax, Lois, we've got plenty of time. The rehearsal's not until two-thirty. LOIS Clark, don't you remember? We moved it up to noon because Reverend Bob had an important meeting he had to go to. Clark looks at Lois for a moment; he had completely forgotten. Suddenly, they both turn away and poke their heads out their windows. LOIS CLARK Excuse me! We've Yo! What seems got to get to be the problem through! here?! They both slump back inside; no one moved an inch. LOIS We are _cooked_. I can practically hear my mother now. Suddenly, her cellular phone rings. CLARK Uncanny how that works. Lois answers the phone. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 18. 12 CONTINUED: 12 LOIS Yes, mother, I know we're supposed to be there, but we're stuck in traffic... Clark opens his door and begins loosening his tie. LOIS (CONT'D) ... but not for long. He smiles and jogs towards an alley. LOIS (CONT'D) (into phone) I'm sorry, what did you say? No, I haven't made up my mind about Cindy. Is Lucy there? Hmmph, maybe her flight's delayed. Clark pauses before he runs into the alley; he's spotted an (X) ATM machine and has gotten an idea. He turns from the (X) machine to look at a large plate glass window across the (X) street. (In it, ideally, he sees a tiny reflection of the (X) pet store.) (X) CLARK Hmmm. (X) He then dashes into the alley. (X) 13 LOIS 13 hears the familiar WHOOSH! and THRU HER WINDSHIELD we see (X) Superman blur to a stop by the two Arguing Drivers. (X) LOIS Look, Mom, I've gotta go, the (X) accident's about to clear up. (X) Superman says something, but the Arguing Drivers continue (X) to squabble. Exasperated, Superman BLURS into action and (X) then suddenly zips up out of sight, REVEALING the two cars (X) neatly disconnected and parked on the side of the street (X) with the two drivers, bewildered, back inside. Traffic (X) instantly begins to flow. (X) 14 ANGLE ON LOIS 14 As Clark, tightening his tie, climbs back into the Jeep and Lois takes off. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 19. 14 CONTINUED: 14 LOIS You know, you're going to come in pretty handy. (X) CLARK You should see me take out the garbage. He picks up her cellular phone and dials information. Lois gives him a questioning look. CLARK (CONT'D) Our frognapper may have made a (X) deposit he wasn't aware of. (X) Clark gives an enigmatic smile. A horn BEEP from behind (X) breaks Lois out of her puzzlement and she puts the Jeep in (X) gear. (X) 15 INT. CHURCH - DAY 15 It's a nice church of moderate size and gothic aspirations. Sam, Ellen, Jonathan, Martha, Perry, Jimmy and CINDY (about Jimmy's age and attractive) are waiting for Lois and Clark. CINDY And then my second wedding was in the Dominican Republic, you know, where Lisa Marie and Michael Jackson got married? JIMMY Crashed a jetski off San Bernardo beach once. Very cool place. CINDY Oh, I love to jetski! It's like riding a horse, only better. Jimmy lights up, he's definitely getting some vibes here that he likes. CAMERA GOES WITH Ellen as she worriedly crosses past. ELLEN You know, sometimes I think she does this just to make me anxious. You know, keep the upper hand and all that. MARTHA I'm sure it's traffic, like she said. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 20. 15 CONTINUED: 15 ELLEN (finally noticing) Wait a minute, these aren't supposed to be orchids. Beverly and I distinctly specified Birds of Paradise. MARTHA Oh, didn't I mention it? The florist ran out of Birds of Paradise, so I said these were okay. ELLEN (beat) Oh. How nice. Sam and Jonathan have caught all this. They exchange glances and instantly decide to head it off. SAM Ellen ... ? JONATHAN Martha? Can I speak to you for a moment? Just then, REVEREND BOB bustles in. He crosses to Perry. REV. BOB Hey, what are the seven scariest words in the English language? 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' He gives a hearty laugh. He's like a bad standup comedian. PERRY (polite laugh) A-ha. REV. BOB All right, how many brides does it take to screw in a light bulb? CINDY I don't know. REV. BOB Neither do they, that's why they have wedding coordinators. He laughs again. Everyone else rolls their eyes. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 21. 15 CONTINUED: 2 15 ELLEN (to Sam) Maybe they can still elope. Just then, Lois and Clark rush in. CLARK Sorry, we're late. REV. BOB No problem. You can be late for rehearsal, late for the wedding, but don't be late with my check. (a la Johnny Carson) Hey-o! LOIS (sotto, to Clark) What were we thinking of? REV. BOB Okay, let's do that rehearsal thing, okay? As Rev. Bob speaks and points, everyone takes their positions. REV. BOB (CONT'D) Terrified bachelor will be standing here, with the Best Man -- JIMMY That's me. REV. BOB -- standing here, wondering if he's forgotten the ring or not. Next to him is best man junior. Then the organ will play, yadda yadda, and that'll be our signal to start our engines. Then the groom's mama will be led down, followed by grooms' dada, not to confused with the art movement, then the bride's mommy, followed by the bridesmaids, followed by the Maid of Honor... who is ... ? Ellen looks at Lois. Cindy looks at Lois. Lois looks at Clark. He gives a shrug that says do what you want. LOIS ... still trying to make it in. Cindy frowns in disappointment. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 22. 