I obtained this script already scanned from another source. *Then* I got a hard copy! The hard copy had an additional cover page that was for the "production copy" only, and it indicated that the episode was directed by Robert Singer. This had clearly changed by the Green R. copy: Sgriccia directs by then. To pop everything into place... use Courier 10 (or 10 characters per inch) set top margin at 0.5", bottom margin at 0.5" (or minimums) left margin at 1", right margin at .25 (or minimum) (I had to tell the program that my primitive printer was using legal-size paper) * and (X) used in script probably mean "this line changed from previous version" note: See what Superman was *really* going to say when The Prankster opened the President's Limo door... --page break-- (probably insert logo here) "Return of the Prankster" EPISODE FIFTEEN Prod. #456465 Written by Grant Rosenberg Directed by Philip J. Sgriccia WARNER BROS. TELEVISION _Production Draft_ Jan. 9, 1995 Blue Rev. 1/12/95 Pink Rev. 1/16/95 Yellow R. 1/17/95 Green R. 1/19/95 --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_Return of the Prankster_" Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 _CAST_ CLARK KENT/SUPERMAN LOIS LANE PERRY WHITE JIMMY OLSEN __________________________________________________________________ KYLE GRIFFIN VICTOR EDWIN GRIFFIN BOBBY BIGMOUTH PROFESSOR HAMILTON CARRIGAN * MIKE CARNEY VENDOR --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_Return of the Prankster_" Blue Rev. 1/15/95 _LOCATIONS_ _INTERIORS_: _EXTERIORS_: Daily Planet High Rise Newsroom Elevator Sidewalk Cafe Lobby Lakeside Towers Lois' Apartment Patio Hallway Metropolis Streets Hamilton Labs Kiosk * Griffin's Apartment Metropolis Edison Energy Plant Mike Carney's Office Switching Room Generator Room Lakeside Towers Elevator --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ "_Return of the Prankster_" _CHRONOLOGY_ SC. 1 - 10 DAY 1 SC. 11 - 30 NIGHT 1 SC. 31 - 50 DAY 2 SC. 51 - 52 NIGHT 2 SC. 53 - 84 DAY 3 SC. 85 DAY 4 --page break-- _LOIS & CLARK_ _The New Adventures of Superman_ "Return of the Prankster" _TEASER_ 1 INT. LOIS' HALLWAY - DAY #1 1 Lois moves down the hall, carrying a bag of groceries and a bouquet of flowers. She unlocks her apartment door. 2 INT. LOIS' APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS 2 She enters and stops, stunned at the sight of her apartment turned upside down. Before she can react the door closes behind her. Frightened, she whirls around and is immediately hit directly in the face with a BLINDING YELLOW LIGHT and suddenly FREEZES IN PLACE. After several seconds the light ceases. 3 REVERSE ANGLE REVEALS 3 KYLE GRIFFIN and VICTOR. Griffin holds a modified Polaroid camera with an odd looking oversized flash attachment. GRIFFIN Hi, honey. You're home early. (X) Griffin moves over and takes the flowers from Lois' hand. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) Oh, look. You brought me flowers. (X) He smells the flowers and smiles. He turns to Victor. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) How about a picture of her where she's not so... you know... VICTOR Clothed? Griffin bops Victor in the forehead. GRIFFIN Grow up. I meant 'smug.' (he hands camera to Victor) And make sure you switch it from freeze to photoflash. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) G. Rosenberg 1/9/95 2. 3 CONTINUED: 3 Griffin puts his arm around Lois' shoulders. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) Say 'freeze', sweetheart. A regular WHITE FLASH goes of f as Victor snaps the picture. The camera ejects the print and Victor hands it to Griffin who pulls a felt pen from his pocket. As Griffin writes on the photo, Victor put his face next to Lois', holds out the camera and takes a picture of both of them. Griffin sticks _his_ photo in Lois' hand, then... GRIFFIN (CONT'D) Let's go. VICTOR But we didn't find what we came for. GRIFFIN (patronizing) Maybe that's because it's not here. Come on. As they move past Lois, Griffin takes a flower and sticks it in Lois's open mouth. Victor starts rummaging through the grocery bag, excited to find some double fudge crunch bars. VICTOR 0oooo my favorite. Griffin grabs Victor by the necktie and drags him to the door thru... GRIFFIN Let's go. And they're gone. A moment later, Lois slowly comes out of her trance-like state. She spits out the flower then looks down at the picture in her hand showing Griffin, his arm around Lois. On the bottom he has written, "This is just the beginning." 4 CLOSE ON LOIS 4 who reacts in confusion and terror. FADE OUT. _END TEASER_ --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) G. Rosenberg 1/9/95 3. _ACT ONE_ 5 INT. DAILY PLANET - AFTERNOON 5 Lois, still shaken, steps off the elevator and drifts to her desk as CLARK approaches. CLARK Where were you? I've been trying to reach you. You won't believe it. The Prankster broke out of jail. LOIS I know. (hands him the Polaroid) Griffin and his beady-eyed friend were waiting for me when I got home. CLARK (alarmed) They were in your apartment? LOIS They must've been looking for something. My place was a mess. But nothing was missing. CLARK Are you okay? LOIS Yeah. I guess so. PERRY enters. Clark hands him the photo through... CLARK Chief. You better look at this. PERRY (eyeing photo) What the heck? Is this some kind of prank... (dawning on him) Oh no. LOIS It was the weirdest thing. I walked into my apartment and there was this intense yellow light... CLARK (finishing her thought) And you don't remember anything that happened after that. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 4. 5 CONTINUED: 5 LOIS How did you know? CLARK The same thing happened at the state penitentiary. That's how Griffin and Victor broke out. They froze a guard in the laundry and left him in his underwear in a dryer. LOIS What is it with me and people breaking into my apartment flashing lights in my eyes. (X) PERRY Lois, this Prankster thing may not (X) bode too well for your interview with the President. LOIS (worried) Why? CLARK I don't think the white House will want to expose the President to the Prankster. LOIS Clark, the President's coming here to present Metropolis with an award for the lowest crime rate in America. I think it might be a little embarrassing to call off his trip because there's a criminal loose in the streets. They look to Perry. A beat then... PERRY Lois, I know you're the only reporter to get an interview with the President, and I'm real proud of you, but I think this has gotta be the white House's call. LOIS But Perry... PERRY Lois. We _are_ talking about the President. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 5. 5 CONTINUED: 2 5 Clark picks up the phone and offers it to Lois. Lois (X) hesitates for a second then grabs it. CUT TO: 6 INT. GRIFFIN'S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON 6 Griffin and Victor have set up shop in a dingy, threadbare apartment in a vacant, condemned building. The walls are covered with photos and News Headlines of the President of (X) the U.S. Victor hands Griffin a small electronic part which he installs in a larger scale version of the Polaroid freezing camera. This one looks vaguely like a Polaroid with a 4OOmm long lens. GRIFFIN Once we figure out how to get this to work on Superman, we're home free. VICTOR Do we have to go up against him again? Can't we just use this to rob a bank or something? GRIFFIN Victor, I know it's hard but try opening your mind to the bigger picture. why rob a measly bank when you can make history _and_ millions of dollars in the process? How much do you think the government will pay to ransom the President? VICTOR (thinks a moment) A lot. GRIFFIN A lot. You have a charming but ultimately irritating knack for (X) understatement. Give me the photoconductive cell. Victor opens a plastic box and takes out a small object. He fumbles with it and it drops to the floor. As he stoops to pick it up, a small mouse scurries by his hand. Victor SCREAMS and jumps backward, knocking into Griffin. