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Author Topic: Clark Kent 101- Rules to Live By
Deadly Chakram
Pulitzer
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#77 - When told that you are incompatiable for reproduction (and you both get a serious case of sadness), remember and remind Clark that Superman's descendants will found Utopia. Even super smart scientists can be wrong!

#78 - Keep an eye on Clark. He has a knack for getting in trouble when his powers are lost (for various reasons.)

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Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"It's all weird! We live in Metropolis!" ~ Jimmy Olsen

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Marcus Rowland
Merriwether
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#79 - Green glowing gems are never a good fashion choice.

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Marcus L. Rowland
Forgotten Futures, The Scientific Romance Role Playing Game

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Deadly Chakram
Pulitzer
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#80 - Lois, don't bother bringing your own coffee to work anymore. Once Clark learns your preferences (read: the first time he sees you make/order a cup), he will always have a cup waiting for you.

#81 - Pretending to be a married couple and shacking up in the Lexor's Honeymoon Suite can be more fun that you ever dreamed possible.
#81a - It will be more fun if you decide to share the very large bed.
#81b - He *is* Superman, and *will* hear you if you decide to sleep in the bluff.

#82 - Clark will allow you to crash at his apartment any time, day or night, regardless of if you are too tired to go home or if some lunatic is trying to kill you. Feel free to take advantage.

#83 - The only thing deadlier to Clark than Kryptonite is you. Please handle his heart with care. It's extremely fragile, even if he is totally, physically invulnerable.

#84 - It sounds like a movie cliche, but in the case of Clark, a sneeze really *is* a sign of a terminal disease. Feel free to call in the big guns - your father.

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Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"It's all weird! We live in Metropolis!" ~ Jimmy Olsen

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VirginiaR
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Rule #85 - Clark is a good dancer, whether ballroom, the two-step, or country line-dancing; therefore, if he invites you to dance, the answer should always be "yes".
#85a - He also has a style of dancing that's all his own.

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VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"

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Deadly Chakram
Pulitzer
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#86 - Clark is highly vulnerable to magic.
#86a - Keep away from hypnotists.
#86b - Keep away from illusionists.
#86c - Keep away from anyone who knows anything about magic. You just never know what might happen.

--------------------
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"It's all weird! We live in Metropolis!" ~ Jimmy Olsen

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Deadly Chakram
Pulitzer
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#87 - Clark speaks 347 different languages. Lois Lane is not one of them, especially in the beginning. You may have to spell things out for him.

--------------------
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"It's all weird! We live in Metropolis!" ~ Jimmy Olsen

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VirginiaR
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Rule #88 - Just because every blonde in the universe (and at least one other brunette) is attracted to Clark, doesn't mean he's interested them. Once he meets you, he'll never be able to look at another woman that way again... even if it seems to you he is.

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VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"

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VirginiaR
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To all the contributors to this list:

Just wanted to let you know that Lois Lane 101 Handbook posted today on the Archives and we've already gotten a 2 thumbs up review from a reader. She's begging for the Clark List to be finished and submitted soon. We better get cracking!  -

Okay, we left off on #88. Who has a #89?

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VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"

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Christina
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#89 Ask Martha to show you the rejected outfits, you'll be thanking your lucky stars that he went with the one he did.

Does anyone have a good way to make this less about the outfits and more about Clark?

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CLARK: No. I'm just worried I'm a jinx.
JONATHAN: A jinx?
CLARK: Yeah. Let's face it, ever since she's known me, Lois's been kidnapped, frozen, pushed off buildings, almost stabbed, poisoned, buried alive and who knows what else, and it's all because of me.
-"Contact" (You're not her jinx, you're her blessing.)

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VirginiaR
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quote:
Originally posted by Christina:
#89 Ask Martha to show you the rejected outfits, you'll be thanking your lucky stars that he went with the one he did.

Does anyone have a good way to make this less about the outfits and more about Clark?