15 CONTINUED: 3 15 REV. BOB Say, what's the difference between a Maid of Honor and a maid's honor? About three beers! Ba-dump bump. Clark winces, eyes Lois, and turns back to Reverend Bob. CLARK (a word of advice) You know, I wouldn't make jokes like that around here. REV. BOB Sorry. You're right. I was just practicing my routine. LOIS Your routine? REV. BOB I've got a tryout this afternoon. King Neptune Cruise Lines. They're having an open audition for a comedian on one of their cruise ships. (smarmy smile) You know, six islands, seven nights? All the shrimp you can eat. LOIS (sotto, to Clark) Let's hope they still don't believe in keelhauling. REV. BOB What? LOIS I said... I hope... we can just keep... the ball rolling. Here. REV. BOB Which reminds me, what did the porcupine say to his wife on their wedding night? Lois and Clark both roll their eyes. 16 INT. SUITE 4010 - DAY 16 Mamba is on the phone to his Unseen Boss. His TV is turned on, but the volume is off. He fiddles with the remote as he speaks. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 23. 16 CONTINUED: 16 DR. MAMBA (nervous) No, Phase One went off without a hitch. No! There wasn't even a hint of a hitch. It was hitchless! You couldn't see a hitch for miles and miles! If you threw a brick you couldn't hit one! (nervous laugh) Heh heh. No, I'm not nervous. Yeah, they're resting comfortably, though they aren't talking much. Heh heh. What, yes, absolutely, I agree. Couldn't agree more. When you're right, you're right. No doubt about it. After this, we should do the Queen Elizabeth clone, then Chirac, then President Yeltsin and Prime Minister Murayama and then whoever's left in the G7. And the Cubs could use some help, too. Heh heh, that was a joke. Sorry. Then, you'll basically rule the whole world. Heh heh heh. 17 ON THE TV 17 We see the Fake President step behind some podium. He's at a luncheon. 18 BACK-ON MAMBA 18 DR. MAMBA Hey, there he is! He's about to announce Phase Two! Get to a TV if you can! What? Yes! I know I'm an idiot! Thanks, bye. 19 CLOSEUP - FAKE PRESIDENT ON TV 19 The President starts to talk. We HEAR applause dying down. FAKE PRESIDENT Thank you, Emily. (re: applause; to unseen crowd) Well, I better enjoy this while I can. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 24. 19 CONTINUED: 19 FAKE PRESIDENT (CONT'D) (applause finally stops) Today, I'd like to get straight to the point: after much thought and consideration, and, in contrast to my previous position, I have decided to endorse the proposed tax decrease for the upcoming year. 20 WIDESHOT - INT. PLANET - DAY 20 Lois and Clark are just walking up to Lois's desk; they're watching the TV monitors as they arrive. CLARK A decrease? Just yesterday he was talking about an increase. LOIS (carping) Maybe a good night's sleep on a nice, soft hotel mattress changed his mind. CLARK Do I detect a hint of annoyance? (off her look) Okay, I'll try the hotel again. LOIS And the airlines. I'm getting a little worried about Lucy. Jimmy runs up, still in his overcoat. He carries a padded envelope. JIMMY C.K., a messenger just dropped this off for you. (X) CLARK Thanks, Jimmy. (X) Jimmy leaves. (X) CLARK (CONT'D) Let's see what Mr. ATM has to say. They head for the conference room. --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 25. 21 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS 21 Lois and Clark enter. From the envelope Clark pulls out a (X) fat stack of 8X10 black and white still photographs with (X) time codes on them. CLARK I asked the bank to make still (X) photos of anything their ATM (X) camera recorded. (X) He starts laying them out on the table. LOIS You can't even see the pet store (X) from this angle. (X) CLARK Sure you can. You can see it in (X) the reflection on the plate glass (X) window across the street. (X) Lois squints her eyes at a tiny, fuzzy smudge of a reflection; she can't see anything. Neither can we. LOIS Oh, yeah. And look, there's Elvis, and JFK, and the plot to 'Showgirls'. Clark grins and lays down some more pictures, and then... (X) CLARK Wait a minute. There's someone there. Clark picks up the photo and the next two after it. (X) 22 CLARK'S SUPER VISION - CLOSEUP PHOTOS 22(X) The FIRST Photo shows a figure, overcoat collar pulled up (X) to hide his face, jimmying open the door. The SECOND photo (X) shows him halfway into the doorway. The THIRD photo shows (X) him walking from the door, next to a car. He's carrying a (X) plastic bag filled with water and frogs. We can read the (X) license tag on the car. It reads "MRC-701", but because (X) it's a reflection, it reads backwards. We can also see a (X) hint of the figure's face it might be the Fake Walker, (X) but it's not clear. 23 BACK TO CLARK 23 LOIS What's he look like? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 26. 23 CONTINUED: 23 CLARK (disbelieving) It was the head of the President's Secret Service detail. LOIS The Secret Service is into frognapping? CLARK I can't be certain, but I did get a license number. He writes it on a legal pad. Lois glances at her watch; her face twists in distress. LOIS (with growing speed) Ohhhh, why does this always happen? Nothing's ever easy. You take a simple frognap story and now it involves the Secret Service! What does that mean? National Security? Foreign intrigue? This could be really big! Clark starts to open his mouth, but Lois continues. LOIS (CONT'D) But then what am I supposed to do, forget about our wedding?! Bang! Zoom! Hello, Pulitzer; goodbye, Clark?! Clark tries to speak again, but gets cut off. LOIS (CONT'D) Ohhhh, I wanna scream! I knew something bad was going to happen! No matter what I do, part of me'll want to be doing something else! Lois paces agitatedly. LOIS (CONT'D) I'm going mad! We're never going to get married! CLARK Lois. Honey. Nothing's going to -- LOIS (suddenly stops) What'd you just say? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 27. 23 CONTINUED: 2 23 CLARK Lois? LOIS After that. CLARK Honey? Lois is immediately transformed. She practically purrs as she comes and sits on his lap and puts her arms around his neck. LOIS That's the first time you ever called me that. Say it again, I like it. CLARK Honey. LOIS Mmmmmm. She kisses him. Mmmmmm. She finally pulls away. (X) LOIS (CONT'D) What other names do you have in (X) mind? (X) CLARK Sweetheart... (X) (kisses her) (X) Darling... (kisses her) (X) My little... tornado. (X) LOIS (laughs) That's original. (X) CLARK And so are you. He kisses her tenderly again. (X) PERRY (O.S.) Okay, I take it this means the frog story's done. Lois and Clark pry themselves apart. They're slightly embarrassed, but not too much. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 28. 23 CONTINUED: 3 23 LOIS Actually, it's taken an unexpected twist. PERRY I'll say. Lois glances at her watch. She pulls Clark out of his chair and heads past Perry. 24 INT. PLANET - DAY 24 Lois hands the license number to Perry. LOIS No, really. The Secret Service is involved. We need Jimmy to run this license number. Have him call us as soon as he finds anything out. We think they're up to something shady. PERRY Shady? That's _good_! All right, you go on, I'll see you at the (X) restaurant tonight. (X) Jimmy hangs up the phone. (X) JIMMY Yo, C.K.! Slight change of plans. (X) CLARK Whaddya mean? (X) JIMMY The restaurant just called (X) they've been closed by the Board (X) of Health. (X) CLARK (starting to freak) (X) What?! They can't -- where can we (X) go without a reservation, the (X) city's packed?! (X) LOIS Yeah, what are we supposed to do, (X) use vending machines?! (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 29. 24 CONTINUED: 24 PERRY Hey, put a pin in that avalanche. (X) I know a terrific place that's (X) private, got great service, and we (X) don't need a reservation. (X) JIMMY Do we have to do drive-thru? PERRY Nope. But you gotta like Chinese. SMASH CUT TO: 25 OMITTED 25 26 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAILY PLANET - NIGHT #3 26 Lois, Clark, the Lanes, the Kents, Perry, Jimmy and Cindy (X) sit around the conference room table. Tons of Chinese food cartons and paper plates abound. The meal is mostly over and everyone's having a great time. Various bottles of wine litter the table, with people drinking out of paper and clear plastic cups. LOIS Can you imagine if we'd shown up (X) at that restaurant and _then_ (X) found out it was closed? (X) CLARK Personally, I would prefer (X) standing next to an exploding (X) volcano. (X) LOIS (laughs) Chicken. (X) CINDY So, you're a photographer, right? JIMMY Yep, that's me. CINDY So, do you ever do, like, nude pictures? Jimmy does a spit take. Cindy smiles provocatively at him. LOIS Cindy, leave Jimmy alone. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 30. 26 CONTINUED: 26 Cindy smiles innocently. Ellen leans over towards Lois with a concerned look on her face. ELLEN Lois, is your beef cooked? Mine's a little pink. LOIS Mother, please don't start. ELLEN (instantly huffy) I'm not starting anything. Bacteria is very dangerous. I think we should call the restaurant and -- Overhearing, Martha remembers Lois's request and rides to the rescue. MARTHA Here, Ellen, why don't you trade with me? Mine's well done and I actually prefer medium rare. ELLEN Well... if you don't mind... Martha smilingly trades and Lois gives her a grateful glance. Perry stands and taps on an empty wine bottle. Everyone quiets. He raises a paper cup. PERRY Okay okay okay... now let's not forget why we're here... to Lois and Clark. To the two finest reporters; to the two finest people, I have ever known. May their marriage be as shining as their souls. EVERYONE Here here! Yeah! To Lois and Clark! Perry sits and Lois and Clark both stand. They raise their own cups. CLARK And here's to our family, and our friends, whose love, support, tolerance and understanding have made this all possible. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 31. 26 CONTINUED: 2 26 CLARK (CONT'D) But most of all, here's to my wife-to-be, who I love with all my heart, and I only hope I can make her as happy as she makes me. To my love. To my Life. To my Lois. EVERYONE To Lois. Happy tears trickle down Lois's face. She raises her own cup and people quiet down again. LOIS Well, how do you follow that? Everyone gives good-natured chuckles. LOIS But I'm going to try. SAM That's my girl. LOIS For starters, I agree with everything that Clark said. PERRY There's a first. Everyone laughs. Lois grins, too. LOIS Okay okay...to my parents, to my future parents-_in-law_, and to everyone else, thanks for all your love. And your patience! For putting up with all my craziness for all these years. JIMMY We love it! More laughs. LOIS And last, but not least, to the man I thought I'd never meet. Someone who was as kind as he was loving. As brave as he was smart. And as strong as he was tender. To the man who has my heart, now and forever. To Clark. I love you. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 32. 