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 6. 6 CONTINUED: 6 VICTOR Did you see it?! It was a rat! A _huge_ rat, teaming with bubonic plague germs. There's probably a whole nest of them under the floor! Griffin grabs Victor's ear lobe and squeezes. Victor winces. GRIFFIN Victor, I'm not interested in hysterical fantasies from your twisted childhood in that day care (X) center basement. Will you please just... shut up! Victor nods and Griffin lets go of his ear lobe. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) Now, give me the cell. Victor looks down to see the cell on the floor. He stares at it, unwilling to reach down for it. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) Victor. If I have to ask again, the consequences will not be pretty. Victor takes a deep breath and quickly scoops up the cell from the floor. He hands it to Griffin. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) That wasn't so difficult, was it? VICTOR I guess not. (X) Griffin deliberately drops it again. (X) GRIFFIN Pick it up slowly this time. You (X) gotta face those fears. (X) Victor struggles with himself, whimpering, then finally, (X) slowly bends down, retrieves it and hands it to Griffin. (X) GRIFFIN (CONT'D) Good boy, Victor. VICTOR (whining) why do we have to stay here? Couldn't we hide out in a place that's a little nicer? (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 6A. 6 CONTINUED: 2 6 Griffin doesn't look up as he works on the weapon. GRIFFIN Victor, it's a condemned building. You can't beat the price. And more importantly, no one will look for us here. I find that to be a good feature in a 'hideout.' He finishes a final turn of the screwdriver and holds the weapon out for Victor to admire. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) All new and improved. All we need now is the micro step-up transformer. Did you locate one? VICTOR The Metropolis Department of Power and Light just installed them in (X) their master switcher. GRIFFIN Ooh... goody. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 7. 6 CONTINUED: 3 6 Off Griffin's grin... CUT TO: 7 INT. DAILY PLANET - AFTERNOON 7 JIMMY's at Lois' desk. JIMMY When Griffin's father got out of jail, he sold the toy store and disappeared. And that warehouse you caught Griffin in last time, they turned it into a Buddhist Temple. LOIS Thanks Jimmy. Keep searching. As Jimmy exits, a man, CARRIGAN, resembling Clint Eastwood (X) in "In the Line of Fire", complete with sunglasses, pokes his head around the corner of the pillar near Lois' desk. His furtive behavior belies his overriding paranoia that 'commies.' could be lurking anywhere. CARRIGAN (X) Miss Lane? LOIS Yes? CARRIGAN (X) Carrigan. Secret Service. We got (X) a call from you. LOIS (downplaying) Oh, you didn't have to come all the way down here. You could have just called me back. CARRIGAN (X) Never use phones. Commies can tap phones. Carrigan keeps scanning the room, seeming to give Lois his (X) very divided attention. LOIS Uh-huh... well, please sit down. CARRIGAN (X) I never sit down. what's this about? (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 8. 7 CONTINUED: 7 LOIS Uh, well, I'm the reporter who's going to interview the President... CARRIGAN (X) I know that. LOIS Of course you do. Well... we just thought you should be aware of a... minor situation that's developed here involving a small time criminal... CARRIGAN (X) (looks over his shoulder) If it's about the Prankster, we know about it. LOIS (relieved) Oh, well... good. So there's no problem then. CARRIGAN (X) (looks under her desk) There's always a problem. LOIS There is? CARRIGAN No one thought there was a problem (X) when Carter went fishing. 'Til that killer rabbit came from out of nowhere and charged his row boat. LOIS (is he serious?) Killer rabbit? CARRIGAN (X) (regretfully) Twenty first April, seventy nine. (X) I should have been there. But I took that day off. Impacted tooth. You wanna take care of the (X) President, you gotta take care of (X) your teeth. (X) Lois is now sure this guy is not playing with a full deck. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 8A. 7 CONTINUED: 2 7 LOIS I see... well, I'm sure with you and your men protecting him, the President has nothing to worry about. Clark enters from the elevators. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 9. 7 CONTINUED: 3 7 LOIS Oh Clark, this is Mister Carrigan (X) from the Secret Service. He was just saying how he and his men have everything under control. CLARK Good. (to Carrigan) (X) So you don't think that this freezing weapon... LOIS (quickly) Invention! It's not a weapon. It's an invention. It's a little device that seems to freeze people in place... very temporarily. It's harmless really. It's kind of like a nineties version of that kid's game, freeze tag. CLARK Lois, that's not exactly... LOIS Clark, you weren't there. I was. Mister Carrigan is a trained (X) professional. (to Carrigan) (X) Besides, with the police looking (X) for him and Superman probably (X) already on the case, the President (X) will be safer in Metropolis than he'd be... at the white House. CARRIGAN (X) (suspicious) You know something about the White House, ma'am? LOIS No! Nothing! It was just an example... I mean I could have said, safer than a bug in a rug, or two peas in a pod... you see? It's just an expression. CARRIGAN (X) You ever been on medication ma'am? And as Carrigan just stares at an uncomfortable Lois... (X) CUT TO: --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 10. 8 INT. METROPOLIS POWER & LIGHT BUILDING - DAY 8(X) An older man also dressed in painter's cap and overalls, carries a step ladder, a bucket of paint and a tarp. On his back in large letters is embroidered "Acme Painting." We recognize him as EDWIN GRIFFIN, Kyle's father. Edwin comes to a door marked "Metropolis Power & Light, Mike Carney, (X) Manager of Operations." He opens it and enters. 9 INT. CARNEY'S OFFICE - DAY 9 Edwin carries his painting paraphernalia into Carney's drab green office. MIKE CARNEY looks up from his work. A fastidious little man, he is not happy to be disturbed. CARNEY Who are you? Edwin looks down at the paint can in one hand and ladder in the other. Is this guy blind or just stupid? EDWIN Painter. The city decided this place could use a little sprucing up. As he speaks, Edwin drops the paint can. CARNEY Let me see your work order. EDWIN (hands him a paper) Here you go. Edwin turns and the ladder SMACKS Carney in the back, knocking him across his desk. EDWIN (CONT'D) Oops, sorry. CARNEY (petulant) No one told me anything about this. EDWIN Bureaucracy. You're getting a fresh coat of Navaho White. Edwin drops the ladder and shakes out a paint stained tarp, the breeze sending papers flying off Carney's desk. CARNEY All right, all right, I'm going. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Blue Rev. 1/12/95 10A. 9 CONTINUED: 9 Carney gathers up his papers as Edwin flings the tarp across the desk. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 11. 9 CONTINUED: 2 9 EDWIN Good. Won't take long. Carney leaves. Edwin waits for a beat, then' pulls out a cellular phone and dials. After a moment he speaks into the phone. EDWIN (CONT'D) I'm in. DISSOLVE TO: 10 INT. CARNEY'S OFFICE - DAY - A SHORT TIME LATER 10 Griffin and Victor enter. Edwin has already covered a portion of faded green wall with a fresh coat of white. He looks up to see Kyle and Victor. GRIFFIN Nice job, Dad. EDWIN Stuff it. You know I don't like (X) suck-ups. (X) Griffin bristles. Victor snickers. Griffin bops him. (X) Victor whines. (X) GRIFFIN Did you find the keys? (X) EDWIN Don't ask stupid questions. (X) Edwin pulls a ring of keys from his pocket and flips them to Victor who fumbles them. They fall into the paint can. He grimaces as he reaches to fish them out. EDWIN He's like having your very own three stooges, all rolled into one. CUT TO: 11 INT. ENERGY PLANT - MAIN SWITCHING ROOM - NIGHT #1 11 Dominated by a bank of large, industrial grey computers. Griffin watches Victor, who has the front panel of a computer open, quickly extract a square electronic device, the size of a walnut. He smiles. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) G. Rosenberg 1/9/95 12. 11 CONTINUED: 11 VICTOR A micro step-up transformer. This little baby will increase the weapon's power twelve fold, by coupling with the multi-plex negative ohm resistor... GRIFFIN (sing-song) You're borrring me. Victor shuts up as Griffin slides the weapon out of his overalls. He takes the transformer and plugs it into a port on the side of the weapon. Suddenly the weapon REVS UP. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) Get out the contact lenses. As Victor opens a lens case... CUT TO: 12 INT. DAILY PLANET - NIGHT 12 A tired Lois hangs up as Clark approaches from his desk. LOIS Anything? CLARK Nope. I checked every bank and credit card company. No paper trail of any kind. LOIS (exasperated) This is not fair! I've put this guy away twice before. Lois sighs. CLARK Are you going to stay at your apartment tonight? LOIS I didn't want to but every hotel in town is booked because of the President. Perry offered but Alice is sick and I didn't want to impose. They eye each other a beat, as he contemplates offering his place. Then... (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) G. Rosenberg 1/9/95 13. 12 CONTINUED: 12 LOIS (CONT'D) Thanks, but with us dating, or almost dating... I'd feel uncomfortable. Clark nods as Jimmy approaches. JIMMY 'Night guys. CLARK Hey Jimmy. Don't you have a pull out couch? JIMMY Yeah, why? LOIS Clark... CLARK Lois needs a place to stay for a few nights until this Prankster thing's resolved. JIMMY (WHAT!?) Huh? Well... uh sure. I guess. mean... you sure you want to stay there? It's just a hole in the wall bachelor pad. LOIS Jimmy, if you're too uncomfortable about it... JIMMY Oh no. I mean... if you don't mind roughin' it... it's okay with me. Hey... what are friends for? LOIS Thanks. I promise you won't even notice I'm there. JIMMY (apprehensive) Oh, sure. It's no problem. Just... gimme a chance to get home and straighten up a little. He exits. LOIS That was sweet of him. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 14. 12 CONTINUED: 2 12 Just then, the LIGHTS DIM, THEN GET BRIGHT, THEN DIM AGAIN. CLARK What the heck's...? Lois' phone RINGS. She picks it up. LOIS Lois Lane. 13 INTERCUT WITH GRIFFIN AT ENERGY PLANT - NIGHT 13 where he is fiddling with the city's master power switcher. GRIFFIN (into phone) Lois. Great to talk to you again. I know you've been wondering where I was, and I'd hate for you to be kept in the dark. 14 BACK AT THE DAILY PLANET - NIGHT 14 as the lights go dim again. Lois holds her hand over the phone and motions to Clark. LOIS It's Griffin. Clark picks up a nearby phone and listens in. LOIS (CONT'D) You're controlling the lights at the Planet? GRIFFIN Oh, I'm pretty much in control of the whole darn city. Take a look outside. Lois puts the phone down as she and Clark quickly jog to (X) the window. 15 LOIS AND CLARK'S POV - ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE DAILY 15(X) PLANET The lights in a high rise office building across the street suddenly go out, then just as suddenly pop back on in a selected pattern so the lit windows read "HI LOIS." --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 15. 16 RESUME SCENE 16 Lois and Clark stride back to their desks and pick up the (X) phones. LOIS What do you want now, Griffin? GRIFFIN Well, since you're my favorite reporter, I thought I'd let you in on an electrifying story. I've been able to access the computer (X) banks at Metropolis Power and Light. Should be a real party (X) when I shut down the airport. Talk about flying blind. Ta-tah. Griffin hangs up. 17 AT THE DAILY PLANET 17 Clark heads for the elevators. LOIS Where are you going? CLARK To the airport... uh, in case the Prankster makes good on his threat LOIS Okay. I'll follow up on Metropolis Power and Light. (X) As she dials the phone, Clark heads for the elevator. As Lois listens on the phone we HEAR... (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 16. 17 CONTINUED: 17 VOICED (FILTERED) You've reached Metropolis Power and Light. Due to a high volume of (X) calls your wait time may be anywhere from five to fifteen minutes. As MUZAK kicks in, an exasperated Lois hangs up and heads for the stairwell. As she passes a staffer... LOIS Corey! Tell Perry I went to Metropolis Power and Light. (X) CUT TO: 18 18 THRU OMITTED THRU 22 22 23 INT. M.P.& L. - MAIN GENERATOR ROOM - NIGHT - SHORT TIME 23(X) LATER The cavernous main floor of the energy plant. In the background, giant turbines give off a CONSTANT HUM. Lois enters and stops at the sight of several PLANT WORKERS frozen in place. Before she can react... GRIFFIN (O.S.) Lois! (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 17. 23 CONTINUED: 23 Lois looks over to see Griffin standing across the room. (X) Griffin holds his weapon in his hands. Victor appears behind Lois. (X) LOIS (surprised) Griffin. GRIFFIN I knew you'd come. Reporters are (X) so predictable. LOIS What's this all about? GRIFFIN (playful) What's it about? It's about magic. It's about wonder. It's about power. Lots of power.' LOIS Griffin, if you give yourself up now, you'll still... GRIFFIN Yakety, yakety, yak. VICTOR There are only two words we want to hear you say. GRIFFIN Those would be 'Help, Superman.' She just stares at them with steely resolve. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) Well, Victor it looks like Miss Lane needs a little persuasion. As Victor grinningly approaches Lois... (X) 24 INT. M. P. & L. - MAIN GENERATOR ROOM 24(X) Lois is tied by steel cables to a huge boiler with large gauges and dials. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 18. 24 CONTINUED: 24 GRIFFIN (re: gauge) (X) Now, when that needle moves into (X) the red zone, you're going to have (X) one electrifying experience. See ya'. As they leave, Lois struggles against her bindings, then... CUT TO: 25 EXT. NIGHT SKY 25 As a jetliner approaches Metropolis, Superman appears alongside the cockpit window and taps, surprising the pilots. He yells through the window. SUPERMAN Metropolis control tower is shut down! Land at JFK! He waves and peels off. As the bewildered pilots react... 26 INT. M.P.& L. - MAIN GENERATOR ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS 26(X) Lois, eyeing the gauge's needle as it moves toward the (X) red zone, continues to struggle with her bindings. She (X) tries not to panic. LOIS Superman... I could use your help right about now. Finally realizing courage is pointless at this moment... LOIS (CONT'D) Oh... who am I kidding? Help! Superman! 27 EXT. SHOT OF SUPERMAN FLYING OVER THE CITY - NIGHT (STOCK) 27 He reacts to the sound of... LOIS (O.S.) Help! Superman! As he banks and heads away... 28 INT. ENERGY PLANT - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER 28 Victor and Griffin stand on a landing. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Blue Rev. 1/12/95 19. 28 CONTINUED: 28 VICTOR If we don't _have_ to kill Lois Lane, could we take her home to play with? Griffin grabs Victor's nose and pulls him to him. GRIFFIN In a word. No. Just then, a WHOOSH and Superman HOVERS right next to them. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) Superman! Glad you could make it! SUPERMAN You should have never come back to Metropolis, Griffin. GRIFFIN But all my friends are here. And I just love that little bagel shop over on Seventh. Griffin pulls the trigger on the weapon, sending a BLINDING YELLOW FLASH directly at Superman. The light bounces harmlessly off Superman's chest. GRIFFIN. (CONT'D) Oh, darn. SUPERMAN Don't you ever learn? GRIFFIN Didn't anyone ever teach you, 'If at first you don't succeed...' (checks his watch) In about fifteen seconds, a very big boiler will explode. And then (X) Lois Lane will be a memory. SUPERMAN Where is she!? VICTOR (sing song) We're not telling. As Superman SPEEDS off into the depths of the power plant... GRIFFIN See ya' later, sizzle chest. FADE OUT. _END OF ACT ONE_ --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Blue Rev. 1/12/95 20. _ACT TWO_ FADE IN: 29 INT. DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY - MAIN GENERATOR ROOM - NIGHT 29 Superman LANDS near the boiler as the LED readout shows (X) three seconds. LOIS Superman! As Superman breaks apart the steelcables that bind Lois... (X) LOIS (CONT'D) I better hope I never get (X) laryngitis. As flames shoot from the boiler, Superman grabs Lois and (X) FLIES straight up and out of harm's way just as the boiler (X) explodes in a huge burst of flames behind them. (X) 29A EXT. INDUSTRIAL AREA STREET - NIGHT 29A(X) Superman FLIES Lois away from the power plant. (X) LOIS Did you see Griffin? (X) SUPERMAN He got away. You were his safety valve in case his weapon couldn't freeze me. Lois, I think you should leave town until I can find him. LOIS I can't leave town. In two days I've got the only interview with the President of the United States. It's not everyday I get to meet someone with such incredible power. (starts babbling) Except for you of course. But you're different. I don't mean different in the obvious way... I mean... well you're more than just a story... you're a... well, you know what you are... don't you? What in the world is she babbling about? He can only stare at her and off her chagrined look... CUT TO: --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Blue Rev. 1/12/95 20A. 30 INT. GRIFFIN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 30 Griffin is working on the weapon. Victor stands nearby, nervously checking the floor for rodents. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) G. Rosenberg 1/9/95 21. 30 CONTINUED: 30 GRIFFIN This new transformer lets me modulate the intensity and duration of the blast giving me the ability to freeze someone for a minute or an entire day. VICTOR Except for Superman. GRIFFIN (tolerating him) That's right Victor. Except for Superman. Which is why we have to figure out where else, besides Lois Lane's apartment, we might find the information on him that we need. Victor suddenly GASPS and jumps back from the bed. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) What is it?! VICTOR A tail... under the bed. I saw a documentary once about this family that got bitten... Griffin makes a move towards Victor's ear. Victor shuts up. GRIFFIN Of all the geniuses in the world, I get stuck with _you_. VICTOR I thought you liked me. GRIFFIN (faux sincere) Oh, I do Victor. Just like the Queen liked Snow White. Victor smiles, satisfied a beat, then realizes the Queen wanted to kill Snow white. His eyes go wide in fear. VICTOR Uh... maybe Lois Lane has something on her computer at work. Like a diary or something? GRIFFIN Victor, Victor, Victor (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 22. 30 CONTINUED: 2 30 VICTOR (wincing) Bad idea? Griffin pinches Victor's cheeks. GRIFFIN Au contraire. It's blatantly simple. Just like you. CUT TO: 31 INT. DAILY PLANET - DAY #2 31 The elevators open and an agitated Lois and Jimmy step out. LOIS Well don't expect me to wake up all happy and peppy after only three hours sleep. JIMMY I can't help it. Ever since I was a kid I've slept with the TV on. LOIS Don't you think freaking out when I turned it off was a bit overly dramatic? I mean c'mon, it was that 976 infomercial. JIMMY I don't do it on purpose. That's just the way I wake up when there isn't any noise. LOIS I guess that explains why you live across from a fire station. Jimmy exits as Perry approaches. Clark enters from the elevators. CLARK I just spoke to Metropolis Edison. They managed to contain the blast to one sector. They can still meet the city's power needs. PERRY Thank God. One blackout a year's about all I can handle. (X) (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 22A. 31 CONTINUED: 31 PERRY (CONT'D) Lois, I just spoke with Helen (X) Bartlett at the white House. (X) They're all concerned about the (X) Prankster so the President's cutting his trip as tight as possible. LOIS (wincing) Don't tell me. My interview is...? (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Blue Rev. 1/12/95 23. 31 CONTINUED: 2 31 PERRY They wanted to reschedule it for some other time... LOIS I knew it! If I ever get my hands on Griffin, I'll... PERRY Whoa, girl. I said they _wanted_ to reschedule it, but I told them they weren't dealing with some small town rag here. This is the Daily Planet. 'I said.I didn't care if they _were_ the White House. No one was going to mess with me or my reporters. CLARK In other words, you grovelled. (X) PERRY But only on one knee. Anyway, they agreed to give you five minutes. LOIS (disappointed) Five minutes? That's it? PERRY Hey, don't thump a free melon. It's five minutes more than any other reporter in Metropolis is getting. LOIS I guess you're right. PERRY In the meantime, I want you two (X) focusing all your attention on the (X) Prankster. The people of Metropolis may hate him but they love reading about his exploits. He exits. A disheartened Lois looks at Clark. LOIS Five minutes? what can I do in five minutes? (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) G. Rosenberg 1/9/95 24. 31 CONTINUED: 2 31 CLARK Look, we've still got twenty four hours. There must be somebody who can give us a lead on Griffin. CUT TO: 32 CLOSE ON A FROWNING LOIS 32 LOIS What do you mean you don't know anything? 33 WIDEN TO REVEAL 33 Lois and Clark sit at a sidewalk cafe table talking to BOBBY BIGMOUTH. Bobby's about to stuff a huge triple decker burger into his face when Lois snatches it from him. BOBBY BIGMOUTH Ay..ay..ay! what are you doin'? LOIS I'm not feeding you so you can tell me you don't know anything. Bobby reaches for the burger but Lois holds it out of reach thru... BOBBY BIGMOUTH Hey, sometimes you gotta' feed me on spec. Maybe I'll find somethin' out in a couple of days. LOIS A couple of days will be too late. BOBBY BIGMOUTH (grabs burger) Then consider this a down payment on the next time. Boy are we testy. CLARK She's just upset. Because of Griffin, her interview with the President's been cut to five minutes. LOIS All I'll have time for is one question. It's not fair. There are so many areas I want to cover. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Pink Rev. 1/16/95 25. 33 CONTINUED: 33 BOBBY BIGMOUTH (eating) Tough break. You know what I'd ask him? LOIS (cynical) What's his favorite dessert? BOBBY BIGMOUTH Aw, gimme me some credit, huh? I ain't that shallow. I'd ask him somethin' that could educate people. Like... what the heck are hominy grits? Lois shakes her head in disbelief. Then... (X) CUT TO: --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Pink Rev. 1/16/95 26. 34 EXT. ACME PAINTING VAN - SAME TIME 34(X) Parked at the curb. Griffin's at the wheel, Victor in the (X) passenger seat, holding the weapon and fiddling with one of (X) the knobs. Griffin looks over. (X) GRIFFIN Don't play with that! Victor pulls his hand away. VICTOR I wasn't playing with it. (X) Griffin pinches the skin on the back of Victor's' hand. (X) VICTOR (CONT'D) (immediately) (X) Okay, I won't do it again! (X) Griffin spots something out the front window. (X) GRIFFIN I think I've found the perfect (X) test target. VICTOR Where? (X) GRIFFIN (pointing OS) (X) Right there. VICTOR (grinning) (X) Yeah! (X) He raises the weapon and aims it where Griffin's pointing. (X) He pushes a trigger button, firing a BLINDING LIGHT through (X) the driver side window. A beat as they wait for the (X) result, then... (X) VICTOR (CONT'D) (gleefully) (X) It worked! (X) Griffin punches him hard in the shoulder. (X) VICTOR (CONT'D) Ow! What's that for? (X) GRIFFIN For being surprised. (X) (he starts the engine) (X) Let's go. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 26A. 34 CONTINUED: 34 VICTOR (re: OS) Are you just going to leave them like that? GRIFFIN (gleeful) (X) Of course Victor. It's funny. (X) That's why they call me the Prankster. Victor doesn't see the humor. (X) GRIFFIN (threatening) (X) It's funny, Victor. (X) Victor, fearing retribution, quickly forces a wide grin. (X) As the van pulls away, CAMERA PANS up the sidewalk and FINDS... 34A ANOTHER ANGLE 34A A young MOTHER, pushing a stroller, frozen on the sidewalk. A few feet away, a MOVER working a BLOCK AND TACKLE stands likewise, the rope he was working slowly sliding through his fingers. The result: A large piece of heavy furniture dangles three stories above the mother and child... and it's slipping towards them. 35 35 THRU OMITTED THRU 41 41 --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Pink Rev. 1/16/95 27. 42 EXT. SIDEWALK CAFE 42 Lois, Clark and Bobby are finishing their coffee. LOIS Clark, what would you ask him? (X) Something about the economy... (X) foreign policy? (X) CLARK I'd go with something people would (X) be interested in finding out about (X) him, but wouldn't normally ask. (X) Like...if you were a major league (X) ballplayer what position would you (X) play and why? (X) LOIS (incredulous) (X) Are you serious? That's it? That (X) would be your one big question? (X) No offense, but I think that's (X) pretty dumb. (X) BOBBY BIGMOUTH Gee Clark. I thought that was a (X) pretty good question. (X) Suddenly, Clark's SUPERHEARING picks up.... (X) VOICE (O.S.) Help! Somebody help! (X) CLARK Uh... I just remembered, I have a dentist appointment in a few minutes. I'll meet you back at the Planet. As Clark hurries off, Lois turns to Bobby. LOIS Maybe something symbolic. Like, 'If you could be a tree, what kind of tree would you be?' BOBBY BIGMOUTH Sounds like a question for bachelor number two. CUT TO: --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Pink Rev. 1/16/95 28. 43 43 THRU OMITTED THRU 48 48 48A EXT. METROPOLIS SIDEWALK - DAY - SAME TIME 48A(X) The rope slides faster through the mover's hands. It's (X) only a matter of nanoseconds before the furniture drops and (X) mother and child are squashed like peas on a plate. (X) 48B ANOTHER ANGLE 48B Gravity prevails and the furniture drops towards the (X) unsuspecting victims below. Inches before they're butter, (X) a BLUE STREAK races into frame and whisks the mother and (X) child away, barely escaping the heavy furniture, which (X) CRASHES into the sidewalk and SPLINTERS apart. (X) 48C ANOTHER ANGLE 48C The BLUE STREAK slows, RAVEALING Superman, holding the (X) mother in one arm and pushing the baby carriage with the (X) other. As onlookers applaud, Superman gently sets the (X) still frozen mother down, then eyes the wheels on the baby (X) carriage. They're smoking. He looks back at the (X) splintered furniture. (X) SUPERMAN (grim) (X) Griffin. (X) CUT TO: 49 INT. DAILY PLANET - DAY - A SHORT TIME LATER 49 Lois works at her desk, writing something on a pad. Jimmy approaches, carrying a small bag. JIMMY Look Lois... I'm sorry about last night... it's just, I've never had anybody sleep over at my place before. LOIS Little wonder. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Blue Rev. 1/12/95 29. 49 CONTINUED: 49 JIMMY Anyway, I think I've solved the problem. He opens the bag and pulls out a new pair of small headphones. JIMMY (CONT'D) Now both of us can sleep. LOIS (contrite) (X) Oh... well, that's awfully sweet of you, Jimmy. Thanks. As she returns to writing on her pad... JIMMY What are you working on? LOIS The one question I can ask the president. (and then) Jimmy, you're part of Generation X. What would someone your age want to the President? JIMMY Me? I'd ask for a job. It'd be so cool working at the White House. LOIS Thanks, that wasn't exactly what I had in mind. Perry comes out of his office. LOIS (CONT'D) Perry? What one question would you ask the president? PERRY I'd want to know why he vetoed the bill to make Graceland a national monument. LOIS Perry, I'm serious. PERRY So am I. Anything new on Griffin? GRIFFIN (O.S.) Look no further. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) G. Rosenberg 1/9/95 30. 49 CONTINUED: 2 49 All heads look up to see Griffin and Victor standing on the landing up to the library. Griffin cradles the weapon in his arms. His eyes faintly sparkle in the light. GRIFFIN Everyone say freeze. Before anyone can react, he fires his weapon. A BRIGHT YELLOW FLASH floods the newsroom FREEZING THE ENTIRE STAFF of the Planet. FADE OUT. _END OF ACT TWO_ --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Green Rev. 1/19/95 31. _ACT THREE_ FADE IN: 50 INT. DAILY PLANET - DAY - AN HOUR LATER 50 Clark steps out of the elevator, adjusting his tie. He stops short when he sees everyone in the newsroom is frozen. Dozens of copies of Victor's Xeroxed face ("mushroomed" out, the kind you get when you press your face against glass and blow) are taped everywhere. Clark walks among the staffers, eyeing their various frozen visages. He waves his hands in front of a few... nothing. He reaches Lois, who's dressed only in her silky underwear. CLARK Lois? Lois doesn't move. Despite himself, Clark takes her in, impressed with what he sees. Then, feeling guilty, hurriedly slips his jacket around her. That's when he notices Perry and Jimmy standing a few feet away. Jimmy's wearing LOIS' DRESS. Clark has to bite back a laugh. Jimmy begins to stir. JIMMY C.K.... what's so funny? A confused Jimmy looks down at himself, reacts. As he hurriedly fumbles to undo the dress, Lois and the others start to stir. She notices Clark's coat wrapped around her. LOIS Why am I...? She opens the coat, sees she's under dressed and immediately closes the coat as Perry begins to stir. LOIS (CONT'D) (gritting teeth) Griffin. PERRY Look at my tie! He fingers his tie, or what's left of it now that it's cut in half. Lois sees Jimmy struggling to reach the zipper of her dress. LOIS Jimmy! Give me back my dress! CLARK Now _there's_ something you don't (X) hear around the newsroom everyday. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) G. Rosenberg 1/9/95 32. 50 CONTINUED: 50 JIMMY How do you get one of these off? (X) As an angry Lois moves to Jimmy and unzips the dress... (X) CLARK Look on the bright side, Lois. At (X) least no permanent damage was done. PERRY Tell that to my tie. I loved this tie. Why couldn't it have been (X) that stupid fish tie Alice got me last year? As Jimmy steps out of Lois' dress... CLARK A better question is, why was Griffin here in the first place? LOIS My continuing degradation comes to mind. CLARK I think that's just a bonus. My guess is he was looking for whatever he couldn't find in your apartment. (and then) Lois, check your computer. Lois slips behind her computer, taps in her access code. Suddenly, a little JINGLE sounds and Griffin's grinning mug appears on the screen. GRIFFIN Hi, Lois. Wasn't that fun? Well, it was for me. And Victor, whoo! He wants to know where you buy your lingerie. Tah-tah. The screen suddenly goes black. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Green Rev. 1/19/95 33. 