What if Lois were to ask Clark directly if there was one thing he would change about the outfit? Or something like that. Maybe... If Clark could change his uniform would he? Ooooh. How about...

The next time Clark gripes about some aspect of his uniform remind him of how much worse it could have been.

Does that work?

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VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"

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Christina
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quote:
Originally posted by VirginiaR:
quote:
Originally posted by Christina:
#89 Ask Martha to show you the rejected outfits, you'll be thanking your lucky stars that he went with the one he did.

Does anyone have a good way to make this less about the outfits and more about Clark?

What if Lois were to ask Clark directly if there was one thing he would change about the outfit? Or something like that. Maybe... If Clark could change his uniform would he? Ooooh. How about...

The next time Clark gripes about some aspect of his uniform remind him of how much worse it could have been.

Does that work?

That works (I suppose if there are notes in the margins by Johnathan or Clark the original sentiment would definitely make sense.)

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CLARK: No. I'm just worried I'm a jinx.
JONATHAN: A jinx?
CLARK: Yeah. Let's face it, ever since she's known me, Lois's been kidnapped, frozen, pushed off buildings, almost stabbed, poisoned, buried alive and who knows what else, and it's all because of me.
-"Contact" (You're not her jinx, you're her blessing.)

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Lynn S. M.
Kerth
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90. Don't worry; it's not just you -- *No one's* cooking is as good as his Mom's.*

*All right, maybe it is her, too, but there's no reason to tell her that!

Joy,
Lynn

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Christina
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#91 Be aware of lightening storms and rescues.
#91a consequences include being accused of having a child he does not have and a superpowered person interested in making money with them.

#92 Be aware of any and all glowing red rocks. Wrap all in lead and transport them to Dr. Klein's facilities immediately for research for a cure and disposal
#92a see rule #s 11, 28, 65 and 72

Only 9 more to go! *topics that I don't know have been references include "Just Say Noah and The Corn Festival"

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CLARK: No. I'm just worried I'm a jinx.
JONATHAN: A jinx?
CLARK: Yeah. Let's face it, ever since she's known me, Lois's been kidnapped, frozen, pushed off buildings, almost stabbed, poisoned, buried alive and who knows what else, and it's all because of me.
-"Contact" (You're not her jinx, you're her blessing.)

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Christina
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#93: Clark loves waxing philosophical about his hometown roots. Let him even if it sounds hokey, it's part of who he is.

#94: If Clark wants to take you to the Corn Festival in Smallville, Kansas, let him. You may find yourself with Clark at his most "Clark."

#95: Be careful of sleep floating.
#95a: Consequences include destroyed pillows, broken bedframes, and falling Clarks.
#95b: you may or may not enjoy the "falling Clark" if you've been upset with him controlling your life (or breaking up with you for your own safety before taking it back.)

C'mon, we gotta have six more somewhere in there! I don't think anyone's mentioned the Toyman, "brainiac" or Myxy yet!

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CLARK: No. I'm just worried I'm a jinx.
JONATHAN: A jinx?
CLARK: Yeah. Let's face it, ever since she's known me, Lois's been kidnapped, frozen, pushed off buildings, almost stabbed, poisoned, buried alive and who knows what else, and it's all because of me.
-"Contact" (You're not her jinx, you're her blessing.)

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Lara Joelle Kent
Kerth
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#96: Don't plan to go far away for your honeymoon - you won't get there anyway. [Embarrassed]

#97: Clark is not into bongo drums, swinging from chandeliers or man-eating Cats.
#97a: You really won't find him in Cat's Corner.

#98: Clark really is the most law-abiding citizen you will ever know.
#98a: This rule does not apply to the laws of physics.
#98b: His powers also tend to defy the laws of logic.
#98c: Of course, Clark will make an exception for breaking and entering - if you ask him nicely enough (or just plain drag him along).

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The only known quantity that moves faster than
light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series

(The sketch and original lines for my avatar were done by Jennabob)

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Deadly Chakram
Pulitzer
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#98d - This does not apply when his loved ones are in prison.