26 CONTINUED: 3 26 EVERYONE Yeah! To Clark! Lois and Clark kiss. Everyone cheers. Perry unscrews the (X) cap of a cheap bottle of champagne and pours it foaming into various cups. The door to the conference room opens and a STAFFER sheepishly enters and hands some fax pages to Jimmy. The Staffer quickly exits. JIMMY Hey, Lois, here's that info you wanted. JONATHAN Lois, is that work? EVERYONE Work? Booo! No work! Bad bad, Lois! Booo! Lois good-naturedly waves them off as she goes to Jimmy. LOIS Hey, we've got to pay for the honeymoon somehow! JIMMY Lois, that license you gave me was to a rental car. It belonged to a corporate account at a place called GreenTech, out in California. The name on the account is Doctor Isaac Mamba. Here's a picture of him. (X) He's some kind of biologist. Works on cloning and accelerated growth. Oh, and get this: his research? It involves exotic frogs. (X) LOIS Do you have a number where we can reach him? JIMMY (smiling) Hey, I haven't even had dessert! LOIS Pretty pleassssssssse? JIMMY Okay, but you know how I said we (X) all love you? I take it back. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 33. 26 CONTINUED: 4 26 And with a grin, he's gone. As he exits, the Staffer re-enters with a large box and hands it to Clark. CLARK What's this? LOIS (already alarmed) It looks like another present. JONATHAN Is there a card? Clark sets the box on the table and pulls open the ribbon. He opens the box: inside is a small, smashed wedding cake. Even the bride and groom figures are broken. MARTHA Oh, they must've dropped it. That's a shame. Meanwhile, Lois has plucked a card from the mess. She reads it aloud. LOIS 'Marrying Clark will be the beginning... of the end.' Oh, no. On everyone's concerned look. FADE OUT. _END OF ACT TWO_ --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 34. _ACT THREE_ FADE IN: 27 EXT. DAILY PLANET - NIGHT 27 Lois and Clark stand fifty feet apart, looking in opposite directions. LOIS Do you see anybody? Clark does some supervision checking, but... CLARK Nothing. Whoever brought the cake is long gone. They start to drift back together. Clark cocks his head; he's started to superhear something. LOIS CLARK This is really Lois, I think you freaky. First better-- You're the flowers, and parents are about now this. I to-- Lois wonder -- We HEAR Ellen emerge from the Planet. Lois and Clark stand (X) in surprise as Ellen walks into, then through frame without (X) stopping. She continues talking even after she exits. (X) ELLEN (angry; off screen) (X) I am _not_ too controlling! But if you think -- (X) (on screen) -- I need to put some distance (X) between myself and -- (X) (off screen) -- this wedding, _fine_, I'll give (X) you distance. _Taxi_! (X) LOIS Mother...! What's going on?! (X) Sam emerges from the Planet offscreen. He passes through frame in front of Lois and Clark as he chases after Ellen. (X) SAM (off screen) Ellen! Don't go overreacting! (X) (on screen) All I Said was that you were (X) self-centered and -- (X) (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 35. 27 CONTINUED: 27 SAM (CONT'D) (off screen) -- making Lois miserable. (X) LOIS Daddy...! (X) We HEAR a cab stop and the door opened by Ellen. (X) ELLEN (O.S.) Don't you come near me! If you (X) dare to show up tomorrow, _I am_ leaving! (X) We HEAR the door slam and the cab roar off. (X) SAM (O.S.) TAXI! We HEAR another cab stop, the door open and close, then (X) roar off. (Maybe both cabs pass through the background.) (X) LOIS (shouts after them) (X) Mother! Daddy! (to Clark) (X) I can't believe they're doing (X) this! They're ruining my wedding! (X) I wish they both hadn't come! (X) She tearfully storms off back towards the Planet. Clark (X) catches up and gently puts his arm around her. (X) CLARK Lois... She turns into his chest and just cries for a moment. Clark holds her and softly strokes her back. Finally, Lois gathers herself, sniffs, and looks up. LOIS I hate my family. CLARK (beat, small smile) I guess that's only normal at times. Lois gives a slight smile. In a window near the Planet's (X) entrance is one of those Silent Radio electronic tickertape (X) things running various news items. They kiss. A long, sweet, tender one. Clark slowly pulls back and then his face changes into a frown; he's spotted something on the Silent Radio. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 36. 27 CONTINUED: 2 27 LOIS What? She turns to read the Silent Radio: "Typhoon smashes India. Thousands feared lost." CLARK I've gotta go. Don't worry about those notes... but don't do anything foolish. Lois smiles sweetly and nods. In a second, he spins into Superman, kisses her, and LAUNCHES himself straight up. LOIS (beat, to the sky) Love you. A second later, Jimmy lopes around the corner. JIMMY Hey, you guys okay? LOIS Um, yeah. JIMMY Where's C.K.? LOIS He, uh, went after my Dad, to try and calm him down. JIMMY I guess everybody's a little tense. Anyway, I just got this, hot off the phone. Dr. Mamba? He's at the Metropolis Diamond Hotel. LOIS Really? 28 OMITTED 28 29 INT. SUITE 4010 - NIGHT 29 Mambo MUSIC plays in the background. Dr. Mamba dances a mambo with one of the frogs, humming happily to himself. The doorbell to the suite RINGS, followed by some firm KNOCKING. He puts the frog back in the ice bucket and answers the door. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 37. 29 CONTINUED: 29 DR. MAMBA (calling out) Who is it? LOIS (V.0.) Lois Lane from the Daily Planet... Mamba opens the door. LOIS ... and I'd like to ask you a few questions. DR. MAMBA Funny, you don't look like someone interested in amphibians. LOIS (walks inside) Do you have a dark blue rental car, license number R2355? DR. MAMBA Yes. Plus a light grey suit, a yellow tie, and paisley shorts. Full cut. Would you like to see them? LOIS As long as you're not in them. DR. MAMBA Ow, cut me to the quick. LOIS Last night, a car rented to your corporate account was seen outside Phil's Exotic Pet Palace at twelve thirteen A.M.. A man got out and robbed the store; then he took off. DR. MAMBA That seems rather _petty_. I was having a late dinner here in my suite. You can ask the waiter. Maybe someone took it from valet parking. (snaps his finger) I knew I should've tipped them more. LOIS The man who got out may belong to the Secret Service; does that ring a bell? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 38. 29 CONTINUED: 2 29 DR. MAMBA (laughs) Not even a wind chime. Now if you'll excuse me, I was just about to go to bed. I suppose you're busy? LOIS For about the next million years. DR. MAMBA (smarmy) I could wait. LOIS Your research involves Doppelbuufo frogs, doesn't it, Dr. Mamba? DR. MAMBA Yes, but if you looked closely, the keen eye would be able to discern that this is a hotel suite and not a research lab. That's because I'm here on vacation. Goodnight, Miss Lane. Lois gives him a final stare, then leaves. A beat later, a SECRET DOOR opens and the FAKE WALKER enters the suite. DR. MAMBA (CONT'D) Did you hear that? FAKE WALKER Most of it. DR. MAMBA You just had to go get those frogs, didn't you?! Do you know how to spell _stupid_?! _Y-O-U_, _you_! Well, she's probably gone down to get a cab. Follow her, see who she talks to. If she seems to be getting too close... (hard) ... bring her back here. Walker nods and exits through the secret door. 30 INT. LOIS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 30 Lois quietly lets herself in and discovers Ellen in her pajamas and bathrobe, sitting on the couch in a funk, watching TV, the sound down very low. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 39. 30 CONTINUED: 30 ELLEN Hi, baby. Lois flops down next to her. Ellen takes her hand and rubs it; it's an old sign of affection. LOIS Hi, Mom. Watcha watching? ELLEN The news, until I got bored. The President's done another one-eighty: (bored) ... he agreed to a compromise with Congress over the situation in the North Africa. LOIS (interest piqued) That's surprising. ELLEN (clicks off TV) He probably wants something from Congress. LOIS Where's Daddy? ELLEN He called me from the Harvard Club. I think he's sleeping in the squash court. CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal... 31 EXT. FIRE ESCAPE - CONTINUOUS 31 The Fake Walker sits quietly outside the open window, listening. In one hand he holds his tranquilizer dart gun. With his other hand, he takes a frog out of his pocket, pops it in his mouth like a stick of gum, and chews. LOIS Mom... ELLEN I know, don't say it. Your father and I are behaving like children; we're destroying your wedding; and you hate us. --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 40. 32 BACK INSIDE 32 LOIS Basically. Ellen nods; she can't deny it. ELLEN Maybe I have been a little over concerned. But that's a mother's job. It's a tough one to give up. LOIS (smiles) I know, but I'm not twelve anymore. ELLEN Remember Larry Bosworth? LOIS (smiles) With the big ears? ELLEN You had such a crush on him in sixth grade. LOIS I did not! ELLEN You said you wanted to marry him. Even then I was worried you'd get your heart broken. (distasteful) And what about Ron Taylor. In college? He always seemed so rough and... ewww. LOIS 'Ewww' is right. ELLEN Into each life, a little error must fall. LOIS (smiles, then) Mom, you're not going to stay away tomorrow, are you? Even if Daddy comes? Ellen looks deep into Lois's eyes. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 41. 32 CONTINUED: 32 ELLEN (beat) No. I guess not. Ten years ago I might've, but I'm older and more forgiving now. And I won't even need Martha to look after me. Lois gives an embarrassed smile, then hugs her. LOIS Thank you. ELLEN Where've you been, anyway? LOIS The story of my life: a story. Say, do you think any of Daddy's old medical friends would know about this Dr. Mamba? ELLEN I don't know. I suppose you could -- At that moment, the Fake Walker steps in from the fire escape. Lois and Ellen both notice the gun. FAKE WALKER -- ask him? That'd be very low on the idea meter. He pulls the trigger. AS HE DOES, Lois violently shoves her mother away from her as she throws herself backwards. The two darts thud into the couch. The Fake Walker fires again and Lois barely blocks it with her purse that's she picked up from the floor. FAKE WALKER Puh-leeze, what's the point? DOINK! While focused on Lois, Ellen has hit him with a thrown orange from a bowl of fruit. FAKE WALKER (CONT'D) Ow! Which gives Lois time to hit him in the forehead with a heavy glass candy bowl that she's hurled. He drops to one knee, stunned, and Lois kicks the gun out of his hand, then lays him out with another kick. ELLEN When did you learn to do that? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 42. 32 CONTINUED: 2 32 LOIS Right after I went out with Ron Taylor. Ellen smiles, but Lois frowns as she looks at the Fake Walker. LOIS (CONT'D) Look. 33 LOIS'S POV - A GASH ON THE FAKE WALKER'S FOREHEAD 33 A fairly decent cut, it heals in a few seconds. 34 BACK TO LOIS AND ELLEN 34 ELLEN He's not human! He's a -- he's an _alien_! LOIS Mother, aliens aren't all bad. I mean, assuming there are such th-- ELLEN Of course they're bad! They eat your brains! I read the papers! They abduct women for bizarre sexual experiments! LOIS (in spite of herself) Bizarre? Like... what? ELLEN Like -- Suddenly the Fake Walker's eyes pop open and he grabs Lois's wrist. Lois screams and PFFFFT! a tranquilizer dart slams into the Fake Walker's chest and he drops back instantly. Lois looks up at Ellen, who holds the gun. ELLEN (CONT'D) (appreciatively) Neat. Lois immediately searches him. She pulls out his wallet, opens it and Ellen gapes at the Secret Service I.D. ELLEN (CONT'D) Secret Service?! Oh, my God, we're going to prison. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 43. 34 CONTINUED: 34 LOIS I knew I recognized him! He was there when we tried to check in! She reaches into another pocket and gives another little scream as she yanks out a Doppelbuufo frog. She puts it all together. LOIS (CONT'D) He's a clone! ELLEN A clone?! Like that's better than an alien?! Lois take the tranquilizer gun from Ellen as she paces. LOIS Clark and I are investigating a story about some stolen frogs; frogs that are used in cloning and accelerated growth experiments. _This is one of those frogs_. He has accelerated healing! And Dr. Mamba's here in Metropolis! It all fits! She dashes to her laptop, which is plugged into various modems, etc, and fires it up. Her fingers fly as she types. ELLEN Lois, we're going to pack our bags right now; we're going to get on a _bus_, or a _boat_, or a _dogsled_, and get the hell out of Dodge! LOIS Oh, no... GreenTech is owned by OmniAgricultural... which used to be a division of... LexCorp. ELLEN Lex Luthor?! Lois types some more, furiously. LOIS Yes... he's experimented with clones in the past and.... (furious) ... another former division of his built the Metropolis Diamond Hotel! He's had this whole thing wired from the beginning! (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 44. 34 CONTINUED: 2 34 Walker stirs and starts to sit up. Lois, without missing a beat, picks up the tranquilizer gun and shoots him again. LOIS (CONT'D) (annoyed) Quit it! He goes down again. Lois dials her phone in a fury. ELLEN But why would Lex clone a Secret Service agent? LOIS He's going to try and kill the President! FADE OUT. _END OF ACT THREE_ --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 45. _ACT FOUR_ FADE IN: 35 INT. LOIS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - A MINUTE LATER 35 Lois is on the phone. LOIS (impatient) Come on, be there. Oh, hello, Martha, sorry to wake you, is Clark there? 36 INTERCUT - INT. CLARK's BEDROOM - NIGHT 36(X) Jonathan and Martha are in bed. She holds the phone so he can hear it, too. MARTHA No, he's not back, so I guess he's still in India. LOIS When he gets back, tell him Lex Luthor is trying to kill the President. He's made a clone of one Secret Service agent and I'm sure there's more. Tell him to tell Superman if he sees him before I do. I'm going to try and warn the President. Bye! Martha looks at Jonathan. JONATHAN (beat) How will they ever find the time to have kids? On Martha's smile, we go back to... 37 INT. LOIS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 37 Lois is collecting her things as she prepares to dash out. Ellen points the tranquilizer gun with both hands at the Fake Walker. LOIS (in a rush) I'll call 911 from the car. If he moves again, shoot him. If Clark calls, tell him where I've gone. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 46. 37 CONTINUED: 37 LOIS (CONT'D) And if I don't see you until the wedding, wear the blue outfit, it's much nicer than the rose. Then she dashes out, dashes back in, kisses Ellen and leaves. Ellen looks down at the Fake Walker. ELLEN (with relish) Come on... move. Just a little bit. CUT TO 38 INT. PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT 38(X) The Fake President, in pajamas and Presidential bathrobe, sits at a desk signing documents. We see the top of one, it says "Federal Pardon", but we can"t see for whom it's made out. He signs it with a flourish and hands it to a waiting AIDE, who's fully dressed in suit and tie. FAKE PRESIDENT (sotto; to himself) Phase Three... complete! (to Aide) Fax this immediately. The Aide heads for the door. He opens the door just as an angry Lois is trying get past two polite, but firmly immovable SECRET SERVICE AGENTS. LOIS (to agents) Look, I'm telling you, I've got to talk to him before our deadline. I've gotta confirm this quote. If I don't get it right, it'll hurt his re-election chances and _you _ will be out of a job. (spies Fake President) Mr. President! FAKE PRESIDENT Lois, you're up rather late. (to agents; smiles) Let her in. It's an election year. The Agents let her in, then shut the door. Lois looks cautiously around, then speaks. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 47. 38 CONTINUED: 38 LOIS Mr. President, I have reason to believe that Lex Luthor is behind an attempt to assassinate you. FAKE PRESIDENT What?! LOIS The problem is, I think the assassin could be one of your Secret Service agents. Or at least, a _clone_ of one of them. One already made an attempt to kidnap me tonight. FAKE PRESIDENT A clone? Lois, I have to say, this is fantastic. It's mind boggling. Do you have any proof? LOIS (nodding) Yes, by now the police should have the clone that attacked me in custody. You can have him examined. DR. MAMBA (O.S.) Bing! One million years is up! I knew you'd come back. Lois spins to see Dr. Mamba emerging from the secret door, leaving it open. He carries a real gun. With a silencer. (X) DR. MAMBA Oh, and I wouldn't scream if I were you. Unless it's in passion. Lois, who had opened her mouth, slowly shuts it. DR. MAMBA (CONT'D) Handy things these secret passages, eh? Mr. Luthor was rather farsighted when he installed them. You had everything right about this clone business, except for one item. There won't be any assassination attempt, because you see, we already got to the President. He's a clone, too. LOIS (horrified) No... (CONTINUED) (X) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 48. 