50 CONTINUED: 3 50 CLARK Why is it Griffin and Victor can zap an entire newsroom but the light doesn't affect them? LOIS Because they're sub-human? CLARK Maybe Professor Hamilton could give us a slightly more scientific analysis. PERRY Well get on it. No one messes (X) with my ties. CUT TO: 51 INT. HAMILTON LABS - NIGHT #2 51 PROFESSOR HAMILTON gestures to a large model of the human eye as Lois and Clark look on. HAMILTON Signals are sent by the optic nerve to the occipital lobe of the brain. However, it seems that this Griffin fellow has found a way to divert (X) the light directly to the central motor cortex, which is located here. He points out a strip in the center of the brain model. LOIS And that can cause paralysis? HAMILTON Spontaneous major muscle contractions, effectively freezing the victim in place. CLARK So why isn't Griffin affected? HAMILTON I don't know. Unless he wore some kind of special glasses that block the effects of the ray. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Green Rev. 1/19/95 34. 51 CONTINUED: 51 LOIS No glasses. (and then) Wait a minute. I do vaguely remember something strange about Griffin's eyes. They were... sparkling. And had a reddish tint. CLARK Contact lenses? HAMILTON That could be it. (X) CLARK Professor, could you make contacts like that? (X) HAMILTON I don't know. It's a long shot. First I'd have to experiment with various occipital lobes to determine... LOIS Anything you could do. CLARK Thanks, Professor. Clark and Lois start to leave. Lois turns back. LOIS Oh, by the way. If you could ask the President of the United States one question, what would it be? HAMILTON I'd demand to know why the government is actively covering up hard data on the obvious existence of UFOs. LOIS Yeah, that's a good one. Thanks. She turns so only Clark can see as she rolls her eyes. CUT TO: --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Green Rev. 1/19/95 35. 52 INT. GRIFFIN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 52 Griffin is at one computer, Victor at another. As Griffin scrolls down a screen on information, he reacts to Victor goonily giggling at something on his computer screen. GRIFFIN Victor, what are you doing? VICTOR (caught) Huh? Oh, uh.... uh... GRIFFIN (mimicking) Uh...uh... You sound like a moron. Are you doing what I told you to do? Are you looking for information on Superman? VICTOR Not exactly. GRIFFIN What exactly are you doing? VICTOR I found this file Lois Lane had on her computer. It looks' like some. kind of novel she's been writing. It's all about this woman reporter and a guy from outer space. It's really good. It's got a lot of that... you know... 'stuff' in it. GRIFFIN Victor, we did not download all of Lois Lane's computer files so you could grunt over it like some pervert at a magazine stand! A pouting Victor punches some keys, turns the computer off. VICTOR (petulantly) That was the last file. I didn't find anything. GRIFFIN (returning to his screen) Well, I have. She had a whole sub directory on her C drive for (X) Superman. Unfortunately, most of it's worthless. (and then) Except this... (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 36. 52 CONTINUED: 52 Victor rises and heads for him thru... VICTOR What is it? GRIFFIN (eyeing screen) An entry she dated a couple of months ago. It seems that our friend Superman was temporarily blinded by a light beam developed by a Doctor Farraday. Lois seems to have gotten all the unprintable details. (looks up grinning) We just need to make the light waves shorter. CUT TO: 53 INT. DAILY PLANET - DAY #3 53 Lois and Jimmy exit the elevator together. Their tight looks tell us they aren't getting along too well. JIMMY Look, I told you, I didn't know the guys were coming by. It's just, they all live with their parents and have no place else to kick. LOIS So they have to 'kick' at your place until three in the morning? JIMMY I tried to keep it down, honest. But they're just kids. (and then) Where'd you go when you left? LOIS I went to use a phone. JIMMY I've got a phone in my... wait a minute. Are you the 'neighbor' who called the cops on us? Lois smiles smugly and turns back to her work. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 37. 53 CONTINUED: 53 (X) As Jimmy burns, Perry approaches, angrily waving a newspaper. PERRY What in the Sam Hill! Lois! Did you see today's edition? LOIS Not yet Chief. Why? PERRY Look what that idiot Griffin did to my masthead! He holds the paper up for them to see. The masthead reads "The Daily Prankster". Lois fights to suppress a smile. PERRY (CONT'D) You think that's funny? Lois shakes her head no, but her eyes say yes. JIMMY (as he exits) Lois has a strange sense of humor, Chief. PERRY Production figures the Prankster reprogrammed the computerized typesetter. He's made us look like a laughingstock! (and then) You got any leads on this guy? Lois heads for her desk as she shakes her head. LOIS But we're working on it. Clark's down at police headquarters trying to get a lead. The phone on her desk rings. Lois answers. LOIS (CONT'D) Lois Lane. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Green Rev. 1/19/95 38. 53 CONTINUED: 2 53 HELEN'S VOICE (futzed over phone) Yes, this is Helen Bartlett from the White House. LOIS (excited) Oh, hello. HELEN'S VOICE (futzed over phone) Miss Lane, we've set up a press room in the Penthouse at the Lakeside Towers. Can you come over now so we can discuss protocol? LOIS I'll be right there. CUT TO: 54 CLOSE ON GRIFFIN 54 On the phone. A METALLIC RING on the mouthpiece doctors his voice to a woman's. GRIFFIN (sounding like Helen) I'll be expecting you. He hangs up the phone, smiles at Victor, who's sitting across from him in a palatial suite. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) She's on her way. VICTOR (gleefully) Oh boy. Griffin smiles, his eyes SPARKLING. DISSOLVE TO: 55 EXT. LAKESIDE TOWERS - ESTABLISHING - DAY 55 56 INT. HOTEL ELEVATOR - DAY 56 A WAITER leans over a room service cart with a LARGE COVERED (X) SERVING DISH on top. On closer inspection we'll notice the (X) waiter is Griffin. As the doors slide open, Lois enters (X) barely taking notice of the waiter (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Green Rev. 1/19/95 39. 56 CONTINUED: 56 As the doors slide. shut, Lois turns and eyes the floor (X) indicators as they head for the penthouse. (X) A beat, then Lois breathes in deeply. (X) LOIS That smells great. What is it? Continuing to keep his face away from Lois, Griffin reaches (X) for the lid of the serving dish. GRIFFIN The house specialty. Fricassee a la Victor. And with that, he lifts the cover, revealing VICTOR'S HEAD on the tray, his eyes closed. Lois gasps, her mouth (X) dropping in shock. Victor's eyes suddenly pop open and he (X) grins, then squeezes the freez ng weapon through the (X) open1ng round his neck and ZAPS Lois. She freezes, in (X) mid-gasp, mouth open. (X) VICTOR (enamored with Lois) Oh, look at her teeth. They're so big and white and... Griffin slams the cover back down on the serving dish silencing Victor. CUT TO: 57 INT. DAILY PLANET - DAY 57 Clark's working at his computer when he spots Jimmy approaching. CLARK Hey, Jimmy. How's it going with your houseguest? JIMMY Did you know she called the cops on me last night? CLARK Why? JIMMY I had a few friends over, she thought we were too loud. A monk would be too loud for Lois. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) G. Rosenberg 1/9/95 40. 57 CONTINUED: 57 JIMMY (CONT'D) (he sits) I know you two kinda have this thing going on, but take it from me, you don't know the real Lois Lane. I've been thinking about how to get back at her. CLARK Whoa Jimmy. Take it easy. She's been under a lot of stress lately. JIMMY Yeah, well she's gonna find out what real stress is. As he stomps off... CLARK Jimmy... Clark's phone RINGS. He answers. CLARK (CONT'D) Clark Kent. 58 INTERCUT AS NEEDED 58 GRIFFIN Hello, Kent. This is the Prankster. CLARK What do _you_ want? GRIFFIN Do I sense some hostility? CLARK Some? Let's just say everyone is getting tired of your games. GRIFFIN Not everyone. As a matter of fact, Victor and I are about to sit down with Lois for a little three handed pinochle. As Clark reacts... GRIFFIN (CONT'D) She and I have gotten to be inseparable. (MORE) (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) G. Rosenberg 1/9/95 41. 