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Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"It's all weird! We live in Metropolis!" ~ Jimmy Olsen

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VirginiaR
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#98e: Nor does it apply when lives are at risk (i.e. when he steals Miranda's perfume bottle).

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VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"

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Lynn S. M.
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#98e2: Or Mentamide 5.

edit: BTW, LJK, [Rotflol] re: 98, and especially the first two clarifications.

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Lynn S. M.
Kerth
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I'd like to add another item to 98, but I am blanking on the specifics: I recall Clark (as Superman) saying something to the effect of, "You harm one hair on Lois' head and watch how fast my morals vanish." I know that that isn't an exact quote, and I'm not sure whether it was said when Clark had threatened to let a villain drop from the top of a tall building and not catch him.

It's obviously been too long since I've watched the shows. Which episode(s) and situation(s) am I half-remembering?

Thanks,
Lynn

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VirginiaR
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quote:
Originally posted by Lynn S. M.:
I'd like to add another item to 98, but I am blanking on the specifics: I recall Clark (as Superman) saying something to the effect of, "You harm one hair on Lois' head and watch how fast my morals vanish." I know that that isn't an exact quote, and I'm not sure whether it was said when Clark had threatened to let a villain drop from the top of a tall building and not catch him.

It's obviously been too long since I've watched the shows. Which episode(s) and situation(s) am I half-remembering?

Sounds like two different episodes, Lynn. The dropping the criminal from the building was TOGoM (Dillinger)and the quote I think is from when Lois was arrested in "PvsLL", but I could be wrong. I know Clark says something like that to the district attorney, when they bring Lois back to jail, but it could also have been from that missing Tank written episode when Clark takes Lois to the hairdresser when they get back from Spencer's island. [Peep]

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VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"

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Lynn S. M.
Kerth
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Hi Virginia,

I couldn't find the line in PvLL, but thanks for the suggestion. And thank you for pointing out ToGOM had the drop-and-catch scene. I thought I had had the episode nearly memorized. I guess it's been a while since I wrote "That Old Clone of Mine," and I have started forgetting things. I guess that means it's time to re-watch the episode when I get the change.

Joy,
Lynn

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VirginiaR
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quote:
Originally posted by Lynn S. M.:
I couldn't find the line in PvLL, but thanks for the suggestion.

This is the scene I was thinking of, which obviously isn't the one you were:
quote:

CLARK: "That's my wife, Clemmons. I'm warning you, don't try and turn this into a campaign stunt."

CLEMMONS (D.A.): "I suggest you keep your emotions in check, Mr. Kent. You obviously have no idea who you're dealing with here."

CLARK (in his face): "Neither do you."



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VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"

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Lynn S. M.
Kerth
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Hi Virginia,

Nope, that wasn't the one. The one I was thinking of had Superman threatening a bad guy who considers the threat to be an idle bluff because everyone knows of Superman's high moral standards. Superman then replied with something to the effect that if Lois were injured, "watch how quickly my moral code vanishes."

I'm still not remembering any more of the scene. [Huh] But Clark was definitely in his Superman role when he said the line.

Thanks for trying, Virginia.

Joy,
Lynn

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Deadly Chakram
Pulitzer
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Hmmm...closest I can find is from Meet John Doe. I don't think it's the one you're looking for though.

quote:
TEMPUS

You see, Randolph? That's something you must learn about superheroes -- no matter which way they turn, they're constantly bumping into their own ethics --


SUPERMAN

I'm going to bring you down, Tempus


TEMPUS

Who's 'Tempus?'


SUPERMAN

You've gone too far this time


TEMPUS

What are you gonna do -- impeach me?


SUPERMAN
I'll do what's necessary.


TEMPUS
And as you've already witnessed so will I. You may want to reconsider cooperating with the new administration, Superman ...


Tempus gets into Superman's face.

TEMPUS (CONT'D)

(softly, intensely)
One never knows when one's wife will drive her car off a cliff, does one?