38 CONTINUED: 2 38 FAKE PRESIDENT Pretty cool, huh? Lois stares at them for a second, then hurls her purse at Mamba as she bolts for the door. He ducks and squeezes the trigger. 39 EVERYTHING GOES TO SLOW MOTION 39 Superman crashes through the suite's window in a blur and in... 40 EXTREME CLOSEUP 40 ... intercepts the bullet with his hand a millimeter from Lois's back. FAKE PRESIDENT Superman! WHAM! Roberts and the other, REAL, Secret Service Agents slam open the door, pistols and machine guns drawn. They stop at the sight of Superman, who's just grabbed Mamba's gun, but hasn't crushed it yet. LOIS Get the President! He's a fake! He's a clone! FAKE PRESIDENT (unfazed) Lois, please. What next, I started as a frog? SUPERMAN (takes a step forward) She's telling the -- FAKE PRESIDENT (with authority) Stop him. The Agents don't know who to believe, but training takes over and four agents jump on Superman. He disappears under a crush of bodies as Mamba starts to bolt. Lois intercepts Mamba and kung fu's him, but then the two remaining agents wrestle her away as Superman, gently, but with a titanic heave, tosses the four Secret Service men off him and grabs the Fake President. The Agents start to regroup for another attempt, but Lois, amidst her struggling, stops them. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 49. 40 CONTINUED: 40 LOIS Wait! I can prove it! We don't have to get violent about this. Then she hauls off and punches the Fake President in the mouth so hard it snaps his head back, bloodying his lower lip. The two Agents quickly jerk her back as the Fake (X) President flops down into a wing chair. (X) FAKE PRESIDENT Yow! SUPERMAN (as an aside) Lois... I sure hope you know what you're doing. LOIS Look at his lip. In a second, the blood disappears and the wound heals. WHIPPPPPP! All the Agents point their guns at Mamba and the Fake President. Superman looks into the secret doorway and (X) down through the floor. (X) 41 SUPERMAN'S X-RAY POV - A SECRET CLOSET 41 In it are the REAL PRESIDENT, the REAL WALKER, and the MAID from the Teaser. All bound and gagged, but alive. 42 BACK TO SCENE 42 SUPERMAN Gentleman, I think the President's waiting for you downstairs. (X) He and Lois hand over Mamba and the Fake President. Half the Agents rush into the Secret Door. SUPERMAN (CONT'D) Ms. Lane, I believe you have a wedding to prepare for. LOIS (beaming) That's right, I'd almost forgot. 43 EXT. CHURCH - DAY #4 43(X) Clark, Jimmy and Perry pace anxiously on the steps. They all wear pinstripes and cutaways. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 50. 43 CONTINUED: 43 PERRY (agitated) Lois being late, that's a rule of nature. But Rev. Bob, where the heck is he? JIMMY Probably practicing his routine. CLARK Don't even say that. SCREEECH. A limo pulls up, the CHAUFFEUR jumps out, but before he can open a door, they spring open and out pop Cindy in her bride's maid dress carrying Lois's shoes and final makeup, Ellen in her rose dress and carrying a dress bag with Lois's gown and veil, and finally Lois in jeans and blouse, makeup on but her hair still up. CLARK (stunned) Oh, mannn. ELLEN (coming up in a rush) Don't worry, it'll only take a minute. A CHURCH DEACON, in a suit, exits the church. He dreads (X) delivering the news he has. (X) CHURCH DEACON Mrs. Lane? I have a message from your daughter, Lucy? ELLEN Is she at the airport? Oh, God, we've got to wait! CINDY Just my luck. CHURCH DEACON (to Ellen) Well, not exactly. LOIS What?! Where is she? CHURCH DEACON Apparently, she was running late for her plane and set off the metal detector when she went through. I guess she got a bit frustrated at the delay. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 51. 43 CONTINUED: 2 43 CLARK Here it comes. CHURCH DEACON She slugged a Security Guard. She's in jail, and they won't hear bail until Monday. ELLEN Your sister's going to be the death of me, yet. Ellen and Clark both look at Lois. Lois grimaces and bites the bullet. LOIS So, um, Cindy, I'd be... thrilled... if you'd be my Maid of Honor. CINDY Yes! She runs ahead into the Church. CHURCH DEACON I'm afraid I have one other bit of bad news. (beat) Reverend Bob can't make it. LOIS Are you kidding me?! The Church Deacon awkwardly reads from a note. (X) CHURCH DEACON "He got a 'gig' on cruise ship (X) that sailed this morning." But he's trying to find a replacement! He called me ship-to-shore just a few minutes ago. Lois collapses on the steps. LOIS I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I said something bad would happen, and it's happening in spades. Lex Luthor probably owns the cruise line, too! (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 52. 43 CONTINUED: 3 43 CLARK Lois, it's going to take some time, but we're going to sort this out. I'm not letting you get away _this_ easy. LOIS No, it's not going to happen! All morning I've had this bad feeling. This thing with Lex, it's not over, I know it! He's probably the one who sent those creepy gifts! (X) CLARK It's over. Lois. Lex is in prison. And he's going to stay (X) there until he's nine hundred and (X) eighty-three. The only thing we (X) have to do today is get married. So, you go get dressed, and I'll find a minister. PERRY (clears his throat) Uh-hmm. Normally I would never reveal this, but I can marry you. JIMMY No way! PERRY I am an ordained minister of the First Church of Blue Suede Deliverance. ELLEN This is no time for bad jokes. Reverend Bob was enough for one lifetime. PERRY No joke. Alice and I were down visiting Graceland once, and we'd been 'celebrating' and I saw this on the inside of matchbook at a tiny truckstop and... the rest is history. Clark looks at Lois, whose smiling and nods. CLARK Perry, we'd be honored. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 53. 43 CONTINUED: 4 43 PERRY (excited) Great! I've been to a lot of weddings, so I know exactly what to say. Sort of. Pretty much. I'll wing it. They all start moving into the church. 44 INT. NARTHEX OF CHURCH - DAY 44 Everyone rushes inside. Ellen pauses as she sees Sam. They both look at each other warily, then smile. SAM It's a great day. ELLEN Yes, it is. Then she disappears into the Ladies Room, followed by Cindy. Just as Lois is about to enter, she's stopped by the Deacon. CHURCH DEACON Oh, Ms. Lane? I need you to sign the marriage license, it'll just take a moment. CLARK (to Lois) I already signed. LOIS (beaming) Teacher's pet. He leads her into another room and shuts the door. Martha and Jonathan appear. MARTHA Is everything okay? CLARK As usual, everything's upside down, but turning out fine. JONATHAN Sounds like a marriage to me. CLARK (grins) Did I ever tell you how much I love you guys? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 54. 44 CONTINUED: 44 MARTHA Once or twice. CLARK Well, it's still true. (X) 45 INT. NAVE OF CHURCH - DAY 45 Perry stands in front of the altar. Clark and Jimmy stand to his left, waiting. Cindy stands to his right. The ORGAN thunders into the wedding march and the guests all rise. The rear doors open and Lois enters, wearing her gown. She looks beautiful. She walks down the aisle on Sam's arm. At the altar, he peels off and Clark steps up beside her. PERRY Friends, we're gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Now marriage is nothing to be entered upon lightly. Just like a newspaper, it takes a lot of hard work to make it a success. But, if anybody can do it, these two can. Now, Clark, you're about the most perfect guy (X) I know. Lois and Clark share a secret smile. PERRY (CONT'D) And Lois... (pregnant pause; big smile) (X) ... you're perfect, too, just the (X) way you are. So, basically, these (X) are two wonderful people... who love each other... and deserve each other. And now, as the King himself might say... (imitating the King) It's time for the big finish. (normal voice) Lois, Clark, will you please join hands. (they do) Jimmy, the ring. Jimmy digs out the ring and hands it to Perry. Perry then hands it to Clark. Clark places it on Lois's finger. PERRY (CONT'D) Now repeat after me. I, Clark, take thee Lois, to love, honor and cherish for as long as I live. (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 55. 45 CONTINUED: 45 CLARK I, Clark, take thee Lois, to love, honor and cherish for as long as I live. PERRY Cindy, may I have the ring, please. Cindy hands Perry the ring. He takes it, then gives it to Lois, who slips it on Clark's finger. PERRY (CONT'D) (to Lois) Now repeat after me. I, Lois, take thee Clark, to love, honor and cherish for as long as I live. LOIS (through happy tears) I, Lois, take thee Clark, to love, honor and cherish for as long as I live. PERRY Then by the power invested in me by this state and the First Church of Blue Suede Deliverance, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. Lois and Clark give a huge kiss, the organ swells, and they turn and head down the aisle as the guests stand and grin. 46 EXT. CHURCH/INT. LIMO - DAY 46 The CHAUFFEUR sits in the back seat with the door open, watching the TV in the limo. On it is a news bulletin that shows a picture of Lex Luthor. TV ANNOUNCER (V.0.) LNN has just learned that prison authorities released Lex Luthor this morning after they received a Presidential pardon for him. Prison officials were unaware at the time that the pardon had been issued by the False President. A search was immediately begun, but so far, Mr. Luthor remains at large. He shakes his head. Suddenly, he hears the Church doors open and he quickly turns off the TV and leaps out to hold open the limo door. --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 56. 47 LOIS AND CLARK 47 emerge in a shower of rice and skitter down to the limo. They wave as Lois gets in, followed by Clark. The Chauffeur shuts the door, gets in behind the wheel and drives off. The Lanes, the Kents, Perry, Jimmy, and Cindy all wave from the steps. CUT TO 48 INT. CLARK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT #4 48 Clark sits in bed, shirtless, a look of happiness on his face. There's a bucket of champagne near the bed. He sips champagne from a flute and pours some more for Lois's glass. CLARK Just think, this time tomorrow, we'll be in Hawaii. LOIS (O.S.) Maybe we can just stay there. CLARK You want it, you got it. We'll eat... He settles back comfortably. 49 INT. BATHROOM - CLOSEUP - LOIS 49 She's fixing her hair in the mirror. CLARK (O.S.) ... coconuts everyday. I'll just fly up and grab some whenever we need more. LOIS Sounds great. CLARK (O.S.) (beat) Lois... ? LOIS Standby to be stunned! 50 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT 50 Clark eagerly waits in bed. LOIS Well, was it worth the wait? (CONTINUED) --page break-- "I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 57. 50 CONTINUED: 50 Lois emerges from the shadows. She IS stunning in her extremely sexy negligee. CLARK I'd say... _yeah_. Clark holds out his hand and as Lois slinkily walks towards the bed, we... FADE OUT. _THE END_