58 CONTINUED: 58 GRIFFIN (CONT'D) If you can find Superman, tell him we're in the Penthouse at the Lakeside Towers. END INTERCUT as the phone goes dead in Clark's hand. CUT TO: 59 EXT. METROPOLIS - SKY - DAY - (STOCK SHOT) 59 Superman FLIES over the city, then banks and heads down. 60 EXT. ROOF PATIO OF LAKESIDE TOWERS - DAY 60 Griffin and Victor are sitting at the patio table, playing cards. Lois stands by, still frozen in place. VICTOR This is such a nice place. Not like our dump. why can't we live in a nice place like this? GRIFFIN We will Victor. Soon. They hear a WHOOSH and look up to see Superman alighting on the parapet of the roof. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) Aw, Superman. I'm glad you could join us. Pinochle? SUPERMAN You're finished, Griffin. GRIFFIN Oh come on. One hand. All work and no play makes Superman a very dull boy. SUPERMAN You'll find out how dull life can be when you're back in a maximum security prison for the rest of your life. GRIFFIN Okay, have it your way. Griffin reaches down and picks up a weapon, which he aims at Superman. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) G. Rosenberg 1/9/95 42. 60 CONTINUED: 60 SUPERMAN When are you going to realize your weapon doesn't work on me? GRIFFIN Correction. _Didn't_ work on you. I've made some improvements in the latest model. Griffin fires the weapon. It emits a BLINDING LIGHT directly at Superman. A moment later, Superman is stiff as a board, a look of disbelief frozen on his face. VICTOR It worked! GRIFFIN Of course it worked. I made it, didn't I? Victor walks over and waves his hand in front of Superman's eyes. There is no reaction. VICTOR He's not so tough. C'mon Superman, show me what you got. He starts dancing around Superman like a boxer in the ring, bobbing and weaving and tossing out jabs in his direction. Griffin grabs a camera, aims it at Victor. GRIFFIN Now _this_ is a Kodak moment. He snaps off a few shots of Victor "boxing" with Superman. VICTOR (a la Ali) I predict Victor will be the Victor! Victor throws a hook to Superman's face, but hurts his hand on Superman's rock solid jaw. VICTOR (CONT'D) Ow. Just then, Lois comes out of her frozen state, then sees Superman. LOIS Oh my God. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Blue Rev. 1/12/95 43. 60 CONTINUED: 2 60 GRIFFIN What a picture, huh? Look at your boyfriend now. Stiff as a frozen fish stick. He walks over to Superman, eyes his frozen stance. GRIFFIN (CONT'D) You know the one bad thing about being a Man of Steel? Steel doesn't bounce. And with that, Griffin shoves Superman over the edge of the building. As he falls silently out of frame, Lois runs to the edge and looks down. 61 ANOTHER ANGLE 61(X) The frozen Superman plummets. 61A EXT. NEWSPAPER KIOSK 61A(X) Superman CRASHES through the roof and the kiosk collapses (X) around an astonished VENDOR. As he stares at the frozen (X) stiff Super hero... (X) 62 ON ROOF 62(X) LOIS How could you do that?! GRIFFIN (shrugs) Easy. Like this. He shoves Lois off the edge. As she SCREAMS and falls from sight... GRIFFIN (CONT'D) Bye bye. VICTOR Gee whiz, Kyle. I wasn't done playing with her. FADE OUT. _END OF ACT THREE_ --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Blue Rev. 1/12/95 44. _ACT FOUR_ FADE IN: 63 EXT. LAKESIDE TOWERS - DAY - CONTINUOUS 63 Lois plummets toward the ground below, SCREAMING for all she's worth. 64 CLOSE ON SUPERMAN 64 laying immobile on top of the rubble of the newspaper (X) kiosk. VENDOR Uh... Supes? (X) He points up toward the scream. Finally, Superman blinks (X) and looks in the direction of the scream. As he takes (X) off... 65 ON LOIS 65 who only has another floor until she kisses the pavement. There is a red and blue blur and Superman is there, CATCHING Lois and holding her in his arms. She sighs the sigh of her life. 66 EXT. ROOF PATIO OF LAKESIDE TOWERS - DAY - CONTINUOUS 66 Victor and Griffin react to Superman's catch. VICTOR (thrilled) He caught her! (Griffin bops him) I mean... darn, he caught her. (X) 67 EXT. LAKESIDE TOWERS - DAY - CONTINUOUS 67 As Superman FLOATS to the ground with Lois... SUPERMAN Are you all right? LOIS You seem to ask me that a lot. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Blue Rev. 1/12/95 44A. 67 CONTINUED: 67 SUPERMAN People seem to try to kill you a (X) lot. LOIS (chagrinned) Yeah. And I was so popular in (X) school. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 45. 67 CONTINUED: 2 67 Superman sets her down. SUPERMAN If you'll excuse me... He's about to take off when... LOIS Superman, there's nothing you can do. If he froze you once, he'll do it again. SUPERMAN (frustrated) But I just can't let him walk away. LOIS Unless you like taking swan dives, you're going to have to. (and then) (X) Look, Clark and I have come up with an idea how to neutralize (X) Griffin. Professor Hamilton is (X) working on it now. (X) (and then) I guess for once you're going to have to rely on us. (X) She's right and he knows it. Off his frustration... CUT TO: 68 INT. DAILY PLANET BULLPEN - AFTERNOON 68 Lois talks with Agent Carrigan at Lois' desk. Carrigan (X) plays with his earpiece, pushing it in and out of his ear thru... LOIS I don't think you're getting the point. An oblivious Carrigan speaks into a small mic attached to (X) his coat lapel. CARRIGAN (X) Try it again, Thompson. I can't hear you. LOIS The Prankster's found a way to stop Superman. (X) (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 46. 68 CONTINUED: 68 CARRIGAN (X) (into mic) I'm still not reading you, Thompson. LOIS So... as much as it pains me to say this... maybe you should postpone the President's visit. Carrrigan pulls out his earpiece and checks it. (X) CARRIGAN (X) Found the problem Thompson. Have General Services send over a box of cotton swabs. (X) LOIS (exasperated) Did you hear anything we said? CARRIGAN (X) You, I heard. Now hear me. All systems are go. My men are trained for any eventuality. He walks off trying to pick the wax from his earpiece. Clark enters. (X) CLARK I heard from Bobby Bigmouth. (X) LOIS What did he want, seconds? CLARK Said he found an address for the (X) Prankster. (hands her slip) It's the apartment he grew up in. (X) But I checked. It's just an old (X) condemned building now. (X) LOIS (realizing) Wait a minute... Victor said something on the roof, when I was coming out of the trance... something about how the place they were living was a real dump. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 47. 68 CONTINUED: 2 68 Off their reactions... (X) CUT TO: 69 INT. GRIFFIN'S APARTMENT - DAY 69 CLOSE ON the wall full of photos of the President. PULL BACK to reveal the photos are under the scrutiny of Lois and Clark. CLARK Either Griffin's a real committed voter, or the President's in trouble. Lois glances at a wall where a newsclipping is pinned (X) showing the ROUTE of the PRESIDENT'S MOTORCADE. (X) LOIS Clark, look. A map of today's motorcade. CLARK (unconvinced) I guess we could notify Navarro... LOIS (sarcastically) What for? His men are 'trained for any eventuality', remember? She checks her watch. LOIS (CONT'D) See if you can find Superman. Have him meet me at Professor Hamilton's as soon as possible. CLARK I'll uh... do my best. As they head out of Griffin's apartment... CUT TO: 70 INT. HAMILTON'S LAB - DAY 70 Lois watches Hamilton as he uses a pair of optician's tweazers to hold a contact lens up to the light (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 48. 