They hold the look for a beat.


SUPERMAN

This is a warning -- stay away from her.


Superman turns and -- WHOOSH!, he's gone. Randolph steps up beside Tempus.





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Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"It's all weird! We live in Metropolis!" ~ Jimmy Olsen

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Lynn S. M.
Kerth
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Hi DC,

Thanks for checking. Unfortunately, that isn't the scene I had been thinking about, either.

Joy,
Lynn

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VirginiaR
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quote:
Originally posted by Lynn S. M.:
Nope, that wasn't the one. The one I was thinking of had Superman threatening a bad guy who considers the threat to be an idle bluff because everyone knows of Superman's high moral standards. Superman then replied with something to the effect that if Lois were injured, "watch how quickly my moral code vanishes."

I'm still not remembering any more of the scene. [Huh] But Clark was definitely in his Superman role when he said the line.

Thanks for trying, Virginia.

You're welcome. I checked out some of the scripts I thought it might be, where Lois was threatened, but I couldn't find it either. Oh, wait, is it... No, not WoS, Ordinary People, Through a glass Darkly, Tempus Fugitive, Voice from the Past, AKA Superman, Meet John Doe, or GGGoH. I know the one you're talking about. It's like on the tip of my tongue. ARgh! [Wallbash] With our luck, it's going to end up being one of those time when the script and the actual dialogue don't match.

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VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"

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Christina
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#99: Clark is vulnerable to quantum guns, be aware of this and take any and all precautions. He will need time to recover, much longer than the time required to recover from kryptonite.

#100: If you happen to be his boss, do not ask about how he came upon his information in front of people not already aware and in on his secret.
#100a: You will find yourself making incorrect judgements in regards to his investigative articles if ignored.

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CLARK: No. I'm just worried I'm a jinx.
JONATHAN: A jinx?
CLARK: Yeah. Let's face it, ever since she's known me, Lois's been kidnapped, frozen, pushed off buildings, almost stabbed, poisoned, buried alive and who knows what else, and it's all because of me.
-"Contact" (You're not her jinx, you're her blessing.)

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Deadly Chakram
Pulitzer
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#101 - Clark and time travel make for a very bad day, but at least you'll have some stories to tell.

--------------------
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"It's all weird! We live in Metropolis!" ~ Jimmy Olsen

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Darth Michael
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quote:
Originally posted by VirginiaR:
quote:
Originally posted by Lynn S. M.:
Nope, that wasn't the one. The one I was thinking of had Superman threatening a bad guy who considers the threat to be an idle bluff because everyone knows of Superman's high moral standards. Superman then replied with something to the effect that if Lois were injured, "watch how quickly my moral code vanishes."

I'm still not remembering any more of the scene. [Huh] But Clark was definitely in his Superman role when he said the line.

Thanks for trying, Virginia.

You're welcome. I checked out some of the scripts I thought it might be, where Lois was threatened, but I couldn't find it either. Oh, wait, is it... No, not WoS, Ordinary People, Through a glass Darkly, Tempus Fugitive, Voice from the Past, AKA Superman, Meet John Doe, or GGGoH. I know the one you're talking about. It's like on the tip of my tongue. ARgh! [Wallbash] With our luck, it's going to end up being one of those time when the script and the actual dialogue don't match.
That's definitely from the Joe Doe episodes, possibly even just before Clark gets unstuck in time or likely an an alternate take on the quoted part from the script. Apparently a last minute addition.

[Wave] Michael

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I go by Michael on the Archives.

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Deadly Chakram
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Just for the heck of it, here's the scene in TOGoM:

quote:


Superman has Dillinger standing on the edge of the roof, thirty stories above the street.


SUPERMAN

One more time. Where's Capone?


DILLINGER

Hey, who you kidding. I know you good guys never hurt nobody.


SUPERMAN

That was before you killed Clark Kent. He was a very good friend of mine.