70 CONTINUED: 70 HAMILTON Since you said the light he used was yellow, I've ground these lenses and tinted them so instead of yellow light going to the motor cortex, it will be deflected to the eye's inner and outer cantus. LOIS What's that? HAMILTON (skeptical) Do you really want to know? A WHOOSH and Superman appears. SUPERMAN All I want to know is will they work? HAMILTON Not knowing the exact frequency of light he's using I can't make any promises. Off Lois and Superman's concerned looks... CUT TO: 71 EXT. METROPOLIS STREET - DAY - LATER 71 The presidential convoy slowly moves down the street. Two Metropolis police cars lead the President's dark tinted LIMO. Several SECRET SERVICE AGENTS, led by Navarro, run alongside the limo. People line the sidewalk, cheering and waving. (X) CAMERA PANS down the street to see Griffin and Edwin sitting in a parked EXTERMINATOR'S VAN. A large PLASTIC COCKROACH sits on the roof. Griffin speaks into a walkie-talkie. GRIFFIN You're on, Victor. 72 ANOTHER ANGLE 72 Victor's mounted on top of a small tractor in an alley across the street. He jams the tractor into gear and it moves out of the alley. Several parade goers scatter out of the way as he moves into the street. --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 49. 73 ANGLE ON STREET 73 The tractor pulls out in front of the lead police car and Victor kills the ignition. The motorcade comes to an abrupt halt. As onlookers react, Carrigan comes running up to the (X) tractor. CARRIGAN (X) Get that thing out of here! VICTOR I'm trying. Victor turns the key, but nothing happens. CARRIGAN (X) (into his lapel mic) We have a situation up ahead. Some idiot decided to park a tractor in the middle of the street. (then, to Victor) You are in serious trouble, pal. VICTOR (smugly) We'll see. 74 ON GRIFFIN AND EDWIN IN VAN 74 EDWIN It's now or never, son. Griffin nods, then pushes a button on a remote controlled radio device he holds. 75 ANGLE ON VAN'S ROOF 75 The plastic cockroach splits apart, REVEALING a larger version of the freezing device, (mostly floodlight), mounted on top. 76 ANGLE ON STREET 76 Lois suddenly runs into frame, rushing for the President's limo. LOIS Look out! It's a trap! 77 ANGLE ON GRIFFIN 77 Lois' warning is too late. He pushes a button. (X) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 50. 78 ANGLE ON STREET 78 An EXTREMELY BRIGHT, WIDE BAND OF light fills the street with a YELLOW GLARE. Unlike the previous discharges from the weapon, this light is constant, washing everything with a harsh glow. Everyone freezes, INCLUDING LOIS!... just inches from the limo's door. (Hamilton's lenses didn't work!) Victor hops down from the tractor and smiles at the frozen Carrigan. (X) VICTOR Who's the idiot now? Griffin appears behind him, rabbit punches Victor in the neck. As Victor "ooofs"... GRIFFIN Hurry up. We have a President to kidnap. He and Victor hurry to the President's limo. As they approach Lois... GRIFFIN (CONT'D) My old friend Lois. You know, I'm almost sorry she's not able to see my greatest triumph. VICTOR Maybe we could take her with us and then we could explain everything that happened. GRIFFIN Well, you did good this time, Victor. I guess you deserve it. VICTOR Ohboy, ohboy, ohboy. Victor starts to reach for Lois but Griffin bops him sharply on his hand. GRIFFIN Business before pleasure Help me carry the President to the van. Griffin opens the limo door. --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Blue Rev. 1/12/95 51. 79 THEIR POV 79 There's only one celebrity inside. And it's not the President. SUPERMAN I say. Do you have any Grey Poupon? 80 RESUME SCENE 80 VICTOR Superman! As Superman steps from the limo... SUPERMAN Sorry to ruin your plans, Griffin. But the President is safely tucked away, just like you're going to be. GRIFFIN (stunned) But... how? (X) SUPERMAN (a la a fortune teller) Look deep into my eyes. Griffin looks deep. And sure enough, Superman's EYES ARE SPARKLING like his. GRIFFIN (teeth gritted) Contacts ! VICTOR That's not very fair! He's tapped on the shoulder. Surprised, he turns to find Lois, "suddenly unfrozen", her EYES SPARKLING, winding up for a punch. LOIS And neither is this! She delivers a good strong blow to Victor's jaw and he slumps down against the limo, out for the count. LOIS (CONT'D) (to Griffin) I just thought one good prank deserved another. --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 52. 81 81 THRU OMITTED THRU 82 82 83 ANOTHER ANGLE 83 Griffin turns to run. But after several steps he runs right into Superman (who has apparently supersped into his path) (X) calmly standing with his arms folded. Griffin bounces off (X) Supes and falls. As he quickly rises to his feet, he (X) shakes his head. Something's wrong. GRIFFIN My contacts! You knocked my contacts out! I... That's as far as he gets before he FREEZES. Lois eyes Griffin. (X) LOIS I think turnaround's fair play. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 53. 83 CONTINUED: 83 From behind him, Lois YANKS Griffin's pants down around his (X) ankles. She smiles at Superman who gives her a skeptical raised eyebrow. LOIS (CONT'D) Oh come on. He deserved that. Superman smiles, then FIRES A BURST OF HEAT VISION at the freezing device on the van's roof. It instantly melts. As it does, Edwin slumps back in his seat, defeated. EDWIN I should have had a daughter. 84 ANOTHER ANGLE 84 As soon as the light is out, a few people start to stir, then more. Navarro runs up, shaking his head to clear it. SUPERMAN. (re: Griffin) I don't want to tell you your job, sir, but if I were you, I'd take that man into custody. CARRIGAN (X) I know that. (as he grabs Griffin; to himself, reassuring) I knew that. As more people come to life... SUPERMAN (CONT'D) You better get going, Lois. You don't want to be late for your meeting with the President. LOIS My big moment, and I still have no idea what I'm going to ask him. (beat) What one question would you ask the President? (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) Yellow Rev. 1/17/95 54. 84 CONTINUED: 84 SUPERMAN I don't know. I guess I'd ask... (X) why won't he give a great reporter (X) like Lois Lane more than five (X) minutes? They share the sweet moment. Then, off Lois' smile... (X) DISSOLVE TO: 85 INT. DAILY PLANET - DAY #4 - THE NEXT MORNING 85 CLOSE ON THE NEWSLINK as the header PRANKSTER BACK IN JAIL rolls by. CAMERA PANS DOWN and finds Lois, Jimmy and Perry with Clark at his desk, admiring a copy of the Planet touting Lois' exclusive interview with the President. CLARK I've got to hand it to you, Lois. This is one terrific interview. You really pulled it off. PERRY Take a lesson boys. That's the mark of a seasoned reporter, getting her subject to open up and speak freely. CLARK That one question you were sweating about must've really broken the ice. JIMMY So? What was it? LOIS (eating humble pie) I asked him... 'If you were a professional baseball player, which position would you play, and why?' As Clark smiles satisfied. JIMMY That's a great question! PERRY First rate! The girl can think on her feet. (CONTINUED) --page break-- RETURN OF THE PRANKSTER (#15) G. Rosenberg 1/9/95 55. 85 CONTINUED: 85 Perry pats her on the back and exits as Lois and Clark share a secret look. Jimmy starts to follow Perry, but Lois stops him. LOIS Uh, Jimmy? I wanted to thank you... and also apologize. You really helped me out by letting me stay with you, and I guess I wasn't very grateful. It's just... I was under a lot of pressure. Jimmy looks at Clark, who shoots him a "didn't I say so?" look. JIMMY Hey, it was no sweat. Lois gives him a quick hug of thanks, then heads for her desk. Jimmy stares after her admiringly. JIMMY (CONT"D) You know something C.K.? She's a class act. CLARK I've always thought so. As Lois sits at her desk and reaches to open her top drawer... JIMMY (shaking his head) And to think I wanted revenge... (and then, remembering) Lois! No! Don't open that... Too late. Lois opens the drawer and a SPRAY OF SILLY STRING booby trapped inside hits her in the face. She turns to Jimmy, the string hanging off her face. JIMMY (CONT'D) I think I'm about to use one of my sick days. He starts backing away as Clark fights a smile, Lois burns and we... FADE OUT. _THE END_