DILLINGER

Oh? I... I didn't know you two were so close.


SUPERMAN

Two people can't get any closer. Where's Capone?


DILLINGER

I uh... don't remember.


SUPERMAN

Well, maybe it will come to you on the way down.


He shoves Dillinger off the roof.

Dillinger SCREAMS as he plummets towards the sidewalk.

His scream is cut short when Superman CATCHES him, inches from oblivion.


SUPERMAN

I have been known to miss on occasion.



--------------------
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"It's all weird! We live in Metropolis!" ~ Jimmy Olsen

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SJH
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I like to see a goodie two shoes go off the deep end every once in a while. It's good for the soul. (Ok, now back to our regular programing)

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"I'm red-eyed, tired and drunk" Teri Hatcher

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Lynn S. M.
Kerth
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Yay! We did it! 101 rules. [Smile] Some time this week I'll try to put them into some shape and submit them to the archives. I fear I haven't a story to weave around them as Virginia did so well with Lois' list.

Virginia, I'm glad you remember also the scene I described; I was beginning to think that perhaps I was remembering something from Superman in another venue and translating it into the L&C-verse. Thanks for going through so many scripts. FWIW, I had checked DLW when I had looked through PvLL. Nada. If it was an ad lib or other deviation from the script, it was a brilliant one.

<Having just read Michael's contribution> Ah. Thank you. That would explain why my search of the scripts for "morals," "ethics," etc. did not find the scene.

Comes summer vacation, I will definitely try to re-watch the shows. Maybe that will also help energize my lethargic muse.

DC, thanks. That was definitely one of the two scenes I was remembering.

Joy,
Lynn

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VirginiaR
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quote:
Originally posted by Deadly Chakram:
#101 - Clark and time travel make for a very bad day.

Yes, but it makes for a great fanfic. [Big Grin]

 - We made it to 101!

Thanks, Lynn. [Embarrassed]

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VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"

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Deadly Chakram
Pulitzer
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Lynn - No problem.

Virginia - I edited mine. [Wink]

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Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"It's all weird! We live in Metropolis!" ~ Jimmy Olsen

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VirginiaR
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quote:
Originally posted by Deadly Chakram:
#101 - Clark and time travel make for a very bad day, but at least you'll have some stories to tell.

#101a - Stories to tell to each other, that is, because you'll not going to be able to share them with anyone else, except perhaps your pyscho therapist who doesn't believe you (or Clark) anyway.

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VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"

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Deadly Chakram
Pulitzer
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quote:
Originally posted by VirginiaR:
quote:
Originally posted by Deadly Chakram:
#101 - Clark and time travel make for a very bad day, but at least you'll have some stories to tell.

#101a - Stories to tell to each other, that is, because you'll not going to be able to share them with anyone else, except perhaps your pyscho therapist who doesn't believe you (or Clark) anyway.
101b - Also, your future kids/grandkids might. And even if they don't, you can use them as "made-up-on-the-spot bedtime stories."

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Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"It's all weird! We live in Metropolis!" ~ Jimmy Olsen

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Lynn S. M.
Kerth
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quote:
Originally posted by VirginiaR:
#101a - Stories to tell to each other, that is, because you'll not going to be able to share them with anyone else, except perhaps your pyscho therapist who doesn't believe you (or Clark) anyway.

Or Martha and Jonathan. They'll believe anything you two tell them; "strange" is their normal, almost as much as it is yours.

Joy,
Lynn

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Lynn S. M.
Kerth
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This list has been compiled and submitted to LabRat for the archives. I did take the liberty of doing some minor editing (e.g., making sure that the rules had a uniform look, correcting spelling errors, and an occasional tightening or clarification of wording).

Thanks to all who contributed to the list. [Smile]

Joy,
Lynn

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Deadly Chakram
Pulitzer
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Very cool, Lynn! Thank you! [Big Grin]

--------------------
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"It's all weird! We live in Metropolis!" ~ Jimmy Olsen

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